If I were to peel back the layers of my heart, I’m convinced I would see an etching along my aorta that says: here lives Aliza Latta, the girl who longs to be chosen.
I feel like Meredith Grey talking to Derek Shepherd in season two of Grey’s Anatomy. “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
I tried out for the musical Les Misérables in high school. To say Les Mis is my favorite musical in the entire world would be an understatement. I have the three-hour musical memorized and saw the movie in theatres seven times within the first two weeks. This summer in England I saw it onstage twice. I’m very proud of this.
When my teacher announced we would be performing Les Mis for the school play, I knew my time had come. I was born to be Eponine. Or Cosette. Or Fantine. Really, any role that had a solo was fine with me.
After the auditions, I checked the cast list on my computer. I blinked. I refreshed the page and scrolled down again. I couldn’t find my name. Where was my name? I scrolled further and finally saw it — listed beside the ensemble.
I felt like someone had dumped cold water on my head. I hadn’t been picked. They didn’t want me.
I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t go to school for a week. I dyed my hair from blonde to brown like one does after a bad breakup. (I swear I’m not dramatic at all . . . )
I am convinced our deepest desires all look the same — the desires to be known, to belong, to be chosen. It all comes down to one fundamental need: each of us wants to be loved exactly as she is. We want someone to cup their hands around our face, look deep into our eyes, and say, “I see you. I choose you. I pick you. I love you.”
We use musical auditions and boyfriends and alcohol and Instagram and pornography to make us feel known and loved and wanted. But we always come up empty.
Timothy Keller says, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
The truth is, humans will consistently let us down. I am disappointed by people almost every day. I place high expectations on them — I want them to make me whole.
But God chose you the moment He formed you. He sculpted your hair, your eyelashes, your fingertips. He looked at you and immediately delighted in you. He made you blameless as blood dripped from His hands and feet and brow, seeping down the wood of the cross. He makes you holy with each new day.
Someone once told me that God’s delight in us is like He’s doing a victory dance — spinning around, shaking his hips, whooping loudly, hollering, “I am so proud of you! Look at how far you’ve come! Look at what you’ve done, amazing daughter of mine.”
He sees your progress — no matter how small it may feel to you. He sees the exact season you are in, and He is proud of where you are. He’s not waiting for you to cross some finish line, exhausted. God sees you now, and He delights in this exact moment you are in. Rest in His delight. Rest in the immeasurable rhythm of grace.
I wonder what our lives would look like if we lived loved . . .
I want to live like I am known, because I am known.
I want to live like I am chosen, because I am chosen.
I want to live like I’m free, because I am free.
I’ll be rejected again — probably not by any more musical theatre auditions, mind you, but by men and literary agents and interviews — and I’ll feel inadequate and unloved and unwanted. But my feelings don’t dictate my truth.
The truth lies in 1 Peter 2:9, “ . . . for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light.”
Go on, girl. Go live like the woman God has chosen. He made you holy, blameless, and free.
Lean in closer, and hear me: because of the unshakeable kingdom of God, you are a force unseen.
How can you live today with the confidence that God
delights in you exactly as you are?
Go live like the woman God has chosen. He made you holy, blameless, and free. - @alizalatta: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
OH! That Keller quote!
Your thinking here is such valuable back story to the whole adolescent/young adult angst-y season–it’s not at all shallow or dramatic to want what God made us to have in Him. And of course, this truth is also reassuring for middle aged grandmothers who want to write and have collected an impressive pile of rejection emails . . . 🙂
God reads all of your rejected-on-earth emails and He smiles and still says: that’s My Girl Michele – adored by Me, Loved through Me and loving all those in her immediate path. EnJOY your charming grand(baby/kids) and ‘write on’ for Him — and yourself. Have a beautiful day Michele P.S. I am just north of my city in Toronto and get to taste-test snow with my eyeballs – it is blanketing trees and coming down like His Invisible Angels each have their own silent shakers turned upside down as they groove to their music from Heaven!! Isn’t God incredible!!?? – even to the actual colour He chose when He spoke – to blanket the earth in rich, vibrant, pure, fluffy and cool whiteness. Blessings inside your home and heart today! And to all women reading this – may we speak to our hearts reminding ourselves out loud that we ARE Chosen.
