“If one more thing falls in our lap, I don’t think I can take it.”
I said those words in spring of 2020, partly to God and partly to my husband. And like a siren call made to steer the sea ship toward destruction, guess what fell into our laps soon after I uttered the words?
Another difficult change I didn’t want or ask for.
It came on an unusually hot summer morning. I heard my husband call out from his office, “Hey honey, can you come in here?” I walked into the room, and he relayed the news we’d been waiting for — but news that didn’t go our way, news that broke my heart.
The air in the room, like the news delivered, became obscenely oppressive. I dropped into his office chair, more because my legs gave way than because I was consciously sitting down.
I started breathing shallow and quick, tears falling down my face. It felt like a certain measure of sacred life would never return to normal. I knew this would be a definitive line of demarcation in my life of before and after.
The changes of 2020 touched most aspects of our lives: our hearts, our families, our life stages; relationships, fellowship, and friendships.
More than once, we asked this to heaven: How long, oh Lord?
Of course, some of the changes were difficult yet expected. But when so many changes that were not expected or wanted hitch themselves to the wagon of the expected ones, you can want to take to your bed, pull the covers tight around you, and get lost in a piled-up plate of nachos or Netflix.
(Ask me how I know.)
Maybe your last several seasons or years had multiple changes smacked into you too. Changes such as:
The pandemic stole your job, your home, your loved one’s life.
A change of heart stole your marriage, your definitive plans, your mental health.
The national division and international turmoil stole that trip, that friendship, that familial harmony.
There’s nothing wrong with turning toward favorite treats or television shows for a little while. But as God has thankfully seen me through to the other side of those difficult changes of 2020, I want to pass on three longer-lasting coping mechanisms that helped me get from where I was, neck deep in the muck and mire, to the better place I am today:
- Be honest with just one person about how you’re really doing. Whoever you can count on to count your own heart as precious — your mama, your sister, your friend — tell her how you’re doing. Text or call her about getting together this very week, on a phone call or in person, and tell her you’re gonna need a little time to share some things out loud. Get the thoughts and feelings from the inside to the outside.
- Serve your family, your friends, your neighbors. Do a small handful of things to intentionally get out of your own head and be a blessing to someone else. That is, serve other people. When joy is elusive, be the way someone else receives joy. So, share the tacos, text the word of encouragement, or watch the neighbor’s kids for the afternoon. Serve someone else and watch how the Lord serves you by bringing joy right back to your own weary heart.
- Get your hind end in the Word. While it’s important to process our struggles with others and to serve others, we want to plant truth into ourselves on the regular. I know some life stages make this more regularly attainable than others. But even if you can only get a few verses in while you scramble the eggs or fold the laundry, it will not return void. It will strengthen you from the inside out.
Through active rather than passive waiting, we can make it through the difficult changes in our lives. And make no mistake: You will make it through your season of change upon change. You will.
You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Because if God was good before these changes — and indeed He was because He is good all the time — He is good now and will give good things within these hard changes, too.
Ruth Mills says
Great, practical advice. Not from an Ivory tower but a fellow in the trenches gal. Thank you for sharing & encouraging us.
Kristen Strong says
Oh gosh, yes! No ivory tower in sight. Heh. Thank you for encouraging me right back, Ruth. xo
Madeline says
There has been so much change in my life since 2018. Last year could have pushed me over the edge and at time I could do nothing more than sit and cry. Having these writings from all you wonderful, compassionate women to start the day has been such a help. I normally am a positive, glass half full person, but last year really knocked the wind from my sails. I have learned that it’s ok to admit how I really feel, and it makes me feel better to focus on others. I try to start the morning with readings. The problem comes when the day gets going. I struggle to keep the words in front of me. I have such good intentions and then find myself realizing I am not following through. Life.
Kathy Francescon says
I can so relate…God bless You for being so honest. But we must keep trying…
Kristen Strong says
Pressing forward alongside you, Kathy. xo
Kristen Strong says
Oh wow, do I relate to so much of this, Madeline. Some seasons just have us army-crawling through all the change. My prayer for us is that we keep sharing honestly about how we’re doing and we both become very good at keeping those “words in front of us.” (So well said!) We will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Olivia says
Praise God for taking me through and helping me through the changes of life. I love the Lord, he heard my cry.
