A year ago, in the midst of a global pandemic, I did something I hadn’t done in almost thirty years: I returned to a traditional, nine-to-five(ish) job. Family and friends were largely supportive, though a few didn’t understand my decision. Why would a fifty-seven-year-old woman who didn’t “have” to work full time (thanks to my husband’s job and my part-time income) be willing to give up the freedom and flexibility that came with her work as a writer?
Their concerns were valid. I’d wrestled with similar questions for years.
Before writing For All Who Wander, I had toyed with the idea of going back to work. Our youngest was in college and our older two had established careers. I led and attended Bible studies and volunteered with a high school ministry. I wrote every day and led a writing critique group. I was able to say yes to freelance opportunities or to serve others. My days were planned with intention and purpose, but I still had time on my hands — something unheard of when my children were younger.
From all appearances, life was good, and yet, I was secretly struggling. Why couldn’t I just be thankful for what I had? What was wrong with me? My discontent ignited a snarling cycle of guilt as I considered how I must be failing God. If I were grateful enough and trusted Him, how could I feel this way?
Nevertheless, it was becoming increasingly difficult to write, and my overall lack of productivity was alarming to me. Despite purposeful effort to be with others, I was lonely.
I longed for more structure to my days and daydreamed about being part of a team working for a greater good. This desire to return to work didn’t make complete sense to me, especially compared to family and friends who were eager for retirement. I wondered if it was God-given or straight from the flesh.
At times I felt crazy. I certainly wasn’t thriving. In extreme moments, I felt like I was dying on the vine. I tried to share my heart with those closest to me but found it difficult to express myself fully. Even when opening up, I withheld the magnitude of my frustration and feelings of worthlessness.
After I turned in my book manuscript, I began applying for jobs. Ideally, I wanted to work at a retirement community. My last full-time job at a Life Plan Community had been one I’d adored. Regardless, I pursued a communications or marketing-related position.
To my surprise, I received an offer right away. I cried when I had to turn it down because the pay was shockingly generous but the time off was meager. Work-life balance was more important to me than salary.
Still, the offer seeded hope that I was employable. At my age (I hate qualifying myself this way, but it’s a thing.), I knew some companies would overlook me. I had confidence in my skills and experience and believed my part-time jobs, volunteerism, and entrepreneurial work as a writer would serve the right role well. But would anyone else see past my age and thirty-year sabbatical? That offer gave me hope.
I prayed for the wisdom to follow Jesus. I’ve been awesome at jumping ahead, but that’s never ended well. I begged God to give me His desires for my heart, to protect me from conjuring them myself.
Over the next eighteen months, I applied for several jobs. Sometimes I’d receive a swift rejection; more often, I wouldn’t hear anything at all. One day, I mustered all my courage and walked into a retirement community to personally deliver my resume. The short story? Bad idea. Another time, I endured three intense interviews for a dream position, only to come in second.
Though I continued to meet disappointment, this desire never wavered. On the way to yet another interview, I prayed: Lord, please! If this isn’t what you have for me, help me let go and show me Your way!
Truthfully, it was more of a demand than a request. And yet, God is ever gracious, even when we’re bratty. He calmed my anxiousness and spoke to my heart, reminding me of a passage I’d recently read —
Delight yourself in theLord,and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:4-5 (ESV)
It was as if God’s truth was hiding in plain sight. He loves us beyond comprehension, and He wants only the best for us. I could know that the desires of my heart were His desires for me because I was delighting in, following, and trusting in Him. So many times in the past, I’ve relied on my own strength, abilities, ingenuity, and resources, and asked God to bless what I was doing. This was different because I was seeking Him first. God had used those feelings of discontent and longing to draw me closer. How astounding that God can use waiting and rejection to prepare us for His calling! Sometimes the only perspective that enables us to see God’s hand in our lives is hindsight.
Against the odds (a story for another time), I received an offer from a retirement community I initially received a rejection. Last week, I celebrated my first anniversary, and I love my job so much I haven’t worked a day since I started.
When what I wanted equaled God’s desire, the difference meant everything. I was right on track, right where I was supposed to be.
Listen to Robin’s article today!
Also today, download a special bonus episode of the (in)courage podcast! Listen to a conversation with Empowered authors Mary Carver, Grace P. Cho, and Anna E. Rendell.
Leave a Comment
Cathy says
Thank you for this encouraging post, about following God’s leading, patience and perseverance in waiting, trusting the unknown to the Known God, and willingness to go against the tide. May God bless you, your family, and your community, as you continue to “not work” at the job you go to each day!
Robin Dance says
Cathy,
What a kind and encouraging way to kick off comments today. Thank you for reading and taking time to pour back into our (in)community! And I love how you phrased this: “trusting the unknown to the Known God.” <-- Exactly. xoxo
arian says
Goodness me! This blog post is so ON POINT about something I have been praying about for years (it hasn’t come to fruition yet, but this has given me hope it shall. May it be SOON! 🙂 ). Your journey and insight are almost exactly the same in so many ways. It’s wild! Like feeling like I’m crazy. Your prayer to let it go if it wasn’t really His idea was verbatim to what I’ve said to God as well. Having Psalms 37:4-5 hit me differently last year and reassure me that God put those desires there. Or blundering ahead on my own strength and asking God to bless it. So much of this has been my own experience! Thank you so much for sharing. It tickled me so. and has totally made my day. 🙂
Dawn says
Hi Arian, I’m waiting, too. You are in my prayers today. This is tough.
