We’ve all prayed a prayer that goes something like this:
God, where are You? Can’t You see how much this hurts right now? Why aren’t You doing something about it?
I have never prayed that prayer more fervently than the times when something bad happened to my kids. For me, there is nothing quite so heart-wrenching as watching a child in pain. And there is nothing so disorienting as not being able to see God’s hand in the middle of it.
I remember vividly a season of our life when one of our daughters was going through a time of being socially isolated by her peers. Girls who were once her best friends suddenly abandoned her. She was no longer invited to tables where she used to sit. She was left off of every invitation list. And all of it fed into her private battle with anxiety and depression.
On a particularly hard day, our daughter texted me from school, saying how broken she was and how unlovable she felt. She was tired of pretending like she was fine, tired of forcing fake smiles in high school hallways, tired of trying to carry on when she wanted to just give up.
That day, I waited for her at the back door as she drove home from school. Standing at the laundry room window, I watched her car creep up the driveway. I felt deep sorrow rising up in my chest. More than anything, I wanted Jesus to take her pain away and was frustrated that He hadn’t done so already.
When she opened the back door, she found me waiting there, arms open. She dropped her backpack to the floor. I pulled her to my chest, hugging her with every ounce of love and comfort that a mother could offer. We both sobbed.
Nothing I could do could take her pain away. No hug was big enough. No loving word was soothing enough. No assurance of better-days-tomorrow seemed believable enough. And honestly? None of my thousand prayers seemed “answered enough.”
That night, I lay next to my teenage daughter in bed, as she cried herself to sleep. That’s when I prayed those desperate prayers once more:
God, where are You? Can’t You see how much this hurts right now? Why aren’t You doing something about it?
And then, in the quiet of her room, I sensed the whisper of Jesus in the hollowed-out place of my busted-up heart. He whispered: “I did do something about it. And I understand exactly what your daughter is going through. I’ve been there.”
In that moment, Jesus suddenly looked like a sixteen-year-old kid, the kind you would see at Dairy Queen or on a basketball court . . . or walking through your own back door.
And it dawned on me then: Oh my word, Jesus was a teenager.
He went through puberty, had a voice that changed, had parents who didn’t always understand what He was up to sometimes. He was a teenager who came from a lower-class family, and it’s safe to say He was ostracized by peers who had previously included Him in their squad but decided He wasn’t good enough anymore. He certainly wouldn’t have worn the designer fashions of the day, and we all know that people were pretty sure nothing good could ever come out of Nazareth.
I wonder if He was left out.
I wonder if girls made fun of His looks or if boys thought it was lame that He was going to be a carpenter.
I wonder if He worried about His future.
But I also wonder if, in His alone time — when everyone else had disappeared — He saw something really sacred every time He looked at a loaf of bread, a widow’s mite, a herd of sheep, a mustard seed. I wonder if He looked at the downtrodden, the outcast, the “loser” with love. I wonder if He knew their stories would become His spoken mission.
I wonder if Jesus ever came home to His crying mama, waiting to give Him a hug at the back door as she watched Him come up the dusty road.
I am hesitant to call all of that a vision, but I will say that that moment of imagination gave me such hope and comfort.
I know not all of you reading these words right now are parents with struggling teens. But doesn’t it give you comfort that Jesus was a teenager? Doesn’t it give you comfort that Jesus gets the pain of rejection, loneliness, betrayal, heartbreak? He knows what it is to be mocked and discarded as nothing. He knows what it is to be misunderstood and set aside.
As it says in Hebrews 4:15, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.”
God never intended for us to go through anything at all by ourselves — and that’s why He sent Jesus. How cool is that?
Whatever comes your way, Jesus is with you. He gets you.
He is the toddler who is frustrated and hungry.
He is the kindergartener, struggling to sit still.
He is the teen, looking to belong.
He is the grown adult — betrayed and misunderstood.
He is the invisible, the unseen, the unheard.
There is nothing you are going through right now that is a mystery to Him. He has lived inside of every hurt you face right now.
Even when sitting by ourselves, ostracized from others for whatever reason, we are not alone! Hard to realize sometimes when yearning for a flesh & blood positive acknowledgement but true none the less! Our high priest has been there before us yet did not sin. Wow, Wow, Wow!
Such a great reminder for us all, Ruth. Thank you for sharing!
If I had not known Jesus had been through everything that I and my children have faced, I could not face tomorrow.
Same here, Betsy!
What a beautiful and tender reminder that there is nothing that we experience that God isn’t walking along side us and understands and shares our pain. It is often ,that until we are completely broken, before we can hear His quiet voice of comfort..
What a relief to know He won’t withhold His comfort from us. Thanks for sharing, Gayle.
Wow, what a beautiful article. I cried throughout. Probably because I have a 16 year old and a pre-teen and I can relate. Shamefully, I never thought of Jesus in the way you wrote. But from this point forward, thanks to your heartwarming article, I will now and forever.
God bless!
It was so eye-opening for me personally, and I knew that the next time I wrote an article for (in)courage, I needed to share that visual with this wonderful community. Jesus gets it! He has gone through everything we could imagine, even the “teen things.”
Jennifer, It’s so lovely that your daughter could come to you with her heartache. My kids had many difficult times that I was oblivious to because they didn’t feel comfortable coming to me. Your hug was Jesus loving her through you. Sometimes His hugs come through the people that love us.