Kristen Strong says
Praising him alongside you!
Irene says
Kristen, this is absolutely lovely! Your words seemed to wrap around me like a warm blanket. I love lists that instruct me on how to cope. You hit this one out of the ballpark. Thank you so much!
Kristen Strong says
Well, you went and made my day with these kind words, Irene. Thanks for sharing the warm blanket with me! Sending love.
Tammy says
What great, and much needed words this morning.
Thank you for the encouragement. The world is slowly returning to some normalcy, but there really are so many things that are different.
Have a wonderful week. God bless.
Tammy
Kristen Strong says
Yes, there really are so many things that are different, and there are so many changes that we’ve all experienced that were and were not COVID related. But the Lord will make a way for us to make it through them all. Sending you love and gratitude for your presence here, Tammy!
Donna Burttschell says
Thank you Kristen for your words of encouragement. Depression and anxiety have hit me again. The Lord has always brought me thru these very difficult dark times and I believe He will again. I hold onto Him and His promises. Please include me in your prayers. God bless you and all of us as we walk thru these most difficult times!
Kristen Strong says
Donna, I’m praying for you right now. Thank you for the reminder that if God was faithful to see us through past changes-which He was-then He will be faithful in the present. God bless and keep you, Donna. xo
Donna Burttschell says
Thank you so very much Kristen! And I am praying for you as well. Yes, God is al ways faithful and will bring us thru! The Lord bless you more than you can contain, pressed down, shaken together and running over!
Donna Burttschell says
Friends, let me encourage you with God’s word of promise: read Psalm 121. I read it every day and it brings me comfort.
Janet Williams says
AMEN \0/
Karen Knowles says
Thank you, Kristen! Such encouraging words!
linda says
Father, whatever you have allowed to enter her life, I pray for this dear sister. Make her to feel your presence, love and power over everything that seems so wrong. Amen. and seal
linda says
meant “Selah”
jasmine says
Just love your saying..Because if God was good before these changes- and indeed He was because He is good all the time..
Hallelujah, PTL. In Him, we find our strength to resist, accept and overcome changes.
Linda Ortiz says
Thank you for the encouragement. Going through a season that is a bit hard “for me”. To others it might not be a big deal, but for me it is. It is affecting me mentally. Your article has helped. Thank you.
Julie says
Thank you for this. My husband’s entire department lost their jobs yesterday at the college he has worked for almost 10 years. I can’t believe I was carelessly ordering a new bathing suit just yesterday. How quickly things can change and become very hard.
Susan G. says
Thanks for this Kristen. I love every single post you write. I don’t comment much of the time, but know I read every single one and leave them in my ‘box’ to read again! And sometimes again! 😉 Each one is encouraging and humorous! I gravitate to writers who entwine those two things together! 😉 You are one of my favorites! I can’t write a lick, but I’m a big reader!
Praying for you as you share your heart amidst your own change…
May He abundantly bless you!
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
Prayers for you & your family. May God continue to bless you as you struggle in this trial. Asking God to send answers & relief quickly. God promised that we would have trials/changes down here. Some are more difficult to deal with than others. You gave practical advice for dealing with these. For me telling someone about my problem seems to help greatly. I usually text a friend or two just to vent. In return I act like that listening friend when others have troubles. Willingly give of myself to hear them vent. Love helping others. Yes it takes the focus off you & puts it on others. Plus it gives such joy knowing I’m doing some good & shedding His light & love on this world. Keeping the word inside truly helps. I memorize scripture so when trials come I can rebuke the evil one like Jesus did. Thanks for great advice.
Blessings 🙂
Sheila Goudeau says
I do understand what you are saying.. I am in one of those seasons now… not the first time in my nearly 70 years… I know God is in control.. I need to stay in peace, face my fears and take it bit by bit. I trust Him to bring the victory..listen to Bible every night.
Sharon Gakin says
Good suggestions. We need to be reminded-a lot-because we forget God’s provisions for us.
Is it possible to become a writer for this excellent blog? If so, please advise me.