My grandfather passed away last month. A few hours after receiving the news, the memory of a long-forgotten college paper crossed my mind.
It was late. Both night and tears had fallen, but instead of going to bed I sat at my desk searching through documents.
There. There! The glow of the computer screen lit up the room as I opened the file.
After three months of reading, writing, studying, presenting and discussing, our final assignment in this particular class centered around the idea of being “called to ministry.” What does the phrase mean? What does it look like? Am I called to ministry and if so, how?
The paper weaves together multiple stories — multiple “calls” — but it begins with a pastor living in North Carolina.
Before I could scroll down to his words, to the quotes saved from an interview with my grandfather years earlier, God’s kindness met me.
I knew what I was looking for, but I didn’t know what I would find.
A date is listed in the top left corner of the twelve-page paper. According to the document, I made the final edits exactly six years and one day earlier.
It’s a small detail, to be sure, but as I sat there in my pajamas, I couldn’t help but laugh as a smile spread across my tear-stained face.
Even then, six years and one day earlier, God knew. Over the past month or two, my friends and I have jokingly said we’re ready to get back to “precedented times.” We want the light at the end of the tunnel, the assurance that there’s an end-date to sheltering in place.
But there, with the document open, it was as clear as the date displayed on the page: God holds time and He holds us, all at the same time.
Ours is a God who cannot be taken by surprise, who knows how the story will end but chooses to walk with us on every page. Ours is a God who cannot stand to stay away, who comes close and shows His kindness in the smallest of details.
Three days later, I stood in a black dress in a North Carolina cemetery.
I held a funeral program in my hands, and once again a date got my attention. Every person gathered that day came not because of the years listed, but because of how he lived and loved in the dash in-between.
Small details . . . as small as a dash.
On page eleven of my college paper, after sharing my own journey of wrestling with and finally accepting the call to ministry, I wrote the following:
The life and story of each minister is unique, as is every call to ministry, and many choose not to answer the call. However, I saw clearly the importance of answering the call – not just for oneself or for those that will be impacted immediately, but for those who will follow in your footsteps. As we live a life of ministry, we leave a legacy behind us. The truth of this is displayed prominently in my life: Pastor Al is my grandfather.
Choosing to answer the call to ministry greatly impacted his life as well as the lives of his children, including my mother. I was raised to know who Jesus is and there was never a time in my life when my grandfather was not serving and pastoring.
Everyday faithfulness may look small and feel ordinary in the moment, but it will leave a legacy that speaks volumes.
Everyday faithfulness doesn’t chase the next big thing; it does the next right thing.
Everyday faithfulness is not about accolades, fame, or follower counts; it bends low to serve.
One day, someone will engrave a stone or hold a funeral program with my name and two years listed. The same is true for you. But for now, we still have time left in the dash, in the days in-between.
What we write and create matters. How we live, speak, and serve matters.
You’re leaving a legacy, even as you make a peanut butter sandwich or an Excel spreadsheet. You’re opening doors and paving the way for generations to come.
On the final page of the paper, I wrote these words:
I saw a life of ministry lived out and this likely played a role in answering my own call to ministry. My grandfather and I now share a love for words and the responsibility to encourage and serve others. He faithfully continues to answer his call by speaking at a pulpit each week and I continue to write online.
In some ways, this post is a continuation of his legacy.
God holds time and He holds us, all at the same time. May we be faithful in the time that we have left, choosing to live lives of everyday faithfulness, believing that they will ultimately point to the one who is eternally faithful.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
I am taking a few quiet moments right now to ask God for grace to live my “dash” well, to honor him with all my remaining minutes and days (somehow the minutes are harder?).
I love the way your college paper ministered to you in the fresh moments of loss, an example of writers needing to read our own words and learn from our own stories.
Kim Gibbens says
Michele,
I just reread some of my own words written a couple of years ago. It was good to hear of God’s continuous work in my life from my own words.
Kaitlyn, thank you for these words of encouragement to keep serving in the ordinary.
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
Thank you, Michele and Kim. 🙂 Preaching truth to our own hearts, right?
Lynn D Morrissey says
Kaitlyn, I’m so very sorry about the loss of your beloved grandfather, especially during these strange times. But God knew, and He ministered through your grandfather’s influence on your life, and the knowledge that in a real sense you are carrying on his ministry, his legacy. May the Lord comfort you and bring you strength to continue to share the Good News, the God News, just as your grandfather did. Your post helps me to remember not to dash through my dash meaninglessly, but to live each day, knowing that it makes a difference, and that God can still be served faithfully in the midst of a pandemic, where He has placed me.
God bless you, Kaitlyn, and thank you.
Love
Lynn
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
Thank you, Lynn. I appreciate your words!
Ann Woleben says
Beautiful and comforting words – thank you for sharing these moments in time in your dash.
