We finally made time for coffee. I stood in line next to my friend, smiling because it had been months since we had some time together, smiling because I had a break, smiling because it was a cold winter day and a cookie was in my very near future. It felt great. She asked what we always ask, “How are you?” and I replied, “Good.” And I was . . . if good meant the world wasn’t falling down. And I wondered, When did that become my standard?
We got our coffee and sat, catching up on life and fielding the random text here or there. And she probed deeper, “How are things with your brother?”
I thought of my teenage brother, a beautiful fifteen-year-old with a bright smile. I only wished I saw it more. I pulled a thread I didn’t know I was pulling when I told her about the recent court date. And that tiny pull kept unraveling as I explained why, and that it was from a few years ago, and that it was all okay. Or as okay as it gets. Mental illness is messy in ways you never imagine.
Stories of the past few years tumbled out, some of which I was sure I had told her before. There were no tears or dramatic pauses. It was just the pieces of life laid out between coffee mugs. She looked across the table and the messy stories and said, “That must feel really hard.” I inhaled slow, my shoulders rising. “Yeah, it does,” I exhaled.
That was the first time I’d stopped to say it was hard.
Sometimes we get so busy trying to survive, doing the next thing, keeping our head above water, that we don’t realize how tired we truly are. We don’t even realize we’re carrying anything. I didn’t realize the weight of what I had been carrying until I named it, until I spoke it out loud as being heavy and recognized I was, in fact, weary.
Perseverance is good, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Sometimes we face things that don’t seem that hard at first. Maybe it’s one small challenge or burden, one extra thing that needs to get done or one more night of running around. Maybe it’s a delay we didn’t expect or a closed door we thought for sure would be open. A small thing that we can get through. So, we carry it, and we carry on.
And then there’s another small thing, a tiny weight. Nothing too hard, really. And we add that on and keep going. And going. And going.
All along the way picking up these seemingly mild inconveniences. What we don’t realize is that as we keep going and keep carrying, the weight adds up. And not in the 1+1=2 way. This weight is different. There is another factor, something we rarely account for — time.
I looked at my friend and told her I felt like that story of the professor who asks her class how heavy a glass of water is. She explains that the absolute weight doesn’t actually matter. What matters is how long she holds the glass. If she holds it for a few minutes, it’s fine. Increase that to an hour, and her arm is sore. Keep going for a day, and she feels incapable of even moving.
The heaviness of our burdens matters less than how long we carry them.
And sometimes, especially as women, we think we should keep carrying things, keep going, forge ahead, all in the name of getting it done, of persevering.
But what if persevering is not a carrying but a laying down?
There are things we will all need to carry. There are hard things we have to do and challenges we must walk through. When we carry them on our own, we will become worn out, tired, and eventually unable to go on.
But when we bring those things to God — even the ones that seem small — we no longer need to carry them on our own.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.
Psalm 55:22 (CSB)
We can press on, steadfast with Him. We can cast our cares on Him and keep pressing on toward Him as He carries the weight. He promises to help us.
For I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, who says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13 (CSB)
Things with my brother may not change right now. They may never change. No matter what hard thing I face, I don’t need to carry the weight of them on my own and neither do you.
What weight can you ask God to help you carry today?
When we bring our burdens to God — even the ones that seem small — we no longer need to carry them on our own. -@myinkdance: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Rebecca,
I hadn’t thought about time being factored in. Holding even a “lightweight” burden for a really long time can become truly cumbersome. As time goes on, I know that I pick up and sling burdens over my shoulder, like I would a purse. Problem is I can’t carry many purses for a long time, nor was I meant to. First, I realize how silly I look especially when there is Someone standing right there saying, “Hand them over, I’ll carry them for you.” Time and time again, scripture calls, no, commands us to cast our burdens on the One who can carry them for us. Why does He carry them? Because He cares for us. What makes me hold onto them? I don’t like the answer I get when I ask that….pride, maybe? When I take on something that Jesus tells me He can do, that’s pride. Somehow, I think I can handle this or figure it out better than He can. It takes true humility to lay it all down. It takes saying, “I can’t do this any longer….here You take it.” Only a humbled and contrite heart can do that. Ouch! I need to let Christ do His job with my children, with my diseases, with all of it. I can only persevere if I lighten the load. Thanks for the wake up call to shed the extra baggage!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Amen Bev x
Bev, I love the image you used here! We can all relate to how silly we would look if we were carrying 12 purses! And you are exactly right, God is right there offering to take them for us. Yet, we still hold on.
