Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!”
Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else — to the nearby villages — so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.”
Mark 1:35-38 (NIV)
I wash the rice robotically as my mind zigzags between every worry and concern and my increasing to-do list. The braised beef ribs stew in the Dutch oven on the stove, and the aroma of soy sauce, garlic, onions, and ginger fills the kitchen with the smells of home.
I taste the sauce for the beef ribs, and though I’ve made this dish a dozen times before, I still get nervous when I’m making it for a new mama. I want it to be perfect — for her to experience a mother’s love when her own is far away. I was a new mom once with no family close by, so now I want to show up whenever I’m able and provide what I never had. And though my life was overflowing with obligations, I signed up for the meal train anyway.
I pour the rice into the rice cooker, use my index finger to measure the correct amount of water, and I’m amused that somehow it’s accurate every single time. I press the cook button to get it going, and as I turn my attention to the next dish I’ve promised to make, my phone buzzes. I miss the call just as I reach for it and see that a friend has called me twice already.
It must be an emergency. Why else would she be calling me so many times?
I dial her number, and every possible scenario flashes through my head while I wait for her to answer.
“Hi!”
Her chipper greeting dispels all worries, but before I can tell her that I’m busy, she chatters on about her day, how it’s been at work lately, her complaints about this and that person, and how exhausted she’s been. I watch the minutes pass as I try to stir and juggle the phone and make sure I’m on schedule to get the meal delivered to the new mama on time. I don’t know how to get off the phone without seeming rude, so I say nothing but the occasional “yeah” to let her know I’m still listening.
By the time dinner is dropped off and I’m driving home in the quiet of my car, I realize how spent I am. I can feel the whining coming up through my heart to my mind, annoyed at no one specific but taking it out on the slow driver in front of me and . . . myself.
I’ve passed my limit of pouring out, and I knew it was coming. I probably even knew it when I first signed up to provide a meal, but I have such a hard time saying no. I don’t want to be thought of as unfriendly or as someone who doesn’t show up. I want people to know that I’m trustworthy and dependable, that I see them and can carry their burdens with them. The problem is that I want to do that for everyone. It seems like the thing Jesus would’ve done — isn’t He the one who sacrificed it all for us?
But when I look closely at His life, I see that He didn’t do everything for everyone. He wasn’t always available. He made choices, saying yes to some and no to many. In Mark 1:35-38, Jesus’s disciples find Him and exclaim, “Everyone is looking for you!” People are clamoring for Him to heal them and to cast demons out of their loved ones. Everyone needs and wants something from Jesus.
But Jesus responds by saying, “Let’s go somewhere else.” He knows not only His purpose but also His capacity.
He demonstrates this so many times in His life, establishing boundaries with unhealthy people, setting new standards for unsustainable patterns, and upending unjust practices. He retreats to solitary places to pray (Mark 1:35-38). He takes His time and rests when needed, even in the midst of a storm (Mark 4:35-41). He overturns tables in the temple — a hard no to those exploiting the poor (John 2:13-16).
Saying no actually is being like Jesus. He knew the wisdom of setting boundaries, and He empowers us to do the same. When we are being pulled in every direction, we can say yes to His purpose within our capacity.
Lord, You don’t require us to do all the things all the time. Help me not to get the needs of others confused with what You’re asking me to do. Give me the courage and ability to say no, to establish boundaries with those who often cross them, and to see my limitedness as a good thing and not a selfish thing. Amen.
Reflect:
- In what areas of your life do you need to build healthy boundaries?
- What’s one no you’re going to say today?
This article was written by Grace P. Cho, as published in Empowered: More of Him for All of You.
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This is something I need to be reminded of OFTEN. It’s hard to say no to good things and people I care about. But sometimes it just isn’t meant for me and I can’t do it all. As I get older, I realize this truth more and it helps to remember how Jesus handled it. Thank you.
I used to run myself ragged, saying yes to everyone and everything. I made myself sick. I had to learn the hard way that it is ok to say no. A great reminder for all of us
Another excellent post. Sometime we have to say no to things we know Jesus would not want to do or be involved in. As a Family member or Friend that asks us somewhere or to do something we know either are not what Jesus would want us to go to or do. Even if the Friend or Family member wanting us to go because other are going. They tell us please please come you enjoy it. Sometime we have even if we don’t want to let them down. As it was good of them to ask us and not forget about us. Especially if they are not saved. The thing you know they have asked you is something God would want to you go to as it not of God. We don’t like to let our Friend or Family member down. Because they were so good to think of us. We don’t want to hurt them by having to say no. We can get scared as we know they will be disappointed we are saying no. They would really really want us to go. This is were have to put on foot in front of the other say thank you for thinking of me. But I am going to not come. If you don’t want to get into a row with them. They happen tonask why I like you there. Especially if not saved and they wouldn’t understand you know what they have asked you to is not a thing Jesus would want you at. You just have to say I rather not say why I not going I have reason. Hopefully they not go on to find out. If they do this were you have to brave and tell them. It something you ask me to that Jesus wouldn’t want me to go. That is why I am saying no to do the right thing in God’s eyes. They might say no harm in it still try persuade you change your mind. But you as follower of Jesus especially if you know it is something God would not want you to go to. You have to stay firm in you no. God will be pleased with you and honour you for staying firm and keeping to your no and not giving. Jesus had say no to people who were looking for him to spend time in Prayer at times and be about his Father business. Yes Jesus did spend time with the People. But he Jesus had to never forget even if the People were looking for him. Say no I must spend time in prayer with my Father. Then once I said my prayers and been with my Father. Then I go to the people and see to them as Father would want me too. But we as Followers of Jesus have to do as Jesus did it that means saying no to things the Father wouldn’t want us to be doing. Do what the Father would want us as to do like Jesus did. So at times saying No is Actually being like Jesus. Yes at times it will be hard but we have to it. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx ❤️
I cried when I read that – I hardly ever say no and it is now effecting me mentally and physically but I still do it. I say who if not me. I must start praying what Jesus wants me to do that day, I also spend much more money than I should or have another reason to say no.
thank you.
Grace, your words today resonate with a lot of us, I’m sure. I’ve gotten fairly good at this at the ripe old age of 70! But there will still be times I will call your words from my memory bank and just say “no”. Thank you!
“He knows not only His purpose but also His capacity.”
Powerful truth! Thank you, Grace, for the reminder to live like Jesus means sometimes saying no so you can say yes.
Thank you for this. I needed this.
If like me, one of your Spiritual Gifts is Service To Others, we get positive emotionally fed from Helping Others. But it’s so easy to forget, that we can’t serve others from an empty emotional tank. It’s the Mary/Martha situation. We need to spend time at Jesus Feet recharging; asking Him where we should serve, or where we shouldn’t. Then we can serve within the boundaries, that’ll keep us emotionally balanced & healthy.
Wonderful reminder that No can be a Godly also! Following in his footsteps can direct us to him.
Thank you!! I often forget something I learned many years ago!!
I learned that “no” is a complete sentence.
Jesus Himself didn’t always say yes.
Thanks for this reminder.
Grace,
It can be hard to say no. You feel like you have to do this & that. There are times & seasons in our lives when we can’t do it all & keep it together. When I get overextended or tired the ugliness comes out of me. I yell at slow drivers & get frustrated when things don’t work properly. My new full-time job is taking its toll on me. So I must pick a few Nos-remembering that Jesus did the same thing. Today (8/28) I am not going back to church tonight. Going to use that time to rest & prepare for the next 4 long work days. God understands & expects us to put margin or white space in our lives.
Blessings 🙂