About the Author

Anjuli grew up as a missionary kid secretly wondering, “Why does everyone else understand what a relationship with Jesus is, but me?” It wasn’t until she ran into her fears instead of from them, that Anjuli found her voice and the love of God meeting her there. She is a...

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  1. It could have been me writing these thoughts only instead of feeling envious over a friend’s new job, it would be listening to people share about their grandchildren ( I have 2 grown children with NO interest in having any- my son is married and my daughter is in her third long term relationship) and listening to people share about their children’s very successful jobs (my very intelligent, highly educated daughter tends bar as her career in a biker bar). I know I should be grateful they are all happy and healthy, but instead I see it as a reflection on me. In my mind I obviously wasn’t a good enough mother. And these feelings are so very hard to stop. I pray today I will just love them all for who they are.

    • I understand – it’s hard to be happy when you have empty arms waiting to hold a child or grandchild. I’m there with you and I too, feel it’s punishment for not being the mother I should have been. So, I try to embrace this cross, love others’ grandchildren when I’m able and carry on. Unfortunately, I feel that our children’s decision will ultimately bring a sadness in their later years that will be their cross as well – and so we pray – for now and the future – for peace and mercy. Love you, my friend.

  2. Anjuli, this is so raw and honest! It makes me wonder what sins (besides this one) I’m inviting in my front door. Time for some self reflection and prayer. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. There is breath taking beauty in vulnerability. Thank you for sharing. Timidly but with assurance!!! Oh, this speaks to me. This paragraph: ❤️

    “I’m often afraid to trust that God will meet me in the middle of my mess. It’s hard to hold onto Jesus instead of my jealousy. But I believe there is a better way. God promises the way to freedom is through Jesus. Do I believe Jesus is enough? Timidly, but with assurance, I do believe this.”

  4. Thank you so very much for this! Your honesty. I struggle with jealousy and envy so often. I feel that I am always in a battle to push it down, hide it, fight it. It leaves me feeling so ashamed of my failure to acknowledge all Jesus has done for me. So ungrateful. And those feelings lead me to pull away in shame from God. I am so glad Jesus is my always present ally and mediator. And so grateful for his grace and mercy as He is with me in my struggle. And I am so grateful not to be alone.

  5. When my sister announced her pregnancy, I phoned and squealed and all of the things a future aunt is supposed to do, and then I put down the phone and cried for a week straight. I wasn’t jealous, but I have always wanted kids and well… life hasn’t worked that way for me. I told a trusted friend about it and she helped me see that my feelings were okay and that it wasn’t envy at all, but fear and grief.

    Fast forward a year, and I’m in absolutely love with my niece and partially filled my longing for kids by working as an early childhood educator!

  6. You are wonderful. You just said what has been lingering in my own heart, far too long. Thank you. God bless you! -Your sis in Christ, Nicolle

  7. Ooof. I know this internal battle all too well. Especially in seasons of struggle and transition, which seem to be the only seasons I’ve had lately, it is hard to rejoice with those who rejoice. I do wonder if part of the struggle can be the failure for people to also “weep with those who weep” well… Not to say that envy is not still a sin to be reckoned with, but often my envy stems more from my own grief and disappointment and it takes work to process those raw emotions instead of hardening my heart with envy and cynical criticism. Thanks for this honest piece.

  8. Thanks for your honesty I have been there. I thank God for the strength he gives when we are obedient. God bless you.

  9. Thank you for being so honest and letting yourself be vulnerable. Jesus is so much greater and He is conquering your soul with His love.!!!