I am so grateful for His grace to keep standing there, ready to take it all for us!
Stopped in my tracks by this one, Rebecca, and challenged to persevere in a new way.
Thank you for bringing your wisdom here.
So glad we can challenge one another in the best ways: closer to Jesus!
Beautiful words with a powerful message, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing this piece with us. This phrase stands out in challenging ways, “The heaviness of our burdens matters less than how long we carry them.” I have a feeling I’ll remember this one.
I’m so glad it resonated with you! Grateful our paths crossed today!
The time of carrying a burden, I know all about this! Thank you for framing it differently with your anology, it then makes sense to lay a burden down and give it to God so we can be free. I lay down my failures at keeping on track to his plans for me, I lay down my major doubts in my abilities to carry out the tasks set before me. The doubts of will I really be of help bringing peace as a chosen profession? The fear of failure…or missing a step in the right direction, I give it all to the Lord. I know in him I am good enough it’s just consistently believing it.
Thanks Rebecca, great timely post!!
Oh, girl. I am praying these prayers by your side. Thank you for sharing your heart so willingly, and for reminding me again of all the things I need to lay down at Jesus’ feet.
All I want to say is just……Thank you. You just completely and wonderfully helped me finally breathe.
Isn’t breathing the best?! I love a good chance to exhale; that’s when I can inhale more of Jesus!
I love every word of this post. You have a beautiful way of capturing the expense of carrying our burdens. Thank you!
Thanks Kelley. I am so grateful for you and pray that God shows you exactly what to hand over to Him today!
What a blessing to see your words in this space. You gave me so much to think about. I’m the woman who carries burdens way past the due date of laying them down. Thank you for your story and the challenge to trust God in my own journey of persevering.
Girl, I think I’m carrying things from before I could hold my head up! Glad we’re in good company and that we can encourage each other to give it all over to Jesus!
Thank you Becky. Isaiah 41:13. So I have read it. I have heard it. But today I will memorize it and remember it and place it in my heart so that when things get tough I no longer longer carry it. GOD WILL
Deb
This is exactly what my prayer is whenever I type words: that people would be encouraged to get real with God in their real life. I am good at knowing the right answers (as if my faith were on the SATs). But God isn’t here to make us fill in answers. He’s here to be with us and for us. So grateful for you today!
That one line …. “But what if persevering is not a carrying but a laying down…”. EYE OPENER!!
Love this post!
Thanks Indaine. I’m so glad you connected with it and that it leads us both closer to Jesus today!
Thank you so much for this! Particularly “what if persevering is not a carrying but a laying down.”
This is something God has been speaking to me about lately and this just reinforces it — “just one more thing; it’s not heavy” BUT…! It is when added together.
I love when God confirms things He’s been teaching me. So grateful to be a small part of that for you today!
You’re so right that sometimes seemingly “not too difficult” things when added together or carried for too long can become heavy. I have found this in my own life, and I seem to feel it more now that I’m middle aged. I generally try to keep my perspective and choose to be thankful when things could be so much worse…..and although that’s noble and a good place to end up, we cannot pretend not to feel the weight of situations, circumstances and responsibilities when they just feel hard to bear. I’m learning that it’s OK to admit when I’m hurting, even if I know it will be all right and am grateful that I’m not in a worse scenario. Our feelings are not sin; it’s what we choose to do with them and making steps to move forward that will bring us through hard times and help us to grow. Thanks for sharing your story.
Yes, yes, yes! “Our feelings are not a sin.” That’s exactly right. Our feelings are just feelings. And God is so much bigger than our feelings!
Yes to all of this…. especially “it’s OK to admit when I’m hurting, even if I know it will be all right and am grateful that I’m not in a worse scenario. Our feelings are not sin…”. This is what I’ve been learning in counseling and is so wise! Thank you for saying this today.
