I was well into my thirties the first time I cried over the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
Throughout my life, I had listened to hundreds of sermons about Christ’s death. I had read about it extensively, had even understood that His sacrifice happened not only for the world in general, but for me personally.
Yet it wasn’t until noon on a Good Friday that I wept over it.
The breakdown happened at a very small service in the dimly lit sanctuary of our country church. Fewer than a dozen people were in the room. We sat in chairs circling a large wooden cross, which was laying on the floor. Nails and hammers were strewn about.
The pastor gave a short message, read from the Gospels, and then asked each of us to pick up a nail and pound it into the wooden cross. I moved down from the chair, obediently dropped to my knees, picked up a nail between my fingers, and touched the end, feeling its sharpness. I picked up a hammer, set my nail in place, and pounded it into the wood.
I think we were supposed to do just one nail per person, but I couldn’t stop. I picked up another and another and another after that. I couldn’t stop pounding in nails, and I couldn’t stop counting the cost of it all. Thoughts came flipbook style in my brain, reminding me of my past, my present, and my probable future of sin. I saw the sin of my youth, poor choices, misplaced desires, selfish intentions. I saw my apathy, my disinterest in the pain of others, my side-switching heart that had betrayed Christ time and again.
In a moment, I was the thief on the cross, crying out to Jesus with a shaking voice, “Remember me when You come into Your Kingdom.” He looked upon me with love, and I burst into tears.
The service wasn’t over, but I dropped the hammer to the floor and walked out of the circle, out of the sanctuary, out of the church, wild with grief, as every set of eyes followed me out the door, maybe wondering, “What in the world just happened to Jennifer?”
Or maybe they knew I had just experienced a new depth of Christ’s love for me.
I walked across the highway that separates our white-steepled church from the cemetery. I leaned on the graveyard fence, staring out at rows of headstones. So much sorrow, so much death. Yet, the sun shone so brightly overhead that I had to squint. Robins chirped in the trees, annoying me with their cheerful songs. I wanted to shout to them, “Stop, just stop! Don’t you realize that Jesus suffered an unthinkable death?”
I didn’t say that. But I did ask myself this: Where is the “good” in Good Friday, God? Why so much pain? Why couldn’t there be another way?”
The tears and the questions birthed something in me. In that moment, my soul was being awakened to my great need for Jesus, not just once, but every single day.
I don’t like to gaze upon a cross and see a man hanging in pain while paying the debt I couldn’t pay. But I must.
All these years later, I wonder if we all need to weep at cemetery fences during Holy Week. I wonder if we all need to pound nails into wooden crosses and come to terms with the necessity of Christ’s death. I used to wear a t-shirt with the words, “I am the wretch the song refers to,” and maybe I need that reminder a little more often than I think I do.
These days, we all hear a lot of inspiring messages about finding our purpose, recapturing our peace, reclaiming our joy, or making time for rest and self-care. On and on it goes. And I believe all of those messages are vital.
But what about our sin? Why don’t we talk about sin, our very own sin, more than we do?
When we don’t see the gravity of our sin, we don’t really see our need for Jesus. Until my own Good Friday moment, I had missed my own wretchedness. And candidly, I still do. I get caught up in living my comfortable life, giving God a daily list of demands and hoping He’ll come through for me.
I wonder, today, if we need a little bit more Good Friday in all our days. Not that we ought to crucify ourselves — or each other — over and over again. Jesus died once and for all, and yes, He overcame the grave, crushing the enemy forevermore.
But when we gaze upon the cross, it sweetens the victory found in an empty tomb. It insulates us from watering down the Good News into some sort of prosperity gospel that tells believers that a life in Christ leads to comfort and success. God didn’t promise easy lives. He calls us to the pain of sacrifice that demands something of us. He calls us to take up crosses and follow Him.
On Sunday, we will celebrate Easter. But before we do, let’s look upon the Friday hill from which a red-stained sacrifice flows fresh.
Let’s see it for what it is — a full payment for a debt we owed but simply couldn’t pay. He loves us that much.
And that’s what puts the “good” in Good Friday.
Leave a Comment
Linda Sprunt says
Thank you, Jennifer! We all need to be reminded of the “good in Good Friday”.
When Jesus died for the sins of the world, this included Judas’ sin of betrayal. If he had repented, he would have found forgiveness. It also included the scoffers who were taunting Him as He was on the cross. If they, too, had repented, they would have found forgiveness. Jesus died for Judas, He died for the scoffers, and He died for me.
