About the Author

Beth K. Vogt believes God’s best is often found behind the doors marked “Never.” Having won both a Christy and a Carol Award, Beth has written nine contemporary romance novels and novellas. Her first women’s fiction novel, Things I Never Told You, released May 2018 from Tyndale House Publishers.

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  1. What a gift that sentence must have been–that “verbal guard rail”–for your relationship with your daughter! I do think God designed those teen years as a blessing for us as mums, for if our kids stayed as adorable and delightful (and mostly manageable) as they are in the single digits, we’d never let them leave us! The conflict teaches us that THEY are ready to move on, and so we prepare ourselves in response.

    • Michele: I learned so much from my relationships with my children, especially about forgiveness. God used them to scrape off my rough spots. I truly believe I am who I am today because of them.

  2. Beth,

    God has a way of getting our attention.”Is this worth getting angry over?” is something to think about when getting upset over things. Most of the time I get upset it’s not something I can change or do anything about. When hubby & I fuss at each other I try to apologize if I’d done anything wrong. Most of the time neither has done wrong-it’s just that we’re tired from work & life. Oh how the evil one would love for us to go to bed angry & hold onto that thought. Doing that only hurts one person-you. From now one I will ask that simple question, apologize & hug the person.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Hi, Beth (from another Beth): It’s true that often we don’t pay attention to why we’re angry — we just go with our emotions and end up saying an doing things we regret that damage valuable relationships. I’ve learned the value of an apology and yes, a hug, too.

  3. Amen thank you for reminding me that God is slow to anger and pleantious of mercy as I WILL ask for His help with. Thank you and thank God

  4. This is beautifully-crafted word economy that makes your point effectively. Few things really are worth the anger price tag.
    Thanks for another great post, Beth, and for modeling how it’s done.

  5. So glad a resolution was found – but I have to ask – did either Mother or Daughter ever glance at a calendar during or just before one of these meltdowns? Two women under one roof PMS’ing on all four cylinders?

    Just a thought from a Mom who’s been there. !

    • MiMi: Oh, yes, cycles played a part, hence the word “hormonal” in my post. We had to learn to adjust as women, both a young woman and an old(er) one.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing. My oldest recently came back home after being away from home for almost a year. I prayed and asked God to make a way for her to return and he did just that. She is a spitting image of me in every way. We tend to bump heads quite a bit and I have also taken the same approach you talked about. It is difficult but I know with holy spirit there to guide me I can do it. Please join me in prayer for our daughter and mother relationship. I want to show her the grace and the love my Heavenly Father has shown me so many times.

    Blessings

  7. This! So very this.

    Wait until you have your own, I was told. A 2 year old, a teenager…

    So much justification of bad attitudes. er, that would be for the parent’s bad attitude.

    The attitude towards teens …. is appalling. The disrespect, rudeness, assumption of low value and bad attitude – I don’t even a bit hate to say this, but adults, YOU are the problem.

    A teen is designed to separate. God MADE them this way. They are on the way to being adults. It is a vital stage like being 2-3 is towards being more capable than a baby.

    They are SUPPOSED to become more independent. YOU are supposed to help them, instead of resenting that your cuddly baby is turning into something that doesn’t rely on you as much. Honor how they are made and what their stages are. The increases of independence.

    Adults frequently vilify the hard stages beacsue it’s not as easy for them. It’s a child. Your job is to help them, not stifle them to fulfill your ego and ease.

    I oft say try strapping ME into a car seat and don’t tell me where you are taking me. I’m going to SCREAM my head off and fight you, also.

    It’s right and normal for a toddler and teen to have stages where they don’t want to have you telling them what to do. YOUR job is to guide and help them, not get mad that they aren’t listening, cute, cuddly, and looking to you to tell them good, bad and right.

    By the time your child is a teen, you need to have already laid a foundation to help them make good choices, understanding of consequences, developing of self discipline.

    What is your number one way of teaching? MODEL it. So no temper tantrums beacsue your kid annoyed you. No biting, disrespectful and demeaning remarks about how they don’t do X or Y. No ignoring their needs to be heard or loved because they are just teenagers. Model gathering strength from God. Show them what it’s like to put your Self aside, lean on Him who created these stages and to not be selfish or angry.

    Try this: Try throwing out your expectations. Try loving them. Try NOT being angry just to not be bothered by their growth stages.

    Try raising good, responsible adults. Not spending years upset and justifying them as teenager stages. The adult needs to be the adult.

    • Hi, GK, One thing I love is honest. And you are honest. Thank you. Being a mom is all about letting go of expectations and embracing our children. Yes, we have dreams for our children, but we need to ask what their dreams are and listen to their answers.
      And yes, we are going to get angry … but we need to get over it … we need to manage it … we need to apologize. Relationship is more important than being right.

  8. What a great idea! I hope to remember this one as my kids near the teen years but I will take it with me to use now! Thank you!

  9. Ahhh yes the teenage years. I remember those days well. My boys were a lot easier going through this. My soon to be 13 year old daughter is what I am so afraid of. You see we have taught her to speak her mind and be independent and hoping she will be able to do all this once she is on her own, just not while we are raising her. But nope, she is definitely not afraid to point out stuff to us. She brings out the best in me and of course, the worst. I had never cried this much raising my boys as with her. The beautiful thing though is that she loves the Lord so much and is very aware of everything around her including when I am upset at her. She is always the first to apologize to me every time. I feel awful every time but my stubborn heart and past previous pains of another life makes me refuse to apologize first. Isn’t that crazy that we allow people from our past dictate our emotions and so we carry this pain to everyone in our future, penalizing them even to our own kids. Thank You Lord for bringing my kids in my life to tell on me, to change my heart and remind me what unconditional love should be.

    • Good morning, Maylee: We often think about what we’ll teach our children, never realizing at the time that our children will teach us things, too — life-changing lessons. It’s a beautiful process — one woven with smiles and tears. And yes, our relationships with our sons and daughters our different, but that’s not so surprising. Temperaments, as you pointed out, make a difference, too.