I lay face down on the massage table and let the massage therapist know that, lately, I had a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders but also in my mid-back. She began her good work, taking extra time where the knots felt like rocks under my skin. She suggested I splurge for the ninety-minute deep tissue massage next time, and I sighed out a muffled “mmhmm.”
When she got to the middle of my back and pressed firmly into the muscles behind my ribs, I suddenly began to cry. Tears dripped straight to the floor from my squished face, and I tried hard not to let out a full-on sob and a wail. I didn’t know how to make sense of this unexpected release. Was it sadness? Pain? Grief? Why did that spot feel tender — not only in my body but for my soul?
I remembered reading about how we hold traumas and stress in our bodies and how our bodies, minds, and souls are intricately intertwined with one another. One affects the other, both in pain and in healing.
My marriage was hurting at that time, and every interaction with my husband felt like needles endlessly poking and triggering pain points I’d thought had scabbed over. We were constantly on edge with each other, unable to trust the other as safe. I didn’t have to think long to figure out what the pain was, but it was new and strangely reassuring to me that the tension of my marriage had found its way to my back and lodged itself there.
What I couldn’t fully process or express, what I didn’t know how to fix, every sad, bitter, and angry anguish could somehow be reached, consoled, released. The intangible became tangible. And with the touch of a human hand, I was comforted by a divine one.
Jesus was the physical embodiment of God, and He often touched people when healing them — a leper, a blind man, and Jairus’s daughter, among others. He took the little children into His arms, placed His hands on them, and blessed them. His touch mended wounds, both seen and unseen, and restored wholeness and dignity.
There are times when I wish Jesus could have lived forever with us on earth. Perhaps we could’ve all gotten a chance to experience His touch first hand. But then I think of the expansive reach of the body of Christ — those who profess and live out God’s love as Jesus did — and it makes sense that He left this earth to take His place at the right hand of God and left us with the gift of the Holy Spirit. God with us, always, is in each of us, so that through our words, our presence, our touch, we might also be a balm for others.
Now, when my body aches during painful seasons, I remember that grief isn’t just an emotion — it’s a lived, bodily experience. Jesus Himself must’ve carried grief in His body too, knowing what was to happen to Him. And then, He bore it all on the cross – the ache, the burden, the inconsolable sadness, the raging anger, the maddening injustice, the ugliest and most terrible thoughts and actions of humankind. He bears the scars that tell us He’s held it all in His body and holds us now in our pain.
It’s been several years since I spontaneously cried on the massage table, and since then, there has been more grief and pain than I can count — personally and globally. I know we all hold so much in our bodies, whether we know it or not. So when the aches happen, when fatigue and weariness weigh us down, I hope we can be gentle with ourselves, knowing that Jesus bore it all and helps us bear what we must too.
Leave a Comment
Ruth Mills says
Grace, as we walk a stressful season with an aging parent, your words are perfectly timed! The mental picture of Jesus holding us your words evoke, hit the spot to release some of my stress. Thank you for blessing us this am!!!
Gail says
Ruth, reading some of your comments lately, I feel that you and I are walking the same path with our aging parents. You are in my prayers this morning. This is a very stressful season.
Ruth Mills says
Gail I will be praying for you to especially see God in the details of this journey. May He be your endurance & give you joy in the midst of the hard. Sending hugs!
Grace P. Cho says
Gail, hoping the same for you as you care for aging parents. I hope you feel held, that you’re strengthened, that you continue on knowing God is with you in this.
Beth Williams says
Ruth,
I have been in your shoes. Both my parents had dementia & geriatric psych issues. It was hard & painful to watch as mom was bedridden for two years not knowing anyone but dad & I. Got harder with dad. He had to be moved to an assisted living & hospitalized twice for psych. Praying God will send His peace & calm to your weary souls. May you be comforted by knowing He is walking with you through this rough time.
Abba Father,
Please be with Ruth & her family today. She is caring for an aging parent. That can be stressful. Give her the peace that surpasses all understanding. Guide her steps & send comfort to her weary body & soul. Make it known to her that you are right there with her walking alongside. Allow others to help her in any way they can. AMEN!
Blessings 🙂
Grace P. Cho says
Caring for aging parents and all that comes with that season of life is so stressful. I’m so grateful that my words brought release, and I hope you feel held this week as you continue on.
Sadie says
Yes I agree and as one who has been a massage therapist for many years, I’ve seen and felt the painful release and the grieving people go through.
The body keeps the score..it’s a true phenomenon that a great dr. Van Der Kolk has written about… helping people release in brain, mind & body!
I would like to stress about children needing the cuddling and back rubbing on our laps.. they too hold trauma and just as Jesus holds us we are in Him holding them.. comforting and loving them as He loves us. God bless our children in this world may they see and know Jesus through us
Blessings to and through you Grace ❤️
Grace P. Cho says
Sadie, God bless you in your work as a massage therapist!! I loved that book so much as it helped me process and understand my body.
Madeline says
Grace, I was so moved reading this. And understand so well not just how our bodies react to stress and trauma but how they respond to a comforting pat. I love the reminder how Jesus used the power of touch to heal.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes to a comforting pat. We need one another so much!
Olivia says
Aawww! Those healing hands! Such comfort and peace in the hands of Jesus. Thank you for sharing. May blessings and grace continue to overflow to you. Praise God and Amen.
Grace P. Cho says
Thank you, Olivia!
Robin Dance says
“Jesus Himself must’ve carried grief in His body too, knowing what was to happen to Him.” I think this must be why, when He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before His crucifixion, “His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:44)
What a beautiful telling of a hard thing, Grace. There *is* a mind-body connection, and you’ve connected the dots that might explain a lot for our pain (physical+emotional).
