There are pains and aches and struggles that can be named. We can put our finger on them and openly talk about them. We can post about them on social media and rally a group to pray or intervene. Things like,
I’m moving to a new town and I need prayer.
I’ve lost a parent and need comfort.
I’ve been sick for a week and need someone to bring me soup.
These are moments when the body of Believers shines and we can rally together like the family we are, openly and without reservation. People check in and we start group texts and give updates. It’s a beautiful thing, right?
I’ve received meals and cards and encouragement during hard times in the past. I have felt upheld by those in my small group or neighborhood or workplace. It makes an already hard situation feel a bit more bearable.
But what do we do when we simply cannot openly share what we’re dealing with?
I’m not talking about hiding something secret like a sinful habit or refusing to open up about something that should be freely shared for the sake of accountability. No, it’s not about self-preservation as much as it is about preserving someone else’s story.
I want to be clear: if you’re staying silent about something and it jeopardizes your safety, you should not stay silent. But if you’re keeping silent because you just aren’t sure where to start or the story isn’t quite yours to tell, you might be on what I call a Quiet Quest.
Sometimes, there are stories unfolding that we are not at the center of but are directly impacted by. Sometimes, to ask for prayer, we have to stay vague to protect the dignity or privacy of someone we love. Perhaps you find yourself walking through something that is taking effort and energy, is exhausting or heartbreaking, but very few people are aware of it because that’s simply the way it has to be for a while.
Perhaps a loved one is struggling with mental illness or grief that they do not know how to express, and it weighs heavily on your mind and heart every single day. But there are unknowns. There are limitations. It can’t be shared broadly out of respect.
This is a challenging place to be because, as Christians, we are called to community. And what is community, if not sharing our burdens?
Here’s the thing: we are certainly called to invite others into our story, but there are moments when we need to guard how many people know the details of a specific situation. And while that can be good and right and healthy, can I be honest? It can be lonely.
The Quiet Quest is a place that often feels like we’re totally on our own. There’s a lot of watching and waiting and wondering. It can seem that we’re totally alone — the first and only one to experience this journey.
You don’t hear stories from Quiet Quests much, but that doesn’t mean they don’t happen. In fact, they’re happening a lot more than we may realize. Your neighbor may be carrying the burden or losing a friend to an addiction. Your professor might have gotten a terrible diagnosis and doesn’t know how to share the news. The woman sitting beside you at the doctor’s office might have gotten a call that her sister was just checked in to an in-patient mental healthcare center.
Or perhaps, friend, it’s you. Perhaps you are the one with a diagnosis or a phone call or a front-row seat to someone’s addiction. Perhaps you’re on a Quiet Quest you never chose and you feel unseen or unheard, but it’s blindingly difficult and louder than anyone else can imagine. If that’s the case? I’m so sorry. I know you can’t speak about everything running through your mind, and you’re up at night and you’re restless. I know you must feel so overwhelmed, and I also know I can’t actually write anything to fix it or take it away.
But what I can offer you on a random Tuesday is this: there is a companion who walks beside you and has no intention of leaving you in the dark. And because He’s omniscient — all-knowing — there’s no pressure to explain yourself or your situation to Him.
Scripture reminds us to cast our anxiety on Jesus because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).
Jesus is ever-present, filling in every blank and understanding every subtle subplot. So reach out to your closest, trusted people and keep them posted on how to pray, but know this:
You are held by a Savior who will not miss out on loving you.
You are seen by a kind and all-powerful God who deeply desires redemption for you and your loved ones. And your Quiet Quest is not too quiet for Him to hear and come running.
Leave a Comment
B says
Thank you for giving a name to this journey and for the encouragement in your essay. I see God’s kind, loving and protective fingerprints all over the difficult path I’m on right now, and the perfect timing of your beautiful essay is yet another gift. Peace be with you and with all who are experiencing their quiet quests.
Melissa Zaldivar says
He is close to you!
