Our family got some terrific news last week. It was the sort of news that called for hands-in-the-air praise on the town square.
But I was so reluctant to share the good news with the people who had prayed for us most earnestly, the ones who sent daily kind words and Bible verses over texts, the ones who came to the house to pray.
Here’s why:
In the same week that our family got the answers we had prayed for, a lot of our fiercest prayer warriors didn’t get the answers we had prayed for them. One friend was heading to chemo. Another got an awful diagnosis. We were praying for them, and they were praying for us, but when we got our good news, how in the world could we share it when their worlds had been so shaken?
I have long struggled with this question of suffering: Is it ok to be happy while others grieve? How in the world can we celebrate any good fortune at all when so many others anguish despite their impassioned prayers?
We’ve all been there. Every room we walk into holds both joy and sadness. You walk into your friend’s living room for a baby shower to celebrate a new life, and there’s someone else in the room struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss.
You walk into a church sanctuary to celebrate two young newlyweds, and someone in the room found out the day before that her husband has been having an affair.
You are being wheeled out of your hospital room with your discharge papers in hand, and you hear a code blue over the intercom.
All through life, we walk in and out of rooms swollen with both joy and sorrow, celebration and suffering. The same hospital corridor that leads you home is the one where countless mothers have wept an unthinkable loss.
Can we hold the tension of both the joy and the sadness that co-exist in these rooms?
Perhaps we can. Perhaps we must.
This is the embodiment of the Biblical mandate to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15, NIV).
Almost every time I entertain this question of joy co-mingling with sorrow, I think of a quote from our dear (in)courage alumnus Ann Voskamp, who once wrote these words in a book that changed my entire perspective on gratitude: “I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for . . . all the good things that a good God gives.”
When we neglect to rejoice, we deepen the wound of the world.
When we neglect to celebrate, we deepen the wound of the world.
When we neglect to give thanks, we deepen the wound of the world.
If we only allow sadness in the room, how will anyone ever know the taste of joy?
We must allow others to celebrate with us, even as we weep with them. And we must celebrate the joys of others, even as we ourselves suffer.
This is what it means to do life together, letting the bitter hold hands with the sweet in the rooms where we all dwell.
In the end, I decided to share our news with our dearest friends, these people from our small country church who so earnestly tended to us in prayer. I took a deep breath, and then I typed the good news into our private Facebook group, called simply “Church Group”:
Dad’s biopsy came back this morning with no cancer cells! We celebrate this good news and are incredibly grateful for all of you who visited us this week, prayed for us, called, texted, and quietly supported us in other ways. This church family has treated Mom and Dad as one of the family for many years. We also realize that so many of you who have been so supportive are going through your own hard seasons. This church family is a beautiful picture of Romans 12:15 — we “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” We are here to weep with you, rejoice with you, and pray for you as well. We are all better together. xo
How have you experienced the tension of joy and sadness in the same room?
We must allow others to celebrate with us, even as we weep with them. And we must celebrate the joys of others, even as we ourselves suffer. -@dukeslee: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
I been through alot with family problems. In the past. You here some Christian looking for all the attention. No matter what ache they have. Yes I feel sorry for them and I pray for them and I hand them over to Doctor God. As I call God. They if they hear you are not well they have to say they are in pain. Yes they might be in pain. But their pain sometimes is not as bad as they make out too be. They want to in lime light. I know a person like that. She would ask me how I am doing. I say to anyone that asks about my health. I am trusting Dr God his word the Bible the Promises in it and Prayer. As that is what I do all the time. I only go the Doctors when God through the Holy Spirit tells me too. People like that don’t like to hear that. As they even though they are saved would run to Doctors over the slightest we thing. Over anything looking for attention. Half time they nothing wrong with them. If you ask people like that how they are you get a run down all their pains and aches. Most time half of them they have not got. Yes they migt have some of them. I do pray for them. I listen to them let them say what wrong with them. Them go on talking about themselves as if no one else in the world suffers only them. They are looking for all the attention. Then I say I will pray for you. Take you Dr God. Tell them they should trust Gods word the Bible the Promises in it and Prayer. Then listen to Holy Spirit to know what to do next. If they need to get help go get it. From their Pastor in their Church etc.