Robin Dance says
((hugs)) to you, too, Dawn.
arian says
totally prayed for you today! (btw – my middle name is dawn. heehee)
Robin Dance says
Arian,
I just wanna HUG YOU! I can hear your heart in this, and I am praying for you right now! (I saw your comment earlier, but I was at work and couldn’t reply til now 🙂 ). And, for the record, you made my day, too. Please keep me posted? robindance.me at gmail 🙂
arian says
so sorry for the delay! i forget to click to get notifications if someone replies to my comment. thank you so much for your prayers! and i totally will keep you posted if you like 🙂
Robin Dance says
🙂 Glad you come back whenever you do!
Beth Williams says
Arian,
Asking God to answer your prayers soon. May you get the desires of your/His heart. Know that He loves you & will the answers in His perfect timing. Please keep us posted as to the results. Keep clinging to God & His promises.
Blessings 🙂
arian says
thank you so so much! 🙂
Jo says
Hi Robin, I’m a 30 something year old doctor in India, have been trying to take US licensing exams since I graduated almost a decade ago but something or other happens and I procrastinate. Since last year, I have been serious about this goal but I said the same words to God in prayer whole last year ” help me let GO if its not in your will for me”. Praying God makes His way clear as I press on. Thank you and bless you.
Dawn says
Hi Jo, I’m waiting, too. You are in my thoughts today. Hugs to you!
Robin Dance says
I’m praying for you, too, Jo. To confirm or shift your desire to His hope and calling for you. xo
Sophia says
Thank you for this beautiful testimony. There’s so much about it that I resonate with.
I am currently in that phase of back-to-back rejection as I pursue the blessing of marriage. I come from a culture where it isn’t very common for a woman of my age to be unmarried, and so I don’t know anyone who’d be able to understand the fear and loneliness I go through everyday.
Several times I’ve asked God to just let me know if should just give up. He hasn’t answered me. Or I pray that I haven’t been blind to any answers that He may have sent.
Thank you again for your story. It comforts me to know that He knew exactly what you needed, and when you needed it. This reinforces my belief that He knows exactly what He’s doing in each of our lives.
How beautiful and comforting that is.
Dawn says
We’re here in this together. This waiting room. I am thinking of you. Hugs!
Robin Dance says
Oh, Sophia…I hear your heart, too. I’m praying over each friend who’s sharing in this space, and those who are reading and remaining quiet. May you hear from the Lord in a way that imparts His wisdom, grace, joy, and assurance for your life, relationships, and daily walk with Him.
Dawn says
Oh boy, I’ve been feeling your words every day for the past few years.
“Where are you God, I wonder? And what is it that I should be doing with my time?”
Psalm 37:4-5 brings temporary peace, but I pray for the patience to continue waiting as I submit more resumes.
Thank you for helping me feel like I’m not the only one.
Robin Dance says
Hugs to you, Dawn. You’ve been so gracious to encourage the friends in our comment thread here. It really is helpful to know you aren’t the only one, no matter the thing you’re struggling with. I needed that, too, and I’m so thankful for the redemption found in our stories, because we’re all part of God’s story. xoxo
Terry Law says
Wow Robin! Thank you so much for sharing this! This is exactly where I am at right now. Ploughing ahead with “good” things but not doing what God wants me to do. I am a slow learner at these lessons, well, if I admit it, I want what I want! lol. Thank goodness God is so patient and loving and kind and forgiving! Your words have encouraged me so much!
Robin Dance says
Terry,
Your words have encouraged me, too! I’ve been impatient too often, doing things my way…and landing on my behind. Praying for YOU to stay the course, look to Him, and know when you’re right where He desires you to be! 🙂
Janet Williams says
I loved this Robin! I feel like you just wrote my current testimony…lol.
Hello…I do this all the time thinking I’m being a good girl “So many times in the past, I’ve relied on my own strength, abilities, ingenuity, and resources, and asked God to bless what I was doing”
Then the ah ha moment comes and I realize this…
“When what I wanted equaled God’s desire, the difference meant everything. I was right on track, right where I was supposed to be”
Thank you!
Robin Dance says
Soul sisters <3.
margueritecoutinho@yahoo.co.uk says
Dear Robin, your story is so much like my own. I am 65 and still rearing to go. I am stuck in rut
right now with great job offers passing me by because my current manager won’t give me a reference. She isn’t doing it deliberately. I think she is just plain overworked and so she passes me by. I and my needs are not important enough for her to deal with. I suppose I am invisible. But I continue to trust the Lord and I know He will make a way. Thank you for your encouraging and uplifting story.
