“She has a strength and confidence I don’t think I have,” my oldest daughter whispered as I pulled the speckled turquoise duvet up to cocoon her from the night. With the looks of her papi and the quiet countenance of her abuelita, she has always been an old soul — pensive, serious, observant. We are a family of words: bilingual, bicultural, and biracial. In hindsight, her comment didn’t surprise me, but it did give me pause. What does strength and confidence look like to a seven-year-old, I wondered in that split second as her words held bedtime at bay.
In this apprenticeship of mothering, I am learning there are as many joyous moments as there are off-putting surprises that I won’t be able to shield her from in this world. While I’d like to grab her by the hand to whisk her through the messes and mishaps and gently steer her away from the heart pangs and headaches of poor choices and misguided decisions, I am realizing my role is to steward her through, to be trusted counsel and unwavering love as she learns to navigate the world. From social situations to loving who she is when she looks in the mirror, to embracing who she was created to be, there are many tributaries to travel in this far too complex season of childhood.
Because I wear many hats through the course of a day, evening’s cloak brings a welcoming rest and sense of peace that I cherish. Maybe you can relate. As much as I wanted to withdraw and allow the night to envelope and hush the house, I couldn’t let the opportunity fall flat. This was a door to understanding a microcosm of her world — my own access to Narnia, if you will. So I pushed on through the wardrobe to learn what strength and confidence means to a seven-year-old questioning her power and place in the world.
“She says things, and she doesn’t care what other people think.”
“Tell me more. What kinds of things?”
“Things that hurt people’s feelings.”
Oh baby girl, I wanted to say wishing I could be a safeguard against the hurtful words and the meanness of the world. Her hurt and confusion reawakened the pangs of acceptance and uncertainty from my own childhood. I knew my words and timing required a scalpel to carefully and cautiously traverse my daughter’s tender heart holding the issues of the inner circle versus alienation — such a heavy burden for seven-year-olds to bear.
We talk about these traits and try to hone them by being consistent in our responses. We teach how we consider others as more important than ourselves when it comes to insisting on our way, being first in line, always having the biggest cookie. And on and on.
Bedtime, that sacred moment in our house, when everyone is bathed and all sixty teeth are brushed — give or take a few that the tooth fairy has carried off — when all three of our little people are settling into pillows with books in hand, that moment is the pièce de résistance. The hushing of our house and the quieting of our souls to a revealing stillness. Maybe you’ve sat in such a moment with your littles, or not so littles, to truly hear their hearts searching for a lighthouse of encouragement on the horizon to lay anchor in safe harbor.
As we say our goodnights in dimly lit spaces, this is our prayer, this is our song—
The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26 (NKJV)
May solace settle upon us all. Amen.
Share your favorite bedtime moments with your children
or a song or prayer you say over them.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you... Numbers 6:24-25: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
OH, “this apprenticeship of mothering”–what a glorious way of describing the process that seems to take a lifetime, changing us to the bone. And we also sang Numbers 6 to our kids every night at bedtime. We called it our blessing song, and now, every once in a while, I get to put a grandchild to sleep to its tune.
Such a tender legacy, Michele. Thank you for sharing!
My kids are 17 and 21. It’s been a while since tucking and nightly prayers were said together. But this brought to mind our littles prayer. First read in Guideposts. “Angels fly around my head. Angels tuck me in to bed. Angels come kiss me goodnight and stay until the dawning light. Amen.”
Kim, those are such sweet memories!
Dear Christina, Your beautifully crafted words speak directly to my mother-heart. I have these same struggles even now with my fourteen-year-old. I tuck her in when the demands of the day have finally ended for both of us, much to late for my liking and our levels of fatigue, and face these same questions in the dark. “How do I serve the Lord well? Have I done enough? How do I respond to so much pain in the world?” There are no easy answers, and I must allow her to wrestle with the world in which we live. But how thankful I am that we are not alone and not in charge, that our Savior and Lover of our Souls carries us all.
Thank you, Keri! Solidarity in this mothering journey.
Christina,
Children today grow up in a much more “harsh” world than when I grew up. TV & the internet are partly to blame. All the violence & “garbage” seen on these devices goes into their psyches. It’s hard to remain innocent. I would find it hard to raise good Christian children in this day & age. I applaud all the parents out there doing their best to raise Godly young people. It ‘s not easy in this time when we can’t say AMEN or take Bibles to school. Heaven forbid we say Merry Christmas. All that offends others. May God help you all to do your best. I love the idea of singing Numbers 6 to your children before bedtime. Anything to get the word stuck in their heads.
Blessings 🙂
Thanks, Beth. Blessings to you!
Yes, I pray the same Scripture over my boys at bedtime!
Such beautiful words here, Christina. Thank you for inviting us into such a tender moment. It’s a joy to have your voice at the (in)courage table. xx
Thank you Becky! Such a pleasure. -xo
I chose not to have children many years before I found out I couldn’t have them so I want to share a nightly ritual with my dad that created cherished memories. My dad was in the military for the first four years of my life. When he was home he came in and tucked us in and made sure we were safe for the night. After he retired from the military, he met Jesus and became a pastor and school teacher. From that point on, the nightly ritual continued until we left home. How safe, secure and loved we felt.
God bless all of you for giving your children memories that will stay with them always.
Yep, your daughter sounds like me. I too have always been an old soul, and somehow bedtime is the perfect time and the worst possible moment to go to war with Satan and wrestle with the questions of life. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone and that other people have bedtime, too.
Thank you for your beautiful words of motherhood. Can this description apply to step-mama-hood? In the past 6 months I married the most amazing man and inherited two wonderful step kiddos. Step mama hood is a messy yet beautiful dance. I am trying to find my footing with these two added blessings. Most of the time I feel like I fall short with them. I place such high expectations on myself. My hubby and the kid’s mother tell me I am doing a good job. I ultimately rely on the power on the holy spirit to lead and guide me in this adventure. Oh, I prefer to use the word “bonus” instead of “step”. I am a bonus mama with bonus children. Thank you and many blessings.