I woke up this morning with 1 John 1:9 on my mind. Oh, what a Savior!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Such a great reminder, Linda! Thanks for sharing your thoughts today.
Sandy says
Convicted by spirit. Thank you Jennifer.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
You’re welcome, Sandy. May you have a very meaningful Good Friday and Easter.
Bev Rihtarchik says
Jennifer,
WOW! I was tracking with you and nodding my head the entire way through your post. It is only through the excruciating pain endured by Jesus we can experience the sweetness of our salvation! I don’t think I truly personalized the Good Friday message until later in life, as well, because I thought of myself as a “good girl.” Because I really tried to be obedient, I thought perhaps Christ died for those whose sins were more grave than mine. Looking a bit more closely, self-sufficiency, self-righteousness, as well as endless earning, striving, and performing stood out like a neon sign — PRIDE! I think pride is perhaps the ugliest sin of all — when we think we can be like Jesus without Jesus. When I was convicted of my own pride, I had a moment much like your pounding of nails and crying over tombstones. Until His sacrifice meets us where we really live, Good Friday is just another day. Joining with you in wanting to have a “Good Friday mindset” well beyond today. Terrific post! Have a joyous Easter, Jennifer.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Oh Bev, This line that you wrote right here is going to stick with me:
“Pride is perhaps the ugliest sin of all — when we think we can be like Jesus without Jesus.”
Thank you for that sobering, needed reminder.
xo
connie ker says
We used to get out of school on Good Friday afternoon so we could attend church services. Those are days gone by, but this devotional defines Good Friday. Repentance is emphasized in your writing, we all need to practice repenting. The older I get, the more I realize how Christmas and Easter were God’s plan from birth to death of Jesus.
Thank You for this devotional to welcome in this day 2021.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I am so glad that my offering of words found their way to you, Connie. Thank you for your comment. I hope you have a meaningful Good Friday and Easter 2021.
Ruth Mills says
Amen.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Thanks for being here, Ruth. All the best to you this Easter weekend.
Doris Davies says
Powerful ~ Amen! Thank you.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
So glad this spoke to you, Doris.
Marie Antoinette Ugo says
I owed a debt I could not pay.
He paid a debt He did not owe.
I needed someone to wash my sins away.
And now I sing a brand new song,amazing grace.
Christ Jesus paid a debt I could not pay.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Love this, Marie. Thanks for sharing.
Maura says
My heart is moved beyond words.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Right there with you. He is moving our hearts.
Kristen says
Thank you for your words. Many many years ago I heard a pastor say, “And that Good Friday became GREAT because of an empty tomb…” Most times now, my heart reflects on GREAT Friday!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
That’s a good word from the pastor! Thanks for sharing here, Kristen.
Joan says
Probably the best Good Friday message I’ve ever received. Beyond powerful. Thank you. (Also, need the t- shirt).
Sadie says
I’m agreeing with you Joan!! Every nail reminded me of His sacrifice for me and for you… dear sisters ❤️
And yes it does sweeten the victory found in an empty tomb ..
blessings all this Resurrection Sunday
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Thank you so much Sadie. Happy Easter to you.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Oh Joan, knowing this touched your heart really means a lot to me. Thanks for reading along. I hope you have a meaningful Good Friday and a most blessed Easter 2021.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Joan, I just googled with the terms … i am the wretch the song refers to t-shirt … and several options came up.
Sandy says
Dear Jennifer,
What an inspiring message! I was a decade older than you when I was moved to tears over the pain Jesus suffered for all our sins. As you said, accepting this truth into our own hearts can take awhile, because, it is difficult. Jesus did the hard work, so we can experience the joy of Easter. Halleluia!
Happy Easter! Sandy
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I totally agree Sandy. So grateful for the hard and excruciating work of our Savior.
FIONA TAYLOR says
Thank you Jennifer for those beautiful and meaningful words on this Good Friday xx
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
You are quite welcome, Fiona.
Peggy says
Wow! What a powerful and true sharing you showed us this morning. Thank you.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
It’s my joy to serve you here with these word offerings. God bless you this weekend.
Penny says
Jennifer,
This was a beautiful, heartfelt message, thank you for your inspiration this Good Friday.
Blessings to all,
Penny
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Blessings to you as well! Thanks for being a part of the (in)courage community.
Becky Keife says
This is a post for us to return to again and again. And not just on Good Friday. Thank you, friend. Wishing we could hammer nails into a wooden cross together today. But so very grateful for your words that usher my heart there.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
It would be so meaningful to worship with you, with the entire (in)courage team, and really the community as well. So grateful for you and this space.
