About the Author

A writer of faith by day and mystery by night, Patricia Raybon is an award-winning Colorado author, essayist, and novelist who writes top-rated books and stories at the daring intersection of faith and race. More at patriciaraybon.com

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Reader Interactions


  1. Patricia,
    Don’t you love how Proverbs just cuts to the chase? Better a dry crust with peace. I love the quote by Richard Foster. Who am I to try to play God and “manage” everyone around me? I admit I am guilty of doing that. I lived in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for over 25 years. Perhaps thats why, being married to a wonderful godly man for 5 years, I don’t sweat the small stuff, and as we know, most everything is small stuff. When we got married, our pastor challenged us to attempt to “out love” each other every single day. What if, instead of trying to manage and manipulate others, we simply tried to out love them? What a different world we’d live in. Our pastors words echo the greatest commandment that Jesus gave. Love the Lord your God first and foremost, AND love your neighbor as you love yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we all are pretty selfish, self-loving individuals. What if we gave others that same position and importance in our lives? It kind of makes the thermostat setting not such a deal breaker. (ps. I like it on the colder side to sleep too lol). Great post!
    Bev xx

    • Love this, dear Bev! “Out love” one another. Now, those are wise marching orders for all of us — couples included. Thanks for sharing your wonderful wisdom. Blessings, too, on you and your hubby! With love, Patricia

  2. Thanks Patricia,
    God has used your devotion this morning to highlight some unhealthy traits (like being domestic enemies and arguing alot) in my first marriage that I need to be accountable for and failed to see at the time. I lived in that abusive relationship for 23.5 years and now I’m asking God to help me sort out and shine his light on what I need to be accountable for so I can heal and be set free from a ball and chain I have carried around for years. Blessings. Cathy

    • Dear Cathy,
      What a strong and beautiful prayer request — to be accountable for your own actions, and to be set free from your “ball and chain.” Yes, release it to God. You’re SO wise to do this. When we let go of our brokenness, resentments, worry and wounds, the Lord will put us back together again. May you shine as you heal! Blessings and much love, Patricia

  3. Thank you for this today. Mulling over it now. I read a devotional by Paul David Tripp this morning talking about how sin often wears costumes, which is why it can be so hard to recognize it in ourselves. We often allow our irritability, desire for control, and hurt feelings to masquerade as righteous indignation or legitimate needs. I don’t want to be blind to my own blindness but to continue asking God to help me not be so nearsighted that I can’t see that I’ve been cleansed from my former sins ( 2 Peter 1). He’s granted us all things that pertain to life and godliness, which should help me stop looking at other’s “deficiencies” and instead focus on the incredibly good gifts he’s given!

    • Well said, Marian! Thank you so much for sharing from your morning devotional. Thanks also for pointing us to 2 Peter 1. I looked it up:

      “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins” (2 Peter 1:5-9).

      Oh, that is such a good Word. Thank you SO much for sharing with everyone. Peace and love, Patricia

  4. Thank you for your words. It’s so true that the things that irritate us are usually not worth fighting over. You put this in a way that’s easy to understand and apply each day.

    • Laura, thank you so much for this feedback. This morning I prayed this post helps others learn of peace and harmony a lot sooner than I did! Warmest thanks and kindest blessings, Patricia

  5. Me and my husband now and again used argue and I get annoyed over silly things like him that he does not do the things he used to do when going with me before we go married. As he done far more then than now. We both love either I would not have anyone in his place. He would not have anyone else in my place either. We are married for 26 years. We both are saved. Iwhen we where We do go for meal out now and then but not that often. We go on holiday when both in the mood. But I just wish he even go for walk with me or go away for the day. I say once in a while. He keeps saying sometime. But it never happens. I got now I like you say nothing. He just want to go work comw home and relax. I say anything which. I might not be here you could be on your own. You’ll be sorry we didn’t do more suff together when alive. He say there are people who have no husbands be thankful you have me. People who never get a holiday. Marriages breaking up because of affairs. I not walked away with all the yapping you do. But it is no wonder people walk away if getting yapped at. It would be nice when he days of work to use up. If he say too lets go away for the day spent the time together or go for a walk. He has answer for you. But I am thankful to Jesus we have either. Jesus spent time with people did things together . But my Husband no. I got now I say Lord I thank full I have a Husband. That loves me. He so good in other ways. He does help with house work so I thank God for him for that. He hoovers and washes the floors. So I now do as God told me. Be thankful you have Husband who helps you do the house work. Plus loves you. Stop giving of to him. While you do the cooking. Many a Husband wouldn’t. Plus this song you get on Youtube comes to mind. The Grumblers. They grumbled on Monday Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, they Grumbled the whole week through. So now I don’t do it anymore about my Husband I leave him in Gods hands and prayer for him. Now I appreciate him more. I don’t say anything too him. We both are alot happier. Since then if in town doing any messages he say lets go for coffee. That nice. Then I let him have his rest. I don’t like the song be a Grumbler. I Thank God I have a husband when so many Marriage not staying together. It sad.

