Years ago, my sister-in-law offered one of the most helpful slivers of counsel I’ve ever received. It went something like, “Her convictions may not be the same as your convictions, so you aren’t going to view or respond to the circumstances the same way.” The encouragement was liberating in that it stopped (or at least slowed) me from projecting my expectations on others. What I might do or say in any given situation was what I believed everyone should do or say. Remembering this advice has also helped me tremendously as politics and the pandemic have slapped our world silly.
One of my convictions developed after a season of spiritual wandering where I questioned many of my long-held beliefs. As a recovering people-pleaser, I began to realize how at least a portion of what I professed was prescribed by pastors, teachers, Bible study leaders, and friends without me even realizing it. That meant in contrast to the Holy Spirit convicting and leading me, what I espoused as my belief was sometimes derived from what others thought or said. To see that at times I was simply parroting the beliefs of influencers in my life was a rude awakening that, ultimately, thankfully, proved to be transformative.
Complicated and at times disorienting, the deconstruction and subsequent rebuilding of my faith were healthy. It led me to detach from people and what they thought in order to seek and attach to God.
Reading Scripture, praying, and earnestly desiring to know God in His fullness (and not what other people told me about Him) caused me to examine practices and traditions I had once considered central to my faith. It may sound heretical or maybe just silly, but one of those traditions I began struggling with was a mealtime blessing, particularly when I was with friends in public. More often than not, it felt like we were just checking a box, doing what we thought “good Christians” were supposed to do rather than actually praying to God or sincerely thanking Him for our food. On some level, Jesus’s words to the Pharisees resonated with me (although in a softer measure):
“Everything they do is done for people to see.… You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”
Matthew 23:5, 27-28 NIV
Too often it seemed like mealtime blessings were a performance, not prayer, and to protect my fragile faith, I could no longer pretend. While I knew that Jesus expressed gratitude before eating, there was something disingenuous about my public prayers most of the time. They felt like what Jesus was talking about when He referenced Isaiah’s prophesy in Mark 7: “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (in context Mark 7:1-13 NIV).
Please hear my heart: I’m not suggesting that praying before a meal is wrong! For goodness sakes, Jesus prayed before meals! But for me, during a tender season in my faith, I needed my prayers to be tethered to Father, Son, and Spirit, not to obligation or mindless tradition (which if I wasn’t careful, could happen with a mealtime blessing).
Well . . . it turns out that God can use even my wonky convictions to point me to His love and grace.
A few weeks ago, I met a group of dear friends for dinner, sisters in the faith who always point me to Jesus. When we pray before a meal, we’re genuinely inviting God into our midst, praising Him for His provision (food, friendship, and everything in between), and asking Him to guide our conversation. I still wrestle with my complicated “blessing conviction,” but I know these girls and their hearts. We’re praying, and it has nothing to do with obligation.
After a dinner that nourished body and soul, our darling waitress dropped off our checks. As Jasmine returned with the copies for us to sign, she said, “I just have to tell y’all… I rarely see a group of women eating together and encouraging each other the way it appeared you did. It was a blessing to me to see friends praying.” Of course, we all wanted to scoop her up and take her home, especially when she added she hoped to find a few friends she could get together and pray with. We invited her to a local community Bible study we attend, and I looked her square in the eyes, slipped her my business card, and urged her to please reach out. (I’m still hoping to hear from her.)
She was encouraged because we simply prayed. Our mealtime blessing was a blessing to her.
God used a complete stranger to challenge my perspective and to remind me that I never know who’s watching. I never know how someone might be impacted by the smallest, sincere expression of my trust in Jesus — an expression that could have easily gotten lost in my own “blessing conviction” and resistance.
Like my sweet sister-in-law suggested all those years ago, we don’t all necessarily share the same convictions about exactly how we live out our faith, but we’re all daughters of the same God, privileged to bear His image to a world who is watching.
How sweet of God to transform a thorn to a rose, a prickly conviction to a blessing for others.
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I love how you encourage us to go deeper.
To me, you just described (in)courage, Ariel <3. Writers and readers coming together to point us to Jesus and lead us into deeper relationship with Him.
Once we were in a crowded restaurant and we sat at the bar, but we were sitting there because of the view of a tank of fish and not the bar. My husband and I ordered our meal and prayed together, and then asked for the check, the waitress said our meal had been covered. It was someone near us who saw us pray together at a bar that prompted him to cover our meal!! We are often unaware of those who see our lives as a testimony.
What a great story, Janette :). You’re right…we never know who’s watching!
I wanted to encourage you as a believer myself that often when I am out at a public restaurant and not necessarily with other people of faith how blessed and encouraged I am when I see others praying before their meal. I completely agree with looking at things that are just ritualistic for us and getting back to the heart of why we do them and to whom we do them for. We are light and salt to the world, and sometimes our only influence is our actions. Thank you for your wonderful article.
Whoosh… “sometimes our *only* influence is our actions.” <-- That'll make me think twice about what I say or do... Thank you, Valerie.
