It wasn’t the worst place for a baby to sleep, but I didn’t like the thought of putting a baby in a laundry basket. For a newborn, it would be safe and portable, but I felt ashamed.
Our second son was born ten weeks premature. A job change, a move, and his premature birth had drained our bank account. Our first son, just fourteen months old at the time, was still in the crib, and a new bed for him was not in the budget. We’d been financially responsible, made the wisest decisions we could, but instead of a six-figure family income, we had accrued a six-figure medical bill.
We had managed to save a few hundred dollars as an emergency fund, and I just couldn’t see how a big boy mattress constituted an emergency. Enter the laundry basket. Disappointed with myself and with God, I laid a folded blanket in the basket as I imagined my newborn sleeping there like a modern-day Baby Moses. “It’s not like I have to shove him into the Nile,” I reminded myself.
The grandparents caught wind of my laundry basket conundrum and showed up with a freshly refinished antique cradle, custom-fitted with homemade flannel sheets. It was beautiful and more perfect than I could have imagined.
I am never offended by God’s repeated commands to His people to remember. Build a monument to remember. Remember to tell your children what happened here. Do this in remembrance. But I so easily forget.
I know God can provide. I’ve seen it throughout Scripture, in the lives of friends, and even in my own situations. But between my cry for help and His intervention, I sometimes feel He’s disappointed me. The storm rages while the Savior sleeps. The baby arrives, and only a basket is available.
Eighteen months later and still chipping away at hospital bills, we welcomed our third son. And now we really needed a big-boy bed and a mattress. Eventually, we’d need two.
While my boys napped, I scrubbed apple juice from the floor and stewed about the bed situation. I mapped out all the scenarios in my head. Maybe God would make a surprise bank deposit. Or perhaps we’d find a brand-new mattress wrapped in plastic along the highway and haul it home. Or maybe we could just roll out a sleeping bag. Frustrated by the options, I tossed up a prayer that sounded more like a complaint.
Lord, I hope we can get a mattress, but I hardly think it constitutes an emergency. If that’s what you want us to blow the emergency fund on, then fine.
It was a silent declaration of my disappointment to the King of the Universe, the One who’d already provided a cradle in lieu of a laundry basket.
That weekend my husband and I hauled our toddlers to a friend’s dance recital. I’m sure it was lovely, but I only remember trying to keep the boys from being folded up in the theatre chairs. When the house lights came on, we were all eager to exit.
On our way out, we ran into a friend. He described their home renovations then suddenly interrupted his story. “Hey, you guys wouldn’t happen to need a couple of mattresses, would you? I’m so sick of moving those things around. They’ve barely been slept on, and I just keep moving them around the house. If you can haul ‘em, you can have ‘em.”
My face went cold, and I felt reverently startled. It was as if Christ’s presence was so heavy, so near, that something akin to worship washed over me. No one knew I had complain-prayed and received such a clear answer, not even my husband. With one son on my hip and another yanking my arm towards the exit, I stood stunned, marveling at the timing and provision.
For those of us who hope in Christ, there are moments when He applies His kind attention to our particular need. His powerful hand reaches through the invisible curtain separating heaven from earth, and we see with absolute clarity that our hope is not based on our ability to rearrange circumstances.
Truthfully, a cradle isn’t a basic human need. A laundry basket would have done the trick. A sleeping bag wasn’t my first choice, but it would have sufficed. Jesus knew my deepest need was not a bed. The thing I needed most was to remember.
Two big-boy beds became an indoor monument to reminded me that my Savior is attentive to my cry (Psalm 34:15). He knows what I need before I ask. He will not give a snake instead of a fish, and He won’t replace a loaf of bread with a stone (Matthew 11:7-9). Without requiring suggestions from us, He listens. He responds in ways that prove He is not bound to the scenarios we can conceive.
The remedy for disappointment is to remember that our hope is based on the reliability of Jesus to do what He’s promised by whatever method He chooses. He rarely works in the way we expect, but He is always working for His glory and our good, even while we wait.
Though He may surprise us, He does not disappoint.
The remedy for disappointment is to remember that our hope is based on the reliability of Jesus to do what He’s promised by whatever method He chooses. -@shaunaletellier: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Oh, how I love this post, and I am also one of those “complain pray-ers,” giving God instructions on how He could work according to my will on any given subject. I’m learning to be thankful for this sovereign goodness, expressed in ways I could not have “advised” and to enjoy the feeling of being “reverently startled” by his provision when it shows up–usually in ways I could not have predicted.
So thankful He has tended to you in those ways, Michele! I guess God has kind of a long history of tending to “complain-prayers” 😉
I’m so grateful he transforms our “complaints” into praise!!
I too complain-pray or sometimes offer “instructional” prayers. He is patient and kind with me and offers me good gifts and wonderful surprises never on my timetable. These often test my patience and trust but He always comes through.
“never on my timetable.” Whew…isn’t that the truth, Denise! So thankful his timing is never off, even when we suspect it might be 😉
God is so kind to answer our “complain-prayers!” Love that He wowed you with His perfect provision so early in marriage and mothering too.
