Last Thursday was a really bad day.
I’m talking about a horrible, terrible, miserable, no good, very bad day.
After work, I drove home to take one of my children to an appointment . . . but we never made it to that appointment. Some truly bad choices were made before we even got into the car, and we couldn’t go. It was traumatic for all involved, and missing the appointment was merely the icing on a garbage cake.
By the time that crisis was resolved, I was physically and emotionally spent. I wanted to crawl into my bed and ignore the whole world. The horrible, terrible, miserable, no good, very bad world.
As I considered collapsing under the covers and hiding from all the things making me hurt, I remembered something. My friend had invited me to a Bible study that was beginning that evening. Because of my daughter’s appointment, I hadn’t been able to go . . . but now I could. I weighed the options:
Go to the Bible study and open up to people I didn’t know well or didn’t know at all?
Go and run the risk of monopolizing the conversation? (Or go and spend the whole time crying because that’s what I felt like doing anyway?)
Stay home and wallow in self-pity and misery, rehashing the horrible ordeal with my husband?
Or stay home and hide, numbing my feelings with half a bag of chocolate chips from the back of the pantry and hours of Instagram reels?
I decided to go to the Bible study.
Though my friend had invited me, the group of women meeting was mostly people I didn’t know. And they were reading a book that, when I’d heard about it and read the synopsis, didn’t appeal to me. I was glad for the chance to connect with other women and discuss Jesus, but I was also a little nervous about the whole thing.
Plus, I wondered if going made me a negligent mother or a callous wife. After all, shouldn’t I stay home and help my kids process what had happened that afternoon? Shouldn’t I be there in case my husband wanted to talk about how he felt or what he thought about it?
Maybe . . . but we’d already processed and would certainly continue the next day. And another part of me knew I needed to get out of my house. I needed to choose connection over hiding. I needed to take care of my own heart before I could help heal anyone else’s.
So I did it. I drove to the designated coffee shop and ordered a caramel latte with oat milk, hoping the wisdom of avoiding regular milk (because I’m allergic) would balance out the foolishness of consuming caffeine so close to bedtime. I smiled and said, “Nice to meet you,” and tried to remember the new names. I listened as they discussed the first chapter of a book I hadn’t read and wondered if, when I started the audiobook on my drive home, it would resonate for me like it was for them.
And when one of my new friends said, “You have kids, right? So how’s that going?” I shared the story of my day and let them into my messy life.
Telling others about my horrible day didn’t fix all the problems. Spending a couple of hours with five other women didn’t allow me to go back in time or erase the memory of every bad thing that had happened.
But it did minister to my hurting heart. It gave me a moment to stop and breathe. It gave me a few minutes to focus on something other than my situation, and it reminded me that I’d never been alone in any of it. See, mixed with our conversation about the book I hadn’t read were snippets of each woman’s story and the places God has met them over the years.
They talked about how He’d met them at the bottom, how He’d stayed with them, and helped them up.
They shared the ways God gave them strength in every kind of struggle and how He was still holding them close and guiding them through hard spots.
They helped me remember the things I know to be true about God and His incredible love and care for me. They reminded me that it’s okay to not be okay, that God doesn’t expect us to handle it (whatever “it” is) on our own, and that sharing a burden is always better than trying to carry it all by myself.
If you’re having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (or week or month or season), you might feel like I did last week. You may be tempted to stuff all the hard feelings, to hide under the covers, and refuse to come out until the world plays nice, or to simply go radio silent. You might think you have to take care of everyone else first and maybe then you can rest or recover. Or perhaps you feel like it’s better to keep your mess to yourself, or you’re afraid nobody will understand or care or be able to help.
Fight those urges, friend.
Don’t hide. Don’t stay home or stay quiet in your pain. Reach out. Connect. Allow someone safe to see the real you, to hear a bit more of your story. And then listen as they share how God has met them along the way and loved them through their pain.
Let them help you remember the things you know to be true.
“Therefore, I will always remind you about these things — even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught.”
2 Peter 1:12 NLT
Listen to today’s devotion below or whenever you stream podcasts!
Leave a Comment
Sandy says
Your transparency in sharing your life experiences always resonates with me and my frequent struggles in life. Thank you for reminding me how to respond!
Mary Carver says
I’m so grateful this was encouraging, Sandy!