    • Dawn, thank you so much for sharing. I love the end of your story — where, now in town, your husband says “let’s go for coffee.” That is nice, indeed. Blessings as the two of you travel through this life together. May the Lord bless your journey with His peace, love and harmony — plus moments for coffee and joy! Many blessings, Patricia

  6. Patricia,

    I love this post. Early in our marriage (which is still fairly young), my new husband seemed to me a bit like yours (“he jokes with store clerks, flirts with pretty women, and teases other people’s little children”). A switch seemed to flip in the presence of women, and he turned on the charm. He didn’t see it. Likely something he’d done for years as a bachelor, and old habits die hard. And in the process of their dying (or not dying), I was feeling often embarrassed and sinking further into the quicksand of comparison. Beyond this, there were other differences. I may just be the one to strike up a conversation with a stranger (given the right circumstance), while he tends to be more guarded and think I was sharing TMI. I’d quietly cringe if he talked “too loud,” “joker too much,” “or didn’t act “professional enough,” around my colleagues. So I quipped about everything, always trying to “correct him.” At some point I heard myself and realized I could be slowly chipping away at everything he was, inadvertently whittling away the good while trying to carve out what I viewed as the bad. I was convicted. Because if he’d been doing the same to me, my sensitive feelings would’ve been crushed. But he wasn’t. He accepted/accepts me, flaws and all (and I have many). The bickering could’ve been quite detrimental to a new marriage, and I’m thankful that, like Bev said, we try not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy the process of God sharpening us day by day. I love the quote you used: Theologian Richard Foster urged it this way: “Lay down the everlasting burden of always needing to manage others.”

    • Thank you, Patrice! I pray some newlywed brides read your comment today. What wonderful wisdom to stop “chipping away” at your husband by “whittling away the good while trying to carve out what I viewed as the bad.” Oh, so wise to see that tendency and turn it off — full stop. Not sweat the small stuff — and give the big stuff to the Lord. Such great wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing! Love and peace, Patricia

  7. Thank you, Patricia, for your words of honesty, wisdom, and encouragement. I, too, suffered through 32 years of an emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abusive marriage. I wish with all my heart I’d have known then what I know now – that it doesn’t have to be that way, if both people decide to work together with God’s help and leading. Richard Foster’s words about laying down the burden of always trying to manage others are so important. If we can manage ourselves in the right way, then our need to sort everyone else out will decrease. We do need to remember that God’s way is truth in love. God bless you.

    • Amen, Barbara. Let’s manage ourselves first — and, as you say, “decide to work together with God’s help and leading.” I regret that Dan and I didn’t decide intentionally to do that early in our marriage, from Day One. But the Lord is gracious to keep teaching. As I mentioned to some others here, I pray some new brides and engaged women read our comments here and take them to heart. As many have said, harmony in the home can change the whole world! Thank you for sharing and God bless you!

  8. Oh Patricia Thank you. What a wonderful message. Marriage can be so hard. Relationships with others…no matter who or where can also be hard. Thank you God for wisdom. Thank you for dry crust and peace. Thank you for love and compassion. Thank you in courage sisters for passing along ways and scripture to make the crooked road straight, so I can do the same. Have a wonderful blessed day!
    xoxo Janet

    • Yes, Lord! Thank you, Janet! I join you in thanking the Lord for “dry crust and peace” — and for a sisterhood that shares strong scripture and life wisdom. God be praised! Blessings on you, Janet, and thank you so much!

  9. LOVE this post! I, too, have tried to “fix/help/“ my husband of 41 (almost 42!) years….don’t have the grand baby wave to strangers, take the label off the bottle before you recycle it, etc etc. After a few rough years, which seem eons ago now, I find myself more with an “it’s ok just leave it be” mentality than causing bad feelings over trivial things. Same with church. We’ve been through a very good season of years and when that shifts it’s really hard to accept/agree/acknowledge were in a different season…this is an awesome reminder to keep at it! (Love your comments too, Bev!)