Dear God,
Please take the weight of my marriage, the weight of my adult disabled child, the weight of my friend and lover who is 3,000 miles away, the weight of my failed career, and the weight of all of my bad choices, including poor eating and alcohol and love addiction and carry them for or with me. I ask this through Jesus Christ from whom all good things come. AMEN.
Annie, your prayer is so honest and real. Know that I am here with you, praying God meets you in this place. Praying He takes those burdens and lightens your load with His grace. Praying He shows you more of His love today than you have ever know. Sending you big love in Christ, friend!
Thank you, Rebecca, for listening the the whispers of the Holy Spirit. Your message today was so on-point, it couldn’t have been any more clear. Once again, I am having to face some difficult circumstances completely out of my control. And really, that is the way God wants it. If I could handle them on my own. I wouldn’t need Him. And I do desparately need Him!
We do need Him, so desperately. Sometimes we need reminders of that (even though I don’t usually like the form the reminder comes in!)
Rebecca, this is so good. So many times I hear us women compare our burdens as if the heavier- in-our-perception ones outweigh what we ourselves carry so therefore we must buck up buttercup! That is so unhelpful. I love how you illustrated that “small” burdens are indeed still burdens and over time can render us paralyzed too. Thank You, Jesus for helping us all! No need for anyone to “buck up, Buttercup.”
Yes! I haven’t found that “buck up, Buttercup,” anywhere in the Word. Yet, we put it on ourselves daily. So grateful for His grace in the process as we learn to hand things to Him (big or small!)
Rebecca,
What an important, timeless truth sprinkled with a new perspective and fresh eyes. Thank you for reminding me of what I already know, and helping me to *hear* in new ways, too. What a lovely post, and I’m grateful you’re lending your voice to incourage today! 🙂
Thanks Robin! Isn’t it funny how there can be things we know — yet somehow (mysteriously) we forget them?! So grateful when we can remind one another!
Yes! And can I just add, our weighty burdens are meant to be shared with others so that they can help us carry them. Yes, going to God with them is paramount. But God uses other believers to walk beside us, like your friend did, to listen and to empathize and to love us. I discovered that when I speak my burden out loud to another believing sister, it is lightened. I have been held and allowed to weep over a family burden several times over the last 6 weeks, and in that unburdening, my load has been lightened to the point where I can breathe again. Literally. Thank God for caring us through our trials, and for many times using others to be His Hands in that carrying as well. ❤️
Amen Diane! You are exactly right! God uses people to walk with us and help us carry the load. So grateful for your insight today!
Rebecca,
Thank-you, this was so refreshing to receive on the first day of Spring; a time to lighten up our homes. I am grateful for a fresh start, and that the Lord has been lightening the weight I’ve been carrying.
I hope that you a ll have a blessed day,
Penny
Spring is a great time for lightening the load, isn’t it?! God has shown me so much about how to do that in our hearts. I have a blog series that just started about Spring Cleaning for Your Heart for exactly this reason. So grateful we can encourage one another closer to Jesus!
So much yes. Since this time last year, I’ve been “holding” the stress of caring for elderly parents. One passed away, and now the one left behind has health issues that complicate everyday life. The time of “holding” increases exponentially the weariness when you are just trying to keep all the balls in the air. I’ve got to find a way to lay it at Jesus’ feet and let Him comfort my soul.
Glenda,
I’ve been in your shoes. It does wear you down. Getting late night phone calls, running to doctor, etc. Add working full time job & managing a household. Not so easy. Praying for strength for you to endure. One thing I did find out through my journey: you can call hospice in any time. They are not just for end of life. You will get an RN to come in & check vitals & examine patient. RN will call all information in to primary care. You will also get a PCP to come in & shower patient-even if it is in bed. Mom got a weekly sponge bath & hair washing. It gave dad a respite for a while. They were there when mom died & stayed with dad till family could get there. Just wanted to offer a possible solution.
I will hold you & your family in prayer!
Blessings 🙂
Glenda, that is such a hard season. I watched my mom walk through it with my grandparents and it is a heavy weight indeed. Praying that God, in His grace, helps you lighten the load and that He brings people to walk alongside you in this season. Know you are loved and honoring God in the way you honor your parents!
Hugs!
