I’ve distracted myself in every way I can think of.
I’ve watched hours of Netflix. I’ve read books about murder mysteries and a book on staying awake to love (by my fellow (in)courage sister, Anjuli, and I highly recommend it). I’ve eaten bags of chocolate mini eggs and worked out so hard in my living room I can barely walk the next morning. (Hopefully, the workouts cancel the chocolate.) I even signed up for a dating app. I thought finding love in the middle of a pandemic might help unfurl some of the loneliness coiled deep within me.
It turns out talking to boys on a dating app just makes me long more for Jesus. Distractions do nothing to truly satisfy what I need most.
I’ve wanted to forget that the entire world feels like it’s shutting down around me, like the people outside my windows and door aren’t suffering and splintering apart at a distance.
The loneliness and sorrow and pain and fear are practically tangible. I can almost feel them in the breeze as I open my backdoor to let air into my apartment.
I go on daily video calls with my church family to offer encouragement, reassurance, and truth. We remind each other daily that we will get through this. We pray and we read Scripture, knowing in the depths of our spirit that God is good and that He will bring good from this.
But the pain persists. Living in the midst of a pandemic is painful.
And when I feel pain, I want to distract myself. I want to numb out. I want to escape. I don’t want to sit in this new reality, alone in my apartment. I am afraid of giving in to my loneliness, afraid of a tsunami of grief, afraid of thinking about how long this might all last.
Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I stayed up crying, tears dripping hasty and forceful onto my pillow. I cried for all of the people who are going to lose someone to this virus. I cried for all of the funerals that will take place — maybe months down the road, after we’re finally allowed to come back together. I cried and I cried.
But even as I mourned and grieved — the loss we are feeling, and the losses yet to come — I held onto one solid truth, grasping it firmly with both of my hands: Death is not the end.
Tears leaked from my eyes, but I said aloud to Jesus, “Death is not the end. You conquered death. It’s not the end.”
In a world that has screeched to a stop, a world riddled with fear and anxiety over death, I am holding firm to this truth. This truth does not remove all of our pain. Even this morning, I was reading in John when Jesus went and brought back Lazarus from the dead. But before He resurrected him, He wept. He, too, felt the pain over death. And He, more than anyone, knew it was not the end.
I hold onto this truth in defiance against this virus and against the sin that mars our world. Death is not the end. We have more than this life on earth. There will be a day where all of this pain and sadness will come to a halt, full stop. We will live in eternity, and the time we’ve spent here will feel like seconds.
This is the Good News — the news I forget almost daily. But let this wash over you, even as you feel the pain and sadness bearing weight on our world right now: Death is not the end.
Can you breathe in and feel that?
Jesus defeated death. He has conquered it.
He will wipe every tear from your eye, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things will be gone forever.
Breathe in the good news today: Death is not the end. We have more than this life on earth. -@alizalatta: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
I’m so sorry for the loneliness you are feeling. This virus just seems to put a magnifying glass up to whatever we are experiencing, doesn’t it? I pray for the starving people around the world who are experiencing physical pain as well as mental and emotional pain. I do consciously look for the beauty popping up amidst the ashes. Death is not the end and God can redeem even the most awful of situations. I see people who are coming to know the Lord for the first time. I see silver linings of hope in that we might emerge from this pandemic as better people – ones who want to live intentionally vs. running around like frenzied chickens with our heads cut off. Too much “slow” makes you weary, but maybe we’ll hold onto it in healthy doses. I do believe there is hope. With God in control and at the helm there is always hope. Lifting you in prayer sweet sister…
Beth Williams says
Praise God He has conquered death. A lot of people in this world fear death. They see death as the end of this life. We as Christians know better. This life is nothing compared to the immeasurable wealth & happiness we will receive in Heaven. There we get to walk with Jesus & His father praising them for ALL the goodness they have given us. I get that people are grieving the loss of “normal”. Even children are having a hard time with this new normal. I pray we use this time to reconnect with family, friends & God. Do some extra praying, Bible reading, Bible Study, etc. Tell Him of those fears & let Him handle them for you. Don’t fear death. It is just the beginning of a beautiful lifetime with Jesus.
Michele Morin says
It may not have been your main point, but your words awakened my resolve to pray more faithfully for those who are sheltering alone through this crisis.
And since I am so often mired in the here and now, it’s always a blessing to read words that remind me that this is NOT all there is, for the unseen and unshakeable kingdom of God is a steady reminder that the trials we face (even in a pandemic!) are, indeed, “light and momentary” after all.
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Death is not the end especially if saved. Yes for a while it will hard. To get over a lost one. But we have the Glory of knowing especially if saved the lost one was saved as well that we will see them again in Glory one day. When our time up on earth with Jesus. Where they have already gone. So we the saved have not lost all. Yes getting used to living without them on earth is hard. But Jesus can will help us do that. We never forget them. If they died of an ilness we can rejoice if they were saved that next time we see them they will have a bran new body in Glory no more pain or sickness. That is something to look forward too. Yes we will still cry over the love one being gone before use. But we can rejoice at that. But yes it hard at this time during COVID 19. To loose someone no matter how you lost them. Should it be to it or just to an illness. You can’t have a proper funeral for them. That sad. If because of the COVID 19 and one minute they were well. Next because of it they are gone that hard to take. But if due to an illness they been suffering a while. Yes you don’t like to see your love one in pain and surfing and knowing they not get better watching them not nice. But when they pass away just a big a shock. You yes glad in one way and in another way wish they were still here. Wonder why Jesus or the Doctors did not though the treatment and your prayer they where healed and still with you for another while. But you can only annoy yourself asking questions like that. Asking why did that person get healed. Not my loved one. You have to trust God know he knew best. It was his will too take them home to be with him. But keep looking up and trusting God reading his word the Bible and Prayer. God will help you get through it. I been there. It take times. Some days are easier than others. But remember God is always by your side. No matter what you go through. Days do get brighter. No matter who you have lost. Everyone. Deals with loss in there own way. But never take your eyes of Jesus. As the song says “WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS” so we have the best friend of all. You get that lovely old song in youtube. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xxx
Amen sister ❤️❤️
Wendy Shelley says
Beautifully written and truthfully said.
Jesus is our hope in this life and the next!
Death is definitely not the end! Amen.
Bless you young friend.