There’s a game I like to play, and it never fails to catch people by surprise. Here’s how it works: I invite someone to grab coffee and once we’ve found a comfortable seat, our hands wrapped around a cup of something delicious, I look into their eyes and say these words: “So, what’s your story?”
Almost every time, they hesitantly respond, “My story? What do you mean exactly?” I then offer to go first, to share with them the pages God has given me to live, and for the record, I don’t sugarcoat a single thing. By the time I finish, I can see the relief in their eyes — not because I have masterfully woven together life experiences into a beautiful story but because I’ve been honest, I’ve shown the mess of it all, and I’ve dared to say that the scars that remain are signs of His grace. My tests have truly become my testimony, my mess turning into my message.
After I finish the telling, I turn it over and ask again, “Will you tell me your story?” And this time, instead of uncertainty or panic, there is peace. You become a safe place when you share your story, both the broken and the beautiful, with another.
And so they begin, and every time I’m in awe of the broken-off pieces and the jagged scars from the hurting places — not because they’re messy but because His grace is enough for us all, running in and washing over, healing and mending, changing and cleansing.
We’ve all walked roads that have battered and bruised, wounding us deep. We each carry scars. I used to hide mine, the one on my head from brain surgery and the ones on my heart from the times community walked right out. But not anymore. I’m learning that scars tell the stories of battles fought and won, of fears conquered and dreams chased, of mighty healing and of Jesus meeting us in the dry valleys.
Your scars tell your story, and although you are more than your past, more than what you have experienced, gone through or done, every moment has been used to shape you into a new creation, redeemed and made whole, holy and blameless in the eyes of Him who sees your scars, your burnt places, and your struggles to join Him and walk on water.
Too often we compare our beginning to someone else’s middle, our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing our painful places to someone else’s promised land, forgetting that we’re still journeying and we can trust the unknown of the future to the God we know is authoring its pages.
Every sentence He writes is written with the purpose of pointing people to the Friend who is always walking with us. We’re invited to live and tell our stories, giving Him all the glory. Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians:
We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! . . . God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.
2 Corinthians 5:16-20 (MSG)
We have been given the task of telling everyone what God is up to in our lives. He has given us a story to live, and it may have twists and turns, roads we would rather not walk, and ampersands (in-between seasons) we would prefer to hurry through to the other side, but He calls us to speak from those places and glorify Him on every page, daring to say He is beautiful and true, loving and kind, no matter what story the next page may tell.
This is an excerpt from Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between by Kaitlyn Bouchillon. If you’re facing a chapter in your story you wouldn’t have chosen, you’ll find encouragement and hope in Even If Not.
Amen, Kaitlyn,
Those I’m closest to in life, I have entrusted with my story… and they have entrusted me with theirs.
There forms a deep connection in the sharing of how God’s faithfulness turns our ashes into something beautiful. It’s that vulnerability that joins us at the heart. (That said, I do pray for discernment, from God, to know who is trustworthy to receive some of my more painful memories, and for the right timing.) God uses us to bring healing to others, as we look to Him to orchestrate such precious moments.
Blessings and thanks for this good reminder.
Absolutely… almost like the ripples of a stone dropped in a pond or rings on a tree, discernment helps us know who to share what with. The closer to the center, the closer to the heart, perhaps. And yet how incredible that we all have something to share with another + something to learn from another!
I love the way you get people to open up!!! Being open yourself is a key component! I am a Christian counselor. I often find I need to do exactly what you do to get the person I am working with to feel safe to open up about what is going on in their lives. Plus their back ground gives me insight to help them in their present situation. Thanks for sharing and effective tool!!!!
My past is not so neat and tidy, so they are very open after they see me through open eyes! Thank you so much–I really would like to get your book–I will look for it today!
I love your mention of “open eyes.” Yes!! Eyes and ears.
I’m both inspired & intrigued to borrow your game. The challenge is how to condense 60+ years of God in the details over a cup of coffee but I’m gonna try! Thank you for sharing!
Ah, I hope you will! It’s led to several beautiful friendships. It’s just the start, really… a beginning place for getting to know one another. And there’s always more to learn and tell in the days/years to come! But give it a try… you never know!
What a nice reminder that we are all human and even outside of Instagram and posts that make some seem like they have it all when inside every single person has some scars. It’s being vulnerable that I think is hard for some but yet so beneficial to share our stories and our scars and on top of that to show how Gods hand was there the entire time.
Absolutely. Even the highlight reels have a behind-the-scenes.
I absolutely love how this post goes beyond what we do and say in the natural to repeatedly point to the One who gets us through it all, the only true source of our hope for a better tomorrow. Well done!
Yes! Amen.
Kaitlyn,
I used to think I didn’t have a testimony to give. Now I realize that every single trial or triumph I’ve faced is part of my story. You will hear me talk about caring for aging parents with dementia& psych issues. How I had to feed my dad one day & God told me-through another man-that I would get stars in my crown for this. Also how God saw fit-years later-to bless me richly. First with a good part-time job at hospital for 2 years then they shut my unit down. God put me in a different unit (ICU Covid). They offered me a full time position (actually wrote job just for me). They also allowed me to choose the hours & days I wanted to work. There were many more ways God blessed me.
Now I tell people that their trials & tribulations give them a story to tell. They should be willing to tell it. Then others will know they aren’t alone in their struggles. There is hope.
Blessings 🙂
A story to tell… there is hope.
Just from those seven words, you’ve got it right there. 🙂
My friend who sent me your linc had a conversation like that in the mid 1980’s. She has been my best friend forever, ever since. It is with a thankful heart that l have listened and spoken the truth of our path. Only the path has not always been easy. Still it was made bearable by sharing the path with her and Our Savior. God Bless you beautiful child of God.
Oh my goodness, I’m smiling writing this just thinking about you sharing this link with one another. I love that!
“Too often we compare our beginning to someone else’s middle, our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing our painful places to someone else’s promised land, forgetting that we’re still journeying and we can trust the unknown of the future to the God we know is authoring its pages.”
TRUTH!!!!!!
<3 <3 <3
I absolutely love this message!!
I have walked the journey of addiction to recovery in my life, and every now and again I get to share my story with someone – something I have become unashamed of doing….. Its incredible how being vulnerable and sharing my story and showing my battle scars opens up doors for others to feel safe in the space of conversation with me, and how God often uses my story to inspire others that are struggling with similar issues.