Robin, I love the challenge to be examining where our behaviors are rooted. In Christ’s character & commands vs traditions & other’s expectations! When out with my brother & sister-in-law we each say our own grace silently. I miss the communal prayer together but our eternal destinations are not tied to praying out loud in restaurants so we give space to what they are comfortable with. In their home their prayers out loud are beautiful testimonies of God’s work in our lives & thanksgiving for His provisions. Focusing on the essentials & letting the non-essentials have space is another way of showing grace to each other. Thanks for pointing us to The One, only one, Who matters! Blessings
Ruth, those last two sentences of yours? Amen and amen! <3
Robin what a wonderful message. So true people saved and not saved watch our every moves. We might not think it. So if we want to be true followers which I do of Jesus. We have to live as he lived and do as his word the Bible says. As I heard the saying before from people who are not alive today. Why would I be a follower of Jesus when I see them doing and saying things that are wrong in their lives. So they certainly not make me want to get saved and become a follower of Jesus. How true that can be. So we as followers of Jesus have to make sure we live or lives as Jesus did when he walk on this earth. In word thought and deed. No Gossping about people or thinking we are better that anyone else. We are all God children he want us to live in a way that honours him. Like in Galatians 5 verses 22-24. It says about the fruit of the spirit and we are to live as it especially in this dark world that needs to see our lives shinning for King of the world that King is Jesus. The verse says ” But the fruit of the spirit is Love Joy Peace Long-suffering Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness Self-control. Against such there is no law” How true this is if we want to be true followers of Jesus and shine out in this dark world so people can see we are different. We don’t live as the world and it ways we live for Jesus and his word. We also have to do what verse 25-26 says of Galatians 5. It is “If we live in the spirit let us also walk in the spirit. Let us not become conceited provoking one another envying one another. How true all this is. Letting the Lord shine out of our lives. When out for lunch with a friend they especially are not saved not be afraid to say Grace and thank God for you food before you eat it. Your friend if not saved might think your a bit weird. But if they say anything to you. You can say nicely to them you are thanking God for you food and the people who made it. It good to thank God for it. As everything is God. That might speak to them. They could see you are different and don’t live as the world. They could go on to tell someone else. You are showing you are living as God wants us to live not as the world. You are being a witness to people in our world saved and not saved. As people watch our every moves we might not realise it. God will bless us for doing this. That is the type of life I want to live so people see Jesus in me by the way I live my life for him in word thought and deed. Especially to my unsafe family as I am my Husband are the only ones saved. I want them to know everything I do and say in my life is for the glory of Jesus. I say Amen to that. Keeping you all in incourge in my prayers. Thank you for the wonderful true message you right how they speak to me. May God richly bless you all for this wonderful work you do in writing theses message for the Lord and so we the followers of Jesus can learn from them. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Dawn, your faithful reading and encouraging is always a blessing. Thank you for being an active part of our (in)community!
Robin, I also had a period of “spiritual wandering.” Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so encouraging!
Dana, there are a few of us out there, no doubt 😉 :). xo
Robin, thank you for this. Very thought provoking. I have struggled with this same issue sometimes.
Irene,
Even though not everyone shares the same convictions, it’s nice to know when someone else does :). Happy to know this has you thinking.
YES. Having that realization that 1. a lot of our “faith life” is clutter unconnected to our hearts and minds, and 2. God wants us to smile at him with our eyes, hearts, and minds, not just our lips, there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be cleared out for at least a little while so we can see clearly, head as straight as we can towards God, and spend time on those pursuits rather than the influencers’ collections of “should” things. But lots of that stuff isn’t bad in itself and will be okay to add back in once it means something again.
Prayer out loud in a group I don’t know very well has been a really hard one for me, to pray *to God* and mean all of what I’m saying, and not with a focus mainly on choosing words and the people around me. So far I’ve prayed when asked to and I’m trying to become more God-focused while praying out loud, but it still isn’t fully working. (a meal-time blessing, though, I think I could do, especially if the food smells really good! Expressing gratitude out loud to God is a pretty direct line. 🙂 )
“Expressing gratitude out loud to God” is a pretty great place to practice <3.
I wanted to add a dimension to your prayer time at restaurants: a few yrs ago I heard a speaker who said he will ask the waiter or waitress when they bring the food something like, “ we’re gonna say a blessing for our food, is there anything we can pray about for you?” I began this and I have NEVER had anyone act offended, say no, or not give me a request. Some are very general like health, but others have been specific, thru tears, and gratitude. I try to put down the names & requests in my phone b4 I 4get so that I can continue to remember them in prayer. If I frequent the place. I’ll try to get the same waiter/waitress so we can catch up. It has been a blessing.
Sharon! J’adore this!! Next time I’m out (which will soon) I’m going to try this very thing. Thank you for sharing!
Loved your post, Robin and also the comments left by other sisters. God bless you all!
Karen, (in)sisters leaving comments completes the writing process to me. My favorite :).
I understand and completely agree with your message. I don’t mean to criticize anyone but sometimes I hear Christian people speaking Christianize and it bothers me somewhat because I wonder if they are just speaking what they believe a Christian is supposed to say. One thing God has dealt with me about is being real with people about yourself and your life. I have noticed that people are much more open to the gospel and Christian beliefs when we are down to earth and real. Thank you for your honesty.
Issy,
You’re so right…people DO respond to the gospel shared from a point of authenticity. God bless us “church people;” sometimes we can’t help ourselves…!
So thought provoking. I loved it!
Awww, Madeline…thank you! You’re a blessing!
Thank you so much for helping me put words to what was concerning me about how I was feeling and to remember that we are one in Him, but all convictions are not the same
Robin,
We are all influencers. Our actions speak louder than words. This world is watching us. We need to model Christ to this world any way we can. I sure don’t want someone to say “why should I become a Christian or attend that church? They are just hypocrites.” I want to shower this world with God’s light & love.
My church does communion each week. We start with a song, meditation & then each person is to examine their own hearts & go take communion. It should be that way with our actions. Examine your hearts & the reasons for doing or not doing something.
Blessings 🙂