Our family got some terrific news last week. It was the sort of news that called for hands-in-the-air praise on the town square.
But I was so reluctant to share the good news with the people who had prayed for us most earnestly, the ones who sent daily kind words and Bible verses over texts, the ones who came to the house to pray.
Here’s why:
In the same week that our family got the answers we had prayed for, a lot of our fiercest prayer warriors didn’t get the answers we had prayed for them. One friend was heading to chemo. Another got an awful diagnosis. We were praying for them, and they were praying for us, but when we got our good news, how in the world could we share it when their worlds had been so shaken?
I have long struggled with this question of suffering: Is it okay to be happy while others grieve? How in the world can we celebrate any good fortune at all when so many others anguish despite their impassioned prayers?
We’ve all been there. Every room we walk into holds both joy and sadness. You walk into your friend’s living room for a baby shower to celebrate a new life, and there’s someone else in the room struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss.
You walk into a church sanctuary to celebrate two young newlyweds, and someone in the room found out the day before that her husband has been having an affair.
You are being wheeled out of your hospital room with your discharge papers in hand, and you hear a code blue over the intercom.
All through life, we walk in and out of rooms swollen with both joy and sorrow, celebration and suffering. The same hospital corridor that leads you home is the one where countless mothers have wept an unthinkable loss.
Can we hold the tension of both the joy and the sadness that co-exist in these rooms?
Perhaps we can. Perhaps we must.
This is the embodiment of the Biblical mandate to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15 NIV).
Almost every time I entertain this question of joy co-mingling with sorrow, I think of a quote from our dear (in)courage alumnus Ann Voskamp, who once wrote these words in a book that changed my entire perspective on gratitude: “I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for . . . all the good things that a good God gives.”
When we neglect to rejoice, we deepen the wound of the world.
When we neglect to celebrate, we deepen the wound of the world.
When we neglect to give thanks, we deepen the wound of the world.
If we only allow sadness in the room, how will anyone ever know the taste of joy?
We must allow others to celebrate with us, even as we weep with them. And we must celebrate the joys of others, even as we ourselves suffer.
This is what it means to do life together, letting the bitter hold hands with the sweet in the rooms where we all dwell.
In the end, I decided to share our news with our dearest friends, these people from our small country church who so earnestly tended to us in prayer. I took a deep breath and then typed the good news into our private Facebook group, called simply “Church Group”:
Dad’s biopsy came back this morning with no cancer cells! We celebrate this good news and are incredibly grateful for all of you who visited us this week, prayed for us, called, texted, and quietly supported us in other ways. This church family has treated Mom and Dad as one of the family for many years. We also realize that so many of you who have been so supportive are going through your own hard seasons. This church family is a beautiful picture of Romans 12:15 — we “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” We are here to weep with you, rejoice with you, and pray for you as well. We are all better together. xo
Amen! What a beautiful encouragement to us to share life- all of it with others. In a time of so much illness & political disarray it seems even more valuable to celebrate the victories God gives in the midst of the heartbreaks. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!
I agree, Ruth. For me, it can be so easy to get bogged down in all the distress that I forget to keep my eyes fixed on the beauty.
I needed this reminder today. Very timely, as usual. Thank you!
Oh Krista, I love when God’s timing becomes evident to us. So glad I got to be a part of his good plan today.
This was so encouraging! I often struggle with the same thing. A great verse to remember in a time like that. Romans 12:15.
So glad this encouraged you, Chris! Thanks for being here today!
Needed this encouragement.
So glad this spoke to you, Theresa.
Thanks for a perfect reminder! After my husband died it took me a long time to realize that grief and joy can actually live in the same heart! And that is okay.
Oh Sharon, what a beautiful way to say it. Blessings to you.
In 2020 our son graduated law school. At his graduation it was announced that he had been selected as the student of the year. Not more than 2 hours later did I receive the news of my mother’s passing. It was experiencing the height of good emotions then the lowest. On top of that experience my 2 siblings stopped communicating with me. I was my father’s mother’s caregiver for 15 years, my sister’s gave me very little support in this role in that whole time. I am not only grieving my mother’s passing but the hope of familial comradery. One sister is even a fellow Christian which confuses me even more. Although I struggle with this I choose to walk with Jesus one step at a time.
Oh Linda, those are some big swings of emotions, and it sounds like it’s ongoing too. Thank you for sharing your perspective with us!
Absolutely beautiful.
So kind of you, Susan. Thank you so much.