If they just need to talk. See what their Pastor says to do next. Or see if their Pastor says they need to see the Doctor. If they think they need to see the Doctor. The ones that are really suffering no matter what it about should it be a Money worrys or an Affair their partner is having. Or sickness in the Family. That could be you as well. As theses things not nice. We have to say ask God through his Holy Spirit how do we be sensitive to these type of people and hurt they are going through including if you yourself if going through it. Say to yourself who do I go to get help from. Who do I go to talk to. Not bottle it up inside. As if I do I only going to get worse and hate myself all the more and that person all the more if it about an Affair or me if an sickness. Then I end blaming God saying why me God. If I am the one wanting to know how to help my Friend going through this or someone. Ask God Holy Spirit too should me. God through his Holy Spirit will show me. Tell me what to do and say. Sometime it is Just. Giving that person a big hug. Saying let put on some praise music and stamping Satan under our feet. If to do with us knowing who after we been to God asking Gods Holy Spirit who to talk to who can help listen to what I am going through and help that person smile again. God will show you that. We can also celebrated in the Good times when God heals people of Cancer through using the Doctors and the treatment they went through. Plus celebrate the joy of that Mother who gave birth after loosing too miscarrying so many times. We can in theses times see the goodness of Gods hand in everything. In the hard time in all thing never stop celebrating not matter what comes our way. Should it be a happy or sad thing. Keep looking up and keep praising and cerebrating God no matter what. As it says in his word. That God is always by our side. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He never does. So we have that to celebrate. No matter what we go through sad or happy. Keep looking up. It can be hard. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little
Thanks for sharing your heart, Dawn.
Oh Jennifer, what an important reminder in that scripture. We are here to do life TOGETHER. In good and in hard. I’m currently working through It’s All Under Control with my small group, and this is also a big reminder to me – let it be what it is. Don’t try to control the conversation because I fear my rejoicing will negatively impact the weeping. I have no idea what God is really doing in the heart of the person sitting on the other side of the table. And ultimately, I’m depriving them of the gift of offering up thanksgiving when they may most need to do just that.
It’s a hard balance to strike, Sara. I think the most important thing is to put it all on the table — our joys, our concerns, our disappointments, our questions, our praises. It gives other people permission to do the same. Have a most blessed Thanksgiving.
Jennifer, this really hit home with me! My youngest daughter had a long season of illness, while she was in college. While we were in the hospital fighting for our daughter’s life, some friends of ours were going through a similar battle with their daughter. Our daughter is alive and thriving. Their daughter didn’t make it. Throughout those days, we met and supported each other. Years later, those parents came to our daughter’s wedding! How painful that must have been for them. But you would not have known it by their joyful faces.
Wow. What an image. I am amazed at how people who have gone through such tragic times are able to rejoice with those who rejoice. This is a great reminder for us all, Irene.
So glad to hear your daughter is alive and thriving. I am sure you were a bucket of tears at that wedding!
Thank you, Jennifer, for this perspective! I’ve often struggled with this. Yet without our shared joys life could be so overwhelming. Answered prayers always point to Jesus! They encourage us to keep on praying! This is so important, I don’t want to forget your words… “This is what it means to do life together, letting the bitter hold hands with the sweet in the rooms where we all dwell.” Love this image!
Thanks so much for sharing your heart here, Debbie. We appreciate you!
How beautifully said. I especially appreciate the scripture. I’m rejoicing with your family and offering prayers of thanks. ❤️
That means so much to me, and to my family, Susan. Happy Thanksgiving.
