About the Author

Marie Chan writes about connecting deeply with Christ and community through life’s challenges. She is an adoptive mom and leads an adoption support group focused on trauma-informed parenting. Marie lives in California with her husband, two children with a third in heaven, and their giant 12-pound rabbit.

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  1. The healing power of shared stories indeed! Thank you for being brave & letting God direct your next steps even when it was/is the hardest! Bless you.

    • Thank you Ruth for your encouragement. Yes, let’s continue to seek God’s guidance as we share our stories. God can use our stories to bring healing to others.

  2. this is beautiful Marie! Thank you for sharing. I love how you went up for Samuel’s planned dedication. Losing a child is a very hard ‘thing’ to navigate. Our sweet first child, Avenelle, was still born at 36 weeks… 38 years ago. I still have those moments when not sure to ‘list’ her in the sharing of ‘Do you have children?’ etc… I have come to realize that when I hear of others losing a child… I do reach out share my story, offering up hope, understanding and compassion and pointing to The One where she is in joyous glory. I look forward to the day when I, you and all believers are reunited. Oh what a glorious day. Keep sharing and offering up healing hope and love to the broken hearted! #icanonlyimagine

    • Tamara, my heart goes out to you about your sweet baby Avenelle. Our babies will always be in our hearts no matter how long ago the loss. I can relate to not knowing how to answer the question about how many children you have and have often felt the same way too. I am glad you continue to share your story because it does offer hope and comfort to so many grieving mothers. Reading your story in the comments encouraged me! Looking forward with you to the day when there will be a beautiful reunion with our babies in heaven.

  3. Hello Everyone,

    Thank you for this touching memory that a brave mother has shared. I would like to agree with her that there is purpose past our pain that only God can see at first.

    I have a sweet baby in heaven. Our baby was too young to see a gender already starting to develop. I remember dreaming about some beautiful yellow flowers about that time and it made me smile. My oldest daughter, Valerie, was going to school for the first time, day #2 of Kindergarten. And guess what, she and her principal shared the same first name, Valerie, how precious to me. This same Principal helped me in the parking lot while I was bringing my daughter to school. I got very sick and I thought it was the normal “morning sickness” but it was the sign of an ectopic pregnancy. My husband was called to get me and later the fire department took me to the Baptist Hospital in Jackson, MS. What a long ride and I figured I must have the flu because I felt awful. I could hear voices but I could not open my eyes or speak. Finally, I was at the Hospital and in the elevator and I woke up and said, “I think I am going to be sick” and the doctor said that’s okay. We will take care of you.

    The next voice I heard was my Mother, Ms. Lillie Rhee, and I saw she was looking sad. She held my hand until I went into Surgery. Even then, I still did not know I was losing my pregnancy. I was told later after my emergency C-section. I really could not believe it at first. A Social Worker came to give her condolences to me for my loss and she gave me a card. At that time, September 2, 1987, I was not given ongoing counseling. I just closed that chapter of my life and moved on.

    Now that I am more alert and informed about emotions and peeling back layers of trauma, I know that I still have some healing to accomplish. I am not angry but sometimes I am sad about not getting to know my sweet little baby.
    I am a Believer and I know my Baby is in Heaven. I did not get to name my baby either, the gender was not known because it was too early to detect. When I think about other mothers who have traveled this path, I know that I can truly have compassion with them and I can really relate to their loss. Maybe one day someone will read my story and find that they can share their story also.

    God is so awesome, He sends earthly Angels along our paths to walk with us and have community with us.

    Enjoy your day.

    Brenda

    • Thank you Brenda for sharing your story. Losing your precious baby and having to go through an unexpected c-section is so hard. I pray that you will continue to experience healing and that God will continue to surround you with a loving community to process all those emotions that accompany loss. May you continue sharing your story as it will bring healing and hope to others.

  4. Thank you, Marie. Yours is a very moving story. I lost my first baby to miscarriage many years ago. Your journey was way harder than mine. But it was a profoundly sad experience for me, and people didn’t really acknowledge my loss. You are brave to share your story! And it helps others, more than you know.

    • Irene, I grieve with you. To lose your first baby to miscarriage is so painful. I am sorry that people didn’t acknowledge your loss. Your baby is precious, no matter how early your loss occurred in your pregnancy. Remembering your sweet baby with you. Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement.

  5. Thank you for sharing your story here, which reminds us that we find purpose and help heal others as we walk with the Lord through our pain and step out courageously on new paths even though we carry our pain with us.

    • Thank you Arris for taking the time to read my story. Isn’t it amazing how God can use our stories and painful experiences to help us connect more deeply with others? I never expected that I would experience that after going through infant loss. I hope you continue to share your story as well.

  6. I’m sure that tears fell fresh on ‘paper’ (or your keyboard) as you penned those words. But I thank you deeply for sharing your pain for the sake of those who wonder what do to with theirs. Blessings to you and your family.

  7. Hello Marie,

    Your story is beautifully and touchingly written. Thank you for sharing it. Your pastor and church deserve kudos for embracing your story publicly and surrounding you and your husband with the comfort of presence in sorrow.

    My life has also been touched by grief, though not of a baby. My heart reaches out to yours as you grieve the loss of your precious child.

    Jennifer

    • Yes, I am forever grateful for my pastor and church community who supported us during such a difficult loss. Thank you for your encouragement and I pray for God’s comfort on your grief journey as well.

  8. Thank you for sharing your story. I am the grandmother of two little ones who we are looking forward to seeing in heaven

    • Grandmothers have a deep grief too and I am sorry to hear of the loss of your two grandbabies. Holding onto hope with you when we will see our sweet babies in heaven.

  9. Marie,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is important to share our stories of struggle, loss & hope. The hope that only God can give us. Our purpose in sharing our trials is to let people comfort us & tell others that they are not alone in their struggles. Thus we create a community of souls who can console & love on each other. God can & will use our pain to help others. Lets keep telling our stories of pain & the hope Jesus delivers.

    Blessings 🙂

  10. Thank you for your courage, Marie. Being able to cry with you for the loss of your beautiful baby Samuel somehow has healing power on my own grief, which is buried deep in my heart and has no place that go. Thank you for giving me air.

  11. It was a painful experience and amazed me your strength in sharing it. Hugs and prayers,

    Marinalva Sickler

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