I saw her walking along the sidewalk ahead of me with her knit cap on. She carried two heavy grocery bags, one in each hand. Her petite frame, less than five feet tall, barely kept the plastic from scraping the ground.
Where had she come from? Where was her car? The closest market of any kind was at least a mile away. Had she walked that far with such a load? Or further?
My quick pace continued, and I was pleased with my progress. Regular exercise was just becoming routine, and I had a plan. Walk two miles, shower, and get back to work.
But I didn’t have bags to carry like she did.
We continued independent journeys in our shared neighborhood — she on one side of the street and me on the other. Before long, I stood parallel to where she had stopped to catch her breath. Her cane lay over the bags, and for a split second, I thought, I should offer to help her with her bags.
My next thoughts weren’t so generous: I bet she doesn’t want my help. What if she’s offended because I asked? This elderly woman is probably used to carrying bags like this. Maybe I should just keep walking.
I’m not pleased with my presumptuous defense. It comes from years of people-pleasing and living afraid, but God’s been freeing me. I’ve been learning to face the fear of preconceived outcomes because assumptions kill opportunities for connection, and He’s been giving me courage in moments that feel big and small to continue to grow.
Growing in courage takes time. Sometimes I miss what God what wants to do in and through me. I find plenty of reasons to ignore what He ignites in my heart, especially if there’s even the slightest hint of possible rejection.
My justified thinking continued, She has her journey to take, and it includes carrying a whole lot of stuff. I have mine to take, and it includes getting rid of the stuff overflowing my sides.
But I finally cut off my self-protective talk: Good grief, Jo. Just ask. The worst she can do is say no, and you’ll be on your way.
I smiled and motioned my offer to carry her bags. She smiled back and nodded yes. When I crossed the street to meet her where she was, we shared what weighed her down. She grabbed her cane, and I grabbed the rest.
I signaled an understanding that she must be tired from carrying such a load. As far as I could tell, she agreed.
We didn’t speak the same language, but I knew when she needed me to slow down. She set the pace, I joined her side, and her face revealed gratitude as we walked together.
What I thought was the end of my path that day wasn’t. I had no idea where we were going or how long it would take to get there. She smiled and pointed somewhere ahead. I had a choice to make, and I decided to keep going as long as I had the ability to do so.
A couple blocks later, she motioned to her knee, the sidewalk, and her hand. Her expressions told a story of wounds from falling down some time in the past though the visible parts appeared to have healed.
I had no way of knowing what lay deeper in her bones or what her full story was, and she didn’t know how much healing God had done in me so I could face rejection head on and receive His embrace instead.
Self-defeating fear kept me from sharing what I had to give for far too long. This time, I recognized the enemy’s attempts to excuse away an opportunity for connection. Even if we didn’t have much in common, we could walk this path together for a while.
There’s no grand prize in doing such a thing. But coming alongside someone who’s been carrying heavy things for who knows long reveals God in beautiful ways. And when we face our fears with Him, we experience freedom.
We don’t have to know where people come from or where they’re going to meet them where they’re at. We don’t even have to speak the same language to care for someone. Connection happens in the exchange of giving and receiving. When we share what’s too much to carry, we create space for soul to soul knowing and for new life to be breathed in.
It’s a relief to know we don’t have to have all the answers, because answers aren’t always needed. We don’t have to fully understand what someone needs to offer care that’s meaningful. Our willingness to simply walk alongside someone opens the pathway for connected hearts. Even when we don’t know what to say, we still have the power of presence to give.
Maybe next time we meet someone wounded and weary, it won’t be bags that need to be carried but an overwhelmed heart in need of holding. May we have the courage to meet them where they’re at with what we’ve got.
When we don’t know what to say, we still have the power of presence to give. -@theJoleneU: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Jolene, it’s so wonderful to see your words here this morning–except that they are a rebuke to my bubble-life!
Living inside my head, I miss so many opportunities just like this one. Thank you for seeing the need, daring to make an offer, and then getting under the burden of a total stranger.
Thank you for your kind words, Michele. I’m with you on living inside my head too often. Walking has been a good way to get out for a different perspective.
So nice to hear from you, here!
Our willingness to walk alongside someone opens the pathway for connected hearts. Connection is so so important. Your act of kindness speaks volumes on the importance of connection. God bless you! Your story and words have a deeper meaning for me tonight. Great post and good for you for kicking your fear of preconceived worries to the curb and doing God’s work. It may seem simple helping a stranger with their bags but you don’t know the effect it may have had for that lady. Kindness is Christ and you showed that kindness, we all need to do more of that in today’s world.