Lori says
Thank you I needed that. I appreciate you
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
You are welcome, Lori.
Carolyn says
WoW! Thank you for this inspiring message of Good Friday. “When we don’t see the gravity of our sin, we don’t really see our need for Jesus”- this is truth! I have sinned and fallen short so many times. Oh how I need the message of the cross in my heart and mind every day. Repentance is what we need to fully appreciate the “good” in Good Friday!
Thank you, Jesus-our Saviour!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Thanks for being here Carolyn! Praying you have an amazing Easter!
Monique Hernandez says
Thank you so much for this reminder. I need this daily.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I need it daily, too, Monique. Thanks for being here.
Blessed says
That important question, “why are you seeking the living among the dead?” Because He lives we all can face tomorrow. It is His blood that gives us life and forgiveness. I am greatful for His sacrifice for me, even when I am not always worthy. Thank you for your post today, may God bless you.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
So glad this spoke to you. Happy Easter to you.
Mary Hake says
This touched me deeply and the teas flowed. Thanks for sharing.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I understand the tears. God bless you, Mary.
Kathy Francescon says
Amen and a wonderful testimony that we all need to read, think on, and do! I read not long ago, the word “sin” is almost an obsolete word these days! No one “sins” anymore! Sin is called by so many other words now and somehow the sin is justified by that word! Sin is not ok, and never justified with whatever word this evil world wants to excuse it with! Jesus died for our sins! God is coming back, and we all need to go and sin no more!
Janet Williams says
Oh my goodness Jennifer. I feel like I was in the circle as you grabbed a nail and pounded into the cross and another. I feel like my head turned with all the others as you walked out the door…and sharing that moment of tears “as your soul was being awakened to the great need for Jesus, not just once, but every single day” It’s true and very easy to “get caught up in living my comfortable life, giving God a daily list of demands and hoping He’ll come through for me”
If I’m true, honest and grateful for all He has done for me and remember how much He loves me, I pray my soul will be awakened every single day!
Blessings sisters
Dawn says
What a vivid and valuable lesson your pastor taught with the act of hammering nails into the cross. Ouch! We (I) did that to Jesus. And God forgave us (me) because the blood of loving Jesus covered my sin! It is a Good Friday! Happy Easter!
LJR says
Thanks for sharing your personal story. It was vivid in my mine as I read. Very powerful! Seeing the gravity of our sin brings it home for sure.
I’m grateful for Christ’s sacrifice for me.
God bless you
Judy Burns says
Beautifully written… a wonderful reminder of what Good Friday is all about… God loves us!!!!
Tricia says
Yes! And amen
Beth Williams says
Jennifer,
Preachers today want to water down the gospel message. They preach a prosperity gospel-just believe & you are saved. Not so. One must repent & be baptized for the remission of your sins Acts 2:38. Most churches today don’t celebrate communion often. Our church does it every Sunday. We have a communion meditation then we drink the blood & eat the bread (body). We dwell on what happened & how much Jesus loves us. Often it brings me to tears. Just imaging the pain & agony He endured for me-a wretched sinner who messes up daily makes me weep. I’m with you on pounding nails into a wooden cross & weeping over graves. Seeing us as we are – lost sheep in need of a Savior. One who loved enough to leave the splendor of Heaven to come to broken earth & die an ugly painful death for our sins.
Blessings 🙂
Marlene says
That was the beautiful thing that I’ve ever read. Touched my soul like nothing else. Thank you.
Ann O'Malley says
In this precious, painful moment you asked, “Why couldn’t there be another way?” We American Christians have a tendency to avoid this question. But facing it honestly tells us so much about God.
Why did He set it up this way? He’s God. He can do anything He wants to do. He can come up with the most brilliant plans, devise the most intricate systems, all in the blink of an eye. Did He really have to choose a painful, humiliating, bloody way to bring us back into fellowship with Him?
I don’t know. Maybe He could have picked another option.
But what would have happened if He had chosen an easier way out? As you show so clearly here, I wouldn’t take my sin seriously enough. And as you mention toward the end of the article, I wouldn’t have such a powerful demonstration of the extreme depth of His love for me. As a result, my relationship with Him would be shallower and weaker. (Adapted from my blog at https://thosewhoweep.blogspot.com/2021/03/why-did-jesus-have-to-die.html.)
Thank you for asking the questions that help us all to see the “good” in Good Friday.