Robin Dance says
And, I’m praying for you to have the wisdom to know when to speak and advocate for yourself. Your manager may not realize how eager you are! Inspiring that you still have a zeal for your work!
Janis Van Keuren says
“Sometimes, the only way to see God at work is through hindsight.” I hope I quoted you correctly, Robin. Anyway, I find that to be so true in many of my situations and certainly in the lives of those whom I’m writing about. I hope this will give me the encouragement to take those hesitant steps and trust Him. Then I can look back and see He was working in it all the time.
Blessings in your fulfilled desires.
Janis
Robin Dance says
And, blessings as you seek Him in obedience to His leading, Janis. I feel like there are all kinds of stories waiting for us to hear about!
Melody Bollinger says
I love most all of the posts shared from this amazing website, but Robin, your post touched me right in a place I needed. I love your personal style of writing and all the relatable ways you went through your season of change. It truly spoke to me and encouraged me in my own time of decisions and change. Thank you for being real so we can better relate to your story and given hope that since God brought you through this winding journey, He can do it for us too! I appreciate learning it was a winding journey for you and not a straight line, since that is what I have been living with.
May you be continually blessed in ways that far exceed what you even know to ask for.
Melody Bollinger ~
Robin Dance says
“May you be continually blessed in ways that far exceed what you even know to ask for.” I’m a words girl, Melody, so your comment is a true gift. My life seems to be much more a meander as opposed to a line, and I think age is teaching me how to see God in the twists and turns.
Thank you for supporting the (in)courage community. It’s special because we’re a group of Jesus-loving women, sharpening and encouraging one another, and reminding each other who we are because of Whose we are. I’m so glad our paths have crossed in this space!
Donna says
Robin, your words “I’ve been awesome at jumping ahead, but that’s never ended well.” describes me to a T. Thank you so much for encouraging me as I am in a season of waiting for an answer to prayer and trying to not jump in and take over.
Robin Dance says
Donna,
It’s easier said than done, isn’t it? I’m a few days after your comment, but praying for you this morning. xo
Beth Williams says
Robin,
In 2015 I quit a good full time job to care for my aging dad. He seemed to be doing alright so Oct. 2016 I took a part time job. Dad died in March 2017. Then in 2019 the boss told me that they no longer needed my services. Instead of being upset I walked out of the office happy. I knew God had bigger things in store for me. Two weeks later I was working part time clerical for ICU Step down unit in the largest hospital in area. This was the job for me. I loved helping CNAs, RNs, families & patients. Middle of last September I filled in for a co worker who broke her arm. In the midst of this my boss quit & they shut my unit down. Our new boss called & was able to place me in a different unit (Covid ICU). I was nervous at first. Soon I learned to make IV tubing with 4 extensions for line change outs-they do them on Tues & Friday. Each time I went in I would try to make a few to have on hand. This impressed the boss so much she posted a full time job just for me. Talk about God’s blessings. WOW! They are even willing to work with my schedule allowing me to work 4 10 hr. days & give me a day or so off a week to be with hubby who works weekends. Like you I love this job. It is different than most clerical positions in that I mostly answer phone, hand them supplies in room, stock up on all supplies & help out where ever I can. God knows I love helping people out & has put me where I’m needed most right now.
Blessings 🙂
Robin Dance says
Beth, I remember you caring for your father and the job changes, but seeing your story over the past few years, written out like this, demonstrates the sweetest testimony of God’s faithfulness to you as you navigated all of this. Your attitude reflects His glory! Thank you for sharing.
Michelle Stiffler says
Go for it, girl! I love this! Thanks for encouraging me to dream, hope, and to trust while I wait.
karyn j says
i second that!!
Robin Dance says
Michelle,
Gosh…I see so many sisters-in-waiting-for-God-things in this thread. Cheering you on, and offering a prayer on your behalf.
karyn j says
this was just what i needed! thank you for sharing this. i am growing in my relationship with God and am just now realizing that like you, “so many times in the past, I’ve relied on my own strength, abilities, ingenuity, and resources, and asked God to bless what I was doing.” I don’t even know if i asked him to bless what i was doing, i think i just did it :-\ but, also like you this time feels different because I am seeking Him first. (i don’t always do the best job at it, but he sends me little reminders just when i need them most!) he is so kind and gracious and i love him for it. in my impatience, he has had to admonish me and tell me to learn to be patient so i will please Him and be given what He has promised. (heb 10:36) he has let me know that at the right time, HE will make it happen (isa 60:22). so all the things that you mentioned relying on (my strength, abilities, ingenuity, and my own resources) have kind of been shut down by Him 😐 so that my dependency is on God and God alone. it is tough, but He gives me just what i need when i need to remind me that He’s still there with me and that He loves me. i may not be able to see it and this season may be uncomfortable and He is working in me, giving me the desire and power to do what pleases Him (phil 2:13).
Robin Dance says
Karyn, what is so beautiful here is how you keep going back to Scripture…to God’s Word…to rightly align your heart and actions. Even in your words, I can see God at work in you.