Recently I watched the movie Inside Out with my family for a movie night. Popcorn in hand, blankets cozied up, and tissues at the ready for me because this movie hits me right in the feels. Have you seen it? It’s a darling animated film about emotions and feelings, and it is so full of beauty and insight and nostalgia that I just sit with tears in my eyes throughout the whole thing. Inside Out chronicles the life of a girl named Riley and the feelings that are at the helm of her emotions and therefore, her experiences and memories. They manage Riley’s dreams, help her develop the five islands of personality that make Riley who she is, and file Riley’s core memories away. We meet all of the feelings as they run the giant navigation board somewhere inside Riley’s self:
There’s Anger, ready to protect Riley with fierce gusto as flames shoot from his head.
Fear runs the board from time to time, compiling volumes of worst case scenarios and having game plans at the ready to keep Riley safe from harms way.
There’s Disgust, helping Riley navigate awkward social situations and not allowing her to accidentally take a bite of broccoli pizza.
Joy drives the boat most of the time. She wants Riley to be happy at all costs, believing that joy and cheerfulness is the best — only — way to feel. She’s made sure that all of Riley’s core memories are happy ones, and we see Joy exude a fierce love for Riley even in bleak situations.
And finally, there’s Sadness. She’s my personal favorite, actually. She’s not really allowed to touch the board or the memories, as when she does, they turn blue — tinged with sadness. At one point, Joy draws a circle on the floor and tells Sadness to stay in the circle, believing Riley is better off without any blue in her system. But as we watch the story unfold, we learn that Joy and Sadness must co-exist. Not only is there space for them both, they need one another for the full picture.
Together, Joy and Sadness tell the whole story.
Often we want to bypass sadness (or any non-happy emotion, for that matter) and just get to the good stuff. We tell our kids to stop crying. We ourselves are told to not “cry over spilled milk,” meaning that some things aren’t important enough to be sad about. We don’t take our time grieving, rushing through the steps to get to the joy we’re sure is on the other side.
Spoiler alert: there is no other side.
Grief, sadness, tears, are all part of our stories. We need those benchmark moments when we allow feelings to wash over us, consume us, bring us to our knees. It’s when we avoid those feelings that problems arise.
When we stuff down the negative feelings, we pay a price. When we stop the tears, we stop the healing.
It’s why I am so grateful that Jesus wept and that He was tempted in the desert for a season, surely experiencing conflicting emotions. It’s why we’re shown that He grieved the loss of loved ones. I am so thankful that Jesus was allowed the human experience of sadness because it makes space for mine.
I’m not an optimist by nature, like the character Joy from the movie. I’m for sure more of a Sadness, or an Eeyore — a melancholy kind of person. But because of the perfect way Jesus grieved and experienced sadness, I can trust in a God who wastes nothing. No experience, no loss, not one thing is wasted.
. . . to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
festive oil instead of mourning,
and splendid clothes instead of despair.
And they will be called righteous trees,
planted by the Lord
to glorify him.
Isaiah 61:3 (CSB)
God is good, and God creates goodness where there was none. In the midst of, in spite of, maybe because of deep pain, I’ve seen God do good things. It’s one of my favorite things about Him.
We don’t all have to be Joys. We don’t have to lean into Sadness all the time either. But Jesus showed us that there’s room for both. We are built to house both. Our memories can be tinged with blue, and we are still whole. We can feel our feelings with all the voracity we need, wipe our noses after a good long cry, and still be surprised by goodness.
There’s space for it all, and we can live that truth from the inside out.
Because of the perfect way Jesus grieved and experienced sadness, I can trust in a God who wastes nothing. -@annaerendell: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Anna,
I, too, can be a bit of a melancholy Eeyore. I wish I could say that I see the glass as half full vs. half empty. Also, having suffered from depression, I have endured people’s attempts at being “helpful” like when they say, “Just think happy thoughts.” If it were that easy, I think I would have figured out how to do that by now lol. Sometimes sadness can’t be “fixed” but I know that true joy is often born out of experiencing deep sadness. When you have a dark, sad background in a painting, the bright white joy or “light” stands out more vividly. White on white doesn’t stand out. I don’t regret the sadness I’ve experienced because it has made the beauty that has come from the ashes all the more brilliant. Our joy in the Lord can always coexist with sad feelings and emotions. This is the beauty of faith.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Yes indeed, that kind of beauty certainly shines bright.
