Months after he left, after he walked away from almost twenty years of marriage, I was still face down in the heartbreak of it all.
He’d chosen a different life—one that didn’t include me, my daughter, our friends, or our families. When the unthinkable crashes in and steals away all that’s familiar, it throws us into a deeply unwanted new normal.
And there I was, holding a broken covenant, consumed with confusion and fixated on the pain. Shame partnered with anxiety and, together, they spun a nasty narrative about my inadequacies, pointing a gnarled finger at all I could have — should have — done differently.
One morning, as I slid out of bed, anxiety greeted me with such force, it took my breath away. I couldn’t escape the words circling around in my head.
Rejectable.
Rejected.
Replaceable.
If you and I were sitting down together over coffee, I’d tell you all the details of that particular morning. Because that morning . . . everything changed. It was as though our Heavenly Father reached into my new, little life — into my new little apartment — and stopped the spin.
Gently, I felt Him prompt me to start writing. In particular, and this still gives me goosebumps, I felt Him say, “Write down all the ‘R’ words you can think of.”
I know, it seems odd. But, God speaks to us in ways that are uniquely meaningful to us. I love words. In particular, for as long as I can remember, I have loved “R” words. That morning, deep in the valley of rejection, I started writing down all the “R” words I could think of. I started with the obvious.
Rejected. Rejectable. Replaceable.
I circled them several times in my journal, just to remind Him of what I’d been through . . . as if He didn’t know. It’s hard for me to tell this story without emotion. Because as I wrote, focusing on what He asked me to focus on, the words began to change. After several seemingly meaningless words, I watched my pen write out the word Relish.
It was like the whole room disappeared, and I just sat staring at this strange word on my page.
“Relish?” I asked. “Like the condiment?”
“Look it up,” I sensed the Lord say.
Relish. To adore. To enjoy greatly. To add zest.
Leaping from my chair, I danced around my living room, tears of joy and gratitude free-flowing. In an instant, I understood. The King of Heaven adores me — He thinks I add zest. He enjoys me greatly!
No human rejection trumps this truth. No decision against me holds any weight when compared to His decision for me. He declares me irreplaceable. Wanted. Loved. Enjoyed. Worthy of the greatest pursuit of all time (John 3:16).
For many months, I had been seeing myself through the eyes of the man who had walked away instead of through the eyes of the One Who never would. The eyes and heart of the One Who is fully for us — Who chooses us again and again.
Oh, how my heart needed this message — and maybe yours does, too.
Maybe you’ve felt the heartache of rejection or betrayal. Maybe the trauma of your past spins a shame narrative in your soul. Or maybe, like so many of the women who come through the door of my counseling office, you battle the taunting of anxiety and wonder if you’ll ever feel good enough . . . if you’ll ever measure up.
Friend, please let your heart hear this: God wants you. The King of Heaven’s Armies is running to you. Defending you. Declaring you. Pursuing you. Choosing you — as though it was just you and Him.
If I could show you my journal from that morning, you’d see several passages written out in big, bold letters and circled with obvious enthusiasm. But I keep coming back to Isaiah 43:1, “‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.’”
Called by name by God Himself — we are His.
I wish I could tell you that the pain of betrayal and rejection ended that day. It didn’t. I still battled anxiety from time to time. And the ripple effect of a life undone still created waves of grief.
But what did change was how hard it landed. When I fully grasped Who chose me, it stopped mattering who didn’t. When I stayed focused on His truth and all He says about me, I found considerable relief from the lies handed down through the trauma.
So, in case you need to be reminded today, my friend, your Heavenly Father adores you. He thinks you add zest. No matter what has happened, He declares you chosen, irreplaceable, and wonderfully made.
May that truth linger long for you as you journey through all you might be facing today.
Leave a Comment
Michelle says
Thank you so much for this! This perspective is universal & so helpful. It’s relative regardless of the situation surrounding the rejection or betrayal. Be it a spouse, a friend, family, a child, a job … He is the light that will lead the way out of the darkness. ♥️♥️
Nicole says
Thanks for this Michelle, you’re so right. He is the Light that leads us out of darkness!
arian says
oh my gosh! I was soo tickled when I saw that God speaks to you similarly to me – bringing a word to mind I know and yet don’t every really use – and then tells me to look it up and I find the meaning isn’t quite what I thought believed it to be or there was an additional meaning I was unaware of and it will be the PERFECT word for what he’s trying to reveal/say to me. so fun!
and feeling replaceable. oi. don’t I know that feeling for the same reason you do. and God has also been so sweet to me all these years of healing post-divorce to have me learn that I, too, am irreplaceable to him.
thank you so much for sharing! knowing that God talks to others in a similar but perhaps odd manner is very validating for my faith that i’m hearing him correctly. have an amazing day today!
