I sat five rows from the front, right side of the auditorium. In the half-hour before, I’d heard a compelling and convicting sermon on Luke 11 and the power of prayer. Jesus left no doubt as to the purpose and potential of prayer. His instructions read black and white:
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Luke 11:9-10 (NIV)
To put an exclamation point on the message, the pastor then directed our attention to a video. The video told the story of a woman who had been unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer. A routine CT revealed multiple large masses — advanced and terminal disease. She was devastated, overwhelmed. So she drove to her local church and asked for prayer. Three people surrounded her, laid hands on her, and prayed for her healing and peace. Comforted by the prayers of strangers, she left the church, ready to face whatever came.
Two weeks later, she awoke from the surgery to discover the cancer had disappeared. The tumors didn’t shrink or reduce in number. They simply vanished! When the team of doctors opened her up, they could find no evidence of disease. A miracle!
My heart leapt in celebration with this woman and her unexpected healing. What a gift! God’s goodness and generosity astounds me.
At the same time, I know of too many who haven’t received such a miracle. The tumors didn’t disappear. One surgery became the first of many. The hope of a quick healing became a life shortened by disability or death. When considering such, Jesus’ apparent black-and-white words become a murky grey of disillusionment and confusion.
Why does God deliver some miracles and seemingly withhold others? Why does He heal one woman and not another? Why pray when it delivers such unpredictable results?
I’ve been fighting cancer on and off for almost eleven years now. This is my longest stretch without a recurrence, and for that I’m thankful. At the same time, the fear of it hovers on the fringes, reminding me that I live on borrowed time. Perhaps that is my miracle, still being here.
And yet, I live with the pain and disability of a body that’s been ravaged by disease and the treatments to overcome it. Some days living doesn’t feel like a healing, the pain wears a soul down. Some days I question even while I give thanks: Why the many years of suffering?
I find great comfort in an old, familiar story of three men in the book of Daniel. Faced with being burned alive in a furnace of fire for refusing to worship false gods and a pagan King, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had to choose: denounce their confidence in the One True God or believe Him one more time.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Daniel 3:16-18 (NIV)
Our God is able, and he will deliver . . .
But even if he does not . . .
Hidden in these two phrases is my secret for making peace with the prayers that are answered and those which are not. My God is able, there is no doubt in my mind. He can make tumors disappear, bring prodigals home, heal marriages that are broken. He can make a way where there is no way, and He has done so more times than you and I know.
But even if He does not, He is still worthy of my worship. I trust Him in the healing and the absence of it. I trust Him in the answers and in the questions. I trust Him in what I know and what I do not know.
Why?
Because I need Him more than I need healing. He is my rock, my joy, my True North. The object of my affection isn’t this body, this life. It’s the face of the One who saved me. And although I’ll keep praying bold and audacious prayers, I do so knowing He’s already given me what I need most:
Himself.
Keep praying, my friends. Keep asking, seeking, knocking, and believing, with great boldness and confidence. Our God is able to deliver you. But even if He does not, remember:
What you and I need most is not the thing we’re praying for but the One we’re praying to.
Leave a Comment
Bomi says
Thank you for this reminder, Michele! Yes, what we need the most is God himself!
May we always remember, and May we keep our eyes firmly fixed on Him!
Hugs & Blessings ~ Bomi.
Michele Cushatt says
Yes, yes, yes, Bomi. I pray that prayer right along with you.
Ruth Mills says
Amen & amen! Your summary statement is almost enough to have me joining Twitter to tweet it out! What a great thing to pray for others as well. “Dear Father solve/ restore/heal/help so & so’s issue but even more give them more of You in the process”
Thank you for sharing & your beautiful writing
Michele Cushatt says
Haha. Thank you, Ruth!
JT says
Amen! I needed to be reminded of this. God bless you!
Michele Cushatt says
Me too, JT. Over and over again. Thankfully, our Father doesn’t mind reminding us. xoxo
Kellie Johnson says
Yes! Focus on the Healer, not the healing. Something that requires a little discipline but always yields satisfying results. Thank you for the reminder ❤
Kellie
Michele Cushatt says
Not easy to do, but ultimately brings true freedom.
