Confession: I have harboured anger, resentment, and bitterness against others. At times, I don’t easily forgive and feel justified in my unforgiveness, and though I desire humility, pride has won its fair share of fights. I try hard to love others well but often fall short when I conclude that withholding my love is well-deserved.
Can you relate? If so, I’m sharing this raw part of me so you can know that you’re not alone.
God is repeatedly teaching me that when we choose Jesus, we choose a different way of living – not one where we play judge and jury over the offenses of others and we let our emotions hand down the verdict. Choosing Jesus means allowing the Lord to help us process our feelings and change us from the inside out so we can be a light to others and bear fruit that will bring Him glory.
A couple of years ago, I was hurt by the words and actions of someone I looked up to, respected, and cared for — someone I held in high regard and admired. As a result of the hurt they inflicted and the brokenness I felt, anger started to grow within me. That anger grew into resentment, which became bitterness. I knew these feelings weren’t serving me well, and they most likely contributed to the lack of peace I often felt.
My mind and heart were in a wrestling match: what I knew to be true versus the feelings that overwhelmed me. But surely the Lord understood, right? After all, isn’t He the One who gave me the capacity for these emotions? I wanted to follow Jesus, but I also wanted this person to apologize. If they just owned their wrong, this could all be made right, I reasoned.
For two years, I carried the burden of unforgiveness and secretly held the sin of resentment and bitterness toward this person.
Earlier in this fall, after a time of confession with the Lord in prayer, He brought me to James 5:16 (NLT): “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to my heart, “Ligia, you must now call the individual, confess what you have been carrying against them, and ask for their forgiveness.”
Tears began to well up in my eyes. I had so many questions brewing: Why? Why me and not them? They claim to follow Him and love Jesus too. Certainly, doesn’t the Spirit of God speak to them as well?
Like a toddler, I tried bargaining with the Lord to get out of what He asked me to do, hoping He would change His mind.
A few days later, I came across a verse I had read many times before, but it had never spoken to me as vividly as it did on this day. Philippians 2:8 (KJV) says, “And being found in the fashion of a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death—even the death of the cross.” The words “He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death” hit me hard. I, too, want to be obedient to my Father, but what’s the price I am unwilling to pay? If I love Jesus the way I say I do, then don’t I also have to be humble?
This isn’t the easy message of prosperity often preached. This is the raw and real call of Jesus: pick up your cross and follow Me. Not to prove yourself but to humble yourself and embrace the opportunity for God to complete the “good work” He began in you. As Paul reminds us in Philippians 1:6 (CSB): “I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
A few weeks later, I finally made that difficult phone call. (I am human, and God is still working on my response time.) My palms were clammy and my heart raced as I spoke. Unsure how to begin the conversation, I found courage through the Holy Spirit’s guidance and my heartfelt confession. With a trembling voice, I fessed up to my wrongdoing and apologized. However, what followed wasn’t a hallmark moment. Instead of a deep gasp followed by words of repentance from the other end, there was an uncomfortable silence, soon broken by a defensive reply. No reciprocated apology or acknowledgment of the bravery and humility it took to make this call. It wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for. Yet, this was not about me but about fulfilling the footsteps of Jesus in obedience to my Father.
We can trust that the Holy Spirit continuously speaks to our hearts as our counselor and guide — we just have to listen and obey. When we choose disobedience and justification over conviction and repentance, we explicitly silence the Holy Spirit, creating barriers to the freedom we frequently pray for.
My friend, be assured that the Lord is at work in you! When He asks us to do hard things rooted in His Word and spoken by His Spirit, He sets us on the path of completing the good work He already started. Our obedience is our partnership, which is the key to the freedom we desperately desire.
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