It seems impossible, but it’s true: Our dear friend Shelly Miller has been gone from this earth for a whole month now. And because grief is a weird thing, I find myself doing two things over and over again:
First, I keep listening to the last message Shelly sent to me. I listen to her voice, memorizing the words, the cadence, and the turns of phrases.
It’s exactly three minutes and eight seconds long. Her voice is weak and wavering, and I’m still shocked when I hear her utter these impossible words — “The disease is taking over my body.”
When I had first heard these words, I didn’t believe it. Losing Shelly seemed unimaginable even after she’d been given a terminal diagnosis of cancer. And though her body had lost its strength, her faith hadn’t. She sought peace through it all and until the end.
She left that voice message on a Saturday, and twenty-four hours later, Shelly slipped away to heaven.
The second thing I keep doing is looking at a photo I had snapped when our family had visited Shelly and her husband H at their home in London. Gorgeous white flowers were blooming profusely in the most unexpected place — atop a brick wall. There was no soil up on that wall, at least that I could see, no tending by human hands, and yet there they were, an abundance of snow-white flowers waving in the breeze. I marveled at them and took a photo to remember how they simply existed because they existed.
I stare at the photo now, and this part of 1 Corinthians 3:7 comes to mind, “ . . . only God, who makes things grow.” Some flowers burst forth in bloom simply because God made it so.
Shelly was that way. Some of you here might know her already. She was a friend of (in)courage, a beloved author, and a gifted photographer. She was known around the world as the Rest Mentor. Through her words, she constantly encouraged us to carry a bit of Sabbath in our hearts. For me, she was a dear friend and also a steady voice in my ear to pause and rest when I pushed too hard.
Shelly would always tell her readers that it was possible to “make rest realistic, not just miraculous.” In a culture that idolizes hustle, she wanted us to know that we didn’t have to wait for some magical moment to take a beat in this busy world.
And like those flowers outside the window of Shelly’s home, she was able to flourish in impossible places, even in the midst of a cancer diagnosis. I told Shelly that sometimes it seemed like when the cancer grew, her faith grew bigger.
While Shelly was like those flowers in important ways — blooming in unexpected ways and in an unexpected place — she was also different. We couldn’t see the roots of the flowers, but we all could see that Shelly was a deeply rooted woman.
I always told her she had a “resourced faith.” She spent countless hours studying God’s Word and being still in His presence, teaching about rest and living out those lessons. All of it added up to a bank of spiritual resources. In hard times, she was able to draw from the “faith bank” that she had built during less turbulent times.
Resourced faith — built quietly over time — can sustain us in seasons of great trials, in the same way that a strong and deeply rooted system can keep a plant blooming strong.
“Even in the midst of living with a terminal illness, joy is found and markers are to be celebrated. We don’t stop living just because of prognoses,” Shelly wrote in one of her last Instagram posts. In another, she wrote: “Uncertainty comes with a choice: Let circumstances control you or give control to the One who knows every detail of your circumstance.”
Shelly taught us a lot of lessons in the fifty-six years of her beautiful life. She showed us what it looked like to bloom wherever she was planted — in the soil of adversity or in the soil of joyful abundance, planted by God who gives life and makes things bloom.
When I think about the kind of life I want to live, it’s clear to me that I want to live like Shelly, making each day count by putting down roots that go deep — roots that will help me to not only stand strong during the storms of this life but to also flourish with beauty and grace.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Jennifer,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear friend, Shelly. I’m praying for God’s comfort to surround you and her family as you move through the grief. I love this line: “As her cancer grew, her faith grew bigger.” What a testimony to God’s unfathomable grace in the crucible of suffering. No matter what the world hands us, God still goes bigger. Also, this message encourages me to send down, deep, the roots of my faith which means spending lots of precious Sabbath time with my Lord. Only in this way, can we triumph over our circumstances. Beautiful post, my friend.