Yes, Lori, you’re right. It is a definite blessing that she has given me access to her innermost aches. It has definitely brought us closer together as a result, and brought us closer to Jesus as well.
Your words are such a sweet balm, Jennifer! I have 3 daughters and one of them experienced what you are describing. It was horrible and seemed endless. (Actually these particular girls never accepted my daughter back into their fold. And they are all in their 40’s now!). But God brought my daughter through that to the other side. And He is always here. And always understands.
Isn’t that something, how “mean girls” can grow up to be the same way? It’s been such a struggle for me to observe that happen around me, and it reminds me that I can choose a better way, a loving way, a way that keeps an eye out for the left-out and broken-hearted. That’s what Jesus would do, and I pray He gives me eyes to see and the heart to move into action.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I cried while reading through this. It hits home. My two older kids have both been bullied and left out. My daughter was bullied really bad by someone who claimed to be her best friend. Both of my two older kids tried to harm themselves because of these situations. I just keep trying to point them to Jesus. He has brought me through a lot of hurt so I know he can do it. These kids have it so hard today.
My heart aches for you, Amy. I am so familiar with the situation you describe. I can tell you a good and loving mama. Keep pointing them to Jesus. Wish I could hug you right now!
I am not a teenager, but 75 years old. I have suffered off and on for 10 years with depression and anxiety. I am in one of those seasons now, a long one and have prayed that prayer many times…”Lord, where are you in all of this, You have always brought me thru and I believe You will again.” I wasn’t blessed with children of my own, but 3 grown stepchildren. The oldest one, age 41 and her teenage son, our grandson, live with us so she can keep him in private Christian school. I too, have experienced abandonment by my closest friends. I don’t blame them and I forgive them. I pray for them. I have a loving husband, but even he finds it hard to deal with what I suffer. As hard as this is I think it might be harder for a teen to deal with. God bless you and your daughter with the closeness of the One who suffered for us, may He comfort, heal, and put His loving arms around you.
Oh Donna, Please know that I have stopped for a moment here to pray for you, that God would continue to bring you comfort, healing, and the closeness of people who value you. You, dear one, are such a beautiful soul. Grace eminates from your words in the comment box! Much love to you today.
Thank you dear Jennifer for your prayers and for your very encouraging and loving words. Crying now in gratitude.
As a mom, a grandmother, and now a great grandmother, I know what each of you and many others are going through as well. All I can say is that I am grateful for those like you Jennifer, who are able to write words that address all of these issues and provide some guidance and comfort to those very people. We can never go wrong when we point others to Jesus. Yes He went through everything we have and more. He paid a debt He didn’t owe for all of us that owed a debt we could not pay. This is truth that we can cling to but so hard to grasp in the midst of what we are experiencing. So keep reminding us Jennifer, keep reminding.
This is so beautiful, Loretta. Your words are an encouragement to me right now. Thank you for being here at (in)courage!
I just read an article that brought me to tears. A Sudanese woman has written a book titled “Shackled.” What she has gone through no one should ever have to go through but she did and survived. Her survival was because of the teaching of her very strong believer in Christ mother. So to all moms out there, keep praying and teaching your children to do the same. It could very well save their lives
Wow! This brought such a profound insight to so many doubts and insecurities for me as a Christian and I never thought Of Jesus this way. Thank you and may God continue to bless you
Thank you for this reminder that Christ went through it all and understands where we are and what we are going through. I too struggle with anxiety and depression and I am not a teenager and this is not my first time. The world is heavy right now. I am so thankful to have a Savior who will show up for me when no one else does or understands. I pray for all those who suffer with this. May you feel God’s grace, peace and strength as you walk through each moment and He will show you the sun again and Jesus will walk with you every step of the way even when you don’t feel Him next to you. He feels your pain and may you feel His comforting arms around you. 🙂
Your daughter is so very blessed to have a mom who comes alongside her suffering with compassion, understanding, and empathy. She will in turn be prone to demonstrating those same traits to others. May it also give your daughter reassurance to know: “God never allows pain without a purpose” (Jerry Bridges).
I am having one of those “now why didn’t I think of that “ moments. I guess because the Bible is silent on Jesus’ teens years I didn’t really dwell on the fact that yes, even our savior was a teenager. I suppose we get a tiny glimpse of his earthly parents’ frustrations in the story of Jesus staying in the temple when the family had left Jerusalem to go home; Jesus knew His true purpose, but it took them (and the rest of us) a bit longer to fully understand.
Thank you for sharing your heart. We have two adult daughters, and their teen years were filled with challenges as well. Somehow God helped us lead them through and now they both work in the foster care system with children. I honestly believe they could not be as compassionate in that line of work had they not battled with their own depression and anxiety, even though they came from a stable loving home.
Oh my sweet Momma, you have given me flashbacks of my daughters high school days. Anna is precious to us both and we pray she knows how very very special she is not just to your family and Jesus but to Ron and I also. Hug her for us!
Jennifer,
The teenage years can be hardest of all. The children are navigating emotions, physical development & trying to figure out life. It is a confusing period for everyone. It can seem like God doesn’t understand or isn’t working for us. We must remember that Jesus Himself was a teenager. He is very well acquainted with being abandoned by close friends. His own disciples fled when He was being betrayed, mocked & hung on a cross. Nothing that happens to us in life is a surprise to Jesus. He knows us intimately & loves us wildly. He will get you through these trying times. Thanking God for loving, caring moms like you.
Blessings 🙂