That’s one of my favorite quotes from Ann, whose book changed my life too, and you flesh out the tension so beautifully, Jennifer. I think it’s when we are most authentic and share our hearts and lives most fully in community that we’re able to live into this tension well.
It reminds me of a moment at my book launch party last month. My backyard was full of friends there to rejoice with me God’s over faithfulness in publishing my first book! It was such a sweet time of celebration! Then my friend, Courtney, shared how timely the message of my book was for her and how God used it to remind her that she is the exact mom for her six children…one of whom has been battling aggressive cancer. As friends, we have wept and prayed fervently with Courtney and there in that moment thirty women wept again both tears of sorrow and gratitude — it can be both.
Thank you for this precious reminder, Jennifer. Praising God for His mercy to your dad! xx
One Thousand Gifts was a game changer. I see there’s a big online Bible study of the book going right now. Maybe through Faith Gateway? I’ve been tempted to go through it again … could always use the reminder to be grateful in all things.
Thanks for sharing about your book launch, Becky. That’s a poignant example.
This happened in our family on Mother’s Day 2018. Celebrated Mother’s Day and my Husband’s homegoing to Heaven. It was hard as we had been married 72 years and had always been together. God is faithful to take us through the hard as well as the good.
Oh Julia…. 72 years! Oh my. What an incredible testament to love and companionship!
Stephanie,
While the holidays are usually a good time to enjoy family, friends & celebrate-we are dealing with another hospitalization of my FIL. He has Stage III bladder cancer, bladder infection, had a bilateral ischemic attack three weeks ago & couldn’t urinate for two days. Now in ICU at local hospital. Kidneys shut down. Put in a catheter & he is urinating. Today it was bloody. He is weak. Not doing well. While I’m happy for those whose family is coming in I’m worn out from work & traveling to hospital. Hubby & I both work in hospitals so going to one on day off is not fun. Hubby dealing with “end of life” issues with step mom. MIL not well either. She fell about 6 weeks ago & broke her left hand. Still going to listen to Christmas music & try to lift my spirits, be happy for those celebrating & pray for those who need it. Also found out one church member lost her sister. Will be mourning with her. Tough time to be going through all this, but God’s got this!!
Blessings 🙂
Dear Lord, I lift Beth up to you today. She has a lot on her plate, and certainly a lot on her mind. I pray for those in her life who are needing Your healing. I pray for her strength, as she is WORN OUT. I pray, Lord, that You would be so near to her during this difficult time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Recently, I have had the great fortune to be around older women, and listen to how they process life. I love being around older women. I love watching them apply grace in difficult situations. Their wisdom, demonstrated in quiet eloquence speaks volumes with a few words. They show joy in each moment they are in, and love on the hurting with a smile and silence as they sit next to someone, simply nodding, and listening. When someone new comes in the room, she will leave and wash the dishes, or bring food, or folds the towels in the dryer.
Sometimes, in the grief she, whether it is hers or another’s, she will give an intentional hug that lingers, then she will hold you by the shoulders, look you straight in the eye, and with a smile say, ”with God you can…do this/ make it through/ do the right thing…” she will whisper.
I’m not sure it is a tension. Maybe joy and sadness are beautiful friends, who are at their best when they can travel the difficult paths together.
Thanks for sharing, Diane. I’m so glad you have the opportunity to be around such lovely women, and that for you, joy and sadness haven’t felt like a tension, but a gift.
We have to share the good news even amongst the sadness because that answer to prayer is for them as well – they prayed for you and were answered. This is an encouragement to keep praying and taking all things to the Father.
Thanks, Tracy. I agree. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
I look back on abraham in the Bible and how God blessed him yet so many had no blessing. when we were blessed with the purchase of our new home I lost many friends who were angry because they didn’t get their blessing. I was humble but they chose hate and anger… when we are blessed it is hard to celebrate but a real Christ follower will rejoice with you..not in jealousy.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Krissy. It makes it hard to rejoice, when people look on with envy. Happy Thanksgiving to you this week.