We’re so deep into summer now that the outline of fall is clearly visible in front of us, and today I’m neck-deep in yet another unforeseen change within this maddening year that is 2020. I’ve had it up to here, and I tell God as much. I mean, it should be enough that we have a global pandemic and national unrest and a political divide wider than the Grand Canyon. But no. Several more problems closer to home are here too. This shouldn’t surprise me, I know. After all, it’s not like job stresses or relationship issues or family discord take a summer vacation. It’s not like the enemy looks you or me up and down and says, “Yeah, she’s had enough for today. Let’s leave her alone.” No, he’s an opportunist, and he relishes kicking us again and again when we’re already down.
Still, when something brand new — and awful, I might add — slides into the home plate of Team Strong, I just about take off running up Pike’s Peak.
It’s amazing how change-upon-change can find your doorstep when you just wish it would lose your address.
Our summer has brought us moments of sparkling goodness, like my husband and I celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. But it also brought less desirable moments too, including many tears lost because of difficult, I-didn’t-ask-for-this change. And lately, like a sibling squabble that keeps circling back to my attention, the difficult parts have hung around much too long, grossly overstaying their welcome.
I’m not only annoyed, frustrated, or put out by this. I’m devastated and just plain heart-weary.
In the past, it’s my nature to resist allowing the difficult parts of my life to have a seat at the table, to just push them right back out of the room. I fear that if I spend a little time with them, they will grow and take up even more space in my life. So I both pep-talk and chastise myself by saying things like, Get over it, Kristen. This isn’t the end of the world. People deal with a whole lot worse all the time.
Ironically, the more I try to push the difficult realities away, the more they cement themselves to the curves of my heart.
Unlike past times, the persistence of these difficulties and the weariness of my heart means I just don’t have the energy to shoo them away. I don’t have the energy to do anything but simply sit with them and bring them to the light of Christ.
Walk as children of the light . . . when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light.
Ephesians 5:8, 13 (ESV)
When we give our difficult circumstances attention rather than deflection, it exposes them to the light of Christ. Simultaneously, it reduces the dark’s power over them.
But this means we have to do the work of walking through it, of first keeping company with the harsh parts of our circumstances so we can introduce them to the power of Jesus. One might think that giving the darker parts of our life circumstances room to flex and breathe pushes hope away. But instead, it becomes the window through which Hope enters.
There is power in bringing the dark into the Light and letting the love and care of Jesus show us how to deal with it.
I want to be aware of the darkness but identify with the light.
Emily P. Freeman, Simply Tuesday
I can be thankful for the abundant good in my life and still be unafraid to call the hard realities what they are — hard.
I can be joyous about my blessings without pretending the hard doesn’t exist. I can walk as a child of the light because I refuse to just get over the difficulties in my life; I get through them. And getting through them can’t happen till I acknowledge them and bring them front and center into the presence of Jesus first and then into the presence of other safe folks as well.
Life will always be a rhythm of light and dark, easy and difficult realities dancing the two-step together. But within it all, we are growing in grit, perseverance, and resilience. We are growing good things that wouldn’t push through the stubborn earth without it.
And over it all is God’s promise, bending like a rainbow across the sky over our tired hearts, offering us a gentle place to land and rest in Him.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Kristen,
Yes, the enemy loves to kick us when we’re down…and a lot of us (myself included) have been down lately. This line really popped out at me: “Ironically, the more I try to push the difficult realities away, the more they cement themselves to the curves of my heart.” Though I can be the queen of not wanting my heart to go “there,” I know that I do better if I allow the feelings to come, allow myself to grieve, and then that begins to crack open the window of hope through which the light can shine through. Awesome post and much needed today!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Kristen Strong says
Thank you, Bev–not only for your kind words, but for your faithful presence here. Love you so.
Sadie says
Good morning Kristen. My eyes burn with tears as I read your post and Bevs reply.. I realized I’m carrying the same stuff crusty and dark in my heart. It just seems it won’t go away.. the relationships won’t heal, the discouraging thoughts bed down for seasons at a time. Reminds me of change of seasons too with winter in clear view ( mind you living down south we’re still plenty warm & humid)
But God…. He lights the way and it does feel like a two step dance! Light and dark.. hard and easy… ballet & tap.