Madeline says
I often ask those questions of why God does for one person and why not someone else. Is my family any less worthy? I guess I need to work on deepening my faith. I have several neighbors who are vocal about being agnostics, or question the very existence of God. They are kind and caring people. And by today’s standards it seems they are financially successful, their children are successful, they are well traveled, etc. I know we never know what goes on behind closed doors but it shakes my faith at times. I look at the struggles within my family and wonder why God isn’t doing more than listening. I appreciate the opportunity to share this. I could go on and on.
Cathy says
I question this as well…it is difficult to understand! May God increase my faith!
Michele Cushatt says
I’ve asked the same questions, Madeline. Many times. I don’t have any easy answers. I find comfort in passages like Psalm 10, 37, 73, and others where people just like you and me wrestled with the same questions. Even Jesus, on the cross, echoed a similar cry to my own: “Why have you forsaken me?” This is an age-old struggle, the fight between what we see and what we can not see. If God is who He says He is, that means my ability to reason and understand can not compare with His infinite wisdom. Ultimately, I must decide who I trust more. Myself and my wisdom, or God and His. Still, it’s something I must do over again each day. Sometimes more than once. With you, sister.
Katie Graves says
Thank you for the above comment, Michele☝. Been wrestling and processing this in my own mind and heart these last few years. I know you understand, friend
Lisa says
Michele thank you for this beautiful reminder that it is HE we should desire more than the healing, or the gift but the healer and giver himself. Such a hard thing to do, but worth it. Sometimes when God does not answer us or answer in the way we think he should, I think that…just maybe could be mercy. We cannot begin to understand His ways, but I believe and trust they are always perfect even when my human fleshly eyes cannot see it. Praise His Holy Name!
Michele Cushatt says
Such wisdom in your words, Lisa. Sometimes not receiving what we asked for is the greater mercy … if only we could see what He sees. A hard mercy, no doubt. But still mercy.
Judith Miller says
Michele, thank you for this word. I understand, because my husband passed away a few months ago from a disease that was awful. My husband was a man of God and I, a woman of God. We prayed for healing everyday, but one thing that I was reminded of that this life is temporary and being with our Almighty God is eternal.
I know one day I will see my husband again and be with my Lord and Savior! That’s enough to say Hallelujah!
Michele Cushatt says
One day! Anticipating that day with you, my friend.
Jacqueline Angela Powell says
Amen
Jacqueline Angela Powell says
Focus on the Healer
Kay says
These words talked to my soul. Praise Him, who transcends ALL understanding. And to you who printed them. Amen
Michele Cushatt says
I’m so glad, Kay. xo
Leone Byron says
Amen. Thank you for the reminder that God is what we need.
Irene says
Wow, Michele! Profound! Well spoken. Thank you for this.
Stephanie says
So beautifully said, Michelle! Really needed to hear this. Thank you ❤️
Michele Cushatt says
He is with you, Stephanie. xo
Trudy says
I think this could be a great post, except for this sentence: Because I need Him more than I need healing. Our ultimate healing will be when we get to heaven, where there is no more disease, sickness, or death. What it should say, is: Because I need Him more than I need healing here on Earth. When we pray for healing and that it be in God’s will, it can be here or in Heaven.
Michele Cushatt says
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this, Trudy.
Sara Willoughby says
Yes! This is a message God has pressed into my heart over the last almost 6 years of chronic illness, and continued to even as my health recovers.
Michele Cushatt says
A truth I must learn over and over again. Press on, sister.
Janet Williams says
Amen \0/
Monica Blanton-Lacy says
Michele….your words today resonated so deeply for me. I find myself often asking God that very question of “Why…”
In the end, I know He is sovereign and He is still good. Thank you for your words today.
Michele Cushatt says
I’ve come to believe it’s okay to ask the questions. Because it’s often the questions that lead me to a deeper trust and faith.
