I stand at the kitchen sink performing my nightly ritual. The water is scalding, but I barely flinch each time I rinse another dish under the steamy stream. Maybe because my hands are used to the burn. Or maybe because I’m focused on a different kind of pain.
I draw in a deep breath, slow and long, willing my lungs to fill with enough air to usher in relief. I find none. My heart pounds faster than it should. My chest tightens. It feels like coffee jitters in the life-pumping part of me—only I haven’t had caffeine since the morning. The beat of my own heart feels like life draining out of me. My mind races with a traffic jam of thoughts — speeding yet stuck. The irony is not funny.
I’m writhing, wilting, screaming inside. I’m pounding on the jail of body and mind. I’m trapped. Yet on the outside, I look fine. I load another blue plastic kid bowl into the dishwasher, scrub harder at crusted bits in the corner of a glass pan.
Breathe deep. Fight the ache. Push forward. Crave normal. No relief.
After months of enduring this can’t-catch-my-breath agony, I finally admitted that I had a serious issue with anxiety.
I looked fine. I wanted to be fine. But I wasn’t. Not by a long shot.
Several years have since passed. Sometimes the muscle memory of those fruitless deep breaths sneaks up on me. Unless I intentionally recall those tight-chest, racing-mind days, I almost forget that I was once stuck in the anxiety pit. I forget how I cried to God who lifted me out of it.
When “healed” becomes your new normal, it’s easy to forget the Healer.
My hunch is that this is what happened to the men with serious skin diseases who called out to Jesus for mercy. As they went to show themselves to the priests, the lesions of their leprosy vanished. Painful blisters were replaced with smooth skin. Deformed hands and feet were repaired to full function. The disease that had ravaged their bodies and ostracized them from society — for who knows how many years — was miraculously gone! What mercy! Praise God!
But only one did.
But one of them, seeing that he was healed, returned and, with a loud voice, gave glory to God. He fell facedown at his feet, thanking him.
Luke 17:15-16 (CSB)
Where were the other nine, Jesus wanted to know? Could they have forgotten the answer to their plea so quickly? Taken the miracle for granted already?
As readers, it’s easy to sit in judgment over these nine, seemingly ungrateful, men. The Messiah altered the course of their entire lives, yet they didn’t have the decency to come back and acknowledge the wonder or utter a thank you!
What if, for a moment, we step down from the judge’s seat and into the healed men’s shoes? Consider their joy. Consider their total awe. How utterly astounded they must have been. Surely they must have wondered if their eyes deceived them. The man who healed them said, “Go and show yourselves to the priests,” so without hesitation, they went!
Can you picture it? After being disabled and only able to hobble for years, they could now walk without pain — or better yet, run! Oh, how those men must have dashed and danced into the presence of the priests appointed to bear witness to their miraculous healing. Or perhaps they first collapsed on the dusty road, weeping with relief.
The exact responses of the nine are unknown. What we do know is that one man came back. What provoked his change of course? First, Scripture says he saw that he was healed. He recognized God’s work in his life. Next, he returned. The man didn’t continue on his way — even to the very task Jesus told him to do; he came back to give God glory and profess his thanks.
What a beautiful sight that must have been: the healed worshiping the Healer. Then to hear Jesus offer another lifeline of encouragement and freedom: “Get up and go on your way. Your faith has saved you” (Luke 17:19).
I wonder if the nine men who didn’t return ever regretted it. Weeks, months, or years later, as they labored at a job they never thought they’d perform, as they caressed the cheek of a wife they never thought they’d marry or see again, as they entered the synagogue to worship instead of being banished to the outskirts of town, did they ever pause to remember the agony from which they were delivered? Did they ever long to go back and thank their Deliverer?
I pull my hands from tonight’s hot suds, take a deep breath, and exhale my deepest thanks.
Thank You, Jesus, for hearing my cry. Thank You for answering my plea for freedom from anxiety. You are powerful and good! All glory is Yours! Forgive me for forgetting or taking Your mercy for granted. You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.