I LOVE HIS ARTICLE!!!
Thank you so much!
We all at times go through Saddness and Joy in our lives. Like we all can ask the questions why God did you directly heal that person who believes in you and not heal that other person who believes in you. That is living right for you. That is doing everything right. Has repented of any sin in their lives or unforgivness. Etc. Reading your word the Bible and saying their prayers. They don’t get healed direct by God. Or by the Doctors that God has sent us if not well. Especially when very sick. Then they can begin to wonder why or where God is why did go heal that Christian either directly thorough himself or by using the Doctors. Why did God not heal me. We yes can ask all these questions. But I believe our is not to questions God. But keep trusting God keep standing on his word the Bible the Promises in it. Some get their healing through God direct or through the Doctors God uses. But for some they don’t get it and yes it Sad. But if Saved. Don’t despair or give up. You might be sad. God might decide to take you home to Glory to be with him to heal you. You have not lost all. Your Family and Friends plus you might be sad. You might not have more time with on earth. They might miss you on earth. But if they are saved. They have not lost all. They will see you again in Glory one day when their time up on earth. But next time they see you. You will have brand new body. No more sickness a new healed body. Yes healed. They your Family if Saved have that too look forward too. So do dispare that someone else because they are saved is healed by God or through the Doctors and you are not. If you don’t get your healing this side of earth if very ill. Keep looking up keep trusting God. Know he knows what he is doing is best. If can through it all keep praising God. Even in the Joy and the Saddness. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xxx
Thanks for sharing, Dawn.
Thank you for this, Anna. I have found that in times of loss or deep disappointment, there are people in my circle who admonish me to not be sad – as if a reaction of sadness is unspiritual, immature, or ungrateful. I think sadness is a natural and healthy response – something I cared about is lost to me! – and I need a little time to feel it before moving on. Wallowing is not helpful, but I’m a big believer in our feelings being our own. No one should tell us how we should feel in any situation. Our feelings are part of the way God made us, and in this broken, beautiful world there is room for all of them on our canvas.
Ugh yes, Subi, I have totally been there and understand. It’s really hard, and I’m with you — sadness is a healthy response. We need to give it space to do it’s healing thing. Thanks for sharing today.
Anna,
We should never stuff our feelings down. It curtails our healing. It can cause problems down the road. Sooner or later those emotions will bubble up inside us & we lash out at people unintentionally. God gave us all of our emotions. We should experience each one. God doesn’t waste anything & we can trust in Him fully. Sometimes happiness can be borne out of tragedy. Once we allow ourselves to fully grieve & have our sad times we can move forward. We need the darkness mixed with light. Aesop said “it is possible to have to much of a good thing”. We need to experience all emotions. Life down here is hard & we will have trials & sadness. Go ahead & cry. Feel each emotion & let it out. Let it have its time.
Blessings 🙂
Stuffing feelings sure can cause problems, and get in the way of healing, right?? Thanks for sharing, Beth.
We do need both emotions. And sometimes these two emotions are tied into the same event and almost felt at the same time. Like the ending of school. Sad for it to be over, happy for the summer and freedom. We need to accept and embrace both emotions.
Totally! Both and. At the same time.
All the yeses and amens, Anna! I just rewatched this movie with my family last week, too. I was struck again at the BRILLIANT way they illustrated how we are wired- fearfully and wonderfully. Sadness is my favorite, too. And I love how she gets to be the hero in the end because Riley finally feeling her sadness is what finally reconnected her to her parents. So much wisdom in that little movie. Thanks for your post.
(And PS have you seen the Pixar short called Riley’s First Date? It’s hilarious. )
OH my gosh, it is just so ridiculously brilliant!! My kids kept looking at me like, “Oh, there she goes, crying again.” 🙂 It’s such a beautiful movie. And now I’m adding that short to my Disney+ watchlist!!
I found this so helpful/hopeful! Thank you ♥
Kelly I am so glad. Thanks for being here.
I, too, thought about this when watching the movie and wrote about it! It’s so much more than a kid’s movie. I love how they show sadness being just as important as joy. Sometimes we need to cry and feel sad; that’s ok.
