I’ve been a performer and achiever for as long as I can remember. When I was three, I was thrilled to master riding a two-wheeler before my older sister. When I was seven, I raced my best friend Jack to see who could climb to the tippy top of a towering tree first. Growing up, I took every honors class and joined every school club, sports team, and student council I could.
In high school, it was edging toward midnight and I was working to finish a term paper, again. I sat in our upstairs landing in front of a huge clunky white Macintosh computer feverishly typing away (probably waiting for the dial-up internet to connect. Bless.)
“Rebecca Dee!” my mom called up from the bottom of the stairs. “Are you still doing homework?”
“Yeah, almost done,” I lied.
“It’s too late! Just go to bed and take the B!” she hollered.
Go to bed and settle for a B? Stop striving and accept less than the best? It was the most preposterous suggestion my adolescent ears had ever heard. Clearly, I suffered from “The Triple P”: People-pleasing, Perfectionist, and Performance issues. (Well, I guess that’s four p’s.)
I’m not sure when or how the belief took root — maybe out of my desire for control and security as a child of divorce, maybe as the youngest of three sisters who was desperate to be noticed. Whatever the reason, I believed I was what I achieved. Maybe sometimes I still believe that.
My default is to hinge who I am on what I produce. But I’m learning to combat my natural tendency with the truth: God loves me because I am His daughter. Period. Unattached to what I do, I am loved by God.
Any personal growth I’ve had in this area of my life is rooted in understanding my identity in Christ. God’s gentle, patient guidance keeps drawing me back to Himself again and again and again. (He for sure gets all the credit.)
Part of my journey has been learning to reframe the way I see rest and productivity. Rest is not a hindrance to performance — like my high school self adamantly believed; rest is its own kind of productivity. Without physical sleep and mental breaks, we simply cannot perform to the best of our ability. Even more, rest is essential to experiencing God. Certainly, the Lord’s command to keep a Sabbath points to how serious He is about rest. He put it in the top ten things He wanted His people to make central to their lives in Him. I could write a whole article or twenty on the Sabbath alone!
But today I’m reminding myself, and maybe you need to hear this too, that taking productivity off the pedestal I’ve placed it on isn’t meant to be a once-a-week act of trust and surrender. Rest is not reserved for a Sunday full-stop. Rest can (and dare I say, should) be part of our everyday lives, seven days a week. Even more, what if rest isn’t just pausing productivity and ceasing striving? What if rest is joy and soul care? What if rest is experiencing the fullness of life in slow moments weighed down with gratitude and wonder?
This is what I’m learning. And it’s marvelous and hard in a weak-muscle-getting-stronger kind of way. As I choose to believe I am loved for who I am and not for what I do, I am able to love myself, others, and God even more. It’s the craziest thing.
Here are my current favorite ways to rest:
- Read a novel
- Take a long shower
- Nap when I’m tired
- Be present at my boys’ baseball games
- Schedule coffee with a friend
- Play a card game
- Go on a neighborhood walk or local hike
My friend Mindy has started painting to rest, relax, and enjoy the wonder of color and quiet moments. I asked her if I could invite myself over to try it with her sometime. It won’t be productive or performative. It won’t be something to check off my list or post on Instagram. But I have a hunch God will meet me there. In the same way He meets me in the delight of a complex fictional character or morning sunshine illuminating leaves like mini green lanterns, in the same way He whispers comfort to my soul as I drift off to sleep for an afternoon snooze or cheer on my boy who as he makes a great catch, God’s presence will be with me.
Elevating my own productivity puts the focus on me. Leaning into creative rest retrains my heart to focus on God — the provider of everything I need.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
Psalm 23:1-3a (NLT)
I’ve heard it said before that we are human beings, not human doings. May we choose to be in Him, with Him, today.
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Well you hit the nail on the head on this one. I too am guilty of being a productivity Junkie. A Performer most of my life. Match you at the age of three as well. It all started in dance class. Also a child of divorce and raised by a productivity junkie mother who performed fabulously throughout her life until this last year her frail tired body gave away to dementia. I guess I come by it honestly.