Unlike the ten lepers, God did not choose to exercise instantaneous healing in my life. Instead, He led me to pursue help through counseling to explore the roots and triggers of my anxiety. It was a long road of hard work. But Jesus went with me.
Shadows of anxiety still creep in, but I am grateful to have crossed that darkest valley.
Healing looks different for each individual. God is not limited by a particular means or timetable. The source of our cries for mercy can be equally varied. Maybe you’ve asked God for physical or mental healing. Or maybe you’ve begged Him for a miracle of relational restoration, financial repair, or spiritual renewal.
Wherever you are on the journey, pause today to recognize how God has worked already. Identify the prayers He’s answered. Then turn from your regular to-dos and return to Him. Pour out your praise and thanks. And if needed, ask for a greater measure of faith to believe that wellness is possible.
What can you do today to establish a routine of
intentional gratitude toward the Lord?
We’re thrilled to share this devotion written by Becky Keife in the (in)courage Devotional Bible! It’s one of more than 300 devotions in this beautiful resource.
Wherever you are on the journey, pause today to recognize how God has worked already. - @beckykeife: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Exhaling a prayer of thanksgiving even now, Becky, and thank you for the reminder that we can always go back to Him by offering our gratitude in the present moment.
It’s so good to exhale in gratitude. Thank you, Michele.
Becky,
I know your pain….having battled anxiety for most of my life. To finally be released from it’s insidious grasp is, in short, miraculous. Do I thank God enough? Probably not. But, I have not forgotten from where my help came from. I have raised an Ebenezer to His goodness in this healing and I claim Psalm 40:1-3 as my life verse.:
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Thank you, Becky, for this reminder to continue to thank Him for all healing. In our humanness we are so quick to be on our way. Thankful that you have found freedom!! I know it still haunts, but to have lessened it’s grip is a victory! Praise!
Blessings,
Bev xx
ps. Today is “Giving Tuesday”…..a time to give to those less fortunate than ourselves. I would welcome anyone who would love to donate to the orphans we serve at Redeemer Christian Foundation: http://redeemerchristianfoundation.org/donation-detail/ or support your favorite charity. Blessings.
Bev, I am so thankful for you and your encouraging words!! Have a blessed Tuesday, friend!
Lara,
I’m thankful for you as well! Your encouragement has been a bright spot in a tough year….may you have a blessed and spirit-filled Advent season!
Bev xo
Bev, what a beautiful Psalm to claim as your life verse. Thanking God with you for His healing and His grace that is so abundant on days we feel how desperately need it. xx
I love this! Thank you for allowing me to eavesdrop on your testimony!
Grateful you’re here to listen, Karyn.
Thank you for sharing your story. My daughter has merciless anxiety, but she will not seek therapy. She says “talking about it” makes her anxiety worse. I pray she will find peace through Him, in His way, and be released from this.
Oh, Linda, that is such a gut-wrenching place to be, both for you and your daughter. Pausing to pray for her now — that she would open herself up to healing however God would choose to work it out in her precious life.
Thank you, Becky!
Becky, just this week, someone close to me shared they had a bout with anxiety. Your words are a vividly beautiful reminder of the power of gratitude. I just, JUST read Luke 17 about 15 minutes ago. I want to be like the one who remembers God’s work in his life. I want to be the one who thanks Him and has a grateful heart for the many ways He shows up in my life.
Jeanne, I wish I could add those cute little emoji praise hands here because that’s how I feel reading your comment. I want to be that kind of woman too. May we always be willing to turn back in gratitude to God who is always good and near.
Psalm 94:19
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”
Thank-you Becky for sharing your real story, and for reminding us that despite the challenges we face,” In everything give thanks.” 1Thessalonians 5:18, because without them we would never experience the joy of God helping us to overcome them.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Amen! Thank you, Penny.