Thank you for your kind words, Jas. I’m glad the story offered deeper meaning too. I hope we can all see another, whether friend or stranger, with fresh eyes today.
So true to this. One small act of kindness will always be remembered. And it doesn’t cost us a single thing. So thankful for people like yourself. We certainly need more people who are kind to their fellow human beings. We are all in this together. Thank you for sharing this.
“We’re all in this together.” Yes! It’s easy to get sidetracked, but this is such a great reminder.
I loved this!!! When I was a little girl my grandfather would come and stay with us for a time. He could speak no English or at least very little and understood most of what was said but I could speak no Spanish and had no inkling of what he said. Yet his actions showed his love and I learned so much just from watching his actions. He had a routine that he followed religiously and I was fascinated by that. Reminds me that we are all connected and can find ways to communicate, it just takes a little extra time and willingness to go that distance. In the grand scheme of things, it requires very little and the rewards are tremendous
Loretta, what a beautiful story! Thank you so much for sharing it. I teared up with a smile just thinking about this experience for him and you. This is so true, “it requires very little and the rewards are tremendous.” It can feel awkward to engage when you don’t speak the same language, but the connection that happens beyond words is beautiful and hard to explain with words. The story of your grandpa sticks with me.
In our Church we are doing a serious. Called Bless. Meaning who are you going to bless this week. Get along side. Showing them Jesus love. Even if they never heard Jesus. Don’t preach to them say you much be saved. Just get along side them like Jesus did. Show them the love of Jesus. Some may have problems. They may not open right away as might take awhile to trust you. But just stopping listing to their stories. Can lead you saying if the time right. You’ll know. Saying can I pray for you or I keep you in prayer. You helping carry that ladies shopping even though you did not speak same language. You where being the hands of Jesus and blessing that women. God sees you helping that women. He will bless you for doing that. He will be pleased you took the courage to go ahead and be a blessing to that women that day. We are encouraged in our church also to ask ourselves who are we going to ask out for coffee or even for lunch that would not maybe have much money etc. That thinks no one like me or I not wanted. Finding the courage to make that person feel special. Like Jesus would. As we are all Daughters of The king and Beautiful in Jesus eys as that person might not feel it. Us doing that might make the difference in their world. They could open up to us. We could be the person who could get them the christian help if we know christian counselors and they are want the help and are ready for it. God will let us know if we pray to him ask him if right to bring it up at all. Or just sit and listen to them. Be there for them. xxx
If I could tag a hundred hearts to this, I would. Wise words and I pray we all find courage to continually do this for others and receive it when it’s done for us. Sounds like a great series, Dawn.
If I could like this with a hundred hearts, I would. What a beautiful series you’re doing. I pray we’d all have the courage to step beyond our comfort zones and give to others. And that we’d receive well when it’s given to us. Beautiful!
Jolene,
Galatians 2 states: 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Jesus admonishes us to help each other out. It can be scary to go over to strangers & ask if they want/need help. You might be surprised with the friendship you make. There are so many simple ways to help others. We can simply offer to pray for them & do it there. Cooking a meal, carrying bags, visiting people in hospital.
One thing we have here is “drive through difference”. The first Monday of a month if you go through a drive through you pay for the person behind you. The radio station has a letter you can hand the cashier to give that person. That is a quick & simple way to help brighten someone’s day. I’ve heard stories that people were having bad days & that was the pick me up they needed. One more way to shine God’s light down here. The hard part is getting out of our comfort zone, walking up to strangers & asking to assist. You might be rejected-big deal. At least we’ve made the effort & tried our best to show God’s love to this dark & sin filled world. On the upside they may take us up on the offer & we might just make a friend.
Blessings 🙂
Thank you, Beth. Yes, getting out of our comfort zones can to offer help can be challenging. I love your perspective of the upside. 🙂
“assumptions kill opportunities for connection”
Yes! Oh, friend, this is so good. I want to tuck these powerful words into my back pocket and pull them out often. Thank you for sharing your heart and story with us. Such a joy to have your words here at (in)courage. xx
Thank you for this sweet welcome, Becky! It’s a joy to be here and part of this community. May we catch assumptions at the door and turn them away! 🙂
Thank you for these wonderful words. They hit home today. Even the part about your exercise routine…do you have a blog or website?
Blessings,
Jen
Hi Jen! Yes, I blog at joleneunderwood.com. Would love to meet you in the Cultivated Life community. I’m glad the post resonated, even the workout part. 🙂 Regular exercise feels like a baby step endeavor, but I’m enjoying the benefits of it!