I’ve always known deep inside that I wasn’t meant to perform and honestly I still struggle with just being. I love being Christ’s daughter and I’m learning how to rest. When you get to be my age you see how necessary it is. I’m still asking him what he wants me to do everyday so I guess I haven’t died to the idea a productivity quite yet. Thank you for sharing your heart and truth. I’ll be sharing this post with all my precious girls and ladies in my life. Thank you. MUCH love in Christ
Dawn in VA
Dawn, I think the key is in exactly what you said — asking God every day what He wants you to do. That discipline makes all the difference in my life too! God invites us to partner with Him in countless beautiful and important ways. I just need to keep remembering to live from His strength and not my own — and accept His kind invitations to rest. I’m so very glad to know this resonated with you! And thanks for sharing it with your people. Much love, Becky
Amen! Me too! As I’m getting older, I’m really seeing that rest is a necessity. I feel like I’m finally getting off the wheel of the rat race and enjoying just spending time with God. But even in that I’m prone to doing too much — even too many Bible studies at one time can be counter-productive. Thanks for the reminder that spending time with the things God created in me, my creative outlets that recharge my spirit, spending time in nature, and spending quality time with good friends is part of Sabbath rest, and is desperately needed.
Amen! I’m on that journey with you, Gail.
I needed this! Thank you.
I’m so glad it was timely for you, Brenda! God is really kind like that.
Yes and Amen to all of this! I too am learning more and more each day how to truly rest- body, mind and soul. Being truly, fully present is an active part of rest. When we’re present in any given moment, conversation, whatever it may be, we’re indeed resting as our minds our not cycling in a million different directions. For me rest has become so many things: reading, writing, taking long walks, practicing Christian yoga, sitting outside on our patio with my husband, kids and neighbors. And, prayer….oh boy, is prayer ever so restful. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of the ever importance of true rest in our King.
“Being truly, fully present is an active part of rest.” Yes!! This is so true. And I love the examples of rest you gave. Keep leaning in, sister!
Becky,
It can be so easy to fall into the productivity, striving mode. This world applauds doing, going, achieving, always looking at the next latest greatest idea/report thing. Christ turns that upside down & says less is more. It is alright to take some quiet time each day to recharge & refuel our souls. Lysa Terkeurst says it best in her book The Best Yes “Saying yes to everyone & everything won’t make you wonder woman. It will make you a worn out woman.” You won’t have anything left to give to your family, friends or even God. Praying we can all get off the productivity wheel & try some creative rest. Go paint, cook/bake, take a walk outside, dance to Christian music. It puts the focus back on God.
Blessings 🙂
Love this, Beth! Yes. I’m looking forward to some creative rest this weekend — ping pong with my kids, sitting on the back porch and journaling, listening to the Holy Spirit.
Becky, you make some valid points. I tend to compete with my hubby for “work accomplished”. He does a lot, so it’s grueling! I often remind myself that those are his choices. They don’t have to be mine!
That’s hard, Irene. But keep preaching that reminder to yourself. Your worth is not tied to out-working anyone. Hugs.
Becky,
I enjoyed this truth you shared about the importance of resting in God.
I like you am a perfectionist and God is teaching me to put Him first and not focus on things, but important matters like the concern for others.
I appreciate your gut level of honesty in humbling yourself to God and allowing Him to teach you that He values you most importantly than in the things you do for Him.
This encourages my faith in God, to do the same.
Thank you,
Mary Ann Walczak
I appreciate what you shared, Mary Ann. Thanks for being here.
Wonderful post, thank you!!
Thank you, Karen!
Our women’s Bible study just started Priscilla Shirer’s Breathe yesterday. On the radio right after our study, the commentator was speaking on rest. Then I read this. Me thinks Someone is trying to get my attention.
I love it when God does that! The same message packaged in multiple ways is definitely an invitation to pay attention!
I believe I like to stay productive or as my hubby calls it “busy” so that I don’t dwell too much on my imperfections, my flaws, my shortcomings. Growing up I was so introverted and wanted to please and honor my parents that I excel at bring the perfect child. In high school, my cousins skipped school on occasions and asked me to join them repeatedly in which I reply, nah I got school… After marrying my hubby, I continue on this endless pursuit to remain productive only in the end my health started to deteriorate causing me to truly remain at ease. It is so needed I learn to be in solitude and let my mind hear God’s voice… For so long I had pushed God’s voice away and lie to myself that this is what God would want me to do, keep moving. Thank you for sharing this!
Maylee, thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story with us. It can be so hard to break long-held patterns that are so deeply tied to our identity and what we believe to be true about ourselves and God. I’m so encouraged to hear that you are listening to His voice and learning the gift of being still with Him.