Blessings and gentle hugs,
Bev xx
Rita Harvey says
I always love reading your comments. You must be an author.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Thanks, Rita…
Yes, I do love to write! I invite you to join me at my blog: http://walkingwellwithgod.blogspot.com I was also blessed to be part
of the “Take Heart: 100 devotions to seeing God when life’s not okay” devotional by (in)courage. In fact it’s 35% off today for Cyber Monday – it’s gotten terrific reviews.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Thank you so much Bev. I know that you understand the value of deep-rooted growth. Even from my faraway seat in the Nw corner of Iowa, I can see the fruit that grows from your precious life. Much love to you.
Rita Harvey says
I’m sorry about the loss of your friend. May her memories give you comfort and rest. Hugs…
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Bev is a beautiful writer and commenter, isn’t she, Rita?
K Brower says
Thankyou, thankyou, as I draw from the bank, I also feel grateful and lean on everlasting arms..
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
You’ve built a bank! I love it. It’s what sustains us as we grow older, putting roots down deeper into the goodness of our steadfast God. That’s good soil.
Rev. J. Patrick Bowman says
A beautiful story of faith and resilience. Thank you, Jennifer…and thank you, Shelly!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for encouraging us, Rev. Bowman. That means so much to us here at Incourage!
Kellie Johnson says
Jennifer,
I love the quote from your friend “Uncertainty comes with a choice: Let circumstances control you or give control to the One who knows every detail of your circumstance.” My husband and I are currently waiting on some test results and we are living in the land of uncertainty. As we “take captive every thought”- and it IS a choice – and there are many (thoughts), we are more and more grateful to serve a God who wants us to hand it all to Him, the One who knows every detail even when we don’t. I’m so thankful for this faith offered to me some 35 years ago. And I’m so thankful your friend could hang on to hers as she approached her eternal home.
Kellie
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I love that quote too, Kellie. The entire book, Searching for Certainty, is a worthwhile read.
Also, I want you to know that I have said a prayer for you this morning, that the test results come soon, and reveal the news you’re most hoping to hear.
Beth Williams says
Jennifer,
Losing someone close is never easy. Asking God to sustain you & the family during this time. May you feel His peace & comfort over you. Paul says it best in Romans 5:3-4 we[b] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. I have found that same truth in my life. After dealing with dad’s dementia/geriatric psych issues my faith & trust muscles had grown immensely. I firmly believe God is asking each of us to take long sabbaths this year & sit with Him. Grow & deeply root our faith. We need to do that now more than ever. This advent let’s show the world how to slow down & deeply root our faith in the one true God. Let’s not rush around doing many things as the world would have us.
Blessings 🙂
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Beth, I love what you say about long Sabbaths. I know it wasn’t the case for everybody (I’m thinking of nurses, doctors, nursing home workers, online teachers, young parents at home, etc) but COVID did bring long periods of quiet and slowness for many people. God showed us the value of spending deep, rich time with him. These are the moments that will sustain us later.
Kathy Francescon says
So many touching and comforting thoughts in all the comments today. I too, am so very sorry for the loss of your precious friend, but through your sharing of this friendship, Shelly is remembered and continues to be a great influence for so many! What a blessing she still is!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
So glad this encouraged you today, Kathy. Thank you for your kind words as well.
Mary Geisen says
Thank you Jennifer for sharing about your friend, Shelly. I didn’t know her in real life but I knew her through her words and they will make a lasting impression on me. Everything about her exuded calm and the invitation to restoration. This is a beautiful legacy to leave behind. Blessings!
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
I love what you said, Mary, about Shelly’s life exuding calm and an invitation to restoration. That is such a lovely way to describe her! Thank you.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
To Dayspring and Incourage managers:
As a friend of Shelly, and an author of this article, I want to personally thank the team of incourage and Dayspring for linking to Shelly’s new book, Searching for Certainty, at the end of this article. Purchasing that book is a great way to support Shelly’s family and honor her memory. Plus, it’s just a REALLY fantastic book. She is a gifted writer.
Much love from your friend in ministry, Jennifer Dukes Lee
Lisa Appelo says
Jennifer, such poignant words this morning. A faith that endures to the end and not just for her only, but infusing faith in those around her. She showed us how to finish this side of the veil well.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
She sure did, Lisa. Thankful for your words in this space this morning, my friend.
