I never wanted to be a part of this club.
I never imagined when I was a bride sailing down the aisle at age twenty-five that twelve years later I would be living “‘til death do us part.” This wasn’t part of the plan or part of a future I had ever imagined.
I am a widow.
That word defines me in some sense as one who has lost a husband. It also reminds me that I have loved and grieved deeply.
I remember the early days of my widow journey when the grief was fresh and the future seemed ominous. I was hungry and grateful to connect with other widows who had been down the path. I looked to them for hope, guidance, and assurance that survival was possible. I didn’t dare dream, but they helped me believe there was a way forward.
Friends like Janine and Patty were golden to me as they gently took my arm and said, “This way.” They reminded me each grief journey is unique. They recognized and acknowledged my pain. They pointed me back to the God of comfort.
They also invited me to join a monthly gathering called GIG (Gals in Growth) in our area that was designed to bring together young widow mamas to share stories of grief and encouragement with one another. That group quickly became my lifeline to help me see that I truly was not alone, and I am forever grateful for them and hope to offer this same support to other women.
I recently linked arms with three other widows who are mamas to launch the Widow Mama Collective. This is an online group meeting on Facebook to offer regular support, community, and resources to widow mamas. Women can join for free by requesting to join the group and answering a few brief questions.
My heart is filled with gratitude to link arms with Lisa Appelo, Tara Dickson, and Becky McCoy. They are writers, speakers, and podcasters who share my heart for supporting widow mamas by telling our stories. We all met through an online writing group called Hope*writers, but we live in different parts of the country and have different stories. We are all mamas as well as being widows, which adds a unique element to journeying through grief while navigating it for our children as well. Our desire is to offer support and encouragement to other dear women who are in the trenches.
When I’ve had opportunities to speak for events or write online, I often hear from women who are widowing alone. They have little support or very little contact with other widows, and their children do not have connection with others whose daddies are in heaven.
In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Paul talks about the power of sharing comfort with others:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
God is the Father of compassion, our example and our very real comfort through trials. He had special provision for widows all throughout the Bible, and Jesus wept with His friends when they were grieving. He lifted them up and offered them grace in times of need. My deep desire is to do the same.
Friends, when we share our stories and our experiences with others, community is forged, and grief is often less heavy. May we be women of courage who stand in the gap to listen and comfort one another as Christ did.
Are you a widow? Do you have a friend, neighbor, relative who is mothering and grieving? Please extend the invitation to her to join the Widow Mama Collective. We do not want any widow to navigate her grief and faith alone.
When we share our stories and our experiences with others, community is forged, and grief is often less heavy. #widowmamacollective -@DorinaGilmore: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Dorina,
What a beautiful and crucial ministry. When we are grieving it is so comforting to talk with someone who has walked the very path you are walking. I have not lost a husband to death, but I lost a husband to abandonment. There is nothing that strikes the core of your being quite like someone, whom you love, choosing to walk away and say, “You are not worthy of my love.” That knife cuts deep. I am so thankful for women, friends, who took me under their wings when I was a lost fledgling in the process. They gave me hope that, I too, would come through this and that I needed to cling desperately to the Lord who gives me my identity. I have come through the valley, but God has given me a ministry to be there for other women who are currently walking this road. We need to be “keepers of the community” of grieving wives. We need to remind each other that our identity is not in what one man thinks of us, but what One God says that we are. Keep paying it forward…I pray those hurting will reach out to you in your ministry of hope.
Blessings,
Bev xx
I love that God is using your story for His glory as well, Bev. It’s a sacred privilege to grieve with others. We are “keepers of community” as you say!
Bev,I am sorry for the pain that you have experienced and wanted to thank-you for your brave words.
I hope that you have a blessed day,
Penny
Bev,
I too feel like a widow, through abandonment. Through God’s Grace & only through him, I am able to make it day by day. I am grateful for his love as he washes & heals the wounds that others have left behind on me. You spoke to my heart through your comments.
Karen ❤️⚓️✝️
Karen,
Remember…one man’s opinion does NOT define you. You are perfect just because God made you and you are His! You are a daughter of the King. You are Christ’s beloved. You are of immeasurable worth. Praying that God will continue to bring beauty from the ashes. He is faithful!
Love and ((hugs)),
Bev
Cheering you on, Dorina!
Bearing grief and sharing sorrow is close to the heart of Jesus.
I’m so grateful for your encouragement!
Thank you for embracing fellow sisters with children in Christ Jesus who are traveling down the same difficult and lonely path.
Doing life in community is always a blessing but when you’re also a widow, it’s a life line as well. Looking forward to being a part of your beautiful ministry as a widow of 8 years now with adult children still in great need of the Fathers love ❤️
Jackie, I’m grateful to have connected with you here and hope you will find us at Widow Mama Collective!
