On a chilly evening not too long ago, I hopped into my car and headed east to attend a dinner at my friend Tatiana’s house. While driving, I passed my husband, David, as he returned home from work. Other than that drive-by encounter, it was an uneventful trip to the opposite side of town.

After filling up on top-notch food and friendship, I drove back home. When I arrived, my husband met me in the garage — something he routinely does. Opening my car door, I noticed that the long, white sweater I wore, also called a duster, had been caught in the door.

I grabbed the duster and said, “Ohhh, I drove the whole way home with this in the car door!”, inspecting the duster for dirt or damage.

“Oh yeah…when I passed you, I noticed it hanging out of the car then too,” my husband replied.

I looked up at him as I exited the car. “It was? It was actually hanging outside the car door?!?”

Shutting the car door behind me, he responded, “Yep.”

I pulled out my phone, wondering if I’d missed a message from him letting me know about my duster difficulties. Seeing no message, I said with no small amount of incredulity, “So, you saw my duster hanging out of my car, and you didn’t text me to let me know? I have Bluetooth and could’ve received the message without looking at my phone.”

As breezy as a spring morning, David said, “Well, it wasn’t hitting the ground, so I didn’t worry about it.”

Insert imaginary cricket sounds as I blink, blinked at him.

Now, in my man’s defense, he has a million strengths and takes care of me in a million ways. But helping me avoid a fashion faux pas ain’t necessarily one of them.

This I do know: If a friend had seen me instead of my husband, there’s no way she would’ve let me traverse the entire city looking like a dingaling with my duster flapping in the wind. If you notice a friend with her sweater hanging out of her car or mascara under her eyes or toilet paper trailing out of her skirt, you wouldn’t let her fly down the real or proverbial highway completely oblivious. You would clue her in.

Friends clue friends into what is and isn’t as it should be — and they do so concerning topics a heckuva lot more important than wayward sweaters.

The other day, while sipping my chai latte, I shared with a friend my age how plumb exhausted I feel. She replied, “Well…that makes sense, Kristen. This is a hard time of life. Our kids are grown, but they’re still top of mind. Our parents are aging and ailing. A lot of our relationships are changing — as are our bodies’ hormone levels. In general, there’s a LOT going on.”

I didn’t realize till then how much I needed someone to shed some light on why I’m tired. I’m not a wimp; I’ve got a lot going on. I needed that friend to name what I hadn’t taken the time to name myself.

We all need friends who help us make sense of life — or confirm how parts of life won’t make sense this side of heaven.

While some of you agree, others may read this and think, Oh no, I don’t need friends. I’ve suffered terribly because of “friends.” Not only would they not let me know my sweater was hanging outside my car, but they’d laugh at me because of it. Or they’d set me up to fail in worse ways.

If that describes you today, I’m terribly sorry. I’ve been where you are, believing women aren’t worth the effort. But the Bible tells us something different.

Proverbs says a friend’s counsel is sweet (Proverbs 27:9) and plans made with many advisers will succeed (Proverbs 15:22). Expounding on this, the late Dr. Timothy Keller said the book of Proverbs makes it clear that you won’t be a wise person or make it in life unless you have friends.

But Dr. Keller leveled that up even more by saying, “The less you want friends, the less like Jesus you are.” 

Ouch. But…he’s right. Jesus walked this earth with friends. If He did, we need to do likewise. You and I aren’t the exception. No matter our age or stage of life, no matter how supposed “friends” have treated us in the past — we all need true friends.

If you have put friendship on the back burner because you’ve been burned in the past, take this as your nudge to reconsider. Whether your sweater hangs out of the car or, more importantly, you’re hanging on to life by a thread, you need a friend who will let you borrow her strength and perspective till you’re set right again.

You need a friend who God will use to speak His wisdom and direction to your very core.

While all of us go through painful times of loneliness, it isn’t God’s design for you or me to be alone forever. Keep trying for the friendships you need. It’s hard, I know. It can be a frustrating process. But you don’t need a hundred of them; only a couple of solid-gold folks with whom you can travel life’s depths. As you wait for what you long for, remember that Jesus, your Friend of all friends, is with you always.

If you’re in a season of loneliness, find encouragement in this beautiful devotional from Kirsten and other women who understand the friendship struggle.

 

Listen to Kristen’s devotion here or wherever you stream podcasts.

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