The first friend I met at my church in Nashville was Lynzy. She really does spell her name that way. We chatted briefly and I made my way out of the building, pretending that I might never come back, even though I knew I certainly would. Like my two-year-old niece and I winking across the table during dinner prayer, I was half in and half out. I missed my church in Texas, but I needed a home in Tennessee. I was eager for steady community, and I knew making friends would be vital.
Lynzy and I decided we should get dinner the following week. We sat down and talked for hours. But just as I started to let my guard down and sigh in relief that I’d made a friend, she looked at me and said she was about to graduate from nursing school. And she was moving. In about six weeks.
Crazy. Fleeting.
At this point, we had a choice. Give up or press in. I was new to town, and it might have been simpler to make friends with the people I would actually be around in the coming months — especially since I was still reeling from my recent move away from friends in Texas.
But we decided to make the most of it. We went to church and took communion side by side. We ate more meals together and shared stories. She told me she believed in my writing and I told her she was going to be an amazing nurse. And before we could blink, we were sitting in her empty apartment, eating the food that still lingered in the pantry, sipping hot chocolate and watching Harry Potter, surrounded by boxes. She then packed everything up and left.
And through that, this is who I learned God to be: He’s a God who is kind and sees things through and aches for us to know that every ounce of investing in one another is never wasted.
Is it fleeting? Yes.
Should we give up? No.
Do we press in? Absolutely.
So many friendships are fleeting and we use that as an excuse to avoid them. We only want to invest in something that we know we’ll get a good return on. But the reality is that we never know how much time we have with any one person, so the best we can do is wildly love the ones we have while we have them.
It’s been years since I saw Lynzy in person. We still catch up every once in a while, and when we do get on the phone, there is a depth that simply wouldn’t have existed had we not been friends very much so on purpose. We waste a lot of time being choosy when what we need to do is to choose each other.
Hebrews 10:24-25 urges us to pursue community when it says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
So go. Make friends with someone who’s about to move. Introduce yourself to a stranger at church. Call your neighbor over and ask if they want to do dinner soon. Invest with purpose rather than the same tired conversations for years, not allowing a relationship to go deeper. You were made to be in community, so jump in with both feet.
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Melissa, Thank you. I need to hear these words this morning.
So encouraged to hear this. Thanks for reading!
Yes!!! Thank you for sharing this beautiful word this morning! Blessings to you.
So perfect, Melissa. Thank you!
Thanks, friend!
I really needed to hear this as well. I moved to a new area and him three months later my very good friend move to Florida so her husband could work closer to his main office and travel would it be so heavy on the family. The loss is heavy for me and I’ve been feeling it for years. I wanted our friendship to flourish and grow but I was too scared to put any effort because once I knew she was leaving that was it. I know I need community but…
Yes, it is such a huge risk, but I’m glad you’re pressing into that. Keep going!
A someone who has moved a bit in the last several years, I understand both sides. I cherish having known the friends I have made and although we all do not connect with each other as often as we all say we would like, it is always a joy to get a text, email or card in the mail. Thank you for sharing this
Yes! I’ve moved a lot and this is such a tension for sure. Good work in choosing intentional community, friend!
Long ago I worked with a young woman, “Julie,” who avoided relationships because she knew they would only be living in the community for three years while her husband to earn his master’s degree. Good-byes are just too painful, she said. At the end of the three years Julie and her husband attended a reception for the graduating students. She confided in me the next day that she regretted her decision of not making friends; the people at the reception had been such a delight. Her experience became a life-lesson for me as we’ve moved seven times ourselves. Though good-byes ARE painful, I think isolation and loneliness would be worse.
Wow, that is such a hard lesson to learn. They are so painful but so sweet.
Melissa,
We were made for community. God said it is not good for man to be alone. Making friends isn’t always easy. Life gets busy or we know we’ll only be there for a short while. That is no reason to not try. The wise Solomon said this in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! You might have to be the one to take the first step, but I promise it will be worth it. Sure you may be friends for a short while, but they can help you through trials or celebrations. One last thought: Jesus made friends wherever He went. He was always on the move. Didn’t stay in one area long. Yet He put forth an effort to see & love on people. That is what He is asking of us.
Blessings 🙂