Grace P. Cho says
Yes! I believe that’s what was happening too! He truly understands.
Jill says
thank you for sharing your experience. I recognize I hold emotion in my body but have difficulty releasing it. Your sharing of you experience will help me be more self aware and hopefully more able to find healthy ways to ” let go” of my frequent aches/knots
Grace P. Cho says
Jill, I do hope you find ways to do that as well. I notice that even when I need to cry, I sometimes can’t get there emotionally on my own and need a sad or touching movie to get the tears going. Whatever way you need to release the emotion, I hope you can get creative!
Gail Noe says
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I understand well. Jesus has been and is doing a deep work in my heart. I know believe and accept I am of value, Jesus restored this to me. Keep yourself in the love of God is not a suggestion but an intentional action we all need.
Grace P. Cho says
Amen!
Irene says
This is so lovely, Grace. When my dad was dying, some friends arranged for me to have a foot massage. I had that same experience, lots of tears streaming down my face. But I felt seen and touched and comforted. It was a blessing during that raw, awful, painful time. Thank you for reminding me.
Grace P. Cho says
That is so sweet! I’m so glad you got to be cared for at a time when you so needed it.
Kathleen M Buckner says
Dear Grace , Thank you for sharing . Thank you for inviting the Holy Spirit to work through you and your writings. This really spoke to my soul and opened up new understanding. God bless
Grace P. Cho says
Oh, I’m so glad, Kathleen!
Deborah says
Your devotional was beautifully written & so encompassing. Thank You Grace for speaking about pain in relationship to marriage.
Bless you & for doing so.
Grace P. Cho says
I’m glad we connected on that pain point. I wonder how often is too often to mention marriage pain, but then I get comments like yours, and I know that we all need to know we’re not alone.
margueritecoutinho@yahoo.co.uk says
You write so beautifully and graphically, Grace. Thank you for sharing such an intimate experience with us. I love watching your (in)courage podcasts with Becky, Dorina, Joy, Kathi and Lucretia. They are so incredibly interesting and insightful. Keep up the good work. Bless you all!
Grace P. Cho says
Thank you for listening! I hope you’re getting to listen to our daily podcast too!
Nancy Ruegg says
Thank you for this memorable illustration, Grace, of the importance of touch and the profound effect it can create. There IS power in a touch, proven by researchers. Just a touch on the arm is enough to release the feel-good endorphin, oxytocin, into the system. What a privilege we have to be a balm for others–with our words, presence, and touch! May we be diligent in watching for opportunities.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes! May we be diligent to watch for opportunities — I love that, Nancy!
Mearla VanDenBerg says
What an excellent word! I’ve had moments of spontaneous tears & experienced that release when the Holy Spirit, whether through the hands of others or by The power of His presence, has healed the trauma & pain. I want to allow the Holy Spirit to work that healing through me as I am with others.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, through us, others can experience the Spirit!
Summer says
I shed tears while I was on the massage table once as well. It was painful to get those knots out. And I was reminded that God does the same thing with me sometimes. He allows me to go through painful times to get out what my body is unnecessarily carrying, to get me to release and to be healed.
Grace P. Cho says
Agreed. Lord, do your work!
Beth Williams says
Grace,
Thank you for sharing a powerful, intimate message. Crying or weeping is the dropping o tears (or welling of tears in the eyes) in response to an emotional state or pain. I often wonder if crying is an act of worship. God has been blessing me a lot since the middle of September. The other day I was told to apply for a full-time job as it was written just for me (Woah!!) On the way out of the parking garage a song came on that included hallelujah He’s alive. All I could do is cry steady streams of tears. These were tears of thankfulness for ALL he’s given me.
I often cry during worship services-especially when we get to communion each week. When I think about ALL Jesus went through-being beaten with cat of 9 tails, dying for me on the cross-for me I get awed. Why would He do that for just little old me? He has held more pain & grief than we can imagine.
Blessings 🙂
Grace P. Cho says
I totally think crying can be an act of worship. Sometimes words don’t come, sometimes singing praise gets choked out by the tears, and just crying is all we can do. He sees that and knows.
Theresa Boedeker says
So well said, Grace. For years my body carried trauma from an accident, but I didn’t know that all those aches and pain were stored in my body. After I read about this cause and effect, I started working to free the trauma. It took me years to put together that real stressful times, like caring for an injured relative, would cause pain a few months down the road. Eventually the pain would get so bad I would finally address it with massage or physical therapy. It would eventually go away and then happen again after another stressful event. Now I know when I am entering a stressful situation or period, to be gentler with myself and try to breathe and relax each day and talk about the stress with God and a friend. That doesn’t always mean that I won’t end up in physical therapy with jaw pain or back pain, but it does mean that I now see the relation between the two in a clearer manner.
Sherri says
As I read this I felt an almost unbearable weight press down on my entire being…This heaviness has been such a normal, daily weight that I’ve carried for such a duration that it has robbed me of so much joy. I’ve never heard that our bodies hold grief in this way, I always just thought grief as merely an heavy emotion causing great mental stress and turmoil… but as I read your post I just cried so intensely that it felt like little pockets of grief were pouring out of body from places they had been so settled into to.
Thank you for reminding me of the undeserved grief that Jesus carried to his death…. that out grief is fully known to a God that leans in to our pain and completely understands it. Thank you for reminding me that He is the healer of our bound up turmoil that takes root in our earthly broken down bodies….. that he is the ultimate physician of our wounds.
Dale says
Dale
Thanks for sharing Grace, I now understand that we store stress on our body and not be conscious of it, well said sis.
Cindy says
I remember crying during a yoga session. I know my body was releasing grief.