I, too, am a widow. My husband died three months ago. I have no children of my own, but am a stepmother to his two adult children. I believe that if you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and that He is your Lord and Savior you will spend eternity in Heaven. Neither of his children follow my belief. My support system is my church family, friends and his siblings. I think that a widow really needs someone to listen to her, not judge or tell her what she should be doing, thinking or feeling. There are days that I feel lonely and sad. However, I know and believe that I am not alone. The Holy Spirit is right beside me to comfort, hold and guide me each step of this process. I didn’t seek membership in this club. But grief is the price we pay for allowing someone into our lives and loving them. Deep grief means there was deep love. I am allowing myself to mourn and grieve the loss of a godly man, my husband, my faith leader, my partner, my spouse, my soulmate. We will be reunited in eternity.
I’m so sorry for your loss Joanne. May the Lord continue to carry you and be of comfort in this season in your life.
Joanne, I’m so sorry for your deep loss. Yes we grieve with HOPE but grief is still a bear. Praying for you this morning as God walks you through this day and all the rest.
Joanne,
Thank you for sharing your sacred story with us here so we can pray with you. I hope you will join us at Widow Mama Collective so we can walk together. You are not alone. And yes, the loss is so deep when we have loved deeply.
Joanne,
I am so sorry for you loss. I pray that the pain will ease by the Lord’s comfort.
Blessings to you,
Penny
Joanne,
So sorry for your loss sweet sister! Praying for God to send His loving arms to surround you & give you a sense of peace. May God send mentors your way to guide you on this journey!!
((((((Hugs))))))
Joanne – Your words touched me. Although I am not a widow, I watched my own mother go through the grieving process 4 yrs. ago. Your husband sounds wonderful – what a blessing that you had that great love! I told my mother many times through many difficult days, “Just get through right now”. Rather than looking ahead, just deal with ‘today’. She, with the help of family, friends, sisters-in-law, etc., got through the first year, then the second year, and is doing much better. No…the pain doesn’t go away, but it becomes more bearable. It’s very important to find ways to connect, and reach out to other people by volunteering, meeting with friends, church family, etc. You will find new ways to be important in people’s lives. Each step of the way, God will be with you.
I want to say how I relate to alot you had to say.I was married yrs.to the love of my life,Harold who passed on March 7th after a long and valiant battle against liver cancer and though I’ve had other losses in my life, none like this! But I know God is still good and he has purpose for me. But having said that I have found some disappointments in some of the body of Christ. With Pat answers and a lot of advice. None of which are widows. I love them but have to love them from afar. I need to connect with people who understand who can speak into my life with compassion and love. Thank you Marsha Williams
Marsha, I hear you. I have had people say some things that were difficult to hear or not very sensitive as well. Thank you for sharing. I’m praying that you will find loving community that can support you. I’m so grateful we serve a God of comfort!
What an important ministry and community. Praying tonight that your community online will flourish and reach those who are travelling the path of grief alone. I pray these interactions and friendships forged will not only benefit those that reach out to you but to all of you who are in the community too.
Jas, Thank you for linking arms with us in prayer. We appreciate others who can circle around our community of widows by lifting them regularly to Jesus through prayer. The day-to-day can be heavy but we grieve with hope!
Dorina, I’m forever grateful for your vision and for joining hands with you to provide a safe place for widows to talk about loss, life now and the way through grief.
Grateful for you sharing your life, stories, wisdom and experience to walk alongside these widow mamas, Lisa! Thank YOU!
Can you please tell me how to become a part of the community? I am not a mama but * am a woman who loves God,a recent widow and much in need to share with other Godly women who understand.Thank you, Marsha Williams
Dorina,
I’ m so sorry for your loss. While I haven’t gone through the same type of grief, I believe that community really does help, just as this community has helped me. You are a blessing to other’s, thank-you……
I hope that you all have a blessed day,
Penny
Penny,
Thank you for your encouraging words. God continues to bring redemption to my story day by day. I’m so grateful for the ways He cares for us through community!
Dorina,
You have a great & wonderful way to help others & shine God’s light down here. Everyone experiences grief of varying natures. Each of us grieves differently. It is so helpful to have mentors guide us on our grief journey. Sharing our stories & experiences helps others realize they are not alone & will make it through the dark valley to the other side. Life down here is hard enough without having to deal with a loss of any kind. We all need to know where to turn in times of crisis or grief. Forming communities like yours or simply offering advice & walking that long road with another is a great ministry & much needed. Thank you for heading God’s word. This ministry I know will bless many women all over. May God continue to bless you & your new family!
Blessings 🙂
Beth, your encouragement means more than you know. Thank you for taking time to meet me here!
Dear Dorina, I love how you serve and offer your words and ministry out of your own real experience of loss and healing. So powerful!! That’s what makes it real and touches heart – and that’s you. I’m moved by your vulnerable words, speaking from a place that is honest and also touched by what God has whispered to you. I can’t wait to finally meet and see you in just a little bit at the (in)courage retreat and enjoy your company and get to know you better on this week’s journey, friend! 🙂 We are in the same cabin!! yay! love, Bonnie
Yay! So excited to spend some quality time with you this week. I greatly admire your writing and your words have mentored me these last few years.