Such a relatable situation, Jennifer! I’m inclined to hold back – always – because the unhappy news might burden and the happy news might sting. This results in a lonely, static holding. Lord Jesus, teach us to share Your goodness again. It is relief and hope, and we are cheated when we keep it to ourselves. Thank you for sharing!
I figured I wasn’t alone in this! Thanks for sharing your heart here, Michelle.
Jennifer, you nailed it in your letter to your church! And you explored this issue very well in just a few words. Thank you! And bless you and your church family, please Lord.
Thank you so much, Irene. That means a lot.
During some of the hardest days of my life, when the heartache was so raw, so deep, it was a relief to hear happy, joyful news that others shared. That even in my small world there was still good, still joy. Knowing my God, who knows my pain, is giving others joy – it gave me hope, It helped me breathe. It also made me feel loved – that others, knowing my heartache, trusted me with their joy.
Suzy, Thank you for this. This is a really beautiful perspective that I hadn’t considered. “It gave me hope, it helped me breathe.” That’s so important. I appreciate you so much!
Jennifer I think it good to celebrate your happiness about your Dad and the good news. But I do understand were you are coming from. Why you not want to share it with those who were praying for you Dad. That still have not got the answers yet to their prayers. But God would say in my eyes. For you to tell them the good news how happy that you are. But you still feel for them that their prayers have not yet been answered. To tell them you are telling them your good news. To encourage them. That God is still in the process of answering our prayers. If we have faith that he will. For them not to give up or feel down hearted their prayers have not been answered yet. Let them know you are still praying and believing God for them. You still feel for them that their prayers have not been answered yet. For them never to stop trusting God for their situation. Let them know God is with them helping them to really trust him and not give up. Nor start doubting will God ever answer this pray of mine. Like you Jennifer and your family. Had to trust God and never give up that God would answer your prayers for your Dad. God did. You telling your friends. Your story of how God answered your prayers. That this should incourage them not to give up. That God will answer their prayers in his way and in his timing. For them to stay patient. Through out it all. That is why we should celebrate. I believe by. Telling those I believe that have been praying for us. Even when our prayers have been answered. They are not to give up keep praying and trusting God no matter what or how hard it is. By us celebrating our prayers being answered and telling thoes who were praying for us. Even if they now have prayers that need answered. We I believe are praising God for answering our prayers. Plus we are saying thank you to God for answering them. It is good to do that. Keep your Dad in my prayers Jennifer that your Dad’s cancer never returns. For you never to worry or think it could come back. You keep trusting God that it never will. I know people who start and say what if in so many years it comes back. So and so cancer went away for so many years. Then it came back. For you not to ever think that. To remember you Dad is healed and will stay healthy. Because God is projecting your Dad. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co. Fermanagh N. Ireland. Xxx
Thank you so much for your encouragement, Dawn. That really means a lot to me!
Thank you, Jennifer! Being one who has been on both the weeping and the rejoicing sides I just have to say, thank you again! Even on some of my darkest days, I have been blessed and encouraged by someone else’s answer to prayer…It just serves as a reminder that He is there and is hearing our hearts and the hearts of others that we know. Our answers and our encouragements sometimes come through others but they always come and He leads us though the muddles in the middle! Blessings on you and your’s this week! Thank you for your meaningful words of “incouragement” today!
Thank you so much, Bonnie. I appreciate your perspective here today as well!
Funerals of saints are often a mixture of the sad and joyous. We cry at their passing; they will be missed greatly. But we also rejoice in their legacy that will live on in our hearts, and we even laugh together over those humorous moments from their lives that have become precious memories. We keep our balance when the bitter holds hands with the sweet. (Love that imagery, Jennifer–thank you!)
This is such a great point to draw out, Nancy. Thanks for adding your voice to the conversation. I adore you.
Jennifer,
I, too, have trouble sharing good news with others. Don’t want to come off as gloating. Yet life is full of joy mixed with sadness. I have a friend whose mother died on Thanksgiving day so while others celebrate she mourns. Jesus teaches us in Romans 12:15 Love in action is rejoice with those who rejoice & mourn with those who mourn. You did it the best way possible. Letting them know their prayers for you were answered & yet showing compassion with their trials. That is true Christian friendship.
Blessings 🙂
So good and true. Each morning, I thank God, say “thank you, I woke up well”. I’m beginning to wonder if survivor guilt will begin to take on a whole new embodiment or if we will all be able to both grieve and rejoice well and fully, together.