“Just because you’re not listening does not mean I didn’t say it!”
How many times have I shouted these words or something similar at my children? Enough that I’ve lost count. Whether I’m telling them what time we need to leave the house, or instructing them to put away their mismatched dirty socks (that, for the hundredth time, do not belong on the floor next to the couch), they seem to believe that if they don’t hear me say it, then I didn’t.
Unless they hear — and understand and remember — what I said, they truly don’t think I said anything at all.
Recently, my church focused for several weeks on the Holy Spirit. One of the first messages in this series asked us where we hear from God (or the Holy Spirit). Anyone familiar with my writing or with me won’t be surprised to know my first answer was that I hear from God through art, specifically pop culture such as books, TV, movies, and music. But I surprised myself when I realized I also have heard clearly from God and felt deeply connected to Him through nature. As a self-professed “indoorsy” kind of person, that wasn’t a pattern I’d noticed before.
We talked about this message in my small group later that week, asking each other where we most often hear from God and wondering if any one way is better. (Spoiler alert: I don’t think it is. I believe God speaks and ministers to each one of us in exactly the way we need when we need it.) Then one of my friends suggested we commit to praying the following week about this. She said maybe we should deliberately ask God to speak to us and then do our best to listen.
Friends, I did not like that suggestion.
My reaction surprised me. Why wouldn’t I want to hear more from God? Why wasn’t I excited to tune into the Holy Spirit and see what would happen?
The rest of the members of my small group thought it was a grand idea and all agreed. I sat quietly and then proceeded to go about my week as planned, without any such prayer. As a matter of fact, as the weeks of the Holy Spirit series progressed, I found myself pulling further and further away from the practices I normally lean on to nurture my relationship with God.
Read Scripture? No thanks.
Pray, for myself or for anyone else? Barely.
Write about God? Not a chance.
Talk about God? Not even to my kids.
Listen to worship music? Ha!
Last week as I sat listening to the final message about the Holy Spirit, I angrily wiped tears off my face. I didn’t want to cry. I wasn’t upset. And while I often am moved to tears during worship, the music had faded several minutes before and this wasn’t that.
This was an awakening.
My pastor laid out a metaphor, comparing the Holy Spirit to the wind in a boat’s sails. He referred to Scripture and shared illustrations and generally preached a fantastic finale to the series. Though some part of me listened to the sermon, what was pounding in my brain was, “Why isn’t God talking to me?”
I’d begun to admit to myself that I wasn’t hearing much from God these days. But between hearing about the Holy Spirit that morning and possibly hearing from the Holy Spirit, I was shaken with the realization that my claim that I couldn’t hear God didn’t mean He wasn’t speaking to me. It actually meant I was not listening.
And I’ll be honest. Just like my kids and their selective hearing, I haven’t really wanted to listen to God for a variety of reasons. So of course my spiritual ears closed up tight anytime He might have been whispering or even shouting in my direction. But just because I didn’t hear Him doesn’t mean He left me alone. It doesn’t mean He stopped encouraging and guiding and loving me. It doesn’t mean He wasn’t saying anything.
Maybe you’ve gone through a time like this. A rebellious or confused or just plain lost season, where you don’t really want to seek out God but desperately do not want Him to give up on you? A time when you fold your arms and stomp your foot and turn your head away, all the while hoping to feel His arms surround you anyway?
The good news for you and for me is that no matter how many times we ignore Him, no matter how long we plug our ears and avert our eyes, no matter how often we insist that we’re just fine on our own . . . God perseveres. He may be quiet. He may give us a moment. But He never leaves us. And as soon as we begin to seek His voice, we will find Him once again.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8
Oh Mary, such beautiful truths! Thanks for your transparency. May we encourage one another to be good listeners & not neglect our own tendencies to close our own ears. How awesome is our God that He doesn’t weary at my/our selective hearing! Blessings! (((0)))
Yes! So grateful God never gets tired of my human-ness!
Good morning . How so very true, Mary. We, not unlike our children , can at times react behave and yet need – they us their parents and us God our father . And even when we may be choosing to not see or hear, at least in my experiences , God shows up He is there always even in the most subtle way , and you may even look back and say God was that you? Thank you for always being there just like the poem Footprints . Thank you . Have a lovely day
Ohhh, great reminder of the Footprints poem! Such a resonant truth, even so many years after it was written.
Thank you for this Mary! I definitely needed this today. I’ve been lost and longing for his arms around me for quite a while now. I’ll try more listening and less stomping. Blessings!
More listening and less stomping — that’s probably a good reminder for many of us (definitely is for me)!
I have been struggling to hear him lately and your honesty has shined a light on my struggle. I have been putting my hands over my ears so I could go on about my life doing what I needed to do without “interference”. I joke that sometimes God whispers to me and other times He needs to hit me over the head with a 2×4. Thank you so much for this 2×4 moment.
God has a 2×4 with my name on it and it reflects every bump & cranny of my skull! Isn’t it wonderful He doesn’t give up on us!
Oooooh, doing what we want without “interference” – that hits home!
Well said. I am so with you, sister. I, too, need to stop and listen. I constantly feel he is not there, but when I look back, I see he was there all along. May your day be filled with many blessings. I truly enjoy your posts. Thank you.
Stacey, thank you so much for your kind words! And I’m grateful this was an encouragement to you as well!
Thank you for your transparency and authenticity. I have kept my ears clogged because of my stubbornness to yield. Reckon it’s a control issue. Great is His Faithfulness, that grace, mercy, forgiveness & compassion are new every morning.
When I do get quiet before the Lord, the Holy Spirit does speak. I treasure those moments He warms my heart & ears.
Speak Lord for your daughters are listening. I want to get better about practicing being quiet in the Presence of the Lord. It’s there we are delighted with the fullness of His Joy. I’m going to try harder to carve out specific time to be still instead of just going through the motions.
I praise God for your testimony & spurring us on.
A control issue…I for sure feel that! I’m grateful this was an encouragement to you too.
Such a good message!! Why do we sometimes act like sullen teenagers with our Heavenly Father? I don’t know either, but I’m so grateful He perseveres with us.
I’m with you, Pearl—so grateful He not only puts up with my sullen ways but loves me right through it.
Thank you for an important message. I get it, I really do. Now for the other side. I once prayed that the Holy Spirit show me the areas of my life that I needed to work on. I was overwhelmed by my revealed shortcomings; I quickly prayed that my shortcomings would be revealed at a pace I could handle and have lived with this pace ever since. God is gracious to me.
Mary,
Often times we don’t want to hear from God. We may be afraid that we’ve done something bad or He will tell us to do something we don’t want to. We are stubborn humans down here on planet Earth. Yet when we/I listen closely I can hear him speak lovingly to me. It may be through scripture , music or some other form. Chris Tomlin’s song “Thank You Lord” is a perfect example. The third & fourth verses really hit me.
Thank You Lord for the hard times For lighting the way in the dark times For pulling me in,
forgiving again the times that I took it too far, I Gotta thank You for keeping me humble For picking me up when I stumble
And although I change, You stay the same And I don’t say thank You enough.
Blessings 🙂