Madeline says
This resonates with me so well. I feel like I’ve had seasons of no good, very bad, horrible days. And I know the 2 things that help are remembering God is there and talking. I also know I am so close to having another one of “those days/seasons ” but I am determined to give it up to God, place it in God’s hands. Just reading what you wrote is cathartic, once again.
Mary Carver says
Praying you feel God’s presence and also receive comfort from your community in this season, Madeline!
Judyc says
Oh, thank you for this, very true, but also very hard. It’s always good to be reminded of those things we know, but push aside. Prayers for all of us, everyone is going through something.
Mary Carver says
Yes, it’s so hard, Judyc! I hear you. Praying strength for both of us to push through and reach out when we need to.
Kathleen mokrzan says
Thank you
Amada (pronounced: a.m.a.TH.a) says
AMEN!
Cheyla says
Thanks for this Mary! I feel like God has been speaking to me about this very thing lately. I do have a tendency to hide, but I’ve been trying to connect a little more. I hope things are better for you!
Mary Carver says
Thank you, Cheyla! Today is a very good day, and I’m thankful God and good friends choose to be here on both. Praying the same for you!
Kelly says
Thank you. I needed these words today.
Ruth says
I too, feel this way lately. I want to hide, stay away, in my own little world. I need to trust in the lord, listen to him. Trust in him. Amen
jan watson says
Oh, how I needed these words today. I feel like I’ve existing and not living for the past 2 years. I don’t anyone sees me unless they need me for something. I didn’t get out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary. I neglected my home and my relationship with my son. I won’t give up, for I know that God loves me still. Please pray my strength in the Lord.
Mary Carver says
Jan, thank you for being here and sharing your heart with us. I’m praying that God will make His presence and love FELT today, that He’ll send you a friend who seeks you out and supports you and loves you for you.
Janet W says
Mary thank you for this reminder…..”Don’t hide. Don’t stay home or stay quiet in your pain. Reach out. Connect.”
I love the women’s study at our church! The times I tried to talk myself out of not going…
I’m tired
I don’t feel like driving that far
I can’t relate to this chapter
Blah blah blah
….Are just the studies and women I need most. Thank you Jesus \0/
Mary Carver says
Yes! So many excuses that come so easily. But if we can push through, the reward is so worth it!
BC from BC says
Thank you, Mary, it’s so encouraging as women we need each other to support, encourage and pray for us when we feel so alone in our walk. I know God hears our prayers, it’s just nice to know we have someone walking with us when we go through diificult times, days, and seasons. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Mary so true what you spoke on today. You part of you probably felt guilty going to Bible study meeting new friends . People you never new or met. Because you felt after your horrible day you should have been there for your kids and spent the time with them. I don’t have kids. Yes Married. I had offal days. Some been my fault as I done silly things I not meant to do done them by mistake. Other I been blamed in the wrong for saying things and been taken the wrong way. My words have not been said wrong at all. That the person has thought I was being not nice. I was not been a all I shared it with my Husband. To see did I say anything wrong to them. My Husband said no you didn’t. I wondered why did I bother. So I prayed to God I said God I forgive them. If I said anything wrong to them I sorry. God said no. Just forget about let it go. I did but it hurt at the time. How I could have let ruin my day. But I didn’t. Thank you for this reading I needed it. Keeping you incourage in my prayers xx
Mary Carver says
Dawn, I hear you! It’s so tempting to let the guilt or fear or hurt overwhelm our knowledge that God can use community to minister to our hearts. Praying you and I both can keep finding the courage to reach out!
Cathy Casey says
I was sitting in my living room crying out to God, and my husband. Someday, people, family make you feel so discarded and unworthy. I read your story and my heart burst with knowing God’s got me. I’m not meant to fit in only with HIM. Blessings and love
Cathy
Mary Carver says
Oh Cathy, I’m so sorry for your pain. But yes! God’s GOT YOU. I’m grateful this story reached you at the right time and praying today’s a better day.
Beth Williams says
Mary,
We were made for connection. Women often forget to do self care. They think they have to handle & care for everyone else. Lysa Terkeurst put it best in her book Your Best Yes “Saying yes to everyone & everything won’t make you Wonder Woman. It will make you a worn out woman with nothing left to give.” We need to recharge our batteries & fill up on God’s word.. Bless you for going to the Bible study.
I find going to Bible studies not only fills me up spiritually, but emotionally also. I can share my problems & have others pray for me.
Blessings 🙂