Once upon a time, there was a lovely season when Valentine’s Day was my favorite holiday. It wasn’t due to grand romantic gestures or socially-sanctioned chocolate binging; I cherished our tradition of the Valentine Tea. Three generations deep, the girls in our family would gather around a magnificent table to use our best manners, nibble on treats as pretty as they were delicious, and connect in important ways. My precious mother-in-law initiated the tradition when my daughter – her first grandchild – was just three. Thoughtful and deliberate, Sarah had a knack for making things beautiful and memorable.
From Rachel’s pre-school years through college, we’d look forward to the Valentine Tea, and it never occurred to me that one day it would stop. For a year or two I downplayed the signs that something was amiss. Probably, I just didn’t want to believe that what was happening, was actually happening. But the time Sarah mistook a glittery heart decoration for candy, our sweet tradition sputtered to a sorrowful end. Sarah’s mind was gradually stolen by the bully of dementia.
Life is a gift and life is beautiful, but sometimes life is plain hard.
We all face giants that threaten to slay us. No one is immune to tribulation. A diagnosis, infidelity, the prodigal child. A breach of confidence. Financial uncertainty. Betrayal or injustice. An enslaving addiction we hate beyond measure.
When life becomes a runaway train throttling out of control toward a cliff, what are you to do? How do you respond? Do you become paralyzed with grief or fear? Are you tempted to give up or shake your fist at God? Does your faith wander or whither?
There’s no shame in a knee-jerk response born out of our humanity and emotions. I’m ever-thankful to God that through the power, strength, and leading of His Spirit, our very human first response to heartache seldom remains our final response. Seeking and being surrendered to God changes us and how we respond to our circumstances.
When David battled Goliath, his weapons didn’t compare to the giant’s javelin, spear, and sword. As a shepherd, all he had was a stick (a staff) and a sling. Isn’t this the way of God, for Him to equip us with what we need, when we need it? To the bystanders looking on, it must’ve looked like David didn’t stand a chance. But God used simple tools David was already familiar with to defeat his enemy.
When we’re in pain or when life’s inevitable battles come our way, we also have familiar tools at our disposal.
Here are six simple things that have helped me when life gets really hard:
Remember that God is always with you. Knowing you are not alone makes a huge difference. God is ever-present, eager to impart His strength and comfort. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Do you see how this is about what God will do? We don’t have to conjure what God has already offered.
Pray. Prayer is powerful, helping us to find peace and clarity. Even if you’re struggling in your faith, prayer maintains a connection to God. We can pour out our hearts to God regardless of what we’re feeling, trusting Him to do what’s best. Psalm 107:28-29 says, “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.”
Practice self-care. It‘s so easy to neglect our own needs. But taking care of ourselves helps us to cope. Meditate on Scripture. Eat healthily. Make sleep a priority. Go for a walk. Do something creative. Refreshing your heart, mind, and body matters.
Be thankful. It’s easy to be thankful when life is good, but a challenge when you’re suffering. Still, practicing gratitude is a fierce act of obedience that comes with a blessing. Philippians 4:6–7 reminds us to, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Supernatural peace arrives on the coattails of gratitude.
Invite others into your pain. Community is reflected in the Trinity; God is three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yes, God is with us, but Galatians 6:2 tells us to bear one another’s burdens. Some things are just too heavy to carry alone. Drawing from 1 Corinthians 12:24-26 we read that “God has so composed the body…that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together….” Whether a friend, your small group, or church leader, it is life-giving to have someone else praying for you, listening to, acknowledging, and empathizing with your hurt, speaking truth to you, and maybe even offering insight or resources from a similar experience. We are not designed to go it alone.
Cling to the Word and truth of the Gospel. The Bible isn’t an instruction manual but it’s the primary means through which we know God and learn about what’s important to Him. We get to meet Jesus, observe His life, grieve His death, and celebrate His resurrection. He is no stranger to hard things, but His story is one of good news! No matter what we’re facing, we have a Savior who’s acquainted with our sorrow, who can identify with our pain, and who promises us life everlasting. Our heartache serves a purpose because it can loosen our grip on this world and remind us we aren’t made for it, anyway.
When life gets really hard, it’s paradoxical to me that the things that help me most are actually pretty simple.
Ruth Mills says
Amen!!!
Madeline says
This was so helpful. And, I second that AMEN!!!
Sandra Lynn Corbin says
As a chronic list maker and organizer, I sometimes get lost in myself when negative things happen in my life and go in circles. I refer to myself as one of the Father’s ADHD children. I love your “list” of wonderful God based practical reminders. Thank you so much.
Robin Dance says
Sandra Lynn,
<3 (breaking it down into something so simple helps prevent me from spinning out of control... :). Thankful if this helps you, and to God be all the glory!
Christine Jackson says
Just thank you today. This was God’s perfect timing. Some days life is so very hard. Simple but powerful reminders.
Robin Dance says
((hugs)) Christine. God knows your circumstances and I’m asking Him to reveal Himself to you again and again.
Robin in New Jersey says
Hi Robin! Thank you for these reminders. They were needed today as I am going through a stressful season. You are a blessing!
Robin Dance says
Hey friend, You’ve been a sweet blessing to me for a long, long while. I hope your circumstances draw you closer to Jesus as you get through this season. (I know that happens for me… ). xo
Amada (pronounced: a.m.a.TH.a) says
AMEN! Thank you for the encouragement! My mama and I are going through such a time and would appreciate your prayers!
Robin Dance says
((hugs)) I’m praying for the two of you this morning. God knows the details, and He IS in this!!
mp says
This was very meaningful. I’ll be sharing this with others who are also going through hard stuff in life.
Robin Dance says
I’m praying for you as you pass this along…my hope is they hear exactly what the Lord has for each person through this article! (More of HIM!)
Irene says
Well said, Robin! Thank you!
Robin Dance says
<3
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Robin so well said. So true simple things out of God word and prayer do help you when life is hard. I found that out this last while. As I found out in my problems and health problems which I thank God they are no were near as bad a serious illness. That words out of God word and prayer help me. Like Psalm 23 verse one. Just knowing the first few words of that verse were it says “The Lord is My Shepherd” yes he is. He everyone Shepherd what does it say in God’s word in John 10 v 7-11. Jesus is good shepherd who gives his life for the sheep. We are his sheep. We can read it all. It’s that simple thing to know Jesus is our Shepherd watching over us. Is there for us in those difficult times. Being the Shepherd watching us his sheep. Yes it can be hard to wonder in difficult times were Jesus is. But he always there. We have to know Jesus is there at all time. Doing what 1 Peter 5 v 7 says. “Casting all our care upon Him for He cares for you” how true that is. Like this song. “What a friend we have in Jesus all our sins and Grace to bear what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer” how true that song is too. All theses simple things. Thank you Robin for today’s reading excellent. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Robin Dance says
Dawn, Thank you for reminding me of wonderful scripture AND song. 🙂
Dollie says
What a wonderful writer you are! This is so much help written with so much love backed by Bible verses. I’m so thankful God connected us through the internet-your posts speak to my heart. I’m praying for you, your sister, and your family.
Robin Dance says
Dollie, thank you for your kind words. I’m sure of this: if my posts speak to your heart, it must be God at work! <3
Beth Williams says
Robin,
Thank you for these tips. They are very helpful. So sorry your MIL got dementia. It is debilitating disease. I understand all to well as both parents had this. Hard to sit & watch your loved ones slip away. During my trials with my aging parents I asked for prayers. I was blessed to have one good friend also going through aging parent trials. We talked & lamented over the days troubles. May God bless you all as you endure these trials.
Blessings 🙂