I’ve been at war with my appearance for longer than I care to admit. Weight, age, shape, strength, speed — there’s always been something I’ve told myself isn’t enough. I’ve felt physically lacking for most of my life. Now, as a woman in her forties, I’ve been hit with the double whammy of worrying about the scale and shouldering shame from seeing the signs of aging that creep across my face and neck.
The five pounds I’ve been trying to shirk for the last six months won’t budge, all the old tricks from my youth seemingly fail me. The lotions and serums I’m smearing around my eyes and under my chin are busting my bank account. They’re also not changing the creased skin that looks back at me in the mirror.
It all feels like a losing battle. . .
On a morning walk to Starbucks one Tuesday, I hear God ask, “What do you value? Do you think your shape is why I love you?” These are not the prophetic words I want. Still, they cause me to relax a bit . . . like I’ve put down a load I didn’t even know I was carrying. Maybe this is the weight that’s been tipping the scale every time I step on it? Maybe these are the five pounds I’ve been trying to shed?
Shedding spiritual weight isn’t easy, though, so I push back at God. “You’ve got the wrong person, God,” I say, sounding like Moses when God asked him to do something he didn’t think he could do. Change is ahead, but I’m not sure I want to shed these emotional five pounds. Can’t I just lose the weight from my thighs and arms instead? Those are the real problem areas, not this bigger thing He’s trying to turn me toward.
The truth is an unholy confession: I want my body to change, not my heart. Even as I resist, I think about Adam and Eve naked in the garden. Peaceful. Open. Without mirrors. Without scales. Without denim that shrinks with every passing wash and year. After He created them, God didn’t give Adam and Eve instructions on how they should look or what workout would yield the leanest physique. He didn’t tell them to increase their protein and skimp on the carbs. Instead, we read in Genesis 1:29, “And God said, ‘Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.'” (ESV)
God provided plants for food. God told them to eat without worry.
God has never cared about my BMI. I understand this even as I’m still grabbing at those five pounds He’s trying to release from my shoulders . . . the weight I’ve been carrying for all these years. The weight that tells me I didn’t move enough or that I ate too much. The weight that critiques why I don’t look the way I think I’m supposed to look.
“Supposed to look” is an ideology as old as the Bible. We see it in Samuel expecting Jesse’s son, Eliab, to be the future king, merely because of his good looks. And, though we’re told that David is handsome himself, we’re quickly set straight that he is chosen for his heart.
God doesn’t look at the scale to evaluate our worth. He doesn’t clock the pace on our morning run; He isn’t a trainer screaming at us to work harder, jump higher, eat only chicken and broccoli. Instead, God looks at the heart. And, as long as my heart is steering me toward an external goal for happiness or value, I know that what God sees is my pain and distrust in His plan for me. He sees me doubting that I was truly created in His image. But now I see, that being created in His image doesn’t mean we come in one standard of physique — rather, it’s the strength of heart. This is what He is trying to teach me; this is the burden that He’s trying to release me of.
This is the weight that will be lost when I step on the scale.
As it goes with these things, in the time I’ve sat down to write these words to you, my faith has been tested. My jeans feel a bit snug and I’ve put on a few extra pounds . . . now I feel the burden pressing down on my back again. This won’t be a one-and-done healing. The holy heart work that must be done is a daily redirection away from the world’s ideals and a determined stride toward God’s promises.
And so, I continue on this journey — as do you — one day at a time.
Leave a Comment
Madeline says
Meredith, I get it. There is so much truth in this for me. And so much for me to think about. Many thanks.
Meredith says
Thank you Madeline! Always encouraging to know something shared is understood by others.
Sadie says
Good morning and good word!! At first I said ahh but I have a one in front of your 5! I’m carrying 3x more baggage on my back. It’s been 50 years saying that with the same numbers. Thank you for yet another reminder of how much God has made me realize I love you my daughter. Handpicked you and your perfect! The garden is a perfect example of what He gave us..,&the strength of heart! Now today the burden is lifted and once again, day by day we have His joy , His love, His strength to live for Him and through Him❣️ bless you and thank you M.
Meredith says
Yes! No matter the number the truth remains the same. We are loved by him. Thank you!
Sandy says
Thank you Meredith.. I hate that as I age, I struggle over my weight. Thank you for these spiritual reminders.
Meredith says
We are part of a community who struggles together. And it allows beauty into the process. Thank you!
Kathleen mokrzan says
Thank you I’ve been trying to lose just 5 pounds to get back into my jeans lol love your devotion
Kathleen mokrzan says
Love your email thank you
Kathleen mokrzan says
❤️
Tamara says
beautiful Meredith! Society puts so much pressure are women to look, be etc… and we take the bait and put the pressure on us. Letting go and letting God prune us and our heart. HE DOES know our heart and that IS the most important ‘look’ we need… a heart turned towards Jesus in all areas of our life! thank you!
Meredith says
Amen. More of Him, less of everything else. Our worth is not extrinsic.
Patsy Hockaday says
Thank you for this as I smiled and winced my way through the read especially when you said you were in your 40s…an age I tell anyone who will listen that I was at my “best”. I am 71 and still shudder when someone refers to someone in their 60s as “elderly”. I am in entertainment and am always stunned when I am described as beautiful because I see what you see in the mirror with 30 more years of additional nooks and crannies on my face and neck:) then I realize that what the world sees is not what I see…maybe the “beauty” seen is His Light shining through me. Humbling yet grateful. You are right, it is not a one and done process so buckle up for the ride. The enemy whispers loud and clear and I am reminded that God asked Adam and Eve “Who told you you were naked?” Who, indeed.
