Years ago I sat in a crowded room at a blogging conference. I’ve forgotten almost everything from that weekend except one phrase that author and researcher Brené Brown said from the stage, “Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we can feel.”
I had two thoughts when I heard these words: “What?” and “Exactly.”
The first reaction came because we tend to think of joy as an “easy” emotion. It’s not heavy like sadness or intense like anger. Joy is the floating balloon, the cotton candy, the confetti of our feelings. But that is a false perception. It turns out joy takes great courage.
Why? Because our brains are wired to protect us from danger. When we feel joy, we also have something to lose. Brené told Inc magazine that “80-90 percent of parents, when experiencing a moment of bliss gazing upon their sleeping child, will then picture something horrific happening to the child.”
Have you ever done something like this? You hug someone you love, and suddenly worry that they’ll get in a car wreck on their way home. You get the promotion you worked so hard for, only to feel like a fraud and picture yourself being fired. You’re finally relaxing on a beach vacation, then remember a news headline you read and feel anxious.
Joy is hard for humans, so this morning I looked up every verse about joy to seek some divine help. I found one phrase that was repeated many times, “filled with joy.”
He [God] helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. Psalm 28:7 NLT
Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit. Luke 10:21 NLT
The believers were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. Acts 13:52 NLT
May you be filled with joy. Colossians 1:11 NLT
I’d always viewed joy as something I had to produce, but “being filled” means joy is something God’s Spirit pours into me.
Here’s what I’m coming to believe: We, as humans, aren’t truly capable of joy on our own. It doesn’t come naturally to us. At best, it’s fleeting and dependent on our circumstances. At worst, it’s something we fake but never truly experience.
Here’s what I’m learning: Joy is something we can ask God to fill us with rather than forcing ourselves to feel it. As someone who has experienced anxiety and depression, I’m not saying we’ll feel joy if we just have enough faith. I’m also not saying that we will always experience joy, which isn’t possible or even biblical. What I’m exploring is an alternative to putting pressure on ourselves to be happy-happy all the time. Maybe our role is simply to open ourselves to joy, to not slam the door of our hearts when it comes knocking.
Joy is also not meant to be our only emotion. Paul says, “Always be joyful” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) but he also says, “My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief” (Romans 9:2). Jesus is described as being full of joy and as being a man of sorrows. Proverbs 14:13 tells us, “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief.”
As I say in my new devotional book, “We always live with both brokenness and blessings. Challenges and victories. Sorrow and joy. They’re all mixed up together. God understands both.”
Brené says that the practice the most joyful people have in common is gratitude. I would add one more element to gratitude, and that’s trust.
Gratitude today + trust for tomorrow = learning to bravely open the door to joy.
This looks like pausing to say, “God, thank You for this beautiful sleeping baby. I trust You with her future.”
It’s hugging someone we love and saying, “God, thank You for every moment I get to have them in my life. I place them in Your hands.”
It’s accepting the promotion and saying, “God, thank You for getting me this far. I believe You’ll get me through whatever is ahead too.”
It’s standing on the beach and saying, “God, thank You for the extraordinary world You’ve created. You alone are the caretaker of everything and everyone.”
The healthiest humans are those who are open to the whole range of emotions and experience all of them.
Some of us resist negative emotions. We banish sadness and anger because they’re uncomfortable. Some of us resist positive emotions. We shut down joy and happiness because they feel so vulnerable. I’m in the latter group — I can sit with grief and walk alongside sorrow. But joy? That’s scary stuff.
I’m learning joy is not a feeling to force, but a gift to receive. Opening our hearts to embrace it, especially in a broken world, takes guts and bravery. Joy isn’t a balloon, cotton candy, or confetti. It’s challenging and risky, maybe even a little crazy. It’s a wild act of worship by warriors with dents in their armor.
It’s okay if joy is hard for you to feel during the holidays. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your faith — it simply means you’re human. God understands this and He will be with you in everything you face, in every emotion you feel.
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