I guess He’s been dealing with “complain-prayers” for a very long time 😉
In 2017 we knew that eventually our 1990 Toyota (purchased new at the end of 1989) would have to be replaced. We had money set aside in a specific fund. In the beginning of 2017 our mechanic had a 2006 Toyota on his lot that he was selling for a customer who was no longer able to drive. The cost was a lot less than we had set aside for a new car. Even though some other people expressed interest in the car, our mechanic (who was a high school classmate of my husband and I) told other people that it was spoken for. I firmly believe that God had His hand in this situation; we didn’t have to search for a car and the price was a big plus also. I am definitely enjoying driving that car! And since we purchased it from our mechanic I can also feel comfortable knowing that he will be able to keep it maintained for us the way he did the other car.
Wow! Thanks for sharing that, Carol. 🙂
I feel the same way. I am really struggling today. I am a single mom & have been, not by choice, for 12 years. My ex left when our youngest was a baby. He left for another woman. I was still & still am willing to work on our relationship. The relationship he had with the girlfriend lasted 5 years. My ex husband became a Christian 3 years ago. I was extatic thinking that we would be back together because God so sweetly saved me, my ex & our 2 children. It hasn’t happend & I am thinking my ex is now taking to that same girlfriend again. Because the restoration prayer hasn’t been answered I forget about the prayer for my ex’s salvation. Oh Lord please forgive me for forgetting your good works & letting this situation with my ex and this girl get me so down & out. You know my hearts desire Lord, you put it there. I know you hear our prayers, please provide what my family needs. Amen
Dawn,
Thanks for sharing your deep and difficult disappointment. I am praying for you and with you tonight. I’m also rejoicing with you that God has extended his saving grace you your family.
My later Grandmother this will make you guys laugh. Used to say she was a Christian. The poor Lord must get tired hearing all our prayers having us asking him to do this and this for us. I do think we don’t stop as Christian to thank God enough when he does answer our prayers. Sometimes he says No to what we want as he knows in the end No is best. When months down the road when we look back at what we ask God to do and he didn’t do it. Then say God I am glad You didn’t do it or answer that prayer or give me what I wanted. No matter how disappointed I was at the time. Your know it was best. You always know what is best for Me. You God have large shoulders and big ears to listen to all our prayers. Thank you Lord for not getting tired of listening to all our prayers. Thank you for answering them in the way that is right for us. Not in the way we like you too as you know what best for us all. Thank you for the people Lord who right these reading bless them all. Love Dawn xxx
Shauna,
It never ceases to amaze me how God answers prayers. Lysa Terkeurst said in her book “It’s Not Supposed to be This Way: “Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us home.” We are living in the messy middle between two Edens. In this place we will have trials & tribulations. “The piercing angst of disappointment in everything on this side of eternity creates a discontent with this world & pushes us to long for God Himself. That is why God allows trials. His glory will be magnified when He answers our prayers in ways we never expected. We learn to trust Him more. We must remember: God longs to help me, God longs to transform me & God loves me. Psalm 40:1-2 is great scripture “I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me & heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, & set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He always hears our prayers & pleas. We must learn to be patient & wait upon the Lord. He will work in His perfect timing. Jesus waited 3 days to go to the home of Mary & Martha. He cried with the people there even though He was going to raise Lazarus. He does this to make it known that He feels & understands our pains. He wants the glory all for the Father.
I highly recommend Lysa Terkeurst’s book & study “It’s Not Supposed to be this Way”. She talks about going through infidelity with hubby, having a distended abdomen & getting breast cancer. She explains how she got through all that.
Blessings 🙂
I have heard of Lysa’s book, but have not had a chance to read it yet. Thank you for recommending and reminding me about it. It sounds really good.
Oh, how sweet and patient and gracious our Savior is. Thank you for sharing your story, Shauna.
So welcome, Melissa. It’s my pleasure to tell what He has done!
What a inspiration your words are Shauna.
I have prayed and waited impatiently, and three prayers of mine were answered in the last year. My wife, a type 2 diabetic resisted going to the doctor for years, all the while knowing she needed to start insulin. One day a couple of months ago, she decided it was time and has been on insulin since. I prayed for years, and God answered my prayer.
I also prayed that she would join me at church, even though she is not a Christian like me. One day last month I asked her if she would like to go with me to church, and she said yes. She has been going since, though I still pray she will turn to Jesus.
We do indeed need to be so ever patient with God as he is always listens, and surprises us when we least expect it!!
Thank you for sharing, Jim. Praising God with you tonight and praying with you for your wife.
Dearest Shauna,
Thank you for continuing to share about His goodness. Please keep pointing us to our Father’s goodness. I have filled many journals with reminders of His provisions, stuffed folders with notes recalling His faithful supplying. Why do I doubt when it comes to new challenges? I forget! Thank you for sharing your stories so we can be encouraged to remember ours! “Thank you, Lord!”
It is my pleasure, Heidi! What a treasure you have in your notebooks to have chronicled God’s specific kindness to you!
I love this Shauna. Such a beautiful story of God’s faithfulness and kindness. As always, thank you for your words!
So welcome, Tanna. Thank you for joining me here 🙂
Absolutely right on target! I have to forward this post to my Church family. Thank you for being a complain-pray-er. We all do it. And we KNOW better, but we just can’t fathom the depths of His mercies and His provisions. HIS timing is not OUR timing, but boy do we think it should be!
I think I need to borrow one of your big boy beds and set it up so I can remember along with you!
Bless you for this post!
Praise God!