As I held the rose in my hand, the leader of the evening’s artistic presentation at the women’s conference asked our crowd to ponder the question: What do you need to lay down at Jesus’s feet?
We were invited to lay down situations that we’d been discouraged about, anything that consumed our prayers, or unfulfilled longings that we were losing hope of ever coming to fruition.
I fingered the edges of my fabric rose and merged into the line with the rest of the women moving toward the front. A few steps remained, and I asked, “God, what are You inviting me to lay down and give to You?”
Do you ever ask God a question but not really expect Him to answer? Sometimes, we don’t hear anything and assume that God isn’t listening or doesn’t care. Other times, we don’t ask because we fear God’s answer, namely that He won’t give us what we want.
Yet instantly when I asked, a crystal-clear whisper spoke to my heart: I want you to lay down your desire for marriage.
Tears sprung to my eyes, and I hurried to blink them away. I was the speaker for the event the next day, and this didn’t seem like a good time to melt into a pile of tears. This wasn’t the answer I expected, nor was it the answer I wanted. Yet, the wooden cross stood before me, and I believed that answer was from God. I whispered a shaky “okay” and laid my dream before God.
I compartmentalized that moment for the next two days behind many smiles and an earnestness to serve the women God brought me to speak to at the event. When I returned home, I dropped my bags and followed the old saying: “Take to my bed.”
I questioned God: Is this really what You’re asking me to lay down before You?
My spirit was weighed down by sadness, even though I was glad I’d obeyed. After going through a divorce five years ago, I’d been praying for God-honoring, lasting love. Dating as a believer had been challenging, but I committed to honoring God even if I did live out my remaining years as a single Christian woman. I never expected to sense that God would ask me to lay my dream down.
Sitting in my bed, I remembered Abraham traveling with his son Isaac to Mount Moriah. After waiting many many years for a son, which God miraculously provided, God asked Abraham to sacrifice that same son. I’ve always wondered what kind of conversation Abraham had with his wife, Sarah, about that watershed day… For years, my mama heart struggled with how Abraham could build an altar, bind his son, and lay him across the wood. One day, I discovered the answer in Hebrews 11:19:
“Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God would be able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.”
Hebrews 11:19 NLT
Abraham’s story was an Old Testament foreshadowing of God allowing His Son to be sacrificed. But, it also serves as an example of what we may experience in our Christian life. There will be times in our journey with God when He asks us to let go of a dream, a way of life, or a pursuit because He has a different plan or path for us. Yet we can hold onto the hope and the promise that God never asks us to give up more than He is willing to give us.
I recently wrote a book on spiritual practices, and I define sacrifice as a spiritual practice in which we give up for God’s holy good. Sometimes, He asks us to give up or lay down what we consider good, like a career, a particular house, a relationship, or a certain number of kids, because His plan is to give us something better.
Giving up for God’s holy good is a journey of believing the best about God’s love and care for us. The writer of Hebrews notes that Jesus offered Himself as a sacrifice for the joy of fulfilling His purpose in God’s eternal plan (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus gave up so much for God’s holy good, and we benefit from that goodness each day.
Perhaps you’ve sensed that God is nudging you to give up something for His holy good. You have permission to grieve in the giving up. I also encourage you to hold onto the reassurance that God will fill that space in His time with His goodness just for you.
It’s been almost two months since I laid down my dream. After a few weeks of sadness, I can see where that decision has been a blessing in this season. There are many unique opportunities in this season of life, and it’s helpful to have absolute flexibility as a single woman without the concern of neglecting a relationship. Yes, I still carry the ache of loneliness and uncertainty, but I enjoy the blessing of knowing that I’ve followed God and the promise of His goodness in whatever form it comes in my life.
oh barb! may I encourage you in this season of focusing on just you and not actively pursuing the hunt for the next husband. I was astounded when I hit the 5 year mark after my divorce and I was still single. and I remain single here 14 years later. and I have definitely had my sorrowful, angry, and frustrating times with God about his “not yet” year after year. And each time I tried online dating, I was angry and overly focused on the apps (not sure if this is how you were going about it). COVID was actually a great time because then it took the pressure off the expectation of trying to find someone and i’ve held onto that freedom ever since! the process of healing for some of us can be SO SLOW and take YEARS and I realize seeing those words might feel so very heavy and unwanted. but I promise, God will indeed totally get you through day by day even if you end it disappointed. I know I want to be a much healthier version for the eventual #2 husband and i’ve had to just trust God that he knows what he’s doing in his perfect timing. Again…I very much still do have days of grieving the “not yet”. doing life alone sometimes is hard & lonely. may God continue to show you how liberating it can be to just focus on you for a bit longer. 🙂
Thank you joining us today on (in)courage and sharing your healing journey. You are right, God is faithful to carry us through seasons where our hopes and dreams haven’t turned out as we’d planned. Thank you for offering that encouragement today!
