About the Author

Michelle Reyes, Ph.D., is an Indian American pastor’s wife, writer, and activist. She is also the Vice President of the Asian American Christian Collaborative and writes regularly on faith, culture, and justice. Michelle lives in Austin, TX with her husband and two kids. Follow her on IG @michelleamireyes.

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  1. So like Jesus, seeing beyond the hurt & pain ( our sin) & acting to give us worth in His righteousness, forgiveness I/we don’t deserve/can’t earn but He did it anyway. Amazing love! Thank you for sharing your example of passing His grace to others! Simply beautiful!

  2. Loved this. Just think if everyone applied what you suggest, it would be a more loving and compatible world. Seeing more angles on every issue, picking the best ideas. Our Feelings (and arrogance) definitely get in the way of life. I agree, open communication and confronting our OWN feelings is the answer on the largest of scales. Love and treat people how we want to be treated. God makes it so clear… and then we complicate it.

  3. Michelle, this is so real and applicable to all our lives! I want to take on that same posture of grace. Letting curiosity and a genuine care for others is such a better starting point for engaging with others than in our hurt and anger. Thanks for this, friend.

  4. Thank you for sharing your heart. It reminds me of something that happened too me. With a Friend. Only for another Friend. I would have said something back too her. As the Friend that said the words to me. Hurt me greatly. I was not going to go to something she had asked me too because her words hurt me badly. Then my other Friend that was invited too. Said don’t let her words hurt you. As if you do they will eat at you. You got to forgive her. Come with me to what she has invited us to show you have forgiven her. Don’t let it annoy you. I showed my Friend the text message from the Friend that had hurt with her words. All I was doing was explained why I couldn’t eat a big meal. At the things she ask me too. I was nice about it. My other friend when I showed her the text told her that I had only just was nice about it. Explain why I couldn’t have big meal during the day. My friend said yes she shouldn’t have said the Friend that said what she said that hurt me. As I am very sensitive person. Words do hurt. I told my other Friend only you want me go to the thing we both been invited too. I would not be going I was so hurt by her words. She this person is saved that said what was not nice there was no need for it. Plus so is my other Friend that I went with. But I did think what my Friend that still wanted me go with her said before the day of the invite. I had to forgive her. I knew there was no other way as this person that hurt me with her words. When I was only explaining why I can’t eat a big meal during the day. So I knew because of the type of person the person that hurt me with her words. I couldn’t tell her I have forgiven you. As she not listen to me. Think she done nothing wrong or said nothing wrong. But when my other Friend that read on the text what this other friend said. She agreed there was no need for her to be so hurtful with her words. Especially when you were only in a nice way explaining yourself. So I went to the Lord ask him to forgive me for what the Friend that hurt me with her words when she should not have. I went to the invites with my other Friend. I did at the start of the day at the invite. Did still feel a bit hurt. When I looked at the Friend that said the words she shouldn’t have. But as the day went on I go with the help of the Lord to put it behind me. Enjoyed the rest of that day. That the Friend who invited me too it that said words she shouldn’t have says. I left her God hands. I knew in my heart God was pleased with me. Now it doesn’t annoy me at all. But words do hurt at times. So we have to be very careful what we say. I know to this day she doesn’t think she done anything wrong. I not tell her as in the past. So I not get a sorry from her for her words. But I did when God would want me to do and forgive her. Even though I didn’t tell her. That her words had hurt me. I nearly was not going to the things she invited me too. Michelle thank you so much for sharing your heart. If we wanted we could have got Angry at you what happened in your Zoom Chat. Me with my Friend and her words. Then we end saying things that we later regret. To the people that hurt us with their words. They probably think get a life don’t let my words hurt you. God wouldn’t want us to that. So we I believe did the right thing. God is pleased with us for doing the right thing. I know with me and that Friend that hurt me with her words and you and the person on Zoom. When we look back at it now. We are very glad we didn’t have words with them. As we could have hurt them with ours. We both did the right thing.
    Keep you all incourage in my prayers. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N. Ireland. Xx

  5. I am really thankful to God for this post as it spoke directly to a situation.in my life where I was needing God’s direction.
    Thank you!

  6. Michelle,

    What a wonderful post! I think we all could benefit from it, and it definitely resonated with me. Reminds me of the good old Ladder of Inference that’s so easy to run up, just like you stated. Thank you for helping all of us to remember to breathe and to assume the best of people.

  7. Thank you for sharing this. It gives me great insight into the heart of God. I realize the times I needed this type of wisdom. It helps me move forward in a more understanding direction.

  8. So often if we can distance ourself from the comment (yes, this is hard to do and I am still learning to
    do this), but so often the comment is more about them than us.

  9. Michelle,

    It is so easy to feel the need to retaliate harsh comments. The trick is to ask God to help us see the best in everyone. They may not realize they hurt our feelings or did something wrong. I put that very concept to practice this week with hubby. God helped me keep my mouth shut & instead email him some words of affirmation.

    Blessings 🙂

  10. Awesome advice. I love how you handled the situation when you went back. It’s a great example for us to model. It reminds me Proverbs 16:7, when a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.