Rebecca,
Lysa Terkeurst said it best in her book The Best Yes: “Saying yes to everyone & everything won’t make you wonder woman. It will make you a worn out woman.” Worn out women have nothing left to give family, friends or church. “God doesn’t expect us to hand this situation/problem. He wants us to hand it over to Him. Why do we as women feel we have to “do it all”? God made us for community. We are here to carry each other’s burdens. That can’t be done if no one shares their burdens. I’m blessed to have a few good friends with whom I can share burdens. There is one in particular which I can share anything. Nothing is sacred. We pray for each other. Not everyone has that kind of friendship. You just need to find 1-2 really good trusted friends & share you hurts. We are here to pray for & encourage you. God expects us to persevere through our trials, but He wants to be the main one we go to for assistance. Go ahead & call out to God. He will sustain you & see you through to the end. Read Psalm 23 “Yea though I walk THROUGH the Valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for THOU art with me THY Rod & Staff they comfort me. Cast your cares on Jesus don’t weigh yourself down with that load!!
Blessings 🙂
The Best Yes is a wonderful book! And you are right, God sends people to help us carry our burdens. And His grace and comfort is such a beautiful gift. May we always remember to go to Him!
Just to add a little to all the great and kind advice to all burden carriers. Let us all be willing to allow others to help us when help is truly needed. We don’t get extra points for doing everything alone. It is a blessing to have someone, even strangers, come along side to help carry the load. It’s not near as heavy when an extra pair of hands comes along. Been there myself and I can tell you that I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for my angels unaware. God knows our needs better than we know even what our true needs are. Often times it is the spiritual strength we need more than the physical but whichever and whatever it may be He knows and provides!!!
Yes! It is such a blessing when God sends people to help us carry the burden, even in little ways! I know something as simple as a conversation or a text, an unexpected meal or a pizza delivery can make a world of difference!
Thank you so much for sharing Rebecca! Praying for your brother and you! May you find comfort knowing that God will always be with you and your brother, holding you both tight in his mighty arms! God bless you always. Sending love! 🙂
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words Stephanie! You are a gift!
This is so profound and beautiful, Rebecca! Thank you so much for reminding me that the burden I had claimed as my own is really Christ’s to carry for me. That He Waits with open arms to take it off my hands. That although mental illness has torn through our family twice with gale force winds, I can hand the tattered pieces of our lives over to God. And He can weave them back together into a beautiful grace-filled quilt to cover us when we feel like we can’t endure another day of pain.
Allison, your words are beautiful. And I would love to sit and have tea with you (LOL) I think we could have a lot to talk about! Thank you for sharing your beautiful imagery of God’s love for us. May we keep encouraging one another to open our clenched fists and hand all the pieces to God.
Hugs!
Thanks for your kind words, Rebecca! Yes, I would love to sit down and share with you one day! I bet we would have lots to discuss! Blessings and thanks again for your beautiful words!
What powerful truths and images you’ve shared with us today, Rebecca! I’ll be pinning this one for sure!
This is a beautiful piece and you are right, mental illness is messy (and awful). As the caregiver of others in my family with mental illness, the length of time really does matter. It is hard. You have my sincere empathy.
I have written a lot about baggage, you have your own and then try carry someone’s else’s, we were not meant to be weighed down or carry the weight of the world, He did it, we just have to remember to receive.
Thank you for sharing your heart so transparently and for the encouragement to persevere in the Lord.
Blessings,
I wonder why we do this to ourselves. Sigh. I often pray to God about my struggles but still continue to carry them on my own shoulders.
I’m glad this happens: “I pulled a thread I didn’t know I was pulling… And that tiny pull kept unraveling.” I love when people get to the heart of the matter. Thanks for sharing your story here.
So fun to read you over here, Rebecca! Beautiful and encouraging words, as always! Blessings!
Rebecca this is so good! Mental illness, and knowing how to deal with it, is something we are just not prepared for. Perseverance is hard! So often I give my burdens to the Lord only to take them back again. It’s not easy to give them and leave them there. Thanks for posting this. Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements! Tweeted. 🙂
Perseverance, I think of it as a daily gift from God. My youngest has schizoaffective disorder so some days are harder than others and I definitely cast my cares because otherwise would be ess than peaceful