Becky well said. I am one of those people. Who has to get things done now. Then I’ll say to myself it be done and out of why. I not have to look at it waiting to be done later. I don’t take enough time to rest for myself and God’s word. I just have to get the things done first. Then I feel better to sit down and read God’s word. By the time I get to reading it I too tired. I don’t spend half the time I should reading God’s word and spending the time with God that he would want me too. I find myself feel guilty for that. When the jobs could have waited. As they were not that important. God I should have put first reading his word and resting. Then doing the job round the house. As I find when I go to spend time with God. I way to tried. I don’t spend half enough time with him. I usually too tired to listen too what he has to say to me God. So I heard God say Dawn Rest house can wait and the jobs. Then you’ll have the energy to do them. Not be tired. You have that special time with me God. I am still finding it hard to that. So I going to have to retrain my body. To leave the house stuff. To later rest in the ever lasting arms of God saying my prayers and reading his word first. When I do that. I feel so much better. I will have more energy to the jobs in my house that need done. Because I put God first.
Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Dawn, I feel this tension too. I’m so glad God is patient and gentle with us — continually inviting us to choose what is better first. You’re so right, the other stuff can wait.
Thank you, Karen!
I love this, Becky. It’s so encouraging and needed. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
I wish we could have coffee and choose rest together that way.
Thank you, friend! And I wish for that too. So much!
Thank you so much for this reminder, Becky. Recently, I was NOT in charge of some very important events in our family’s lives. In addition to continually praying that God would bring me peace and that He would be there to help me just BE and enjoy the events, people and His creation in those moments, I also remembered something I’d heard before – “not my circus, not my monkeys” – ha! ha! God certainly has a sense of humor, which I need to embrace more and more.
Blessed by Him,
Rondee
Hello Everyone,
I am certainly guilty of not knowing how to rest my soul, not resting my emotions, and not resting from productivity and pleasing others.
I confused placing the interests of others above my own interests with being selfish and vain. I certainly don’t want to be a hypocrite or a liar.
How can I expect coworkers to do their jobs completely and not give my best efforts at work, even when I was so tired emotionally and physically. I plowed on . . .
Now, I will not be guilty of that any longer. I can spot it very easily in others because it was once my foundation. It makes others glad to be on your team but it is not fair unless everyone pledges to keep a balance between our personal quiet times with God, then quiet times with “self” so you can offer help to your family. And this is very difficult to say, Church volunteers need a lot of rotation help. If not, burn out is inevitable. Everyone has a gift to share with others and gifts to share with the body of Christ.
These gifts come with a need for transparency, accountability, patience, character, a lot of truthfulness. Don’t lie and say, “I can handle this”, knowing it will be too much to do all alone. Ask for help even if you are a paid employee, a volunteer, a neighbor or a family member preparing for a Family Reunion. It is no shame or guilt in asking for help.
We all have different personalities and demeanors so don’t be shy around gruff volunteers or coworkers. They are human and we need to get along but with honesty.
Teach your children and young adults to stand up for what is right.
Learn to be in the moment and to take time out of your schedules to take time for yourself; read a novel or watch a documentary of your choice, play with your children, play with your pet. Read some Bible verses and listen to some uplifting and encouraging gospel music!
God gives us 24 hours a day to enjoy, help one another, work, volunteer, get your children from school, cook dinner and do laundry.
These are important things for family life but “one” person cannot achieve all of these goals alone and without help and rest.
I am so thankful for being 62 years wise. I am so pleased to encourage young females about balance and spiritual growth and development.
Joy comes from a close relationship with your Lord and Savior. It takes time alone with God to develop a healthy relationship.
Happiness depends on circumstances and that means things are subject to change. So, learn from others who did not get it right early in life so you will be a healthy and joyful person.
God bless you all.
Brenda M. Russell
Mother of Three Lovely Daughters
“Rest is its own kind of productivity.” AMEN, Becky! I needed this input during the years that I taught school, especially while our three children were still under our roof. So glad you’ve addressed this issue here, for the sake of those who are currently in the fray of family/work/church/community. As for your closing statements–“Elevating my own productivity puts the focus on me. Leaning into creative rest retrains my heart to focus on God — the provider of everything I need.”–wise words indeed! Thank you, Becky!
I am one who needs this.. Thank you!
I am Learning how to accept there is not enough time. However, for me it is accepting that I am enough. I can only do so much and slowing down is mentally better. I had an awakening about 5 weeks ago. I literally bought a Bible and saw a therapist. I am 100% the 3 P’s. I need to learn how to slow down
Love this. I totally understand.
Allowing myself to be a human being, and not a human doing, has been a struggle, but well worth it. It is all rooted in knowing my identity in God. Just like you said. With him we can rest and not worry about achieving all the time.