Nicole says
Oh how I love it when God does this for us! When He brings us the exact message we need. Such a personal God.
And how lovely to know He speaks to you in odd ways too! That brought such a smile to my face. Thanks for your message here!
Beverly says
Wow. This is so inspiring. I had a similar experience with an “R” word. I have several issues in my life, including grief, a new love but it is long-distance and financial worries. I had been thinking in the vein of Let Go and Let God but still worrying, fretting and generally unhappy about my life. One morning in my prayer time. I heard God whisper to me, as clear as day, “Relax”! The phrase was “Relax in it”. This thought is a more positive way for me to think about it because thinking of letting go is so hard. However, relaxing in something I’m fighting against helps me to accept it to, in turn, learn the lessons that God wants to teach me. Relaxing is a more calming, expectant and hopeful way of allowing good to come out of my trials. Now that leads me to my word of 2024: Hope….but that is for another day. Thank you!
Nicole says
Ahhh! Another R word! So so good… Relax in it. I can see how that changes the whole experience for you. What a good good God to speak so personally. Thank you for your words here, Beverly, and for sharing some of what God has done in you and for you.
Lisa Wilt says
Nicole…
I shared your devotion both on Twitter and on Pinterest because I think many women need to hear that they are “relished” by their Heavenly Father!
“To adore. To enjoy greatly. To add zest” brings new meaning to the word.
Sending you joy, Lisa Wilt
Nicole says
Lisa, thank you for this! And thank you for sharing it. I’ve never looked at a relish the same! We are indeed relished by our Heavenly Father! What a gift that is! Thank you!
Betsy Basile says
Dear Nicole……………This devotion you posted is my story, each word of it although what I am experiencing is just a bit different from yours. I am 77 years old and had been married for 51 years when I noticed that my husband’s mind was failing. Even though he said there was nothing wrong, I made him go to a neurologist and psychoneurologist and both diagnosed him with short term memory dementia prescribed medication and told him he needed to stop drinking immediately. Instead, he flushed the meds down the toilet and started to drink even more that caused him at night to go into “dementia rages” where he abused me every night for 3+ years that I stayed with him trying to get him out of denial. The doctors said it was too late, that he was lucky I noticed it so early. The type he has is the worst type as he can fool anyone for 10 minutes. All the doctors, mine and his, said that only someone who lives with a person who has this type are those that live with them 24/7 and that was me, supposed to be his caregiver. We have one son who just kept calling me a liar, that his father just was in old age. He refused to help me and we did not even see him for a year. There was no way he could know. One night my son called me and said I was a liar and he rejected me as his mother and told me I would never be able to see or even speak to my 12 year old grandson and he hung up. I collapsed in a ball of tears and a broken heart. Then 4/20/2023 came and that night he really hurt me badly, but this time I finally got the 911 call through and Jim did not even notice the light on my phone was still on which meant the call went through. The 911 dispatcher recorded the whole thing and the police were there in 5 minutes.I won’t bore you with all the details, but when I spoke to all the doctors and my 4 support groups the next day told me what they had not told me years ago. I had to stop worrying about Jim and thinking about my safety. With all the guns in our house, they reluctantly told me that the next thing he would do is get the gun and kill me and 10 minutes later would swear that he did not do it. This scared me a lot so I ended having to get him evicted from our house of 40 years. He and my son blamed me for all of this. I ended up having to sell the house as both of us needed money. My son would not take his father in due to his condition which he now knew I was not lying about, so he put him in a place for independent and there was no more family so I had to do the same, move into a 1 bedroom small apartment. This as you said was awful and I felt like I was rejected by everyone. For 17 months, I have been trying to get a divorce. Everywhere I turned, only roadblocks. After working for an attorney for all these months, it was final just last week, but the distribution of the assets is still to be started and there is a lot of money out there. I have already paid the attorney over $25,000 dollars for basically what I had to do because he is 82 years old and really should have retired years ago. Sorry for this long comment, but his is where your story has helped me so much. The “R” words and remembering that I am not alone. The Lord is with me and Jesus went through so much when He was a human being on Earth. My Holy Spirit helps me every day to do what is right and helping me to adjust to this new life with no family to go to. Never did I think at this age something like this would happen. Thank you Nicole for really helping me to understand what to do. I am doing these things slowly, but I have finally been able to adopt a positive attitude. Not to say I don’t have some really bad days, but I will continue to read your devotion and talk to God and Jesus and maybe things will be better for me. Nicole, I send my prayers to you and my love for you women from (in) for all the things you do for people like me. Have a Blessed Weekend…………………………Betsy Basile
KathleenB says
Betsy,
God bless you daily with His grace and breathe peace and into your battle weary heart. You are a warrior !