  10. Envy can eat away at your soul. I know someone who is was envious of another having more than her. As our kind Salvation Army Offer give us bag all the women for Mother day one time with goodies in it. To let us know we were as women loved in our Church. She was envious of her friend and what she had in her bag. She thought her friend had more in her bag than she had. Even though her friends had different things in her bag. She texted me to ask me what I got in my bag. Told me what her friend got. She thought her friend got a better bag than she did. I knew then the Envy or jealousy was setting in. I told her what I got in my bag. I was just so happy to get a bag. That our Church the Officer had thought to give me a bag. Especially when I was not a mother. No never going to be that she never left me out. It was Mother day she did the bag for with the goodies in them which was nice of our Officer. But I wouldn’t have been one bit annoyed if not got a bag at all. Because I was not a Mother. My Officer had just given them to all the Mother’s in our Church. Saying it was for Mother’s day our Offer was giving them out. The fact I got one made me smile and thank God all the more. That my Officer had not forgotten me. Infact she gave to all the women in our Church. For Mother’s day. But this person was letting it eat at her the thinking her friend got a better bag than she did. When she didn’t. We all got the same amount of stuff in our bag may be a few things different. But most were the same. She the person was letting it eat her up so much that it was making her spiritual soul rotten. Not nice. I said when she ask me what I got in my bag. What I go in it. As if I didn’t she would had kept annoying me to find out. Then I said I am so grateful to get a bag me not a Mum. I did say this to her as she wouldn’t have listened to me. I even thanked God I got a bag me not a Mum. So I did. But she was wrapped up in thinking her friend got a better bag than her. I said don’t let that annoy you. What she got in her bag. You got a bag. She wouldn’t listen to me. I said it in a nice way it is not worth getting annoyed over what your friend got in her bag or I got in mine. You still got a bag. God would not want something like this to annoy us. That it make your soul rotten. So in this case the best thing to do. Is stop and be thankful for everything. Plus even the things you have been given as gift. Look at people in our world and Churches who can’t afford and people who get nothing that are struggling. Be thankful on to God for everything. Don’t let it rot your soul. God would not want that. Keeping you all incourage in my prayers. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx

  11. Thank you for sharing. Sin does sneak in and keeps us tied up. Praise God for his son, Jesus! He died for my sins and the sins of the world. I need to lean and trust in him. Love like him. Create in me a clean heart and renew in me the right spirit.

  12. Anjuli,

    Envy is a big tool of the devil. Look at Face Book & you see the “perfect” lives of friends & family. Knowing your life is anything but perfect. It can be easy to get down & upset over another’s good news. Why hasn’t God done _____ for me-you fill in blank (give me children, good job, Etc.) Truth is He alone know the path He set for you. He has plans for you-plans to prosper you-to give you a Hope & a future! We just need to trust His perfect timing. Meantime we need to kick that envy sin to the curb & tell him NO MORE!!

    Blessings 🙂

  13. Oh, friend. Your honesty is making way for the light to shine into the dark places of your heart — bringing freedom for you and for others. Thank you for inviting us in.

  14. While reading this I realized just how much I struggle with this. I understand when you say you maybe don’t want to give it up. That really hit me. I know this is what is happening to me and I’m allowing it. I Don’t want to give it up. It does play a roll in my life. I honestly don’t want to be this way. You gave me a lot to think about. Thank you

  15. When I was married, my ex husband’s twin sister was jealous of me was what she admitted to me. I never really believed her but now I think she was. I struggle with my own envying over varying things and I envied her success and some of the same things she was jealous of in me. I have prayed about, asked God to guide me through and learn from the challenges caused by it. What I have learned is by my forgiving offenses I have committed toward them and loving people for their strengths and weaknesses I am better able to love God. She doesn’t like me and that’s alright. I love God more. That’s what matters most.

  16. So powerful. We do have a choice. Not many months ago I called my sister and was complaining about a person, a person I had a right to complain about. Or so I thought. My sister listened for awhile and then said, “Why can’t you let this go? What are you getting from complaining about this person?” Ouch! Yes, I was feeling more righteous than them (I would never do that), I was feeling wronged (and wanted someone to hear all the many ways), and I was getting strength and power from looking down on them. I wanted to deny I was getting something from all my complaining, but I couldn’t. I had a choice. I could let this person rob me of my choice and waste all my anger and energy upon, or i could humble myself and love them through God’s eyes.

  17. Anjuli,

    I struggle with this too. Thank you for your kind words to remember to always choose Jesus and love. I appreciate you friend!

    erin