About the Author

Mary is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons – but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at MaryCarver.com. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City with their two daughters.

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Reader Interactions


  1. Perfectly timed reminder as our family faces major changes for an elderly relative. We’re in that decisions need to be made but not all the test results results are in yet so we must wait for all the parameters to be revealed before action can be taken. Such a comfort that God already knows the path we will be taking. He’s gone before us yet hasn’t run ahead of us that we have to strive to catch up. He’s right here with us & will be every step, every decision to come. Yeah God!!!

    • Yes, so grateful God is with us every step of the way while also knowing exactly what’s coming next. Praying peace as you face changes and make decisions, Ruth.

  2. Thank you for your words. I do relate!. When I am forcing “things” in my life is when I realize, this is my way, not God’s way. When my life is flowing, it’s because I have let go and let God guide me.

  3. This was perfectly timed as I frequently find myself reverting to needing to be on the constant alert to all eminent peril.
    I am going to save this to read again and again when I need the reminder “to relax and enjoy the view”.

  4. Ah Mary, my 94 year old mom has both memory issues and right now, some depression. I’ve been struggling with this very thing and have used the ‘drivers analogy’ in my head. She has a great caregiver, safety is not the issue, but there are things that I would like to be different which I can’t accomplish living 7 hours away. As a natural fixer, I can easily stress and ruminate about those very things. So, I am trying to leave them with God and save my emotional energy for what I can do. It is hard but a much healthier route both emotionally and spiritually.

    • Kathy,

      I know where you are sweet sister. Both my parents had dementia even psych. I had trouble watching their decline & trying to help them. It breaks my heart that people go through this terrible disease. Praying you find some peace knowing God is in control & will guide her steps on this journey. Asking God to comfort your troubled soul & bring some calm over you.


      Blessings 🙂

    • Kathy, that sounds really hard. I tend to be a fixer too, so I know how frustrating it can be when the ones you love are hurting and far away. Praying strength, peace, and wisdom for you in this season!

  5. I needed this today, Mary. Thank you! My cell phone is missing and I’m not sure I’ll get it back. I miss having it, but I also worry about someone finding it and manipulating the information on it. I will let go and let God. Thank you!

  6. I have suffered with depression and anxiety off and on for 9 years. It seems to come when I get overloaded. Plus, my husband and I live in a difficult situation with my stepdaughter and our 14 yr old grandson. They have been with us for 14 years. It seems my husband and I have no life of our own. Then we finally had to leave our church where we had served faithfully for about 25 years. That was because it had become very controlling with much condemnation from the pulpit. It got worse year after year. It was killing me and we finally had to leave it. Very heartbreaking!!! We haven’t found a new home church yet
    . I just turned 75. I hold onto God and His promises! I believe the Lord has something much greater for us. One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:28. I would be so grateful for your prayers! The Lord bless you all!

    • Donna,

      Sweet sister. Prayers for some calm & peace in your life. Asking God to guide you all to a great church-big or small-where you enjoy the sermons, music & hopefully make good lasting friendships.

      Abba Father,

      Please help Donna & her family as they live in a difficult situation. Send your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help her depression & anxiety not to flare up much. Also guide their steps to a new & wonderful church that all can enjoy. One where friendships can be made. Send people into all their lives to “be there” for them. Your word says:: Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. Let those plans be made known to Donna & her family. In Jesus Name AMEN!

      Blessings 🙂

    • Donna, that’s so much to handle. I’m praying right now that God would take these burdens from you and give you peace and rest in their place. Also praying that He leads you to a healthy church community where you can worship and serve and heal.

  7. I feel like I need to read this over and over and over. I’m slowly trying to learn to let go of “control”.

    • Kimmieg, Yes yes yes! I agree that I BADLY need to read it over and over! I needed this message from the Lord via Mary’s hands and heart like yesterday, but grateful for it today! Thank You, Lord! Thank You, Mary!

      As I am being driven on a slow struggling Covid road , I had to confess to Him, “I DONT LIKE THIS ROAD YOU’VE TAKEN ME ON! And You’re GOING TOO SLOW! And I’ve accomplished basically NOTHING, hardly can even pray, for the last 4-5 weeks!, Etc etc. Help me help me!!!