You nailed it down. Grandmothers and writers and rejection. However, God is still in the Throne.
Aliza,
“My feelings don’t dictate my truth.” Amen! Aliza this is an absolutely beautiful invitation to come and let our face be cupped by our Abba, Daddy and to let his love and delight pour out of his eyes and into our heart. I had to laugh, visualizing God whooping and hollering and dancing with delight over what He sees in me. I tend to think of God as being more reserved…kind of like a British gentleman. But, if He created the oceans, and mountains, and animals like giraffes and zebras….I think He has a wild side too…wildly in love with us. Oh that we could grasp the truth that we are not only known, but loved exactly as we are. My husband blesses me by telling me, “You don’t have to be perfect…promise me you’ll always just be Bev.” I envision God saying that to all of us…”You don’t have to be perfect…promise me you’ll just be ______________(insert your name).” I just got a rejection for a writing gig and yes, I was disappointed and licked my wounds, but it didn’t rock my world like it would have years ago because I know whose I am and that, for me, is plenty. Wonderful post Aliza!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Beg:
How extraordinary blessed you are to have the God of the Wild & incredible Universe saying that You ARE loved and Chosen…and you have one who verbally professes : You don’t have to be perfect; promise me you’ll always be Bev!
Whawttt!! Girl, you gotta do your happy dance in your living room and in the living room of your heart and soul. You are hedged in…celebrate that! Dancing with you…for the joy you have in the lap of your heart – your vibrant faith and a gentle and kind husband. EnJOY
Bev,
Thank you for the first 5 words of your comment!!! “My feeling don’t dicate my truth.” How I needed to read them this morning.
xoxo
Theresa
I love this. Thank you!
YES! God delights in His children! Zephaniah 3:17 says He sings to us! Thank you for the reminder that He says, “I see you. I choose you. I pick you. I love you.”
So much yes!! Being reminded that my Abba Father is the perfect culmination of one who loves, sees and chooses is SO powerful in a fickle world. You’ve got me singing Hawk Nelson’s “Live Like You’re Loved” stuck in my head. Brilliant song, by the way.
Jasmine: thank you! God does and counties to use Worship music as His dancefloor to a lot of healing ; He Gentle whispers (and sometimes vibrantly vibrates) a Majestic Message to me through music – I never heard that actual song before – your reference to it made me tap it into my phone. And now the tune (and lyrics) are tap dancing on my heart …and my tears are telling me that somehow the words and melody are what God wanted to sing into my soul. Today and in this season. Thank you for sharing it. Adding it to the tapestry on one of my playlists. I hope He will sing to You through music today – and twirl you in His Living & Loving embrace. God is so Good. And the best Divine dance partner we could ever have.
You always inspire in the mornings!! Thank you thank you !!
This is so beautiful and so touched me. A few days ago I had to put my 17 yrs old dog to sleep and I’m heartbroken. But last night I was thinking about the doggies I’ve had in my life and how God has used these creatures to show me His love (I hope this doesn’t sound crazy). But they all have come at a time in my life when I didn’t know I needed them and what they can teach me about living in the moment. And as I grieve my Jack I realize “God, I remember the selfish and self absorbed woman I was 24/7, and you used them to teach me some serious lessons about who I am and how you love me no matter what at those moments. And now here I am— heartbroken but thankful that I have a heart that loves fully, unabashedly, willing to be open even if it means heartbreak. This is huge because many eons ago, my heart didn’t care about anything or anyone but me. So yes, I love where I am and who I am because God has shown me his mercy and love in many ways and through many vessels.