    • Yes, indeed, Indiane! Let’s just keep at it. Then as we go, the Lord goes with us — leading all the way. Thanks so much for connecting today! Many blessings, Patricia

  10. Someone asked me once – is this going to matter in 6 weeks? Now that’s the question I ask myself when I get upset about something. The big stuff that will matter are things we agree on and rarely fight about. The little stuff is what gets in the way, but asking that question makes me re-evaluate if it is worth the energy to fight about something, and most of the time, it turns out, it won’t matter in 6 weeks. In fact, we probably won’t even remember it!

    Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share the hard stuff in your life, not just posting the pretty pictures. Being real, that is what is helpful.

    God bless, Sue

    • Best. Advice. Ever. Sue, thank you! “Will this matter in six weeks?!” Oh, that’s so good. Thank you so much for sharing today! You’re a blessing to the sisterhood! Peace and love, Patricia

  11. So often what bothers us, doesn’t bother someone else. I can’t ask my mate to quit bothering me in every way possible. I instead need to love him. Appreciate him. And remember I bother him too. Thanks for your post.

    • Well said, Theresa! So agree. We’re each made so different. My gripes don’t even faze my husband. Or a family member or friend. (And the older I get, the more I appreciate the apostle Paul saying, basically, that as much as we’re able, just get along with people!) Thanks so much for sharing today! Peace and love, Patricia

  12. So true Patricia… I don’t have as many years with my hubby as you. This year marks our 25th Anniversary and yes I do get annoyed over the most petty stuff. I am learning though that I don’t need to be right all the time, well let’s just say 80% of the times would be ideal for me but okay, I get it. I love this man and I can promise you that I have more annoying habits to him than he will ever be to me. And frankly I am tired of being angry. We are not perfect and it is not fair of me to think that he should be perfect just to make me happy. Poor guy, I give him so much grief and try to say that because I am called to serve, I do more than my share in that area. What a wrong way to think about the man I so claim to love and made a commitment to so long ago. We definitely need to rewire our way of thinking and know that no matter what happens, we are in this together. Thanks so much for reminding us to love on each other.

    • So well said, Maylee. Many of us need to rewire our thinking about our spouses — and ourselves. In a relationship, neither person is “perfect.” Instead, as you say, we are in this together. As we tone down our annoyance, and start to appreciate the best of others, we make room for the sweet goodness of Christ. You captured the process so well. Thanks so much for connecting today! Peace and love, Patricia

  13. Can I say one more small point. We all want the perfect Marriage. We want the perfect Husband. But we all have to stop and look at ourselves and I say this too myself. We too are not perfect. We probably do and say things that annoy our Husbands. But we have to all be tthankful on Jesus we still have our Husbands. When for no matter what reason or what ever reason it is so many marriages are braking up. Which is sad. It not only affect the kids in the family if there are any. It also affects both sides of the family. Been there with my own parents. It sad. So be thankful to Jesus you have a Husband. Love him. Pray for him. Hand him over to God when he annoys you. Don’t let the things he does annoy you. If you can. I doing that. I finding I am having less rows. We both as Married couple are happier. We get on together better and appreciate either better. Excellent reading. To many people just want to throw in the towel. Instead of going to God in prayer and seeing his Holy Spirit tell them what too do if saved. Sometimes it is just you might need to talk to your Pastor or good Friend who been where you been. To get advice. So as not to be yapping and giving off to them all the time. They could give you best advice you need to tell you what to do. Or God through his Holy Spirit could do the same. Like telling you be thankful for all the lovely things your Husband does for you and that you still have him and he still Love you. You will not always agree. No one is perfect. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little

    • Dawn, you’re so right. Marriage is hard, but breakups can be harder — impacting the whole family. Yes, some marriages don’t last — and, in Christ, there is no condemnation. Yet if we can save a marriage that just needs more attention, love, and kindness, we can find the hope and help we need, starting with God. May God bless us all as we walk this journey — remembering neither person in a marriage is perfect. But God is. May He lead and guide us all! Thanks for reaching out today! Love, Patricia

  14. Patricia, I always love reading what you write, but this article might be my favorite so far. Thank you for being transparent and real. Marriage, church, friendships… all such a gift but it’s so easy to wrap those gifts in all your irritation and complaints to the point that we can no longer see the beauty and blessing and it just looks like an ugly burden. What an opportunity to unwrap what we already have and see it with new eyes. I’m really grateful for your words here today. I need them. And so many other women do too. xx