“Giving up for God’s holy good is a journey of believing the best about God’s love and care for us.” YES, BARB!!
The details of each of our stories will be different but this is an essential truth I know God is inviting all of us to embrace. Thank you for sharing so bravely and vulnerably. It reminds me that nothing is off the table for God. He wants access to our whole hearts, all our dreams and expectations. Indeed, he is so worthy of our trust and we can wait expectantly for his good in all things and all seasons. You live this confident hope so well, friend. Love you.
Becky, YES! God is so worthy of our trust, no matter the sacrifice we may be prompted to make. Thank you for this.
I didn’t read all. Don’t be sad it is so liberating, specifically cared for by your creator and no responsibility of pleasing anyone.
Thank you for joining us today on (in)courage and sharing your comment. I’m blessed in knowing that I’m walking in the seasons where God has called me and I want women who resonate with today’s post – no matter what circumstance to experience the same peace that I have received from God.
This post was right on time for me as God is leading my family to open our hands and step into a different season. All the tears! But I’m thankful for your reminder that there is both peace and grieving in that place as we trust God for His absolute best. Thank you Barb!
Hi Jenny! All the hugs to you and your family in this season as you trust God with big changes. Laying down our plans to follow God as he leads isn’t easy, no matter any situation in life. Thank you for sharing your journey and we’re praying for you today!
Thank you for sharing this piece of your story with vulnerability and tenderness, Barb. Though our situations are different, I’m encouraged by how God has met you in your sadness and surrender. It reminds me to fold into his nearness and loving intention no matter what I feel led to loosen my grip on.
Tasha, thank you for the reminder to “fold into his nearness and loving intention.” So good! Such wisdom to live by in seasons where we’re called to surrender.
Thank you, Barb! I so understand about laying something down which I never thought He would ask me to give up. We’ve lived in our home for 37 years and thought we would always live here in the country. But last fall, my husband developed a heart issue and we knew we could no longer stay in this large house on an acre of land. I was devastated and actually spiralled into a depression. When I FINALLY accepted the reality of this new chapter in our journey, I can see that the Lord has given me a complete 180 in my heart and mind as we downsize and move into a small home in a quaint little town in two days. We know He is in control and are actually excited to see what ministry He has for us in our “twilight” years.
Linda, this testimony is precious! Thank you for sharing it with us today. Your story will encourage many others who are also faced with trusting God when he leads us in a new or unexpected direction. Praising God for the change in your heart and the blessings to come for your and your husband.
Thank you, Barb. He’s such a faithful Friend and Provider. Bless you for allowing yourself to be used by Him to encourage others.
Linda, the pain you are feeling with giving up your home sounds like what my mom is going through right now as my father gets older. I’m praying for you in your change.
After my divorce I didn’t date for 10 years. I was content and thought I’d be single forever. Then, five years ago, I’m sure God told me that “we’re not meant to do life alone.” So I began dating again. Dating after 40 isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! Dating after 50 is even worse! There are times when I wonder if I misinterpreted what God meant. Does doing life with someone look different than I imagined? Does it mean getting more active in church and my community. Connecting with others in non-romantic relationships. Doing life with my neighbors and friends.
Hi Angela, we’re so glad that you stopped by (in)courage today! I appreciate your courage in sharing what you’re praying about and wrestling through. I love that you’re doing life and living your purpose. I think that it’s possible to carry the desire to marry and at the same time, maximize our single season by living out our faith with contentment and staying connected to the body of Christ.
I think great marriages occur from friendships first. I say yes to non-romantic relationships.
Hi Barb, I always wanted to marry and have children but am now 55yrs and single and very happy that way. God’s plans and my plans turned out to be very different but I want you to know that singleness is a good gift from God just as much as marriage.
I am English and in the UK the church often implies that Christian marriage is a beautiful, shiny, big bow on the top sort of gift and singleness is a wooden spoon of a gift. This is wrong for singleness is just as special a gift with lots of blessings too. There is a freedom that married folks don’t have. I have found that God has provided people in my life to help with the loneliness but also that Jesus is my constant companion. I have learned to talk to Jesus about everything. I have learned to take him to events as my partner when I have to go to something where it will mostly be couples. I have also learned that he is really good as helping me choose curtains!! (he has excellent taste – not really surprising when you look at His creation). Letting go of a dream is really hard and thank you so much for sharing about it. Whether your singleness is for a season or for the rest of your days I pray that you will come to really enjoy your singleness and know God’s blessing.
