About the Author

K.J. Ramsey is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor and the author of This Too Shall Last and The Lord is My Courage. She is a recovering idealist who can’t stop offering space to see every part of our souls and stories as sacred.

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  1. How courageous- your actions and sharing this story. I have done my share of church shopping. I realize I should feel joy during worship, joy at the prospect of spending time at worship. I should want to be there on Sunday with all my heart. It wasn’t always so. And church/worship can take different forms. The sermon message yesterday mentioned breaking the box that we have put God in and what we have made the church look like. I am reading through Paul’s letters and I think about the early church – small groups gathering in homes and taking care of one another in an intimate level focusing on what Christ had been teaching- what was really important. I am moving soon and will once again be searching for a place to share communion but the older I get the more I know what church should look like for me and I will not settle.

  2. Amen that was beautiful. My family has had a hard time finding a church family that not only preaches God’s word in entirety but also wants to live according it. When disagreements come up they won’t discuss. Just well if you don’t agree with us then you don’t belong here. It’s not the gospel according to me it’s the gospel according to God. Discussions are good to have. I pray God leads us to the right church for us. In the meantime I’m thankful for resources from places like Dayspring and devotions from places like Lifeway and others that help us to worship at home. God loves us and accepts us even if others in world and even churches don’t. Love this. Thank you sister

  3. When we see His bride, not limited by the skewed view of others, then the massive greatness of God can be seen in so many fresh new places.

    Good post. Thank you.

  4. Beliefs being like the currency of community… Thank you for putting this into words. I’ve felt this in the past but never had words to wrap around it. While it’s not a good thing, I’m appreciative of being able to name it now for what it really is.

    • I’m so glad this articulated something you’ve experienced. May there be healing for the harm you’ve experienced in not being allowed to fully belong.

  5. Thanks for your honesty – especially to yourself. May you continue to know God’s expanding blessings.

  6. Your words to my heart. Thank you so much. I feel strongly that religion is still like the Pharisees and would rather have a relationship with doing what some deem is “right”, than truly having a relationship with Jesus.

    • I think you are so right. The religion of the Pharisees was so bent on control and certainty—getting things right. Jesus took that religion and turned it upside down by relating with love to those whom the Pharisees wouldn’t even eat with. Grateful.

    • Hi there, Joyce. I’m not saying God doesn’t love the unborn. Not one bit. “Being born” is shorthand for the fact that we exist. Before we do anything amazing or awful, we are already loved.

  7. This is truly phenomenal and breathtaking. I kept on reading and waiting for something to say BUT… and it never came. I’m so happy. I stopped going to church 4 years ago and even though I feel closer to God than ever I still have that voice in the back of my mind that tells me I am doomed because I am not doing enough. Thank you.

    • My husband and I stopped going to church many years ago and so you are certainly not alone. We feel that the structure is fundamentally flawed and that it should be about a group of God loving people getting together on equal terms (which we’re yet to find). There’s so much subliminal pressure to conform to the structure rather than on a relationship with God. We pray for God to direct us to Christian connections and know this will happen at the right time. We feel that our individual relationship with God continues to develop. Please don’t feel doomed as that certainly isn’t what God would want for you.

  8. I hope in Jesus and I hope in God. We often think we have the only answers to problems around us. We find out in hind sight that there is generally more than one route to a specific destination.

    God is so vast. I don’t think I can ever get everything right because I am a created being and I have limitations. I pray that I am alive and in my sound mind to see some people enjoy the love of Christ and share that Word with others. I find that it is easy to make a decision but it takes courage to follow through will the new decision.

    Authority and Power belong to God’s children. We can’t lord over fellow Christ followers to demand that they meet our personal standards. Jesus is our Standard.

    There are many believers who have been hurt in order to feel like they are part of the “group” but that’s not what should be done to secure strength and unity. Love really does cover what we can’t cover.

    One day all hurt, deceit, lies and pain will be gone. Hallelujah, thank the Lord.

    Brenda

    God bless your steps

  9. Thank you for your words which resonated with me. I’m becoming more and more certain that ‘church’, connection with others, should be about small groups of ‘God connected’ people meeting together on equal terms, rather than gatherings with a ‘leader’ at the top. The structure as it now stands lends itself to the bullying that you describe.

  10. KJ.

    Some church leaders tend to be phariseeic in nature. They expect you to follow ALL the rules & laws they set. Nothing to do with love & caring. We should not be bound by denominational differences. Love should be the glue that holds us together. December of this year my pastor & his wife of 18 years are retiring. While I have enjoyed attending that church. It is starting to dwindle down. My hubby & I have decided to change churches-mostly due to the long drive out there. We will be going back to the church of his youth. Yes we will be changing denominations & doing things differently. One major thing binds both together & that is love. Both churches live out the gospel by helping others & showing God’s love to this world.

    Blessings 🙂

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