    • Becky, thank you! Yes, may God give us new eyes to see what we already have. A changed perspective changes everything — especially in relationships! Love hearing that from you here today. Thanks for affirming and sharing! With peace and love, Patricia

  15. Oh (for some reason?) I have missed your wise words that make me think that surely Heaven will be this way. I melt into them. You always fill my heart. I cannot add to your essay. Only respond with yes, yes and oh yes! My sweet husband of 25 yrs and I are in that stage of harmony (Jew & Christian). But my two sisters and I are choosing to bond tightly for the first time in our 60 yrs with Jesus and The Word as our guides. I’m sending your article to them so we can celebrate together the confirmation that we are on the right path. I do love you.

    • Wonderful Elaine! How great to hear from you today. I’m so glad you were affirmed by this humble post. You’re a model for how to build strong bridges to loved ones. Now, with your two sisters, you’re building again! I love hearing of your journey with them in Christ. Oh, what a beautiful example for this sisterhood — and for the world. Thank you for inspiring! I love who you are and send my warmest thanks! With peace and love, Patricia

  16. thankyou for such honesty. I know marriage is hard because there’s 2 of you becoming one. I don’t honestly have a marriage where we argue . we since day one have seen eachother as honest to goodness gifts in each other lives. I ask for help..he comes. he asks I come help him. I once was told that in marriage for it to work you must turn to look AT eachother the way you started out on the pulpit getting married. turning around so your backs are to one another and facing out into the world of selfish ambition is what breaks them apart. always turn to face eachother and do so in love putting aside anger.
    church can be the same..turn to them in love. we are after all just humans..
    praying for your love to be strengthened in your bond with your hubby.

    • Krissy, thank you so much! What great advice. “Always turn to face each other, and do so in love — putting aside anger.” That is so beautiful. Thank you for this wisdom and encouragement. You are blessing many today! Grateful for you, Patricia

  17. Wonderful posts and I thank God for reading every last one. In a different season of marriage now unfortunately because after 20 years, we’re separated but still together. (Makes no sense to me either.) He said it’s not me, he just needed to deal with some things regarding himself. Neither one of us understood God’s idea of marriage in the beginning because we weren’t “in Christ.” Now we are and don’t want a divorce, yet he’s dealing with “his idea of marriage.” I had to truly forgive for certain things that kept coming us over the years, and began looking at myself to be the wife that God wants me to be. Marriage is not easy, yet it’s God’s idea and I WANT IT!

    • Shayla, thank you! I love your passion — for your marriage, for God, for your husband, and for yourself! May the Lord keep drawing you to Himself, your first love. May He do the same for your husband. Then as He knits your two hearts tighter together, may He bless you both with wisdom and hope, patience and love, laughter and joy. Yes, one day at a time. With love and blessings! Patricia

  18. Hi Patricia,
    Well said, again. And after meeting with you and Dan a couple of times, the similarities between you two and us resonate clearly, like the breakfast thing, or the heat thing, or our actions in public thing. At our ages, isn’t is amazing how much work God’s Spirit still has to do on us–that shaping and sanctifying work that we need? Keep writing. Keep encouraging us. And thank you. I’m glad I found your link to this article on Facebook. Good comments, too.

    • Bob, thank you! I so agree. That “shaping and sanctifying work” we all need must be a full-time job for God’s Holy Spirit. But aren’t we grateful for our Blessed Guide! Thanks so much for welcoming Dan and me to your care group this week — and for such kindness from you and Sharon. We’ve loved connecting with you both, and also with your small group. The collective wisdom in your gathering is priceless! Much love to all, Patricia (and Dan!)

  19. Praise God for His mercies fresh every morning. We can only love as He loves us when we emty ourselves of ‘self’ and ask His help. I pray for Him to bless my words everyday, for without Him life is hard. For in Christ I can do all things.
    Do I pray more for than I “grumble”, about the other person, the situation or the church? Who am I to judge? Unless it is a situation of violence of any form, in everything seek prayer, love as He loved us. We are His children, created in His image. Married or single by choice, His plan, and we honor both. We are but a vapor. Heaven is our home. Satan loves a foothold. Would you grumble if Jesus was sitting with you at your table? Guess what, He is there.
    Pray more, love more, grumble less, say no to toxicity. Shalom. Amen.