I know our God rejoices over us with Big heartfelt LOVE! Take that to the dance floor Satan! Ha! We win and we will have victory for our Redeemer lives! Happy Monday .. press on
Kristen Strong says
Yes–we will have victory! Thank you for this reminder, Sadie. I needed it.
Much love to you and yours.
Andrea says
Thank you for this today! This is exactly how the Lord’s been leading me too. I’ve been re-walking through the Psalms and re-learning to pray as David does, bringing out ALL the things before Him. I’ve spent too much time trying to not feel as I do, give myself a pep talk, or minimize by saying other people deal with way worse. None of that changes the fact that my circumstances of caretaking my Dad are waaaay harder than this time last year or previous years, and they are not going to get easier. I’m just so tired. With siblings 8 and 14 hours away doing what little they can from afar and their own challenges, it’s on me. I so need a mental break and it will require a LOT of work by me to get that from my siblings, and I just don’t know which is more difficult. And, I love my Dad and want to serve him and I don’t want to be a complainer and I’m also just worn smooth out with what caretaking him requires when he has no financial resources and I still have kids at home and don’t either. Anyways, these are the things I’m learning to be honest with God about instead of denying the hard circumstances. I can be both grateful for this time, and also so weary of it. And He wants me to bring it all to Him.
Kristen Strong says
“I can be both grateful for this time, and also so weary of it.” That’s a good word right there, Andrea, and it blesses me today.
Praying for you right now, too, as you faithfully follow through with the difficult, tiring work of caregiving. That’s no small thing. xo
Alison Kozlow says
Kristen,
Beautiful post! What really spoke to my heart was ” I can be joyous about my blessings without pretending the hard doesn’t exist. I can walk as a child of the light because I refuse to just get over the difficulties in my life; I get through them.
And getting through them can’t happen till I acknowledge them and bring them front and center into the presence of Jesus first”
So often we are told to just get over it, think positive, all will be well. I have learned I need to acknowledge and then surrender my pain to Jesus. That is where hope is found. I can feel blessed knowing Jesus will walk me through the grief, the illness, the single parenthood and whatever else gets thrown my way.
Kristen Strong says
I, too, am over just getting over it. I like the way you say, “I have learned I need to acknowledge and then surrender my pain to Jesus.” Yes–that’s what’s on my mind and in my heart these days, too. Thank you, Alison, for your wise perspective here today.
Tonya says
Good morning!
This felt like reading my journal. The last few months has been a litany of difficult situations. One on top of the other…then something else. More bills, more grief,
Your message was a reminder to keep bringing them to God.
Peace and Blessings to you
Kristen Strong says
I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through, Tonya. But I’m so glad you’re here–sharing the struggles and your own helpful reminder for us to keep bringing them all to God. Sending you much love today…
Beth Williams says
Tonya,
Praying for God to come alongside you & comfort you in your trials. May you feel His loving arms around you bring a peace to your weary soul.
((((((((((hugs )))))))))) from Watauga, TN
K Ann Guinn says
Amen and amen! Thanks for this real and balanced reminder.
Kristen Strong says
Thank you for the kind encouragement, K Ann!
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
You know we can all be lights for Jesus no matter what happening in out world today. No matter what we feel. We can be like this song. I love so well. You get it on YouTube infact there is two songs. You get both on YouTube. On is by Graham Kendrick it is ” Shine Jesus shine fill this land with the father’s glory”. We can even in our darkness fill what ever parts of the world we live in especially if saved for the Father’s Glory. By praying for God to take all the darkness away. Shine his light into the world. Through us. Make us lights. To those who are down especially in the time we live now. Another song is ‘There is power power wonder working power in the Blood of the lamb” another powerful song. To help us deal with life darkness. If we just listen to both songs. They will help us in our darkness and lift our souls. Especially if down as followers of Jesus in the times we are in. But more so we are to especially if saved are to get into prayer and the reading of the word. Plus listing to Christian music. To help us. Love all incourage reading. Love today’s as well Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
This year has brought about more change than most people have in a lifetime. There is one constant in our lives & that is God. His light & love have always been there. The enemy enjoys kicking us when we’re down & out. He loves seeing us miserable. The best antidote to being miserable & wallowing in our pity is putting everything in the light of God. Talk to God about your situations. Matthew 11:28-29 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Life is always a delicate balance between easy/hard. Through each trial we are being molded & growing into Christlikeness.
Blessings 🙂