Becky,
Psych issues are hard to deal with. Sometimes you don’t realize what the problem really is. God is the great physician! He alone can bring miraculous healing. I know my dad got completely healed from severe dementia that he was hospitalized for. My 90 yr. old FIL made it through stage III bladder cancer surgery earlier this year. I praise Him for both. My way of being intentional is to make a thankful list. I was feeling down & yucky yesterday. Came home from work & started making another thankful list. I put 250 items on it from God, Heaven & sins forgiven to mailbox. rubber bands, friends. Anything & everything I could think of is on that list. My way of counting all my blessings & simply thanking God for All He has given & done for me. I want to be the kind of person who runs back to God & says thank you for the healing. Then I want to show the whole world what God has done & let His light so shine!
Blessings 🙂
Beth,
What an amazing gift to have been witness to your dad’s and FIL’s healing! Praise God! And I love how you chose to combat your yucky feelings with gratitude. Writing lists of thanks has been a life-changing practice for me too. Thanks so much for sharing your encouraging heart with us all. xx
((Hug)) Beautiful testimony, Becky. ♥ I feel like a thankful heart is the thing that keeps me closest to God. The thing that brings me into His presence more than anything else. I can’t not be grateful, for He’s been so, so good to me. Whether in seasons of joy or pain, times of plenty or want, He’s the constant that grounds me, centers me, nestles me in the palm of His hand. Thank you, Lord, for nothing compares to You.
Amen! I couldn’t agree more, Brenda. xx
COULD you please provide any videos with closed captioning for those who suffer with deafness? It really makes it difficult to understand, especially when people talk very fast…? It will be GREATLY appreciated!
THANK YOU!
Carrie, Thank you for bringing this gap in our ability to connect with all readers to our attention. I’m sorry you’re not able to get the full content we’ve shared today. I will look into how we can provide a closed caption option on future videos. Thanks for helping us serve our community better. So glad you’re here. xx
I recently suffered a heart attack.. my husband and I were out of town and getting ready to go on a fun 3 day weekend ! Plans included going to a very remote part of Washington and doing a hike to the most western point of the state.
The first part of the journey we were staying in Port Townsend … I got up around midnight to use the bathroom , came back to lay down and suddenly something was terribly wrong! Crushing pain in my diaphragm and in able to breath… Sweating profusely.. I was having a heart attack! My Husband called the Fire Department and went to get his clothes on… it was only about 4 minutes.. but I lay there and I called on Jesus to be with me because I was so scared. Over and over I repeated this “be with me Jesus I am so Afraid!!” And… He was! Every step! The paramedics who picked me up started talking to me and reassuring me and as we talked , noticing my last name asked if I was related to Dr. Billingsley(my husband’sdad) who had Started the paramedic training in the 1980’s in Pierce Countywhere we live. The older one had done training with dad and the other had had classes with him!! Small world! I was transported to the regional cardiac center 45 minutes away… and the Cardiac Dr. met us at the Door to the ER and took me stalrsight to the Cath Lab and put in 2 stents… I am so grateful to the quick response of the paramedics and the Cardiac care team… I was taken care of so well… and God was there holding my hand… it was a miracle and I still can’t figure out how I pay my gratitude to God for that…. I am recovering well and Ann blessed beyond belief!
I believe our grateful hearts are what He seeks for us to give him and to let him steer the rough waters we sometimes come into in life! I am so glad you are seeing Gods mastery too.. He will keep you strong and He will be your strength.
Wow, Debbie! I’m so thankful you are okay! What a hard but beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness. He is always near. What grace!
Becky, this is so good!
Thank you for reminding this girl (*cough* me *cough*) to return to her Healer and thank Him for what He’s already done… especially when my eyes seem set on what I still do not have. This story has always fascinated me too. How sweet it is that Jesus heals them all the same, even though He knew only one would return. His grace and goodness are completely amazing. He didn’t take away anyone’s healing just because they forgot to thank Him! But when we return to our Jesus with thankful hearts, it truly changes our lives and lifts our spirits.
Thanks again, Sister, for the inspiring words! 🙂
Becky, I’m blessed to know this was timely for you. And I love what you pointed out — God’s love and grace are given without condition, but truly we are the richer for remembering to turn back and give thanks. xx
God has been helping me to trust Him day-to-day! He’s given me peace, joy, and showed me how not to listen, intentionally, to Satan’s lies. Praise God!