About the Author

Renee Swope is a Word-lover, heart-encourager, and grace-needer. She's the best-selling author of "A Confident Heart" and her new book, "A Confident Mom" is releasing Fall 2021. Renee is also the familiar voice of a friend to women around the world as former Proverbs 31 Ministries' radio co-host and executive...

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  1. OH! So painful, and I’ve been in this situation as well, confronted with a hurt that was already a raging infection, and all based on misinformation. Self-defense feels so futile, and I appreciate how God the Holy Spirit spoke truth into your heart in the midst of your abandonment. So many temptations come to us when we’ve been hurt in that particular way–self-protective strategies that will keep us from ever being hurt again. Thanks be to God that His Son persevered in loving us, even though he knew that he would be “despised and rejected.”

    • You are so right, Michele. All I wanted to do was protect my heart from getting so deeply hurt again. I’m sorry you’ve been through someone similar. It’s so painful. Thankfully Jesus helped me stay (talked me into it and convicted me with His love). And now 15 years later, I’m still standing with Him and serving women with His love. I’ve learned so much since then, about sacrificial love and staying alert to Satan’s schemes to divide and destroy, especially in ministry relationships.

  2. Jesus was so amazing in his strength to be faced with all that disappointment and hurt and yet He stayed. Thank you I have a lot of work to do in this area to hearGods voice at times of hurt and NOT be reactionary and go into retreat and protection mode. I hope you were able to iron out the truth with your friend and that you are continuing to work in building the women of your church up!
    May God bless you
    Jas

    • He is SO amazing! I don’t know how He did it other than the supernatural power of love, mercy and grace that is the embodiment of Who He is. And the only I can even slightly love and live the way He did is to quiet my heart and listen, pull away from the situation and pause before Him and let it all out – tears, words, anger, hurt, disappointment. In getting it out, I hear my heart and I hear Him. It’s been 15 years since this incident happened, and although other hurts have come, He has kept me standing and serving with Him by my side.

  3. Renee,
    I believe that if we are to be transformed into the likeness of Christ, then we are going to experience all the things Christ experienced, and a big one was betrayal and slander. Live long enough and you will eventually have someone who has an ax to grind with you. I’ve been there. It really hurts when the betrayer goes behind your back, seemingly rallying others to their side of the story. When this happens, we are “sharing in the suffering of Christ” which the Bible calls us to. If we are to become like Jesus, we must suffer like He did as well. One of those ways is choosing to stand and stay in the face of betrayal. It goes against every natural instinct in us that yells, “flee!” But when we stay, we stand in the sufficient grace of God and that, in turn, builds our character and our confidence in God. Thank you for the awesome reminder that the Lord stands WITH us….we are never alone.
    Blessings,
    Bevxx

    • You are right Bev. I have found this out the hard way, and it has crushed my heart in ways I never imagined possible. I thought something was wrong with me to have someone do this, but I’ve sadly discovered over the years this happens in the church, in ministry, in close Christian friendships.

      I hate it, and I want to be different. It requires a whole lot of courage to go to someone asking for clarification, seeking to understand when we’ve felt misunderstood. Believing the best when everything in us wants to defend ourselves because we’ve automatically assumed the worst. But grace, patience, bending low in humility and understand…. it’s the only way we can live and love well, and do our best not to hurt others with our own hurts.

  4. I needed this. I’ve been wrestling off and on with hurt from a friend who one day sent me a long text of all of my infractions against her. Some of them were situations that I had no idea of when they occurred. The part that hurt most is that she said I hurt her purposefully by ignoring her in one incident. I tried to apologize, but more of my faults came out from her. This incident was on the heels of another complaint a month or so before that I always rushed her off the phone. I have moved on, but we are still in two common circles, which is so awkward. The hardest part is she has tried to return to business as usual, but I’m done. No hate. Just my sense of not needing to walk on eggshells. Pray for me.

    • Monica, Im so sorry. That is so hard. Sometimes we just can’t be or do enough if we are being seen through a broken glass. I’m praying for your heart to mend from the hurts, and for her heart to see things from your perspective too. Asking Jesus to help her believe the best and apologize for assuming the worst, and holding it against you.

      Jesus, heal our hearts and our hurts so that we don’t keep hurting each other.

    • Have been there too, Monica. I will pray for you and I hope you are able to pray for her that God will bless her. But you are so right to move on. God will be with you and your identity is in Him and not in what others think of you.

