We’ve lived in this new home, this new city, for six months now — both no time at all and also an eternity.
For six months now, I’ve attended anything and everything, all in an attempt to find a friend, plant some roots, belong somewhere. I don’t know any other way.
I guess I thought it would be easier?
I shouldn’t have, truth be told. I should know by now, as a military spouse, that things take time, even if you don’t want them to. I know about the slow work of God, the long-haul process of forming a community, the little-by-little growth of new life in a new place. I know re-building, re-starting, reminding myself again and again of the goodness of God — even when I’m tempted to forget.
We’re in our new home for three weeks before my husband has to leave for his first unit training. I’m tempted to forget.
It’s the beginning of a new school year and my three girls come home in tears for a solid month straight. I’m tempted to forget.
I attend women’s brunches and school functions and neighborhood meet-ups and everyone seems too busy for the new gal. I’m tempted to forget.
I lament to my husband how I can’t quite find my footing here, my purpose, my people. I tell him how I want to just quit everything. I’ll just stay at home, I say. I don’t need people after all, I’ve decided. He reminds me of how much I love community, how much I love teaching women, he reminds me of the best parts of me.
I tell him he’s sweet but that I’m mostly tired.
It’s a Thursday morning and I’m sitting in my chair, feet tucked underneath me with my Bible open on my lap, a candle burning next to me. The sun isn’t awake yet and my children aren’t either. My guided morning reading has me in Isaiah but I’m only partly paying attention — my distracted mind can’t stop running circles around my disappointment and exhaustion for having to start over again and again.
I get to a verse I’ve read so often that it has become familiar to me but never personal. This time, though, something in my soul catches, tears spring to my eyes and I read the verse again and again:
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31 NIV
A verse I’ve seen on posters and in cards, it felt overused and inaccessible. But in the desperation of weariness, I read it with a renewed awareness. This time I see grit, I see endurance, I see abundance.
It’s the final two statements that really hold me: They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. This renewal of strength isn’t a finish line moment, I realize. It’s a call to action, it compels me forward. There’s still running, there’s still walking, there’s still movement — only it’s powered by hope in the Lord.
The morning moves on and so do my days, but I move through them with a new perspective, a new drumbeat inside of me compelling me forward: Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up. I decide to lead a Bible study class with our local women’s group. It’s an act of defiant hope, really; a rebellion against despair. It’s an intentional choice to not give up, to actively seek the good for myself and others.
Building a foundation in our new city didn’t necessarily get easier after that moment, but I don’t think that easy was ever the goal. An awareness of God with me in each of those moments, inviting me into a renewed way of living — one that endures, believes, and hopes in all things — that was the goal.
I’m walking into the women’s Bible study one morning and another woman comes up to me. She connects with me in a way I hadn’t yet connected with anyone — she stops what she’s doing, looks in my eyes and says, “You’ve been on my mind so much lately. How has the settling in process been for you here? Are you doing okay in this move?”
There was something different in the way she engaged with me — she wasn’t making small talk. She genuinely wanted to hear how I’ve been doing. Because of this, she felt safe. Unbidden tears spring to my eyes as I tell her how I’ve really been. She asks more questions, I say more words, wiping away tears the whole time. “Thank you for seeing me,” I tell her at the end of our conversation.
“Well, God put you on my heart this morning and now I know why.”
I realized I wasn’t ever as alone as I had felt. Through the power of showing up in community, this woman helped me see the goodness of God that was surrounding me the whole time. Her presence helped strengthen me as I grew in hope and endurance.
I’m so glad I didn’t quit. We really are stronger together.
Amen, amen, amen!!! I am grateful for those that serve in our military but pray extra for their spouses & families. I can only imagine the stress of moving, separations & the resettlings. Bless you & all serving similarly!!! God is expanding His kingdom in & through you! Blessings (((0)))
Thank you so much, Ruth! Such a voice of encouragement.
Thank you. I really feel alone and powerless in the current government crisis. But I believe God is calling to not give up, to make a difference in my small way.
Goodness, you are not alone. Keep doing what you’re doing, those things that feel small to us really do make such a big difference.
This brought me to tears. Giving up and giving in are daily temptations that drain us. But as you so eloquently said, ‘easy’ is not the goal. God is.
Thank you for this story and for not giving up! What a blessing you must be wherever you go!