Nicole says
Betsy, thank you for taking the time to share your story and how God is with you so personally through this. What a journey He has you on.
May you feel such deep peace and a soul knowing that you are in HIS hands. That He hasn’t left you and that He is working all things together for good as you love and trust Him.
Lifting you up in prayer this morning as you lean heavy on Him. He delights in you Betsy.
Courtney Humble says
Thankful for this reminder. We all hold value and are deeply loved by Him.
Nicole says
Yes and amen! What a blessing this truth is. Thank you Courtney!
Paula says
So much of what you wrote were all the things I felt and thought also. I came to the same conclusion. What does He say about me? Not what does a man say about me! He will never leave me. He loves me. He will be a father to the fatherless. I had to recall all that I had learned through all the years of being His. He took what was meant for evil and turned it into something good for me. He made sure we were provided for. I am so grateful.
Nicole says
Paula, thank you for this. Yes, your words are powerful trusted from a woman who has been through it. May you continue to feel His nearness as you trust Him and encourage others.
D from Canada says
Thank you Nicole for your raw yet beautiful share. Bless you for doing so.
It certainly blessed me & will bless my friend who’s struggling. I especially love how you signed off.
Nicole says
Thank you D! It blesses me to know this. May you feel His peace as you continue to heal and help others.
Jodi says
Nicole I found by (accident) ….I believe God lead me to you….ordered your book right away and then have been following you since……about 6 months after my world exploded. You have responded to me several times over the last year and half and I thank you for that! Your book helped me so much and it still does as well as your daily posts…..and Im so glad your dad got home and is healing!! As usual I saw your post on FB and clicked the link to incourage and joined, and read this devotion, which I have read before, but today it hit different. Ive come along away since that crumbled mess a year and half ago….His healing is wonderful and a process and being honest I still have really bad days but more good and getting stronger. The betrayal, the trauma, the abuse, then being walked away from thrown away like garbage after 23 years is alot, and rage comes and goes….but today Isaiah 43:1, a scripture the Lord gave me thru all of this reminded me again, of whose I am. Thru my Soul Care and prayer over the past year or so Jesus repeatedly says to me You are mine…..You are mine…..All I ever wanted was to be wanted and loved and belong to someone….marriage for me meant I was wanted…loved and someone says you belong to me you are mine. Special, that one person that no one can replace. Well he replaced me alot…..but now I understand what Jesus kept saying I was His.
Thank you again for allowing the Holy Spirit to flow thru you to give all of us His perspective of who we are.
love and prayers Nicole!!
Jodi
Nicole says
Jodi, Hi! I’m so glad you connected with (in)courage and with me here. Thank you for your words.
Your testimony is such a powerful reminder of God’s faithfulness and of His protection. Oh how I understand your words, ‘marriage meant I was wanted.’
You are His!
It’s be a joy to be part of your journey in this way Jodi. Thank you for being with me on mine:)
Marilyn Rand says
Mine walked away from me and my son too, Nicole!
That’s why your pain gently touches the depths of my heart and soul! Keep writing! God has so gifted you in His calling! I love your obedience!
Nicole says
Marilyn your words mean so much to me. Thank you for this. I am so sorry for the pain you’ve had to carry. And you’re right, there is such connection in the shared knowing.
Please know your words have blessed me today.
Michelle says
Thank you Nicole! I needed to read this so badly today. And God, being who He is, made sure I saw your FB post that led me to see this. You are so right! God chooses us, so it doesn’t matter who doesn’t. Amen and Amen!
Nicole says
Michelle, thank you for your words here. What a gift it is to be chosen by HIM! The most important thing about us.
Angie says
❤
Nicole says
❤️
Patrice Wood says
Thank you for sharing your painful story, Nicole! I am so glad God spoke to you affirming that you are His and you are enough. You are a God send. Much an inspiration for others.