    • I’ve been there with a close friend as well. And like you was reminded of all I had done wrong. This happened several times and the last time was the one that hurt the most. Like you, I was done. I was crushed. The pain was too much. But immediately I started praying that God would allow me to see what He needed me to see. That He would have me hear what He wanted me to hear. I prayed that God would change in me anything that needed to be changed and have me see my friend how He sees her. I believe good can come from brokenness and I wanted so much to honor God despite my feelings. I cried often the first two years. And now almost 4 years later I still have moments when I cry and miss so much what we use to have. But I have prayed and still pray that God restores our relationship. Until then I have given it to Him and everytime I find myself sad, I start praying and believing that God is working it all out. I pray the same for you.

  5. Renee,

    This world is a cruel place. Hatred, discrimination & divisiveness reign high right now. The best we can do is pray about each situation & stay like Jesus did. For me I put myself in the other’s shoes for a minute. Then go on about my day. It is easy to take things out of context & blow situations out of proportion. Unfortunately I worked with such people. They would squeal on other co-workers to get them in trouble. Also they would not help the other co worker. They would just do their job & sit with nothing to do. Asking for help was almost a no do it yourself. One of the bosses didn’t like me either. She pretended to until a review made me sound like I couldn’t do my job & needed help. Problem was my aging dad was going through medical issues. Needless to say I quit, 1 prn RN , 1 full-time RN, 1 NP & two front desk all quit about the same time. Now they can deal with all that stuff alone. God has since vindicated us by giving us all better jobs. We are all a bit happier.

    Blessings 🙂

  6. Renee,
    I am grateful for your encouraging words this morning. They have been very helpful.
    I hope that everyone’s day goes well………
    Penny

  7. I cut my comment off too short; what I should of said was, how grateful I am to have the Lord by my side, and that he has given me the courage to stay put.
    I hope that your day will be blessed,
    Penny

  8. Sometimes the hurts stay with us a long time & we have a hard time trying to forgive. Today, Pastor Robert Jeffress of First Baptist, Dallas, had a powerful message on Forgiveness. I do believe it was straight from God. God bless you sweet sisters in Christ!

    • It does take time to heal, and there are layers of forgiveness that come with time, as well. Thankfully God has since restored my friendship with both people. It took a lot of time. But it’s been 14 years since then and God has used that situation and what He taught me, many times, to keep me grounded in HIM alone.

  9. I too went through a horrible time and you, Renee Swope, helped me enormously! It was many years ago and I posted on here. Your encouragement and kindness were an uplifting balm. Thank you for sharing this post today and it always helps others to know they’re not alone and are kept and covered, despite what deep hurts come their way. Underneath are the everlasting arms. x

    • Wow, M! That means so much to me to know. Thank you for sharing. What a sweet gift to my heart today.
      Underneath His everlasting arms, tucked in close, sister. Always.

  10. Human beings are still human, flaws and all. Remembering how Jesus said once,
    “You who are without sin cast the first stone.” A wise word came from a newly ordained pastor today, who simply remindes us that we are the body and jesus is the head. And we as individuals we each are to be uniquely ourselves, and permitting others to be uniquely themselves too. We all serve each other and help each other grow more christlike with love, and that’s the unique purpose of the cross, representing jesus’s sacrifice for all. If the body is in dissension how will it ever invite and draw others to christ’s love and goodness? Quite simply, we won’t if we make the mission about ourselves.

  11. Renee, what an open, honest, transparent post…helping us to walk for a mile, not only in your shoes, but also our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who never leaves us or forsakes us. Thank you for this encouraging post! Many blessings to you ❤️

  12. Thank you Renee I too am going through this right now and needed to read this encouragement.I find I can’t speak about it without crying. It has hurt me so deeply and at a time when I need to have my close friends supporting me, not tearing into me. I am seeking counseling with a stranger as I don’t want to “just get over it” but rather I would like to process it properly so that I learn a lesson and am able to either help someone else or myself or both! God is with us all in the process of forgiving.

  13. Renee, it amazes me to think how many of us have had the same hurtful experience you described – and felt the same initial reaction – retreat and withdraw so that it never happens again. Only this last time, for me, have I heard that still small voice whisper, “stand firm.” 1 Peter 5:8-11 makes it clear who our real enemy is as he seeks to devour and divide the body of Christ. So this time, I’m fixing my eyes on Jesus and praying He will help me to see others through His loving eyes as I continue to answer His call, even if it is, as you wrote, “in messy ministry, in broken relationships, in hard places,” for He is with me. Thank you, Renee, for sharing so honestly and eloquently from your heart.