Melissa says
I’m a pastor’s granddaughter, too, and I needed this today. I’m feeling intimidated by the big picture calling when all God wants is faithfulness today. Thank you for this sweet reminder, Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
Faithfulness. As ‘simple’ as that, right? We (I) make it so complicated sometimes…
Debbie says
I am amazed. But why? I feel so convicted and encouraged! I read several devotions and am going through a Bible Study on Galatians. And today the message to me is loud and clear for me to quit thinking I have to accomplish something big for Jesus! I need to instead focus on finding small ways to encourage. Small ways that don’t draw attention to me but instead point to God. Ways to bless others. Opportunities to lift others up instead of myself. I’m going to start right now with my husband. Today I’m choosing to live expectantly for those opportunities. Praying I can persist beyond today. It’s not a big ministry but maybe something I can do even now (instead of when this virus is over, something I say too much). I need to do this now! Thank you for your words this. morning!
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
I’m so glad this post came at just the right time for you. 🙂
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Kaitylan I love today’s reading. I none of my family expect my Husband are the only ones saved in my family. I pray for them. I can’t tell them about getting saved or row go up. They tell me not to preach to them keep my religion too myself. But I have my Funeral wrote out the way I want it. As no one know the day or the hour God could call your home. You never know if you see from the moment you get up in the morning to go bed at night if you will see the next day. Age means nothing. As I had Uncle on my late Mums side of the family he went for lie down. Never woke up again. I will keep you in my prayers for you loosing your Grandad. You have not lost all. You might not have him on this earth anymore. But you have good memories or times spent together or things you both said and done together. That made you laugh. Photos to look at of him. Plus knowing because he was saved that he is waiting for you when your time is up on earth one day. You will see him again with Jesus. Yes you will miss him but that can give you a real peace. Not like me with my Mum or my Uncle I don’t know if they were saved. So I just have to wait to see if I will see them when I go to be with Jesus when I leave earth. I did pray for them. I still pray for my family today. I when I pass away my family will get a shock if not saved. As my Funeral will be like no other. As I want the Salvation Army Officer as we both me and my Husband belong to it. Play this song by Dave Billbrough it is called, I believe there is a God in Heaven. You can’t get hardly on YouTube the words go like this it might not be in the right order. I believe there is a God in Heaven who died for all my Sins. Who shed his blood upon a cross it was finished was his cry. Not even death could now deny The Son of God exalted on high. There are other word too the song. Then I want after everyone that is at my furneral and listened to the song. The Salvation Army Officer to say that song you have just heard the words of that song is what Dawn believe with all her heart and that is why she is today in heaven with Jesus. Dawn lived her life for Jesus when alive for Jesus. If not saved here today want to see Dawn again want to give Dawn the gift you can. You can do that by ask Jesus into your life like Dawn did you not reject it. As Jesus was Dawn best Friend. My Family will if not saved by then get shock to hear this at my furneral. Plus I want the song Are you washed in the blood played at my furneral. No sad songs. Song to make them think about and others not saved there at my furneral about how important it is too get saved. The importance of having Jesus in your life. I live my life in front of my family for Jesus. When I get them cards for their Birthdays Father’s day etc I always write praying for you in them. This legacy I want to leave my family. I don’t want anything from my Dad. Only to see him one for Jesus. Before he leaves earth he is 80 next year. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xxx
Julia Bridgewater says
Thank you Kaitylan for writing this, it really spoke to my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Jesus is so faithful and good all the time and he loves his children. I Pray the Lord will help me live a life that is pleasing to him and that I will ever serve him. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 6 or 7 years old and he grows sweeter everyday. I will be 95 this year and I still serve him and love him so much. The Lord has dome so much for me I can’t become to Praise him enough. Love and Prayers Jullia
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
Julia, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Your words here are encouraging and I’m grateful for them today!
Penny says
Kaitlyn,
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your Grandfather. Thank-you for sharing your touching story and words of encouragement with us.
Blessings to you,
Penny
Megan says
This hits so close to home with me. We just had a grandparent pass away unexpectedly and my own father isn’t doing well. He’s a pastor and is on dialysis. I’ve been thinking you truly don’t know when you’re time is up but how you live matters. Something my dad has said a lot.
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
I’m so sorry for your loss, Megan. 🙁 That’s really difficult to walk through any time, but Covid adds to it a bit, I know.
Mary Geisen says
Your words have a gentle way of teaching and pulling me in closer in a hug of understanding. I’m sorry about the loss of your grandpa but I love the legacy he began for you. I pray I live in everyday faithfulness as a way to grow my own legacy.
Kaitlyn Bouchillon says
You always leave kind, thoughtful comments. Thank you for that, Mary. It’s one part of your legacy. 😉
Julie Joiner says
Beautifully written! I agree with your meaningful words and how everyday faithfulness makes a real difference. Thank you for this gracious reminder.
Blessings,
Julie
Beth Williams says
Kaitlyn,
So sorry about the loss of your beloved grandfather. You were blessed to have a grandfather & mother who left a legacy for you to follow. Their lives impacted how you choose to live your life. This post reminds me of a poem “The Dash” . It speaks of a person speaking at a funeral & talking about the two dates on tombstone. But said what mattered most was the dash in between. How we live our lives matters to God & those around us. God is calling each of us into ministry of some sort. We just need to be faithful to the mission He’s giving us. Use every opportunity to leave a grand legacy. People are watching us & learning from us how to live Godly lives. Let’s not waste our dash.
Blessings 🙂