Dearest Angie…I am so sorry about your heartbreak over Jack – I never grew up with a dog but in my life, I offered my friend to have her dog over Christmas holidays for 3 weeks as they were gone away. She was shocked that I would offer but in the end, I got the gift that lasts – I think of that dog who loved me so lavishly. The phrase “A dog is man’s best friend” really resonated with me. If you love and care for them, I witnessed and experienced this indelible love that left a Majestic mark on me. The comfort and companionship I am recalling actually is making teardrops fall from my cheeks – craving that love seldom experienced in the way a dog daily gives compassionate companionship. So…bless you and may the Lord be close to your broken heart and I love how you are so grateFULL for the memory and inviting your senses to feel the loss but also experience and witness all the things that are so profoundly within our grasp that just wait for us to see and witness “the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living” . Grief is such a more soothing and gentle process when we are able to still see and embrace and accept that God is God, God is Good – when we can thank Him for the blessing of the Goodness we had (your beautiful dog Jack) and we can see Goodness now in the present and in His Presence…and anticipate all future Goodness He has tucked around the corners we have yet to uncover . Our cup really runneth over if we continue to choose to be thankful. May memories of Jack’s unique qualities as a dog loved and known by you warm your heart. May God give you many glimpses of His Lavish Love in vibrant ways today. He already gave me some that were unexpected in my interactions with this beautiful devotion and some thoughts I responded to. I am out of town and having some still time of reflection and even though it is beautiful, there was a loneliness that
I was detecting. This connecting “with sisters in the world” is a welcome “Love-In” as I slurped my first cup of coffee. Bless you Angie! And BTW: I love the name Jack! I actually wanted to call my son that name (but couldn’t and didn’t)… but that is another story for another day. Sweet day to you!
Dear Angie
I’m so sorry about Jack. We KNOW the pain of losing a four footed family member. Oh the loss…..and grief.
Billy Graham said.” if seeing my beloved dogs and cat in Heaven is what it would take to make Heaven perfect, I believe I’ll see them there.”
I believe the Lord loves us that much too. Have no doubt you gave Jack a splendid life, and he you, on this earth. God bless you.
WOW!! There’s no day when I wouldn’t need to hear that, but today I have a workshop to prepare for the “Beauty and the Beast” auditions that are in roughly two weeks. I’ve been super nervous because I’ve only done Middle School musicals, not High School ones, so this was soooo God. Thank you so much! It’s good to be reminded that God delights in us, right now.
I needed to read this today…in fact I need to read this everyday. 🙂 Thank you for your words, your gift and for sharing this beautiful and much needed message with the world.
Hair, eyelashes, fingertips;;;;;so delicate, yet powerful,
Thank you so much. Peace.
So many are struggling with identity issues today. You summarized the perfect words of Psalm 139 so well; we are loved & are significant because He made us & chose us. Your line, “He knows the exact season your are in, and He is proud of where you are” brought tears to my eyes. When you’re a blogger & writer, it does seem like you’ll never get to the finish line & it’s so good to hear He knows exactly where I am in the race…& it’s ok. His timing is perfect & He knows what race He wants me to even be in! Thanks for these beautiful words:)
Aliza,
Ohh what a great reminder! For us women, we definitely need to be loved, feel seen and important. We must keep in mind that’s we have all of that and more from our Creator!
Today, I’ll live in the moments and remind myself that God created me just as I am and embrace it all…❤️
I’m looking for a cure for stupidity today. I’m big and fat and stupid and ugly. I even hate my recent wedding pictures (7 weeks ago) because I couldn’t manage to lose weight. I miss so many little things every day that I feel like I’ll never be able to be good at my job. How do other people get to be so smart? I’ve read over the posts knowing the truth and waiting for it to sink in. Thanks for listening.
Lisa,
These are some of the saddest words I have read. I’m so sorry that you are Feeling that way. I pray that your heart will be comforted, and you will find the Truth.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Lisa,
You are beautiful. Truly beautiful. To God you are precious. He delights in you. You are chosen. He loves the fact that you got married. And you are working for Him in your job. HE SEES YOU.
Much love,
Louise
Hi Lisa…the cure for any negative is..Christ . And contrary to what you were uttering about yourself, He says: “You ARE beautifully and wonderfully made” – and He knows the Truth. The truth of “who you really are” is written all over the pages of His Book – the ones especially that reMIND us: for God “sooooooo (added some o’s there!) loved (and loves)Lisa…that He gave (Gift) his only son – Jesus – He gave the gift of His Word and His Son…which explains who He is and what He wants us to know (think and say) about Him and ourselves.
