Kindness once is a small stone skipped in the large lake of a life. The ripple is visible and meaningful in the moment — but eventually it will fade. Repeated kindness, on the other hand, creates an ongoing impact. Like pebble upon pebble upon pebble ricocheting off the glassy water. The rings of influence widen, the depth of impact deepens. When the stones keep coming, they’re sure to create waves of lasting change.
When I think about the impact of perpetual kindness in my life, I think of my friend Esther.
I met Esther my sophomore year of college when she was the new, twenty-something staffer for the campus ministry I was involved in. The ministry encouraged discipleship. I didn’t really know what it meant to be “discipled,” but I longed to grow in my faith and for someone to guide the way.
Esther and I started meeting weekly in my beige cinder block dorm room. I guess I expected to learn about the Bible and how to love Jesus more. I thought someone more spiritually mature could keep me accountable with my boyfriend and my progress with Scripture memory. I was a high achiever and eager to add “good Christian” to my accolades. But Esther didn’t give me a list of spiritual checkboxes. Instead, she taught me what it meant to care for someone’s heart. She taught me about the kindness of Jesus by living it.
When Esther asked a question, she leaned in to hear the answer. She was at ease in my awkward silence. She wasn’t afraid of the messy parts of my past or how confused I felt about pieces of my present. Esther just wanted to be with me.
One Thursday afternoon, several months into our meetings, we decided to hang out at Starbucks instead of in my dorm. With mocha Frappuccinos sweating between us, we huddled around a small table along the far wall of windows. Through the haze of time I don’t remember the story I told or the problem I was processing, but I do remember how Esther suddenly reached into her bag and pulled out a collapsible keyboard and attached it to her Palm. (Yes, this was long before the days of smartphones and tablets.) As I talked, Esther started typing. I asked what she was doing.
“I usually take notes about our time together later,” she explained, “but what you’re sharing is really important. I don’t want to forget it.”
I must have had a strange look on my face because Esther quickly added, “I just want to remember how to pray for you and be able to follow up later on what we’ve talked about today. Does that make you feel uncomfortable?”
“No. Not uncomfortable.” I wiped the tears that emerged without warning. “It makes me feel seen. Loved. Invested in . . . like no one ever has.”
Esther’s thoughtful questions and attentive listening made me feel cared for in a way I had never experienced before. We continued to meet regularly for more than two years. I was sold on the life-changing power of discipleship. But Esther’s impact in my life wasn’t because of a certain organization or curriculum. Esther changed my life because she was one person who showed up over and over to love and serve another person.
She saw me and accepted me, right where I was, from right where she was.
TODAY: Ask a friend how they’re really doing and lean in to listen to the answer.
Written by Becky Keife, adapted from her (in)courage book, The Simple Difference.
Leave a Comment
Ginny says
God sent me a friend like that. Her name is Judy and she has embodied just that same listening, weekly consistent presence for me for nearly 3 years now. She has made such a difference in my life. Jesus with skin on!!!
Becky Keife says
Praise God!!
Linda Sprunt says
The “ripple effect” of Esther’s loving and caring interaction in your life carries on in your ministry of (in)courage and in the lives of your family and friends, Becky!
Becky Keife says
Thank you, Linda! I so appreciate your words.
Gail says
This is right where I need to be! Thank you for this encouragement!
Becky Keife says
I’m so grateful this was timely for you, Gail!
Ruth Mills says
Still working full time with a busy busy calendar outside my paying job, I am so very thankful for the ability to text. When I can’t lean in face to face I can text “What’s on your heart today? Biggest concern? Greatest anticipated joy?”. I then can text back my prayer for them. A college freshman said it freaked him out the first time I texted him a prayer but it’s now one of his favorite exchanges with me. He feels seen & supported through my conversations with God about his heart’s desires. So thankful for texting kindnesses. Blessings to all the Esthers!
Becky Keife says
Oh that’s a beautiful way to use what you have to intentionally invest in others!
Tanya Villani says
Love this. “Kindness is love in action.” Love Dare challenge. What a wonderful testimony. I am writing down those questions to ask precious friends, is it ok to share? I will credit you. ✨
1 John 4:7, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
Ruth Mills says
Go for it Tanya! No credit necessary! Another tip I’ve learned is to be sensitive to which question to ask first. Some folks are in a spiral with their hurts to ask about an anticipated joy first refocuses them and adds the energy to deal with the hurts more clearly & effectively. Asking for both the good & the bad reinforces the “here for the long haul no matter what” encouragement.
Irene says
Becky, this is very moving. I want to be there this way for someone. I will pray the Lord points out this friend to me.
Becky Keife says
Praying that with you, Irene!
Tanya Villani says
Love this. “Kindness is love in action.” Love Dare challenge. What a wonderful testimony. Thanks for spurring us on. ✨
1 John 4:7, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
Kathy Francescon says
What a most beautiful testimony, and the beautiful tapestry of words to relay your story! I am going to print and reread! May kindness become a beautiful tapestry testimony for all of us to weave for others! Blessing to your beautiful heart and the kindness that you share with us! Such beautiful testimonies gives us light in the darkness that this current world threatens us with.
Patty says
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with your friend, Esther. As I’ve aged, I’ve become a bit of a loner, a hermit. Deep inside, I long for the gift of hospitality and social skills. We have an amazing group of women at my church. They are caring, giving, and many give of themselves without a second thought. I will pray for the Holy Spirit to fill me with the ability to be an Esther for others.
Sarla Williams, Sri Lanka says
Dear Becky
Thank you for sharing. I have tried to be a crusader for kindness realising ss you say how it can have a ripple effect. When a was a school counsellor I used to go into classrooms and talk of this and give them a kindness pledge book mark. Your story will touch at the core of people…oh for a kinder world!! I have received it even from the most unexpected places and its forever etched in my heart . So keep writing on this amazing fruit if the Spirit as it helps us reflect Christ. Blessings to you
Beth Williams says
Becky,
My pastor’s wife is that kind of friend. When I got my new job in ICU Covid unit at hospital she started texting me weekly prayers on Friday (my day off with hubby). She still does that even though she & hubby are retired. She asks about anything I’m going through. The ripple effect has impacted me such that I have a few friends that I call or text & check on. One day I called a friend I haven’t seen in a while & she talked about 2 hrs. I just listened to her ramble on about her old job & life with hubby-she is a widow. The next day at church she told another friend how that made her feel loved, wanted & cared for. It is the simple things & acts in life that make the biggest impact on someone’s life.
Blessings 🙂
Deb says
This really touched my heart. I have tried to stay close and by different friends through thick and thin, hard and good times, get in real life with them, come along side. I find it hard to find friends who are willing to do that too. Very few are willing to be there in hard times…or listen to the depth of heartache or pain.
I have come to know Jesus is there… all the time, in the good, bad and the ugly,HE SEES ME… for that I am eternally grateful!!