I am waiting on the Lord for healing but while I’m waiting. I know it is only His supernatural strength, Grace. Mercy and earth angels, one of which is you, that keeps me.
Nicole says
Patrice, thank you this, and thank you for sharing here that you’re waiting on the Lord for healing. I’m lifting you up in prayer this morning Patrice. Trusting our God with the supernatural. Knowing He knows what He’s doing. Asking Him to give you strength and courage in the meantime.
Christine Beck says
This spoke to me. I sorely needed to hear this today. My husband hasn’t completely walked away but he has cut me out of his life. He is only home half of the time and he is usually bitter and angry. He says our lives are too different because I am a Christian and he wants nothing to do with church. He rather drink and party. I pray all the time for him and God has directed me to stay. I care most about him finding salvation. I love him and it is so hard to feel rejected. I also know that the God of universe will never leave me nor forsake me so I hold true to His promises. Thank you so much for sharing this. I pray God blesses you immensely.
Nicole says
Thank you for this Christine. Thank you for sharing some of the pain of what’s happening in your marriage. I’ve often said that rejection is a soul wound and marital rejection is a loneliness for which there are no words. I think that’s what you’ve described here, and I am so so sorry this is your life right now.
Please know you’re not alone for a second of it. We have a God Who travels the deep with us. And I’m over here lifting you up this morning to Him. May you feel His peace as you stay true to your vows and trust HIM (our faithful God) with the next steps.
Praying for you now Christine.
Becky Keife says
“When I fully grasped Who chose me, it stopped mattering who didn’t.” Amen, Nicole!! I could not love this more. Thank you for vulnerably sharing the hard parts of your story to give hope to others. Surely God never stops choosing us or pursuing us.
Nicole says
Hi Becky! Thank you for this! And men! He never stops choosing us or pursuing us.
Shay Drake says
Thank you my sister, for your vulnerability. I too, continually pray for the ability to forgive as God forgives us.
I am grateful for the incredible sense of peace I had during the breakup as well as now.
There simply is no one like our Father❣️
Nicole says
Thank you for your comment Shay, and for sharing some of your experience with the pain of rejection and loss.
What a gift that that peace is!
You’re so right, there simply is no one like our Father!
Abigail says
I needed these words today. Specially today. Should be my 6th wedding anniversary, but the marriage only lasted 3 1/2 years and actually it should have lasted a lot less as it was a narcissistic abusive relationship.
I know God reached out to me, grabbed me with His powerful right hand and rescued me from a life I don’t deserved. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father intervened and took me out of that place of darkness. Still hurts though.
Thank you always Nicole for being obedient to God and let him use you to bring healing to the broken hearts.
Nicole says
Abigail, thank you for sharing some of your painful story here. You’re so right. Sometimes the rescue is so painful. Lifting you up today as you continue to trust HIM with every piece of this season.
Yolanda says
I am reading this post a week after it was published. I too have been divorced and those words have plagued my thoughts: rejected, replaceable and few others. Some days I have used scripture to remind me who loves me unconditionally. This very morning I was having those invading thoughts and I was reading devotionals and came across yours. Your words echoed my thoughts and at the same time brings me back to whom I belonged and His pursuing love for me. I give God the glory as I am writing this that He saw my need before and He allowed me to come across your writing at the very moment I needed encouragement.
Nicole says
Yolanda, oh how I love it when God does this for us! When He links us together with others, and reinforces His truth at exactly the right time. Thank you for your comment and for letting me know I’ve been able to be part of your day in this way. I’m lifting you up today as you continue to trust Him and His truth about you. Wanted. Adored. Chosen. Loved.
Beth Williams says
Nicole,
I lingered in anxiety for almost a year. My job (hospital secretary) suddenly changed to stocking 28 ICU rooms. I felt dumb, stupid, not good enough, smart enough. Like no one really cared anymore. Thanks to my sweet hubby & God I have come out of that funk. I now realize that Jesus rejoices over me. Constantly stay in tune with God by prayer, reading Bible, listening to Christian music & being around other Christians. There are days when I feel down, but mostly stay focused on who loves me.
Never thought of God relishing me. Adoring, enjoying greatly & thinks I add zest to life. Wow!
Blessings 🙂
Nicole says
Beth, thank you for this and for sharing some of your story here. What an encouraging reminder for those times when we feel less than or overlooked.
I’m here with a huge smile of my face at how much God must burst with love for us – and rejoice when we lean on Him through our pain.
Thank you for your comment. May you feel totally relished and zesty today as you work unto the Lord.