Ruth Mills says
So well said! What a tremendous comfort we have in The One Who knows all & loves us best! We are walking this Quiet Quest right now with a dear friend and the reality of God’s presence in the quiet is tangible. May He be magnified in & through us in the quiet & out loud circumstances of life. Blessings (((0)))
Melissa Zaldivar says
Amen! Praying for you!
Madeline says
Melissa, thank for this. It is so helpful to put into words what is going on in my heart.
Melissa Zaldivar says
Thanks for reading, Madeline!
Kerri says
I woke up to this after a restless night, trying to find the next right steps in my own quiet quest. Thank you for giving a name to this path and reminding me that I’m not alone. I continue to be amazed at the way God shows up with just the thing I need.
Melissa Zaldivar says
We’re so glad you’re here at (in)courage, Kerri!
Heather says
Thank you for these words….you have named a journey that has been difficult and it’s so nice to read about others being on a Quiet Quest too, realizing I’m not alone. Wow – your words really hit home today. Thank you!
Judy says
This is what I needed to hear today. So many are going through this Quiet Quest . Jesus help us.
Melissa Zaldivar says
Christ is near, Judy!
Lisa belt says
Melissa,
This so well captures the sentiment of needing prayer, but not wanting to reach out that I had to share it!
Sending you advent joy,
Lisa Wilt♥️☦️♥️
Melissa Zaldivar says
Thanks for being here, Lisa!
Yvonne says
Thank you for putting a name to what I am going through. Now, instead of feeling so alone, I am on a Quiet Quest with God ( looking a lot like Don Quixote in my mind right now 🙂 )
Wow, what a difference in view point.
Melissa Zaldivar says
Watch out for windmills! But in all seriousness, praying for you, Yvonne!
Susan Linzey says
. . . so, in tears, feeling affirmed that I have been correctly discerning everything the Lord has been whispering to me, how He has been guiding me during a difficult and painful path. “Bear the pain,” has quietly resonated when I not-so-politely inform Him that bearing witness to another’s pain is just too hard. This concept of the quiet quest is new for me and has helped me to put my finger on what hurts, and helped me embrace part of the reason He has invited me on this particular path: another way to be His hands and feet.
Thank you, thank you Melissa.
Melissa Zaldivar says
You are not alone!
Maura says
This is a much needed reminder to be gracious and kind to everyone as we don’t know the hidden circumstances and struggles in their lives. Also it’s really not our business to know but to be that helping hand.
Rachel Marie Kang says
Sacred, sacred words, my friend. I hear you, see you, and feel this for myself.
Melissa Zaldivar says
Thanks, sis. <3
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Melissa thank you for what you wrote it spoke to my heart. We all go through things in life that we can wonder why us going through this. Why did this happen to us. Or we are exhausted from help do stuff for a Family member that needs our help because not well due to an illness. Or you have elderly one that needs the basics done like cleaning of the house and the washing so many days a week. They can be hard work if got the start of memory loss or dementia. It can be hard for family looking after them. When they have other in there own homes to look after as well. Plus the washing and cleaning of their home. Or a Family member ill and worry sent it as a serious illnesses. We hear a good friend her sister has lost her Husband suddenly at not that old an age. If they have kids it hard as they have lost their Dad and their Mum her Husband. They all worry about either. Ask in all these things why did Dad die and the wife why did he die so to young. All these things are not nice for any of us to go through. We all ask the question why did this happen to them. You if saved know people with going through things like this. You feel for them. Especially if not saved you pray for their salvation also so as they know I’m these difficult times Jesus is near. You let them know you are praying for them in all they are going through. You want to not feel they have to be quiet that they can talk to you about what they are going through. Showing them the love of Jesus. Letting them know Jesus knows what they are going through. That he loves them as we are all his Children. He is our caring loving Father. Like the kids song that is even good for us as Adults too. It is “Jesus loves all the Children of the world red and yellow black and white. ” Jesus is there for us. Also like the song What a Friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to had every thing over to him in prayer” Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx Happy Christmas to you all incourage andmy prayers are with you all.
Melissa Zaldivar says
You’re right, Jesus IS there for us. I am so thankful!