Love,
Nikki
I am so glad it was an encouragement to you, Nikki. I’m with you, endurance can sometimes feel like the more difficult choice but it absolutely will come with blessing! Grateful for you!
Thank you! For sharing your heart…I REALLY needed this.
In Loving Kindness, ❤️
I’m so glad it was helpful for you, Sonya!
Sarah, thank you for sharing your story. A military spouse needs to be recognized and thanked almost as much as the service member. You are the glue that holds the family together while your loved one serves our country. It must bring your husband peace knowing that you and your girls are assimilating into a new city. I pray every day for our military men and women…..today I am adding their families in my prayers. May you always feel the loving arms of our loving God surrounding you. We truly never walk alone.
Goodness thank you so much for these words. Those of us serving our country really do love and need those prayers! Grateful for you.
Dear Sarah….I really could relate to your story this morning. Due to my husband’s violent dementia, I was forced to sell our house of 40 years. We both needed money and he had tried to kill me so I cannot ever live with him again. We had been married 54 years and my 1 son refused to help me and told me that he no longer thought of me as his mother and I would never be allowed to see or even talk to my 1 grandchild who was 11 then. He just hung up on me. My husband and my son accused me over and over that I was lying. I have had to move 3 times in the last year and at 77 years old, it has not been easy, to say the least. I am in a facility now for senior independent living and I, like you Sarah have always had people around me that cared. These people here were not that way. They would tell me I couldn’t sit at their table for meals and called me Miss Showoff. I just kept praying and praying for something, at the time I didn’t even really know what the something was, but when I got to your Isaiah 40:31, my eyes flew open and I read and re-read that scripture. Maybe I wasn’t praying the right way. My 45 years of working required me to work with many different people which I found was wonderful, but when I retired things turned upside down again. I am older than my friends and they were still working and had husbands and families that took up most of their time. I truly was ready to give up, but I have many of the (incourage) books and journals that I dug out and started to read. Sarah, I will definitely write a post-in and put it on my computer to remind me what to ask for when I pray. There is so much more to this story, but it would take hours to type. Your story, Sarah, was just what I needed today, because there are these problems, but I am sick right now and have been for a week. I just can’t seem to recover. In this facility is over 100 residents and we are told not to come down to the dining room. That leaves us in our apartment alone, 24/7. I have been asking Jesus for healing so I can get back to my life. I wish you, Sarah, a blessed weekend and thank you so much for your story with wisdom beyond the normal. I need to lay down now…………………Betsy Basile
Oh Betsy, it sounds like it has been so hard for so long. Keep turning to God to meet you in these moments and he will, he is so good and kind. I just prayed for you and will continue to hold you close to my heart. So glad you found encouragement here today.
Truly, love these and appreciate such honesty!!! Thanks to each of you!
So glad to have you here, Linda!
I love that verse. Thank you Sarah, I saw this verse in a brand new perspective after reading this. I have been so tired and in despair for quite a while and on the verge of hopelessness since our move 1,300 miles from family and friends nine months ago. I am old and disabled and isolated. I am stuck in a vortex of negative thoughts and emotions and anger that God has abandoned us here, and fear we will never be able to retire…. I need to hang on to a mustard-seed of hope in the Lord.
Margaret, I’m glad to have you here in this community. It does sound like it has been a very difficult year for you. Hold on to that hope, God is so, so fond of you.
This is such a beautiful insight… “It’s the final two statements that really hold me: They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. This renewal of strength isn’t a finish line moment, I realize. It’s a call to action, it compels me forward. There’s still running, there’s still walking, there’s still movement — only it’s powered by hope in the Lord.”
Sometimes we want resolution or rescue in difficult situations, but it is a season of just putting one foot in front of the other!
Yes! My goodness, yes. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Keep going, my friend.
Sarah,
My family moved to upper E. TN in 1995. It took 10+ years to get some really solid friendships going. Now 30 years later I have a plethora of friends from various jobs, churches, volunteering. Making close friendships takes time & effort. You have to be the one to make the first move. In the end it will be worth it. Life is more fun & better with others. God made us for community.
One of my mentors taught me to “say hi first.” Such a simple principle, but it has been so formative to make the first move toward friendship with others and that loves them so well. Your comment made me think of that and made me smile. Your friends are lucky to have you in their life!