In Riley’s mind Joy was in charge of the 5 emotions, but did you notice that in her mom’s mind, Sadness sat in the middle and seemed to be in charge? Very interesting I thought! Thanks for your article.
So, so interesting and well done! Great observation too, about mom. I feel that one. I’m such a megafan of ‘kids’ literature and movies; there is so often such beauty and truth and poignancy for adults within them.
I love this so much, especially having experienced some tremendous life changes in the past 6 months. Even among my most difficult days, when I’m struggling through the effects of my diagnosis, I can glance out the window and see His beauty. I can feel the joy of human connection. I can revel in my small victories. Grief and despair can easily live alongside ecstasy and delight and we need to be able to say “Yes, I’m sad and broken, but the sun is shining and it’s a gorgeous day, isn’t it?”
Much love to you, my friend. ❤️
I love you so. We can indeed revel in small victories; so often they’re really the big ones.
You are right, Anna. We need both joy and sadness for the full picture. In fact, God ordained both: happy times and sorrowful times (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). He knows that without the backdrop of difficulty, disappointment, struggle, and pain, we lose much of the joyful impact of delight, contentment, success, and well-being when it comes along. Those who are wealthy and spend their fortunes on pleasure, avoiding at all cost uncomfortable or negative situations, often find themselves dissatisfied and bored with life because they’ve all but done away with any contrasts.
Thank you for your insight, Nancy! So glad you’re here.
Great words of wisdom discovered through the experiences of living life.
When I was a young girl going from the teens into adulthood, I loved listening to sad songs and cried away all my uncertain feelings about myself, and life in general. Those were the days way before smart phones and social media. The time when one’s thoughts and actions were not acknowledged by what others thought. I think it was better then because you had to think about everything and make decisions that hopefully were made by you and/ or a good reliable friend. Not hundreds of “friends” that truly do not care about you.
I know that I am old and have lived a very different life compared to today. However, the lessons we all must learn are the same today as they were in Adam and Eve’s time.
It’s good to know that there are people still pondering life and life’s issues. Keep writing and spreading hope through the lessons that are in God’s plan for us. It is the one truth that never is out of date.
God bless
Loretta
Loretta, I am so thankful you took the time to leave this comment today! I too loved listening to more melancholy songs; I still do. Thank you for your encouraging and kind words. Here’s to the sad music we love 🙂
Dear Anna, Thank you for your post – ( I must see that movie! ) – I thought you may like to see one of the poems I am soon to publish in book form – this one written for a little girl whose schoolfriend had died.
as it reflects what you and others have said about the nature of life – the surrounding darkness enables the light to shine brighter.
Some sad things happen on this earth
To people large and small,
All can’t be merriment and mirth
Sad things affect us all.
Life’s like a lovely tapestry
With colours light and bright,
It also needs a little dark
As daytime needs the night.
It may not seem to be quite fair
For one so young to die,
But we need to know that God does care
Even though in sorrow we cry.
Perhaps God gave this child so sweet-
Too sick to run and play-
Some brand new twinkling angel feet
To dance in bright new day.
And could it be this blossom fair
Whose voice no longer sings,
Because in our Heavenly Father’s care
She wears bright angel wings.
Her little face may always be,
Though briefly known and loved,
A dear and lovely memory
Smiling from above.
Because she is no longer here
We feel so very sad,
Lord, may we feel a vision clear
In your loving arms she’s glad.
Camilla Diann 31.5.2002
Wow Camilla, what a powerful word. Thank you for sharing it here.
Thank you! Lately, I’ve been feeling wrong a bit for all of the emotions i’ve been having and like to some extent like people don’t want me to be having them. Sometimes i feel as though i’m surrounded by people whose motto is “suck it up” as if wee aren’t supposed to have feeling and were supposed to move on zombie like from situation to situation. I’m recently divorced, living in a new place with a new job and i have all sort of emotions every day. i still go to work and pay my bills and am able to function normally but my heart is recovering and my brain is questioning and there are days when i feel so alone and so far away from everyone and everything. Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be authentic and feel how i feel and that that is the way to healing. Funny, i was telling my ex that several months ago when he decided he was going to deal with the heart break but instead wait until a time in the far distant future and i told him that was unhealthy and that he should just deal with it and not hold on to it for a rainy day. Thank you for reminding me not to hold on to it 🙂