The righteous thrive like a palm tree
and grow like a cedar tree in Lebanon.
Planted in the house of the Lord,
they thrive in the courts of our God.
They will still bear fruit in old age,
healthy and green,
to declare, “The Lord is just;
he is my rock,
and there is no unrighteousness in him.”
Psalm 92:12-15 CSB
These past few weeks I haven’t been praying.
I’ve wanted to, but still, I haven’t. I’m just so busy right now, I told myself. I’ll talk to Jesus soon. God will understand.
I wasn’t reading my Bible either. I saw it, sitting there on my nightstand, but it had been covered up by other things — glasses of water, notebooks, textbooks, my laptop.
I had a list of reasons the length of my arm for why I wasn’t praying or spending time with Jesus: I just had surgery, my second art show is quickly approaching, and the amount of schoolwork college assigns one person is still somewhat shocking to me.
All of those reasons are legitimate. But without any time spent with Jesus, all of those reasons were slowly emptying me.
A few days ago I was sitting on my bed, my white comforter beneath my crossed legs. I started crying. “I can’t do this anymore, Jesus,” I told Him. “I’m too tired. I’m too overwhelmed. I think I said yes to too many things. I think I’m going to have to pull all-nighters for the next month to finish everything I need to do. I feel like I’m drowning. No, not even drowning. I feel like I’m withering, like I’m shriveling right up.”
If I was a flower, I was a wilted one.
Because I’m a verbal processor, I was trying to fill up on people. I would talk to people about how I was feeling — overwhelmed, worried, and anxious about all the things I felt I needed to do. Unfortunately, no human was satisfying enough for me.
Jesus — the real source, the One who takes me and my shriveled-up self and breathes life into me, allowing me to slowly, slowly begin to work my way from a wilted flower to someone who can flourish — is necessary for me to survive.
Without Him, I am empty.
Only when I lay myself down, when I give Him my worries and fears and anxieties — including the things that I think must appear so petty to Him — can I finally be full. I want my roots to sink deep into who Jesus Christ is, so that I can stand strong and firm, not on my own accord but on His.
So I started to pray again. I began writing my prayers down, and asking certain people in my life how I could pray for them. I began reading Hebrews, and I focused on how God keeps giving us grace. And slowly, slowly (because these things are always a slow, thoughtful process) I have begun filling up again.
I’m no longer wilting. My circumstances have remained the same, but my roots have vastly changed. May I never again be rooted in my own self, but instead ground myself in Jesus: the rock, the One who will forever sustain me.
Do you feel wilted or like you’re flourishing?
In what ways do you think you can root yourself further into Jesus Christ?
Today’s devotion originally appeared on (in)courage here.
Leave a Comment
Madeline says
Yes, wilted. What a perfect description of how I feel so often. I know I need to take better care of myself which means sometimes saying no. I am on overload at the moment with commitments at this time. And, I know I need to talk to Jesus more often.
Stephanie says
Thank God and thank you for sharing this encouragement at a time when I really feel wilted and struggling to hold up. God bless you.
Kendra Elliott says
I love this— thanks for bring vulnerable and sharing!
Nancy says
Aliza,
Wow did you write that for me? I have been in a rut since just after Christmas when I had the flu. I also have Lupus so it knocked me out for almost the whole month of January. I couldn’t exercise, I was so exhausted after work I came home and napped, and went to bed early in the evening. I just stopped praying in the morning and evening, I even stopped listening to Carrie Underwood My Savior CD to and from work which centered and calmed me. I haven’t read any daily devotions- nothing-until today. This just spoke to me in ways that woke me up and made me feel like God is always with me, always present in my life I just need to open my eyes, my arms and my heart and let him in.
Thank you for these wonderful words and have a blessed weekend.
Nancy
Lisa Wilt says
It’s always Jesus. I’ve found myself in so many seasons of life back at the same spot: wilting. (In fact my last name is Wilt. This is a constant reminder that on my own, I wilt.) It’s always Jesus! He waters me.
Janet W says
Aliza blessings to you. You finally sat still. Cried…and reached out \0/
Sometimes we just think we can do it ALL on our own because He made us so strong! What we forget is, He made us strong in Him. Been there. Thank God I’m on the other side. God is good and He shows us we can and will flourish when we stop, sit, scream, cry and open our hands and stubborn self to Him fully. Can you feel the blossoms opening up? Can you see them blooming up? AWWWWW \0/
Sandy Stewart says
Jesus saved me 50 years ago. One might think I no longer go through withering experiences. But, the truth is as long as we remain on this earth, these and many other up and down periods will be a part of our spiritual growth. I believe we can learn to recognize the signs sooner than we once did, being always mindful of this human experience of growth in Christ.
P.S. My daughter lives in Toronto. We love Canada
Stephanie Zambrano says
Thank you so much for sharing Aliza! Without Jesus, I am empty. What a truth!
I ask that you please pray for me. I made a mistake at my job the other day and because of this mistake I think I will lose my job. Please pray that if it is God’s will I don’t lose my job until I have another one lined up. Also pray please that my resume stands out in a good way to the other places I’m applying too and I’m blessed with a job that’s a better suit for me. Thank you so much for praying for me. ❤️
J says
This is so hard for me to stay hopeful when my situation is so hopeless. Please pray for our broken family. I do feel like a withered flower is this brokenness has been going on for years and getting worse. It feels like the more I pray the worst things get.
Angela says
This resonates. I’ve fallen behind in my Bible study and feel like such a failure and disappointment to God. I can’t even keep up with a simple Bible study! I don’t dare pray. How could I, after shirking my study? Yet, I’m so bogged down. There’s so much to do. I don’t have the motivation for any of it.
Beth Williams says
Aliza,
God alone can satisfy our thirsty longing souls. No matter how busy we get. We still need to take a few minutes daily to pray & read our Bibles. Prayer can be done driving to work, taking shower any time. Jesus puts it succinctly in John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. We must stay connected to the vine via prayer & scripture reading. Praise God you came to the end of yourself & sought Jesus.
Blessings 🙂