    • Sharon, Amen! What a powerful question: “Would you grumble if Jesus was sitting with you at your table? Guess what, He is there.” What a wonderful reminder for all of us. Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom. You are much appreciated! Grateful for you — and for the wonder of Him! With His love, Patricia

  20. Wow, Patricia! Look at all these comments! You certainly spoke truth here. Thank you! Sometimes my hubby of 45 years gets on my last nerve. I pray every morning to have the wisdom to not speak, when it won’t help. And I have a far from perfect record. But I try again every day. Every day I get another chance to get it right.

    • Irene, you’re so wise! A fresh start everyday — and walking in the wisdom of not responding to every little thing. I think this restraint helps us refocus on what’s positive about our spouse or a situation. Otherwise, we’re always gritting our teeth — and our spouse probably is, too! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom — and blessings on your family, husband, and household! With peace and love, Patricia

  21. Patricia,

    Your post title brought a song title to mind: “The Battle Belongs to the Lord.” That is so very true. No matter the circumstance-take it to the Lord & let Him handle it. Why argue over stupid little things? My hubby & I seem to argue a bit, but usually on Tuesdays. He is dead tired from three 12 hr hospital shifts & I’m worn from one 8+ hr. hospital shift. I usually leave the room & go sleep somewhere else crying my eyes out. Almost always before we hit the hay & turn off lights we apologize & forgive each other. He is a worrier. Sure we have differences, but I find a work around instead of argument. He wants it cold so I put more blankets on bed. No more Mr. or Mrs. Always Right. In the words of Bev I try to out love him. Showing him how much I care by doing little things for him. Even helping with his parents. This world could use a dose of love, caring & kindness. We need to show the world how Christian marriages work. We out love & pray for everyone & every thing.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Amen, Beth! And thank you for sharing your story. Isn’t it interesting how you can predict your Tuesday meltdowns? May God help us to stay alert for those weak spots in our armor and, every hour, give our battles back to Him. Meantime, I love your advice — let’s “out love” each other in our households. If we do, the whole world will reflect more of our Christ. For His glory! Warmest blessings on you, Patricia

  22. I lost my husband two years ago. We had our ups and downs but we loved and supported one another. My biggest regrets are all the times I was ugly to him … with my words, my attitudes, my actions, and my motives. They were usually over such minor things. I do know that God has forgiven both of us for our failings, but if every newlywed couple could REALLY learn to deal with conflict in healthy ways, they would have a deeper, more satisfying relationship. Fortunately for us, his incurable illness took up 18 months of his life and we had the blessed opportunity to say everything we needed to say… still I regret that I was so selfish (he was,too) and that kind of selfish, childish behavior can destroy what God intends to be the most fruitful relationship of our lives. Friends, do not waste another day in ridiculous self-righteousness. Learn to compromise, learn to agree to disagree, and learn to forgive. You never know the day you may receive an incurable diagnosis. Blessings to all who still are favored with a marriage relationship. May it be used to glorify God.

    • Thank you so much, Harris Murray. Your wisdom and sincerity speak volumes, and I thank you for sharing your story and your advice. Learn to compromise, learn to agree to disagree, and learn to forgive — learning, as you say, to deal with conflict in healthy ways. Too few of us learn how to do that well before we walk down that aisle. Thank you for urging all of us, regardless of our stage in life, to use our marriages to glorify God. May He teach us all the way. Thanks so much for sharing!

  23. Well said Patricia! We too, after 37 years, are learning to surrender our pettiness for peace, through the power of His grace.
    Thank you for sharing your words with us. They are a timely reminder.

    • Kindest thanks, Jo Ann. I love your phrase — about surrendering “our pettiness for peace,” all “through the power of His grace.” Thank you! May many hear and heed your wisdom today, and with God’s help, follow His way. Warmest thanks for so graciously sharing!

  24. Many echoes of my 21 year(second) marriage in your comments. Since we’ve both been married for the best part of 45 years or so, and we’re also moving into that peaceful circle you and Dan are finding, maybe there’s some sort of an exhausted sweet spot we all reach. But in the end, it’s prayer and conviction of my own contributions to the conflict that have moved me most towards a more loving place. Thanks so much for your wonderful, insightful, honesty.

    As always, my best to your and yours,

    Dave Morgan

    • Thank you so much, Dave. “Prayer and conviction.” Those, indeed, are two things that help couples wake up and smell the coffee, and also our disobedience to the Lord’s ways. I used to think Dan and I were the only couple who argued about the small stuff. Now, I recognize we just didn’t vow, early on, for victory over conflict. With God’s help, such harmony is possible. May the Lord use the testimonies shared here today to inspire and guide couples so they don’t have to slog through years of battles until reaching “an exhausted sweet spot!” (Great description!) There’s a better way, indeed. Blessings on your home and family — and thanks so much for sharing!

