For the One Who Is Walking through Grief

I’m sitting in a coffee shop on a beautiful morning. My thoughts return to several recent losses in my life and I tell myself, “You have to be okay.” But then I realize, I would never say this to someone I love. Why is it so hard to be gentle with ourselves in our most tender moments?

If you struggle with this too, or you know someone who’s grieving, here are words you can borrow today…

It’s understandable that you feel grief. It is a sacred emotion. Grief tells us about who we have loved and what we have lost. It whispers to us, “This mattered.” It reminds us, “Life is fleeting, treasure it.” Jesus wept outside the tomb of Lazarus even though His friend would soon be resurrected. He wept because, in this world, all is not yet as it should be.

You are made for relationships that do not end in death.
You are created for joy that is unbroken by tragedy.
You are destined for a forever Home untainted by loss.

Your grief gets heavier when you say, “I shouldn’t feel this way” because then you must carry shame and guilt too. The truth is, you should feel this way. Grief is the way we process pain, the bridge we cross from loss into our new normal. And grief isn’t only for when someone we love is no longer here.

Grief is for dreams that don’t come true.
Grief is for relationships that end too soon.
Grief is for every time you imagined what could be, then experienced a different reality.

God is not angry with you for your grief. He is not telling your heart to hurry up. He is not accusing you of not trusting enough. No, the God who weeps, who is close to the brokenhearted, is with you. The Messiah was prophesied to be, “a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isaiah 53:3 NLT).

He is also the giver of hope. Not the cotton candy kind, not the sort of hope that feels like a spiritual band-aid slapped on an open wound. No, the kind of hope that says after the cross comes the empty tomb, after the darkest night comes the morning, after the tears comes the moment when they will be wiped away forever.

Do not seek to banish your grief, to hide it in shame, to ask it to never come again. It is your companion in this life. Open the door to it, give it a seat at the table of your heart, offer it a bowl of soup or a bit of bread, let it tell you its stories and its truth. It has much to teach you.

When the time is right, grief will slip away for a while. You will wake one morning with the sun in your eyes again. Grief will return many times; it will be a lifelong visitor. But it is hope that will stay, that will prop its feet up on your furniture and open the curtains to let the light in. The Giver of that hope will always be with you too.

When you feel joy, you align with the heart of God.
When you feel sorrow, you align with the heart of God.
There is no emotion you can experience that will separate you from His love.
He is as near to you in your aching as He is in your celebrating.
God welcomes your tears. He makes space for your sadness. He is fully present in your pain.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalm 34:18 NLT