Hi Helen! Thank you for sharing your life experience. I love how you’ve found the joy and satisfaction of close communion with Jesus. I pray that God uses your words to minister to others today.
Thanks for sharing this. I love the choosing curtains. You have really encouraged me. I pray that the married people around you enfold you and you don’t feel sidelined by your singleness. Xx
Hi Barb…..I so enjoyed your devotional today as I have experienced something similar just 2 days ago. My husband has the Violent type of Dementia and he almost killed me so I had stayed with him for 3 and a half years after I noticed it and got him to go to two different Neurosurgeons of which I have written reports of this disease ; however, he has been in denial for 6 years now. I have prayed and prayed for 17 months about this. I had to sell the house and move into a facility as I have no family left. I am 77 years old and have been married to him for 55 years.I don’t like where I am so that adds to my stress. Here is the part that relates right to your story. During all of this mess, my son called me one night and just said “You are a liar, there is nothing wrong with Dad except old age and I no longer consider you my mother and we will not allow you to see or talk to Carter (my 1 grandson ) and he hung up. I collapsed in tears and so many emotional feelings. How could he do this to me. As a child up until he got married at 35, we had a very, very close relationship ,but his wife hated me even before they got engaged and I knew from all my work experience that she had mental problems. She hated her Mother too so what chance did the mother-in law have. The answer–None. She did not like the closeness that Aron and I had and she told me to stop talking to him about anything. Your first and second paragraph hit me like a brick. What do you need to lay down at Jesus’s feet? I have been praying often about the PSA and the divorce (for 17 months) and finally last week a had a sign from God that it was going to be settled. My husband finally agreed to sign the documents and that was done on Monday, by me abd hopefully today by Jim. The thing that I would like to lay down at His feet is to please let me be able to see or talk to my 13 year old grandson. I go by the Serenity Prayer and I have accepted that my son will not come back to me as his mother, but Grandparents do have rights. I felt at times that God was not hearing my prayers about the PSA, but as we all know He follows his own timeline; thus, the wait of 17 months. After reading your story, Barb, I realized I probably need to go back to Jesus and lay the part about my grandson at his feet. Do you think that is right. I am still heartbroken about the whole situation including my son, but he doesn’t seem like the same person I gave birth to. Barb, do you have any advice for me? I do have to admit that due to my 45 years as a top manager at a large company, I did not have time to study the Bible. I am doing more of that now as I am alone and have some time and I have the incourage Bible which is fantastic. Thank you women for being who you are and helping those of us that are in difficult circumstances. I still feel that Jesus sent all of you as Angels to help us and I thank Him every day for this and all of you. I have many of your books and for the 2nd time I am going through “100 Days of Strength in Any Struggle”. it really is a wonderful book. I am so sorry to have rambled on, but to even try to understand, I needed to give you some background. Have a Blessed Day and I send you a Hug as I miss not having anyone give me that anymore………………….Betsy Basile
Hi Betsy, first, you are so courageous in sharing your difficult journey the last few years with us. We pray God’s peace over your heart and mind as you lay down the family burden and surrender the situation with your son and his family. We’re here to encourage you each day – and we’re so glad that you have the 100 Days of Strength in Any Struggle devotional and pray that God uses it to comfort and strengthen your heart.
Praying for you Betsie from my experience children see the truth whatever their parents say. Give it time and I believe as your grandson gets to the age where he can make his own choices about who he sees he will seek you out. I’ve seen it happen in messy divorces over and over. Thanking God that at 13 he has had time to really get to know you before this happened. Sending love and prayers. Xx
This is lovely, Barb! I’m going to speak to the Lord about this. And listen for His response.
Wonderful, Irene! I’m so that today’s post prompted you to seek God and connect with him.
You are beautiful, brave, and bold . . . and you bring all of us into those same strengths. Thank you for sharing this sacred part of your story and for encouraging all of us to trust in the only One who can do more than we could ever imagine. I’m on the tail-end (I think) of a dream I gave up ten years ago. In the last few months, I’ve had invitations to dream that dream again. Will it be given to me? I don’t know yet. But still I will trust. Because God is good, even if not. Love you, Barb, and grateful for your words and witness.
Rachel, thank you for your encouraging words. I’m celebrating your invitation to dream again after laying it down so long ago. Your phrase “But still I will trust.” Yes and amen to all of that.