Love others …as I love(d) is His final love law….begin there and let your fingers linger longer in the pages of His Book that utter “sweet phrases of delight about Lisa”
The Lord God is in your midst; the Mighty One saves; He rejoices over Lisa with gladness; He quiets her in His Love; He rejoices over Lisa with singing [Zephaniah 3:17]
God loves you.
Be careful to refuse to say any unkind thing about yourself (even if you think or feel it) Just keep slathering His Beautiful words over you like cream.
I am sure you looked absolutely radiant and beautiful on your wedding day. Regardless of your size- God, Your Father, looks at your heart – not the outward appearance. And your husband loves you and married you.
EnJOY and embrace “who Lisa is on the way to who she IS becoming” (in Christ) He will make you more and more into His Likeness.
You are beautiful and He – through His Spirit – makes you beauty-FULL…
Kind words. To yourself. About yourself. To your husband. About your husband. Keep focusing on the Love within and it will permeate your heart, your home, your life.
You are beautiful Lisa. Believe it. Receive it. Say it. Speak it.
As Paul says so wonderfully for the Spirit of God who was directing his thoughts and pen:
“Whatever is good, lovely, wonderful, amazing, worthy (of
Lisa and others) : think about those things. Say those (only those) things.”
You will be blessed by and in that – for your life and your marriage.
HUG! Janine
Dear Angie
I’m so sorry about Jack. We KNOW the pain of losing a four footed family member. Oh the loss…..and grief.
Billy Graham said.” if seeing my beloved dogs and cat in Heaven is what it would take to make Heaven perfect, I believe I’ll see them there.”
I believe the Lord loves us that much too. Have no doubt you gave Jack a splendid life, and he you, on this earth. God bless you.
Aliza,
I’m sorry that you didn’t receive the part. But at least you tried, and after that you put together all of these amazing words to encourage others. So Aliza, thank-you for being who God created you to so amazingly be.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
I love this! To think of ourselves as seen, chosen, picked, and loved by God changes everything. It helps us let go of the gaps left in human relationships and love in a new way. It lets us overcome disappointments and believe in hope that God has good plans for us. It took me so long to figure out that if I want to have these truths on my heart and have them change how I live my day to day life, it all starts with opening up my Bible every day. Thanks so much for sharing these beautiful truths.
Alza,
You share such wisdom for someone so young. Psalm 139:13-16 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. States beautifully how God foreknew us & planned for each one of us. People in this world will let you down-they are simply human & sinful by nature. God will always love you!! I also think of Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” The God of the universe will rejoice over little me with singing wow! That all seems so hard to fathom. You are spot on with this post. No one but God alone can truly know us deeply & yet still love us – warts & all.
Blessings 🙂
Dear Aliza,
I’m keeping this post handy because of the place where I am at physically, emotionally, and my career as an author. I needed to read this and will keep reading this each day. I’ve had 3 surgeries and 3 blood clots in 10 months. My Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy burning pain symptoms have spread to the last incision area. Being an author, as you know, does open you up to a lot of rejection due to the subjective nature of the business. However, reading this post, it reminds me that our love from Jesus is not subjective, it is truly THE one unconditional love. As you wrote, we can spend so much time thinking if we get satisfaction on social media with so many likes, but then it can also be the source of wondering”what is wrong with me-everyone here is doing so great and are so happy”. Thank you for giving me hope that I don’t need to see x number of likes from God-his love is never-ending and will be there for me during pain flare ups, rejections, as well as the times for celebration. That is our best “story” on social media, so to speak.
I hear exactly where you are coming from, You can be glad to have the wisdom of someone older. Your writing is a royal as Buckingham palace. I was always taught way back when, that I was not created to fail, so why was I and why all the rejection, perhaps because I had that wisdom and didn’t realize, He chose me, I wish I had known then what I do now. You may get your chance at Les Mis someday. My prayer is that He saves the best for last.
Yes, sweet Aliza! We’ve been chosen, even when we are rejected. You kindled me hope of becoming what I dreamed to be since childhood. Les Mis will be yours someday, probably, it is already yours.