Susan Linzey says
Spot on, Patsy . . . it IS His light shining through!!! How beautiful that you know that.
Meredith says
I heard a long time ago that at some point you stop “getting older” in your head and freeze yourself at a certain age. Some of us will always think we are 27, others 42. And yet, no matter the mental age we hold ourself in, the battles likely remain the same. What a comfort that women of all ages, shapes and backgrounds can find sweet and sometimes painful commonalities amongst ourselves. Thank you!
Lesley Boyer says
Yes, Patsy. People can see the light of God in us as we follow Him. And the more we allow God to shape us into the women He has called us to be, the more we resemble Him. He is beautiful.
Dawn Davies says
You are beautiful, Patsy!
Even though we haven’t met, I can see the beaming light through your words.
Thank you!
Susan Linzey says
You have put to words the exact challenge I have been facing . . . thank you for being courageous and His conduit! Yes, it my heart, and every part of it I try to avoid, that He wants. I am nourished . . . thank you again!!!
Meredith says
God is good to connect us in experience and words. Thank you!
Loretta says
A long time ago I either heard or read this statement. “I am a spirit, I live in a body and I have a soul.”
Let’s remember that God is a spirit and He created us in His image. I believe that. Just think what the world would be like if we didn’t have mirrors. Think of a garden full of different flowers. We love them all for their uniqueness. We are God’s garden.
d from Canada says
Beautifully put Loretta
Meredith says
Lovely! Thank you for sharing.
d from Canada says
Thank you Meredith for venturing into this & exposing such valuable Godly truths!
Much appreciated
Bless You
Meredith says
Thank you for the encouragement. Sharing is always vulnerable but so exciting to be met with understanding. I was just in Canada and loved it. Hope to return for many more visits!
Lesley Boyer says
Lovely Meredith, thank you.
I am a woman in her 70s.
While I miss the strength and smooth-skinned beauty of my youth, I do not miss the insecurity caused by my youthful belief that my worth is dependent upon my appearance or performance.
What a joy it is to begin to understand that God loves me as I am, and that I am of immense value to Him irrespective of my appearance, intellect, social status or skill.
And what confidence is mine when I remember that focusing on God instead of myself causes me to flourish: “But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do” (Psalm 2-4, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%201&version=NLT).
Here’s to a fruitful life!
Brenda M. Russell says
Thank you Meredith for this article. I know the Holy Spirit prompted me to respond to this article. Now some of the words my counselors said over the years come back to me. The Body Keeps The Score. I’m so aware that I am 65 and my pictures look different these days. I’m not aware of all the burdens that have kept be away from the correct idea regarding how I am created in the Image of God. I know I am intricately connected and designed for God’s Purposes on Earth. But I don’t always put that first in my heart when I compare my experiences 30 years ago to my now experiences (2024). Why is that? I don’t want to be prideful and I don’t want to be ungrateful for my many blessings and healings in my body and in my emotions. Glory Hallelujah. We all walk a different route to the Path God Has Predetermined for us. And it is done daily, one step at a time.
I am set to be victorious !
Thank You Lord for Your Grace and Mercy and Your Unyielding Love.
Brenda
D. McF. says
Very thoughtful and thought provoking. How much does the world determine who I am meant to be and how much do I rely on God to determine that? Too often it’s the former not the latter. A change of focus is needed!
Carle DeWitt says
Thank you ‼️
Deb says
I love all of the (in)courage writings; however, this one was dear to heart. I have struggle with weight all my life and to read the words that God doesn’t look at the scale to evaluate our (my) worth really caused me to shout HALLELUJAH!!! Thank you for making me feel better about myself. Indeed, I am wonderfully made!
Anna Brown says
Thank you skinny, I’m 50 and have struggled with body image most of my life. Every time I look back at past photos when I felt really fat I see I had no weight to loose, or was a new mum with extra lbs that disappeared as my babies grew. My daughter now has anorexia and it painful and tough especially as I now realise I’ve probably genetically passed it on to her ouch. But God is good, her therapy and Gods strength is helping me become comfortable in my own skin, so much so that this summer I’m signed up to do water sports with our schools teens. Yes that’s wet suit or swimsuit with a load of gorgeous teens. Ageing can be hugely freeing, praying for your journey and thank you for sharing, you bought a tear to my eye, a smile to my mouth and peace in my heart. You’ve got this girl and leaning on the Lord like you are doing will continue to bring the joy you are sharing . Bless you.
PS psalm 28v7 the joy of the lord is my strength
Beth Williams says
Meredith,
This is a much need post!! Never thought much about my body till I hit 58. Now I feel the aches & pains of aging. I’ve gained back the pounds I lost fall of 2022. There are days when I look in the mirror ready for work & say to myself wow you look beautiful. God doesn’t look at the outside like society does. He is more interested in our hearts. We are worth so much to Him that He sent His only son to die a horrible death for us. Don’t worry about numbers on a scale, a few wrinkles, or the minor aches & pains. Try to see yourself as God does. A beautiful child & heir to the throne!
Blessings 🙂
Rachel Marie Kang says
Meredith, I hope you see just how much this piece is resonating with so many. Thank you for your bravery in sharing these words . . . we’re honored to share them at (in)courage!