Hi, Barb. I would encourage you to continue to trust that our loving Heavenly Father has the best plan in mind for you. I was single for 10 years after my divorce. I was discouraged after it seemed that my heartfelt prayers for God to bring a Christlike man into my life appeared to go unanswered for so many years. When my husband did eventually come into my life, I was able to look back and understand why I was single for so long. During those 10 years of my singleness, my husband’s late wife was still alive, and he was caring for her as she battled cancer. We met the year after his wife had passed away. I have now been married for the past 17 years to the most caring man I’ve ever known. God was working on his character during those years that he was caring for his wife and was moulding him into the perfect partner for me. I couldn’t be happier. I trust, when the time is right, God will bring just the right man into your life. God bless you.
Hi Jen! Thank you for stopping by to share your story as an encouragement for others. We love having you as part of our (in)courage community!
Barb,
We met several years ago in Kansas City at a workshop you taught at Church of the Resurrection.
Know that your willingness to follow God wherever He leads is an INSPIRATION!
I’m silently cheering you on when I see your name pop up all over.
Sending you Summer Joy and sharing this article x 2.
Lisa Wilt
Hi Lisa, oh yes! I remember and we love that you are such an engaged part of our (in)courage community – and even writing 🙂 Thank you for your kind and encouraging words today.
Barb thank you for this message it has really spoke to. I did what you what are you giving up for God and laying at Jesus feet. God to me to stop pleasing others. When I read your message today. As I please others to avoid a row. Especially those not saved in my Family. It doing things that they ask of me. That they want me to do because they say Dawn will do. As they think I do it for member of my family that is elderly. When there carer is on holiday. I do alot for them to help them out. I do the cleaning of their home. Monday to Friday. It takes over an hour if not two hours. As they don’t see the mess they make with being elderly. I do on to the Love of the Lord and the love of them. My Family when the carer is of on Holiday would expect me to extra to stay on to do things for them. That the carer would do. As well as do their house. I have my own health problems. I have been told by my Husband and Friends in my Church and ones that live 86 miles away. That used to live were I live. They all said Dawn you have to think of your health. You do enjoy for the elderly person. You have to say no. Not let them use you. Thinking you will do it. Even if try to use all ways to do it. I suffer seizures now and then. Last time I said yes for peace sake. When the carer came back from Holiday. I was so tired with doing this person house cleaning it and the extra. That I took seizures days later when the carer was back from Holiday. So God said to me Dawn you have to say no. You can only do their house. You can’t stay on to do extra for them. When their carer is on Holiday. Your health will suffer. You can’t do that. Even if they think you are being un Christian. Saying they are not saved. They might say that not been very Christian and you say you are one. You let them think what they want. You are doing what best for your health God told me. So I have to give up pleasing others. To avoid a row as it could happen. Just to please them. When it not of God. So you’re reading has really spoken to me. I have to do as God says. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Precious Dawn, laying down the habit of living to please others is tough, but I applaud your desire to follow God’s prompting. He loves you and doesn’t want you to be worn out over constantly living to take care of others. I’m glad that today’s devotional spoke to you.
Barb,
I so appreciate your honesty today. It encourages me to trust God with the circumstances of my story, even if I have to release some of my hopes and dreams. God is trustworthy and I loved your reminder to follow “… God and the promise of His goodness in whatever form it comes in my life.” Powerful words.
God is trustworthy – yes and amen! Thank you for joining our conversation and offering your encouragement to others whatever their circumstances.
Love you, Barb! Such a well-written and challenging article! I can resonate with these truths in my own context. Thank you for your vulnerability. And this: “Giving up for God’s holy good is a journey of believing the best about God’s love and care for us.” I walked down this road 10 years ago when I surrendered my husband’s healing from cancer. God met me in the darkness of that with more than I could ever ask or imagine.
Dorina, thank you for offering your wisdom and your story of surrendering to God’s plan and experiencing God’s presence in the midst of your heartbreaking journey. Praying that your words bring hope to those who resonate with your story.
Barb thank you for you honesty vulnerability and challenge this morning.
Barb,
I had a good part time job that I enjoyed. Suddenly one day that job was ending due to staffing. I was moved to an ICU Covid unit. In that time I had been praying for a full-time job. Didn’t completely lay it down, but trusted God. While working there they offered me a full-time position. Immediately I thanked God & drove home with tears in my eyes. That was 3 years ago. God blessed me immensely. I work 4 (10+) hr. days & have a 3 day weekend each week. Plus I can have all the overtime I need. He truly blessed the socks off me.
Blessings 🙂