Sandy Thomas says
Let circumstances control you or give control to the ONE who knows every detail of your circumstances. amen and Amen!
Melody says
Jennifer,
Praying for the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) to comfort you during the Homegoing of your dear friend.
Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Ro Elliott says
Beautiful tribute to a beautifully lived life… i love the connection and community the blog world gave us back years ago… i only got to meet Shelly in person once …but it was such a gift! And i love love this quote… “Resourced faith — built quietly over time — can sustain us in seasons of great trials, in the same way that a strong and deeply rooted system can keep a plant blooming strong.”
Denise says
My best friend passed away a month ago this Tuesday, ending her long battle with breast cancer at 56. Her faith and our friendship “went out with its boots on,” stronger than ever. The end was quicker than expected. The grief and sadness seem overwhelming at times, but buried deep underneath is a peace in a life well lived.
Liretta says
I too have a friend named Shelley that is no longer with us and her cancer was in her lungs. My Shelley sounds a lot like your Shelly. She has been gone from this life for 5 almost 6 years now and I miss her as much today as I did then. I still hear her laugh, see her face with the joy that always shined when she talked about Jesus. I look forward to the day that I will hear that laugh again and see that joy for eternity.
Arlena says
BEAUTIFUL!!!!
Becky Keife says
Jennifer, this is all so true, so poignant and timely and beautiful. Thank you for capturing and sharing the beautiful life lessons our Shelly lived so well.
Nancy Ruegg says
Indeed, Jennifer: “Losing Shelly seemed unimaginable even after she’d been given a terminal diagnosis of cancer.” I kept praying for a miracle. With you I want to “make each day count by putting down roots that go deep — roots that will help me to not only stand strong during the storms of this life but to also flourish with beauty and grace”–as Shelly did. Thank you for culling the words to pay fitting tribute to an exemplary woman, Shelly Miller. She will be greatly missed.
Linda Chontos says
Such a beautiful tribute to Shelly, Jennifer. I was just getting to know her. Her deep, quiet faith encouraged me so much. While her death is such a loss she leaves a lovely legacy for those who knew and loved her.
Martha Troxel says
What a beautiful tribute to your friend! Thank you for sharing about her with us.
I live in Iowa too, specifically in eastern Iowa.
Sandy says
Dear Jennifer,
My sincere condolences on the loss of your friend. She seems to have been a person whose faith never waivered, in any circumstance. Isn’t that what Jesus calls us to do? To trust Him with every minute detail of our lives, and bring our burdens to Him so that he can walk with us through them.
May your memories bring many happy thoughts as Jesus comforts you in your grief. Thank you for sharing.
Nomusa Mguni-Mhlanga says
May the calming Balm of the presence of the Holy Spirit soothe and heal yours and the family’s broken hearts.
Diane Bailey says
It has taken me three tries to finish reading your beautiful post about Shelly. With each section, a pause was needed to reflect on her life, love, and light.
”We could not see the roots of the flowers but we could see Shelly was deeply rooted” Yes. Yes.
I too want to be rooted in her way, in the way Christ taught her to dig in and hold on in faith.
She set the standard high. May we all do the same with the life we have been given.
Thank you Jennifer for sharing. This is a beautiful tribute to Shelley.
David Warren McLain says
In a related idea, I once heard this saying that seems a tab bit applicable here. Scott Walker an Author at GUIDEPOSTS shared the words that he read on a sign that hung at the back of a Bait Shop at the Coast near his home:
You will never know the strength of your ANCHOR until you feel the fury of the Storm.
Lisa Potter says
Thank you so much for writing about Shelly. I’m not sure if I “found” you through her or vice versa but I’m grateful for being able to follow you both! She did live and lead a beautiful and inspiring life and touched so many of us.
I’m sorry for your loss of such a loving friend. I only knew her as a gifted writer and inspirer!
Glad you and your family are feeling better and recovered. I was tested three times in November, all negative. You have me thinking seriously about the antibody test.
Blessings always,
Lisa