Susan says
Thanks so much for this much needed reminder. Your writing always resonates with my heart. A few tears here!
Michele Cushatt says
A few over here too, Susan! So glad it encouraged. xo
Louise Bell says
Yes, Michele, It is Sooo hard to trust as a human..especially when we are facing some serious issues, be they medical or otherwise, but in the END I always remember..”Heaven is my home..earth is a desert drear..HEAVEN is my home!”..esoecially with all the turmoil in the world right now!! Thanks for the uplifting words!!
Michele Cushatt says
Yes! Heaven is my home. Such a sweet and grounding reminder. Thanks, Louise!
Karen says
Michele,
I was so blessed by your sharing today. Years ago, when I was very ill, the Lord asked me 3 times, “Do you love me more than your health. I struggled, but answered, You Lord. I love you more than my health.
I continue to experience chronic illnesses, but I have never forgotten Jesus question to me. God will be glorified even in our suffering. Love and peace…
Michele Cushatt says
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Karen. You encouraged me today.
Linda Hoenigsberg says
Not sure how I missed this one when you posted it, but I know I needed it today. Thank you, my friend. ❤️
Michele Cushatt says
You didn’t miss it; it went live today. 🙂 I know you know this struggle more than most. Over and over again your faith strengthens my own. Honored to share this life (and one day the next!) with you.
Trina says
Amen sister! You made me cry and appreciate every God given breath and moment we have!
Frances says
You & I seem to walk the same path. I had breast cancer, went through surgeries, radiation & chemo & now it has metastatic into bone cancer, so lots more treatment. I had been in a church that the pastor said if I have enough faith I would be healed. Now my husband is in a cult that teaches the reason I have cancer is because I refuse to obey him by not accepting his religion as the only truth & I do not obey all their rules & laws. Many things I do not understand; but I know that God has allowed it for His purposes. For sure, We are accountable to Almighty God & we can praise Him for being with us no matter what!
Michele Cushatt says
Frances, my friend, your cancer is not your fault. If we all got what we deserved, none of us would last even another breath. Please know that the Father loves you, deeply, and He grieves with you as you fight this disease. He has not abandoned you, nor is He punishing you. Instead, He is WITH YOU, and He is mighty to save! One way or the other, He will deliver you and He will deliver me. May He reassure you of His love and grace and power in a fresh way right now. Much love to you!
Patti says
Frances we are facing the same battle w this ugly disease. Please know God isn’t punishing you, but loves you.
Thank you Michelle for sharing your story. It was definitely a great reminder for those dark days & celebrate the great ones!
I had breast cancer 6 yrs ago, went thru double mastectomy, chemo & radiation. It came back in my bones August 2020. I am enduring chemo pills, monthly shots and iv meds to strengthen bones. I lost my mother to this ugly disease 7 yrs ago after battling it 4 different times. After growing up w both my parents battling health issues it was hard to have my 6 yr old daughter watch me go thru this. My husband & I are honest w her but only what she needs to know. I am blessed to be on disability to spend more time w them. My tumors are almost healed. I pray that God gives me many years to raise my daughter but I know where I’m going when he is ready for me.
Beth Williams says
Frances,
Prayers for healing. Asking God to bless & give you comfort & peace. Know this: your cancer is not your fault. Your healing has nothing to do with how much faith you have or following a cult’s laws. It has everything to do with God’s plan for your life. He can & will heal you in His perfect timing. Keep praising God for each day you have. Enjoy life as much as you can. Asking God to give you more pain free days to enjoy His goodness.
Blessings 🙂
Ruth B Mills says
Frances, I’m praying now that you will be strengthen to have God’s assurance your cancer is not the result of your disobedience. Also praying the Spirit will rescue your husband’s mind & heart from this cult’s teachings! May the Great Physician deepen your faith & that of other believers as He also uses yall to draw unbelievers to Himself thru this (yeah temporary~relatively temporary) but hard hard journey. May the Comforter of the downtrodden make you brave. All in Jesus’ name & for His glory!
