The middle seat was the last one left. I shoved my carry-on under the seat in front of me and tried to get comfortable without nudging the sleeping man on my right and the masked woman on my left. My plan was to just get through this flight. Maybe I would work or watch a show, but I was just anxious to get home. I briefly chatted with the woman beside me as the plane took off, “Where is your final destination?”
“Ohio, I am going to visit my son who I haven’t seen in over a year!” Her eyes beamed with excitement.
“That sounds wonderful.” I smiled and nodded along with her joy.
I dropped down the tray in front of me and propped open my laptop. Over the next three hours, I closed my eyes, worked on a project, and listened to a podcast. As the flight prepared to land, I stowed away my belongings and refastened my seatbelt. I felt a nudge in my spirit — ask her what she loves about her son.
I’m not one to chat on and on with a stranger beside me on a plane. But I do find it fascinating how you can connect with a stranger and then never see them again. I had nothing to lose. So I turned my body towards her and asked the question that God initiated inside of me.
Her body relaxed. I felt the ease in her words as she shared about her son. He is bright and kind and, at the moment, a little brokenhearted. She went on to talk about her grandson who she takes care of and then … she paused.
“My mother died six months ago.” She went on to tell me about how she had cared for her mom for years, but the dementia got so bad that it finally ended her life.
Another long pause. She went on to describe that when the paramedics took her mom away she begged them not to go. For so long she had managed her mom’s needs and she couldn’t let them take over now. As she spoke, her jaw quivered. Her tears gathered like water in cupped hands and spilled over, down the curve of her cheeks. I listened. My eyes aching with compassion for her pain.
She broke out of the sacred moment by patting my knee. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know I needed to talk about my mom, but I guess I did.”
I gently brushed off her apology. “I believe in God and I believe God always makes space for our grief.”
She patted my knee again as a way of saying, thank you.
It’s true though. Grief comes out in the most unexpected ways. Just when I think I am done with the unwanted company of sadness, I cry at a stoplight or when a random song comes on. Grief is wretched. It can be heavy and hurt me and last for so long. I just want to be done with it.
I am tempted to have power over my grief. I want to master it, control it, dictate it. I can also swing the other way. I am tempted to become powerless in my grief. In essence, I give way to it. I let the storm of depression and helplessness overcome me. I lose my will to the waves of sadness crashing down on me.
But grief is not a wild horse to be tamed nor can it destroy me entirely. Grief is a gift. It marks how much my heart loved another.
Grief is not meant to control or to be controlled by us. The invitation is to be with Jesus in our sadness for however long necessary. Let Jesus be your guide. Let your heart feel what it needs to feel. Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4 ESV). I take great comfort in knowing God cares for the brokenhearted.
The plane landed with a bobble like the dribble of a basketball and then slowed to a halt. My seatmate gathered her things and hurried to catch her next flight. I never got her name.
I think these moments in life are divine. The kind of moments we can’t plan, but walk through by faith. God meets us behind kitchen sinks, in long lines, at drive-thrus, and high in the sky with strangers. God makes space for our sadness and we make space for others. This is the way of love.
Thank you, Anjuli for this beautiful, perfectly timed post!
You are welcome, Ruth.
This story really inspired me. Thank you very much
“Grief is a gift. It marks how much my heart loved another.”
In times of sadness, I’ve tried to encourage the people I care about by reminding them that the greater the sorrow, the more evidence of the depth of their love. You’ve expressed that sentiment so beautifully here.
My favorite part in your story is when you turned your body to face your seat mate; a demonstration of you being fully present to listen and attend what she shared. This is *so* you to me :). One who takes the time to hear without needing to formulate a response before the other person is finished speaking.
xo
Thank you, Robin. Thanks for seeing me.
Your story brought back a memory for me. My mother was flying from Colorado to Virginia to visit my brother and his family. She wasn’t in the best of health. She struggled with back pain. As can be usual her flight was delayed in DFW due to an electrical storm. They spent the night in the terminal. A young man was in this flight and he became my mothers aide and provider of whatever was needed. He never left her side. When they finally reached Richmond my brother was there waiting. As my mom and brother embraced the young man went to check on their luggage. My mom and brother went to the carousel and my mom wanted to thank the young man for his care and introduce him to her son. But they never saw him again. It was as though he had disappeared. I am firmly convinced that we are among angels unaware. The funny thing is that the luggage had not arrived yet so who knows. Only God.
But I know that He keeps His promises.
Like the story of Esther, who knows but what we were created for just that moment. There will be a day when our blind eyes will be opened and we will see
You were that woman’s angel.
Loretta!
Wow! What a story. My first thought is that he was an angel!
Anjuli
Sharing with my dear friend who is deeply grieving the recent unexpected loss of her sister.
Love that it’s written by you.
Dawn,
I am so sorry for her loss. Love you dearly.
Wow! This is so moving. And feels true.
The power of presence, right? Have a blessed day!
Anjuli. Thank you. Beautiful…
“I think these moments in life are divine. The kind of moments we can’t plan, but walk through by faith. God meets us behind kitchen sinks, in long lines, at drive-thrus, and high in the sky with strangers. God makes space for our sadness and we make space for others. This is the way of love”….
Amen \0/
Yes and amen.
Thank you for today’s post. Greif everyone deals with it differently. But I believe if you have Jesus in your life. Especially when your graving over a loved one especially close to you. You can know the Saviour is beside you. His loving arms are round you. He says it ok to cry feel sad. Wish they were still here. But I also believe you can sing that song to yourself which as helped me over all my times when I lost loved one close to me especially my late Mum. It has help me so much. It is “What a friend we had in Jesus” it goes the words of it might not be in right order. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. How true those words are in that song. When we are greifing we can carry all to God in prayer. Know he will help us through this. If person close to us that had die. If we’re saved. We nothing to worry about as we see them in glory one day. Yes we miss them on earth and wish they were here still. Especially on special occasions like there Birthday and other special dates. God we can take to him prayer when a year goes by it comes to date they die. So we have Saviour who is there to help us through all this sadness. It comes sometime to all of us. It is as the unwelcome guest at every door. But lest not loose heart if the person was saved we see them when or turn to go to glory. That is good news Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Dawn,
Yes, the loving presence of God in our grief is good news. Thank you for your beautiful comment.
Dear Anjuli,
I absolutely loved this story and I have to admit; I am one of those people magnets to have a conversation with strangers in an airport or on the plane. I actually have a prayer team that prays for me while I travel and prays for those once and gone conversations. I understand the gift of a listening ear, so I do my best to listen to others who need to talk to a stranger who will listen, be objective and not judge. I always have a book or listen to music if no one wants to talk. God has put some very interesting and purposeful people on my travel paths over the years flying from Raleigh to Columbus. I remember them all. So I related to your story with deep connection and warm memories. Thank you for sharing this story. It inspired me again to recall all those special and blessed conversations once had between two strangers in the air. God bless! ~Linda
I’ve been struggling with letting myself go and just cry. Something in me holds back the tears every time. But the kindness that you shared your seatmate makes me want to cry. Thank you!
Anjui,
This post reminds me of the song “Angels Among Us” by Alabama. Here is the chorus: Oh, I believe there are angels among us Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love. We can all be the angels in that song. First though we have to pay attention to the “Holy Spirit” nudges or “I shoulds” as my pastor says. You never know who may be grieving or worrying about something or someone. We may be the catalyst God can use to show them the love of Jesus. Bless you for listening to the Holy Spirit nudge & talking with that woman.
Blessings 🙂