I’ve noticed with the passing of recent birthdays, I have become more introspective. I’m newly forty-two and more observant about the relationships in my life. I have tons of dear friends, friends that feel like family, and still . . . there is something missing.
As a child, I spent more time around adult friends of my grandparents than with kids my own age. But honestly, I spent most of my time alone. I didn’t mind. I liked spending time by myself. I played with dolls, colored, wrote stories, watched TV, and sang along to the radio. Fast forward to today and I still love alone time. But, after a couple of days, I crave connection.
I crave real connection, the kind that goes deep fast.
I know tons of people; I have for decades. But, I’ve never been the person that has this one inner circle of deep friendships. I tend to float between friend groups. Again, I don’t mind, mostly. I love how God has made me a bridge and a connector of people. But sometimes it leaves me feeling a bit untethered. All of the bouncing between circles can keep those friendships shallow or just beneath the surface. It also doesn’t allow for vulnerability.
That’s it. That’s what I’ve been missing.
I know vulnerability has been a trendy buzzword in the world. There are books written about it. There are podcasts recorded about it. It’s because we need it. We were literally created to live lives of vulnerability. Prior to sin entering the world, Adam and Eve lived in the garden, in God’s presence, naked and unashamed. That is as vulnerable as it gets. I am desperate to live that way with God and with others. But, I don’t. We don’t. At least, not as often or as much as we’d like.
Sadly, this has led to my life feeling extremely closed off and distant from those who should be my nearest and dearest. No one really knows me fully and deeply. I am not as transparent with God for fear that His unconditional love will suddenly find a condition for withdrawing it. Then, I am not as authentic with those around me for worry of losing control of their perception of me.
Why is that? What else hinders us from living truly vulnerable lives? For me, there’s a mix of reasons. The list seems long, but at the top is fear of rejection and fear of truly being misunderstood. Then there’s my favorite, not being loved. I’m sure many of you share these same fears. Even though I’ve learned to name them, it’s a constant battle to fight them.
But I don’t have to fight it completely alone. You don’t either. It is our responsibility to cast down those lies and renew our minds with God’s Word (see John 8:31-32, 44). Then, we are told to carry each others’ burdens. Those burdens can be our sins, strongholds, heavy weights, or the web of lies that we’ve been believing. Revealing and bearing those burdens is no easy feat, but it’s how we create safe spaces for vulnerability. It’s how we obey the way God designed us to live with Him and in community.
Then, we read in James 5:16 that we are to confess our sins and pray for one another. This leads to our healing. The verses before are speaking of praying for physical healing. Along with that, our mental, emotional and spiritual healing is just as important and needed.
At my church, my pastor is a huge proponent of the congregation moving in the gifts of the Spirit that are mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12. The Holy Spirit is welcomed to move as He pleases. The altars are always open. The Body moves around freely. People are healed. People are delivered. Words of prophecy and words of knowledge are spoken. Miracles, signs and wonders are present. His goodness and mercy follow us wherever we go.
Church has become one of the most vulnerable places in my life over the past four years. It is a tender thing to watch and participate in sharing a need, asking for prayer, and allowing the Body to surround you, lay hands on you, and believe in unity for a move of God. I have tangibly tasted and seen the goodness of our God.
That is what a life of vulnerability looks like: unhindered, free, whole, and full of love.
Vulnerability is for our good and the Lord knows it. Our deep desire to know and be fully known by God and the Body of Christ is God-given! Showing up with vulnerability is how we walk as followers of Christ and how we can show love and receive love. It is how we build a rich and beautiful history of trust and intimacy with God and others.
Vulnerability comes at a cost. It will cost you your pride, fear, comfort, and expectations. But, the pay off has been one the sweetest gifts I have ever experienced.
I’d love for you to share about your struggles or wins with vulnerability!
Judyc says
Thank you for this Karina. As hard as vulnerability is, it is the place of deep healing and blessings. May we strive to “ let down our guard” and to be real with God and other Christian friends.
Karina Allen says
Amen and Amen!!! Thanks for sharing Judy!
S. Allen says
Thank you for sharing your words and perspective. My situation and lifestyle is very similar to yours, this resonates well. Being honest, I do not know that anyone fully knows me. This year, I have been stepping forward and scaling back as needed to share my full self, not parts of myself…sometimes. 🙂
Karina Allen says
Blessings to you in your process! Praying for God to give you strength and courage and to place trustworthy community around you!
Heidi says
Wow, this is so appropriate as I turn 41 tomorrow and I am deeply grieving the loss of some things this year. I am trying to pray & ask God for them to return if that is His will. One of those includes a dear friend. Yes, I have had someone tell me recently that vulnerability is hard for me and I know they are right. Thank you for sharing this.
Karina Allen says
You’re so welcome Heidi! Thank you for sharing! Praying for the Lord to heal your heart, mend every broken place and restore anything the enemy had stolen.
Ariel Krienke says
This message was so beautiful and really makes you think. Thank you for this experience.
Karina Allen says
Thank you for sharing Ariel! Thank you for your kind words!
Prislaine says
Thanks,
Even if i don’t know you personally (it can’t be possible living here in France and you in USA) but i have been blessed through a lot of your messages here and in your personal blog. Be bless
Karina Allen says
Thank you SO Prislaine for your sweet words! Blessings to you!
ELMorehead says
Just like Scripture talks about seeking God to give us a “heart of flesh, for a heart of stone”. I think we need to seek a Heart of Vulnerability, to replace our Heart of Pride. Thank you for your wise words today!
Karina Allen says
That’s so good!!! Yes Lord!!! Thank you for your kind words!
Beth Williams says
Karina,
Most people crave real connections with others. For me it takes time. Time to get to know you & let myself be real. Taking off the masks of pretending. After many years at my church I have some super close friendships. Those that I treasure & want to see often. My biggest problem is knowing when & with whom to be vulnerable. Not everyone is going to like me & I’m alright with that. Learning to just be myself & let people decide if they want to know me on a deeper level.
Blessings 🙂
Kathleen B. says
Karina,
Thanks so much for writing about vulnerability. Your powerful message opened my eyes to my very core with a renewed focus of. trusting in walking in my true self.
Gratefully,
Kathleen