I’m driving on a beautiful afternoon, the leaves just beginning to turn gold, orange, and crimson. I have my favorite playlist on, snacks in my bag, and a weekend away with friends to anticipate.
But my thoughts are in the past, circling an old situation like my car is stuck in a roundabout. I keep trying to exit by rewriting the ending of the story so that it will turn out the way I hoped, but I can’t change anything.
At breakfast with a dear friend last week, she shared that she felt the same way about a situation in her life. I asked her, “Why do we keep coming up with all of these alternate endings if we know they won’t ever happen?”
She paused for a moment and said, “Because we want to control. We want there to be something we can do about it.” She and I are both the action-taking type, and if there’s a way to fix something, then we are going for it.
I nodded my head in agreement with her words and said, “What we want is control, but what we really need is surrender.” I liked the way that sounded as I spoke it, but the reality of those words is not shiny or easy. Surrender is one the hardest things we do as humans.
As I drove, I thought about that conversation, then I paused and whispered a three-sentence prayer that helps when I’m worrying, “God, I release control and choose surrender. I give everyone and everything to you, especially this situation. What do you want me to say to myself when this comes to mind again?”
It seemed the quiet whisper I heard within my heart was this…
They were never yours to save.
Those words didn’t replace the grief of what happened with this person, but my soul did breathe a sigh of relief. I’d been telling myself that if I could have said the right thing, done the right thing, tried harder, loved better, then I could have made everything okay.
But there is only One who can save any of us, and it is okay to release those we love to Him. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care, that we don’t do everything we can, but it does mean that ultimately the outcome isn’t in our hands.
If you’re looking back at a situation, especially with someone you love, that you wish you could change, then I hope what my heart heard is a gentle release, a compassionate invitation for you too.
The God who spoke the world into being, who hung the stars in place, who came to a manger, and endured a cross, who knows every human heart, loves the people in our lives more than we ever could — we can give everyone and everything to Him. Again and again.
1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” What I worry about and care about the most are the people I love. So they are who I need to release, trusting that God not only cares about me — He cares about them too.
The same person has still come to my mind dozens of times since that moment in the car. What happened wasn’t small; it will be with me for years, even a lifetime. My three-sentence prayer didn’t give me instant closure, but it was a new starting place.
A starting place for deeper peace.
A starting place for letting go of control.
A starting place for surrender.
A starting place for finally moving forward.
“…what do You want me to say to myself next time I think of this situation?” What wonderful freeing words!A great place to start about anything crossing our minds. Go to God first rather than try to fix things first then go to God to fix my fix! Blessings (((0)))
So glad this was helpful to you, Ruth!
Asking what God wants me to say. And surrendering. These are things I need to work on. As someone who likes to be in charge, letting go to God is a challenge but the times I remember to do so it is such a relief.
I can so relate to this, Madeline!
Hi Holley. I agree that the need for control is what we need to let go. And I too agree that it’s easier said than putting it to practice, but with God everything is possible. Thats my hope and comfort in life’s storms, which are constant and many. I wish I had the kind of friend in this story, one to whom You can talk freely and have a God centered conversation in everyday moments. I don’t have any, so I come here for that encouragement for years now. I pray that God keeps me close to Him even when life seems to much to bear (like right now) and for this ministry to keep reaching others in these hard times the world is facing. Love to You all!
Hi Flor! I’m glad (in)courage can be a friend to you! Your presence matters.
Dear Holley……This is the best one I have read that really addresses my very large problem. I have done some of the things you suggested, but you gave me scripture and prayers that reinforce to me that I have finally taken the right path. For so long, I kept thinking I cold fix the problem and I tried everything I could think of, but nothing I did worked. That is when I was reading all the devotions that you and the (in)courage community give us every day. It All of your words finally showed me that I was wrong and my Holy Spirit whispered in my ear “there is only one person that can do what you are trying to do, and that is the Lord”. BINGO, Holley, my mind woke up and I asked God for forgiveness for not knowing I could never fix this, but He can if it is part of my plan. There are quite a few things that burden me, but the biggest one was my son told me to not consider myself as his mother and he is 55. He went on to tell me I belong in a mental institution and that I am a drug addict. There were many more things he called me that I wouldn’t write here as they are obscene. The worst thing about this is it is because I am a Christian and all of them say all they are is money grubbers. If I could have gotten to him at this point I probably would have slapped him for saying this. He and his wife also told me I would never again to be able to see or talk to my one grandchild who turned 15 last Friday. That crushed me as they have not let me communicate with me since he was 11. My grandson is the love of my life, and this is something I just can’t forgive my family. My mind can do that, but not my heart. I did surrender everything to Jesus and immediately, I finally had some peace and knew I was no longer alone. I asked for forgiveness for it taking me so long to see the big picture that this was something I could not do. So now I wait and continue to pray for how I feel about this situation. I am working on this, but at 78 years old, will I have time for something good to come my way? Thank you Holley and I am writing some of your words down to remind me when my mind goes back to the past and stir up old feelings. I send my love and prayers to you for being so wise and telling your words to us……..Betsy Basile
I’m glad this was encouraging to you, Betsy! I’m saying a prayer for the situation with your son and grandson this evening.
Holly, your words “when what we want is control, but what we really need is surrender” truly resonated with me and has been my 2025 so far. A lot has changed in 2025, and I started the year with my word which happened to be “surrender”. Very hard to do, but I knew in order to pursue my passion and new ministry in writing and baking I would have to “let go and let God”.
Thank you.
I agree that “surrender” is one of the hardest words to choose. You did a brave, hard thing by leaning into it this year!
Holy brilliant you made me rethink I can realise all to God. Like the song that came into my mind by what you said in your devotion you wrote today. I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender.” That can be my weak point fore. I get the worry about things and go over and over then a million times in my head. Even though I prayed to God about them if more than one thing. But still I do it. That tells me I am not trusting God for all I worry about should it be a course of things or just one. That song tell me I should get like it and Surrender all to Jesus. I know someone who waiting to see will her prayer be answered for what she has been praying for to help her situation. I ask her had she heard anything she said yes. But she has to wait for God’s timing for it to be fulfilled and that could be a long wait. She told me Dawn I going to leave it with God. That spoke to me alot. As she said she has prayed about and now has left it in God hands. Which I am not good at doing. It said to me with what all you wrote Holly that I have to do the same and trust God and surrender all to God over it. Thank you for what you wrote I needed it. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
I’m so glad this was helpful to you, Dawn!
Holly, thank you for sharing your three-sentence prayer, which needs to be posted on my bathroom medicine cabinet, on the dashboard of my car, on my frig and cellphone calendars … It is the best Rx for my good intentions I call “support.” I’ve held solo brainstorming meetings to come up with suggestions/solutions that seem to fall on deaf ears. Those loved ones I have concerns for belong to God and only He knows the plans He has for them. He never intended for me to His assistant. Good word here: SURRENDER!