  25. Wow!! What wonderful words of inspiration, Patricia. My husband passed away 10 years ago, but reading your insights about you and Dan, I wish even more that we could have a “do-over”. So much wasted time fussing and fighting about stupid stuff, not trusting GOD’s ability and Will to make things right for that “…dry crust with peace…” What’s done is done with Phil, but maybe I can apply the principles you discussed by loving my “neighbors” more. I can always use peace in other areas of my life. I give all my burdens and cares to GOD for “that peace that passeth all understanding…” Thank you, Patricia. As always, you provide lots of thoughts to ponder. GOD’s Peace and love…Sharon

    • Sharon, thank you so much for sharing! You bless Phil’s memory, and help others, by sharing so honestly. I never would’ve imagined that you and Phil grumbled sometimes. Now, I know such tension in households is probably more the norm than the exception. In life, as we move forward, may we seek, as you say, to apply peace in other areas of life. I, for one, am always so grateful for your peaceful and affirming spirit — and your love and support. May the Lord keep blessing you with your beautiful faith, positive outlook, and hopeful spirit. You bless this world, dear Sharon! Thank you, indeed, for sharing here today!

  26. Patricia,
    After I retired five years ago and spend even more time with my Dan, (he is a writer/photographer who works at home and we travel a lot) I realized how much I try to micromanage him and complain about the things he does. After so many “I don’t do anything right” comments from him, God showed me how much this is dishonoring-not only of my husband, but God. With help from the Holy Spirit, I’m really watching what I say and choose which actions have any real significance (mostly none of them). Since Dan is not a believer, the words of 1 Peter 3:1-4 have been my prayer for me and for him for years. I’m finally learning how important it is to not be a nagging, micromanaging & complaining wife. Thanks for your post and sending it out on e-mail today. Blessings to you

    • Dear Dianne — thank you. And thanks for pointing us to 1 Peter 3:1-4 — the “wives submit” passage. It’s controversial, as you know. However, as I look at it again, I see the passage is rich with guiding wisdom for a woman seeking to help lead a non-believing husband to Christ. In fact, I’d forgotten the portion that says a wife’s beauty shouldn’t be based on outward adornment, but “should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (v. 4). Are those just the words of an apostle who doesn’t see much value in women, as some say?

      I’m not a theologian by training, so I can’t say. But I do see rich godly advice in that approach, especially for women who aren’t challenged by domestic abuse — which demands urgent and different intervention. Well, I go on, so I’ll stop. Just wanted to thank you for sharing here. As you say, there’s much in not choosing to be “a nagging, micromanaging and complaining” spouse. May the Lord guide us all to a better way. Warmest thanks!

  27. Patricia,
    Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring reading. I totally agree, it’s not worth the effort to sweat the small stuff, especially if you get to that inevitable bump when one is taken. Then, you are always going over in your mind about the times that were wasted over trivial things instead of meaningful quality time togetherness.

    • Amen, Mabel! Don’t sweat the small stuff. Most of us know that time-tested wisdom. The challenge is to practice it — everyday. Helps us get past “the inevitable bumps”! Thanks so much for sharing!

  28. Patricia, this has truly blessed me this morning. The transparency and the wisdom are what I needed. I thank God for all of you. My husband of 46 years and I have been arguing so much lately. We both agree we’re tired of doing so. We’ve been doing all that’s been brought up. We used 2 pray and do a Bible lesson (with a couples’ Bible) a few times a week, we’ve agreed to go back to doing that. It’s so important to look on each other as Christ looks on us. My area of struggle is my mouth, so with the Holy Spirit’s help I’m trying to choose words that will uplift and encourage cause I’ve used too many words to nit pick, meddle and tear down. Let’s watch and pray for we know who’s roaming around to steal, kill and destroy us and our marriages, he’s been defeated! Let us remember whose we are and we already have the victory so let’s give God glory in all we do.

    • Such wisdom, Carolyn. Thank you! What a different world — and what better relationships — if we all determined to choose words that, as you say, uplift and encourage rather than nit pick, meddle and tear down. Those are such great marching orders for daily living. Then we defeat our enemy every morning, before our feet hit the floor! Thanks for your reminder to remember whose we are. Then our hearts and mouths will follow suit! To Him be the glory. Thanks so much for sharing!