Tammy Marvin says
Soooooo good sweet Michelle you always minister straight to my very soul ❤️
Lauren Griesmeyer says
Brought shivers to my spine! I praise God ❤️ for this message! ThankYou!
Becky says
Today was the worst we have had since my husband’s triple bypass and aortic valve replacement. I am struggling with the “but if not”. He is in the hospital and struggling to breathe. I’m still struggling yet I thank you and God for these words right now!
Bomi says
Dear Becky, I am praying for you and your husband right now.
Beth Williams says
Becky,
-Abba Father, You alone are the great physician & healer. Please help Becky & her husband. Send your healing touch to their lives. Help her to know that you are near. Give them some peace & comfort that only you can send. Help her with the “but if not”. Send your loving arms to surround & give her a hug.
Blessings 🙂
Beth Williams says
Michele,
Thank you for sharing this great post. God never promised us a rose garden down here. He said we would face trials & temptations. But we can take heart for He has overcome this world. Our lives down here are a mere pittance of time compared with eternity. God has a plan for each one of us. We just need to walk the path He has for us enduring each trial with faith & trusting completely in Him. We need Jesus & His love more than we need any healing down here.
Blessings:)
Dora C says
Thank you so much , Michelle. Your sharing really set things right once and for all.
Reminding me God is enough. It doesn’t matter what others may say, lack of faith or incomplete unforgiveness. God knows best.
Jasmine says
Endurance and endurance….
Keep focusing on our Creator and not the creation.
Together we encourage and endure, becoming mature & resilient children of Him.
Hallelujah..
Marion says
Blessings to all who pray for healing! God is good!
Sarah Yankowiak says
Michele, I have already shared this post with so many friends who are walking through seasons and situations where it’s not clear how God is going to answer their prayers. Your words are honest about the discouragement of not getting the miracle they’re praying for, and yet an encouraging reminder of the trustworthiness of God. Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom!
Michele Cushatt says
You love others so well, Sarah. xoxo
Virginia Jones says
This is an amazing message. Thank you!
Debra Porter says
Amen! This came at a time that I really needed to hear it. It has been so encouraging to me as I am going through health difficulties right now. I know what you said is true. I needed to hear it again. Thank you!
Mary says
This is quite a wonderful truth and communicated well. Thank you!
Holly Mursch says
Thank you for inspiring me with such a powerful well spoken message!
Diane lowery says
Truly beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story.
Phyllis Sather says
Our son had leukemia when he was 15 months old. He had 3+ years of chemo. Many times we didn’t know if he would make it through the night.
One Bible version we read had “And Even If He Does Not” translated as But if not. That became our email address – butifnot.ps@gmail.com and still is. We committed our son to the Lord and committed ahead of time that we would receive whatever the Lord gave us. We knew the Lord could heal our son. But if not – even if he didn’t we would not leave our faith in the Lord.
PTL he made it! He is 30, married, and just had his second beautiful daughter a month ago.
God is good.
Now I’ve had breast cancer and my surgery isn’t healing. We continue to trust the Lord for that too.
Thanks for sharing and bringing to mind this blessing again.
Rachel Kang says
In the thick of this right now. These words touched me deep. Thank you for sharing this with us, with me <33
Michele Cushatt says
With you, sister.
Carol Brown says
Your book, RELENTLESS, touched my heart in so many way. I have been in the basement and I have been on the mountain top–always God is relentless in reaching for me. Thank you.
Michele Cushatt says
Thank you for sharing this with me, Carol. His grace amazes me. ❤️
Carol Brown says
I also have used frequently–not to use trite expressions in the middle of catastrophe. The word picture of Elijah–needing physical comfort is powerful. My friend said, “Sometimes I need Jesus with skin on”. Thanks again
Pamela J Thomas says
Wow….I needed to hear and hold onto these words. What I feel you have put into words. When it gets jumbled in my head this makes sense. I keep so much inside of me. When I think I can’t understand God leads me to the right readings, scripture or song.
Thank you