      And He is, isn’t He? Helping me. HE’S DRIVING! He knows where He’s going and where /how He wants to take me. and I CAN trust Him…oh Father God help me to trust and rest in You more and more!

      • Deb, I can hear the pain and frustration in your words. But you are so right—God is absolutely with you right now, and He’s never left your side! He loves you so much, and not because of anything you might or might not accomplish. Praying you can find rest in Him, peace in this difficult season, and healing as well.

        • Here I am again, a week later….Thank you so much for “hearing” me and responding,Mary! I have felt very much alone and lonely during the last 4-5 weeks, ( even with wonderful brethren praying for me). So you reaching out and kimmieg’ s words meant a lot.

          This week was much better, as far as me trusting and resting more in my strong, capable, and sweet Driver! And maybe some Covid symptoms lessening a bit, praise Him! I even got to go out for the first time in many weeks! And printed off this piece, sharing with a few women at the Jail; I knew they would be blessed too! Plus forwarded on to a few others….and used what I’m learning to actually witness to a friend who needs “Jesus, Chauffeur Savior”. Hallelujah!

          oh taste and see that the Lord is good! Make known among the people what He has done AND is doing, AND will do! Thank You, Lord for using Mary and each commenter here, multiplying multiplying to others YOU want to touch through us, as each of us cooperates and rests gladly when You lead/drive us wherever!
          Blessings and love, because of Him, to you all!

  8. Mary,

    There are many times in our lives that we need Jesus to take the wheel. People began to panic when the pandemic hit. Everyone stockpiling stuff & worrying about getting Covid. Yet there hubby & I were working in hospitals not worrying a bit. For I know God is in control of this spinning universe. He has great plans for each of us. We just need to let go of the wheel & let Him do the driving/leading.

    Through out this time I was working part-time as clerical in ICU Step down unit at big hospital. In that time I’ve lost two RN managers, numerous RNs & CNAs. Plus they shut my unit down twice due to staffing. This last time I wasn’t sure what next steps would be. I just had to trust God. To be honest I was a little scared. I clung to Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. Four days I was able to work a different unit. Loved it there & said so. (I was working extra hours due to co worker who broke her arm.). Long story short God saw fit to give me a part-time benefitted position in that unit & another.

    We just need to remember Jeremiah 29:11 & let God lead us where He will.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Beth, thank you for sharing your experiences. They are a good reminder for me, and others I’m sure.

      Love and hope to all my sisters here, including me…

    • Beth, I’m so happy to hear that you were able to move to a position you enjoy more! What a gift. And yes, you’re right. We do panic so often, especially in the face of uncertainty like we’ve experienced the past couple of years. I’m definitely guilty of that as well (I didn’t hoard but do I still have a stash of extra toilet paper? ummm…yes!), and am grateful God keeps reminding us that He’s got us.

  9. Love this and I do the same thing in the car!
    Thank you for your encouraging words and looking at it in a positive perspective.

  10. I can totally relate to this post. And yes I have been praying to God to show me some guidance on difficult decisions, this post has come to me in a timely manner. I shall re read it again and hope to find some comfort in my next steps

  11. God is in control, and we can trust Him to take us where we need to go — safely and at just the right time.

    This was when I had to take my deep breath. This spoke volumes and I thank God for speaking through you, exactly what was needed. Love how he loves us and knows all from the inside, out (spirit, soul, and body).

    • Shayla, I’m so grateful this article was encouraging to you. What a great God we have, One who speaks to us in so many ways, reminding us He’s with us right this very minute.

  12. I can relate so much with this illustration! We were in Zambia & driving UP to see the old Livingston compound. We were in a big van, not the nice mini vans in the States, & we started to climb. And we climbed some more. Now, as my husband will attest, I go silent. I do push that brake & glance at him with a look, he says is like a deer & something about a headlight.
    After being in Africa many years, the early missionaries learned that if they lived on higher elevation, they wouldn’t be bitten by the mosquitoes that caused malaria. So we climb up on the side of a mountain on a trail, dug out for ox carts.
    I have been on many ‘trails’ & when I get that ‘look’ & go silent, I do the same thing I did that day! I pray!!! But, it doesn’t take me as long to realize who is driving. I only get frustrated with myself for doing this behavior – again! This is why we need reminding. And that’s biblical you know!